Thanks for the info @Mephistopheles , I’ll look into those supplements. It feels like a strong dull ache behind my knee cap that kicks in around the 2km mark and after alot of googling it seems pretty common in runners. They, like you, also suggest strengthening the muscles around the knee, and also the quads so I’m looking into exercises also. My eldest son and I have signed up for a charity fundraiser in October and set a goal to each run 100km during the month of October so i definitely want to get on top of it before then!
Day 8 Check-in .
Went to AA meeting last night ,first one in year’s.Honesty was the topic had coffee after with some good people. Hope everyone has a good Sober day
Good day, bad day repeat. Today the mwa day. Emotions come and go while in treatment. I for sure can feel the feels. Made a collage yesterday on addiction and it’s consequences. Immediately put me to my feelings, but somehow working like that with it helps processing it,
Started this morning with the nicotine band aids. Gonna take it easy, but so far so good. I know from previous periods of not smoking that the physical benefits are noticeable within even hours. Finances are also a good motivator this time.
Good on you for resisting the urge to reach out to your ex - from past experience, I know that it isn’t easy!! And while 6 months is HUGE, in the grand scheme of things, it’s still early days for healing from a toxic relationship. Esp one that lasted over 7 years. In my experience in takes time , so much time … you’re doing amazing and should be so proud of yourself! You’re finally breaking the cycle and rebuilding yourself into a strong, sober and wiser woman. You deserve this! Be kind to yourself and treat yourself gently, as you would your best friend. I know we don’t know eachother, but i relate to your pain and struggles and admire you for pushing through!
Work is nuts. Non-stop putting out fires for two weeks now. I have been choosing to go this hard - 10-12 hr days no breaks, neck stiff, back hurting. I’m putting a few 15-minute breaks on my calendar to remind myself to breathe today, stretch my legs, and stop staring at the screen. The stress is so much easier to manage sober though, so that’s nice.
So as suggested I looked back at my check-ins and I see I was not really talkative / open / I was more gifted / gif ted /gif oriented/ work oriented / training oriented.
I was trying to get my balance back, because since my last Day 1 there are many changes happening to me and some of the changes I don’t like (perhaps). Talking more simplified / changes is always hard to digest / something new always takes more energy / letting old go is challenging.
Speaking more precisely what I am letting go and what changes are happening inside of me is the things that I know will set me free from my past and my addictions included. The path I am taking gives me anxiety and some flashbacks from my deep past when I was having probably the hardest years of my life. I think some of you had tried some sort of therapies and I can call it some sort of ‘‘therapy’’ - some sort of live events related introspection / self-awareness / self-reflection. We can all do that, but it is easier to walk on the surface. Things happening in life / Life happens and we are being forced to face what is beneath the surface. That’s when the big changes starts to happen. The sacrifice seems too big to times, yet I am at the point when looking back and going back to the old life seems like not worth it anymore. I see bigger picture now, brighter colors, everything is more vivid and more alive. Do I want to go back to the box I just crawled from and play my little life I pretended it to be? Life is bigger than that. Always bigger. Always expanding. Question is how much can you handle? How much can you dig? How much of yourself are you ready to let go in change of having true connection of who you really are?
Ah yes the warm up, I’m sooo slack with that i also used to use one of my rest days every week to focus on stretching and it always felt so good. Got to add these to the list again aswell. There’s abit more care and maintenance required as we ahem… mature
I hope your shoulder issues get resolved!
Decided to delete my Road to Marathon topic.
I feel like I want to let got this Goal oriented mentality. Don’t get me wrong. Goals is good in life. Discipline is good. Aiming towards something is essential. From the law of physics - moving is essential. Movement is always boiling inside of us. Yet where do we aim?
Were do we use that energy? Is it important? What does it gives to others? What does it give to me?
Me personally, with or without the goal - the discipline is always in there. Maybe sometimes too much of it. Too much of forcing things, when sometimes the curve is needed to do instead I tend to push it srtaight. In this case I need more flexibility. In this case I need to aim not in drawing straight lines but in learning flexibility.
This feels like archaic and timeworn attitude of mine that leads towards exhaustion, purposeless energy drains and ego driven mechanics that does not spin towards my bigger goals.
I will still do the same, I will still continue to dream, the only thing that changes here is the name and directions, but sometimes small changes makes big differences. We can have the same amount of energy, but use it differently. How we use it? We can burn it fast or we can use it more wisely to maintain the energy.
Running is one of my favorite tools. About 15 years ago I was suffering from constant Panic Attacks everyday and become addicted to Clonazepam for 4 years. That evolved into depression. Running was one of the greatest tool for my recovery. That was when I runned my first Half Marathon. Ofcourse I can’t say running alone saved me. Nothing helped me. I was in total darkness. Doctors wanted to put me to hospital because no medicine was helping me. My body demanded more and more stronger medicine. I prayed a lot and was always asking God for help. At that moment I actually was practicing Buddhism, but when things got really hard and I was at the bottom, I just prayed God with all my heart. Then certain people appeared into my radar, certain circumstances lead me to direct guidelines and tools were given to me to dig out from where I was. Never after that I hold the negative emotions inside. I learned how we create our reality. We create negativity. Then we attract that darkness, allow it to come to us. I learned to truly be happy and always allow light to come into my life. There are no place for darkness in my life.
I can’t blame anything but myself, I was quite good in sports, but I burned it all with my lifestyle. With drinking and drugs and everything. I will not repeat the same mistakes.
Running long distances is a good philosophy. It teaches you to live in certain ways. Teaches you to feel the body. Slow down. Meditate. Breathe. Be at the moment.
My heart sings for you and the newfound freedom that you will continue to experience by letting that damn job go! You are so courageous! In complete awe. Well done!
My husband just had one of his doctors visits after the car accident. He’s going to be home until Christmas.
The doctor wants to make him a disability pensionar but can’t yet, because our system says you have to investigate all the possibilities and possibilities for recovery first.
So he is sending him to a new scan. But is going to write in his doctors note that my husband doesn’t have or will get the ability to work anymore, no matter the kind of job.
I’m feeling a bit mean for being happy about that. It’ll get so much easier not having to worry about income that way. Or if he will get better or worse. Because now we know he won’t get better. And he will also get new meds for it.
I probably shouldn’t be happy, because practically it means that his back and hip are beyond repair. And I know he is in deep pain. But I can’t help it. It was such a relief to get those answers anyway.
Haven’t told my husband I’m happy about it though. Not really sure what to say to him.
So good to see you checking in! You’ve been on my mind. And amazing to hear about your son connecting with his brother, what a gift. I’m so glad you’re free of that stress, too - sending hugs, sweet lady!
It’s sure to not drink tonight!
Looking forward to next 24 hours…
Today is my last of 3 office in presence days until finally leaving my toxic job environment.
The contract will follow up until end of year, but I will say bye to my colleagues and bosses in 31.08.2023! Final release!
I can so much relate to @Catmama23 about the release. Congratulations to you for solving this situation and doing this big step
Yes – love that! Hoping that the fires do stop soon and that the damage is not so severe. @alexwayhill Happy belated bday to your fiancée. The beginning is super hard to get back on track but you have done it before and I know you can manage again. Great job on dumping out that remaining beer. Wishing you luck with getting your solid footing in sobriety! @jennyh I am sorry that you are in so much pain – I do hope that they are able to get that referral sent through quicker. hope you are home now and relaxing @twinkle2 Glad to see you checking in here on day 3 – definitely the right thread! The anxiety can be rough. Are you able to take something non-alcoholic to drink for yourself? Are you able to skip the gathering (sometimes in early sobriety it is best to avoid any triggering situations). Just know we will be here for you – whatever you decide.
This is very cool (seeing everything laid out and visually / emotionally processing it) – congrats on journey of quitting nicotine.
Wow – that is an intense work load – are you doing this to help keep you distracted from your DOC – please be careful not to burn yourself out? I do hope that you manage your breaks today. YEAH to day 4. @mrsodh grateful that you got some answers (not knowing is the biggest frustration). I am so sorry that he is in so much pain and they are unable to treat him. Hopefully will be able to provide him with something to help with the pain. @juli1 So happy for day 1. More thrilled that your toxic job is coming to it’s final days! This is going to be such an amazing release for sure. You are doing great Jules. @CJP 2 weeks!!! You are kicking ass my friend – way to go!
Checking in on Tuesday morning
I have a doctors appointment in a few hours and then nothing pressing planned so hopefully will be able to just be. Not a great day to start but i am here and that is something. Will work to make it a better day Hoping you all have a positively charged addiction free day - sending much love
Work was like walking on eggshells today. I had an argument with one coworker who wanted to understand everything I said wrong.
Our boss is stressing us to work faster and yeah, we still miss staff.
Today one candidate will talk to the boss and hopefully she’ll like her. If not: next one. And this most likely will happen bc the boss is extremely picky
I’ll go home now and check out a new recipe for naan bread I found online. With millet flour
Don’t know what to cook yet
See you later fam
and after alot of googling it seems pretty common in runners. They, like you, also suggest strengthening the muscles around the knee, and also the quads so I’m looking into exercises also. My eldest son and I have signed up for a charity fundraiser in October and set a goal to each run 100km during the month of October so i definitely want to get on top of it before then!
i also used to use one of my rest days every week to focus on stretching and it always felt so good. Got to add these to the list again aswell. There’s abit more care and maintenance required as we ahem… mature 
Thank you Bill, I really appreciate your reply!
hope you are home now and relaxing 
Hoping you all have a positively charged addiction free day - sending much love 
