Ong the vacation from hell just keeps going LOL. Laughing more about it now. I mean sometimes you just gotta roll with it…swriously
Took kids to beach short distance away and it was so good. I vowed never again to a cottage with steep walk up/no walk in for kids when our daughter was 2, but this was a home exchange and thought we’d give it a whirl. Funng when you have to learn things twice
Hubby and I are just a bit low on patience and tired. Kids hone 3 weeks I mean that busy for everyone and just so much time together. I noticed part of the in fighting with my kids is my daughter doesnt give my son any space. She wants someone to play with, and he LOVES playing with her - but she is 7 and he is 2. He doesnt even really play witj friends his age yet they sort of stand by each other and do shit lol. So shes directing, and she talks by yelling, and no not like this like that, and taking over what hes doing…and I really noticed it for the first time and its funny when u have been looking at something everyday and see something new u didnt before.
I am SO BEAT and just feel like, i dont want to yell or lose my crap at my kids. So just have to do what wr can to have fun and survive this and its up to us parentals to make that happen Beach today was so fun. Im exhausted af, want to respond to posts ppl are writing and all the wonderful feedback i got on my smoking thread but i think this is it today. Hubby is making us a steak dinner and we’re going to watch a movie IN BED (sordy we dont have a tv in our room and this shit is exciting for me lol).
Also, random but wanted to share. When we got here I asked hubby to just move all the renters alcohol for me and put it away. No problem, he starts packing it up and then…hes like theres no end here. 2 big grocery bags…like its funny not funny, but Im laughing bc it was supposed to be simple but some people just have lots of alcohol. And after he moved it all we find more, and we’re laughing but now Ive found bottles hidden and she mentioned she lives alone. We cant possibly move all the alcohol but I have not felt any nudge or anything, in fact seeing that makes me feel for this person and remind me of what I am doing. I always want to offer a hand to anyone on this or other MH journeys, but never impose myself. Was thinjing of leavinf a to do list (for me) on the dresser or something with a check in on this app…who knows, maybe she reads it, maybe chucks it out, maybe there is no problem…but at least i can leave that there and not overstep or invade. I dont know…just a strange coincidence here and I am…cant descibe the feeling of it.
Wow – that does seem like a lot of alcohol to be left behind at a rental. Grateful that you are not triggered by it. Have a great evening relaxing and watching a movie in bed.
imo - i don’t see the harm in leaving your check in or your own to do list behind - never know what may or may not work for someone else (it could be the sign they needed) or like you said it could get chucked away without a glance.
I don’t like this idea of “accidentally” leaving “your to-do list” as a way of dropping a hint while pretending not to intrude (even though the intention is good).
But I think you should leave a note explaining why you moved her alcohol during your stay (unless your hubby took photos beforehand and can put it all back exactly as it was).
@sabrina80 my goodness that sounds like a very stressful day. I do hope that your boss puts aside the pickiness and hires someone to help soon. How did the naan bread turn out?
Loved your post but especially your new technique. Grateful that you are finding new tools and methods of making the battle easier. Way to go! @mindofsobermike Glad that Addie is ok – that is such an awful way to wake up. Glad you are getting so much time with your girls @ceeds glad to hear that the busy schedule is temporary and good on you for making time for selfcare and basic needs. @smurph congrats on day 2 and feeling so amazing! Keep up the hard work my friend! @hillbillychris man that sounds super annoying. I wish you luck in getting through your 8 day stretch and hopefully you’ll be able to get your face time with the boss soon. @catmancam sorry that you are dealing with sadness and depression today. Its good that you did get your fundamentals done (huge task when you are feeling down). I do hope you get some good rest tonight and are feeling better tomorrow
This is so fucking awesome CJ – Congrats on your addiction free time and a way to go with your promotion! So frickin’ happy for you! @amy30 did you have a good day out on the town today?
Checking in on Tuesday evening
237 days free of alcohol and weed
652 days free of cigarettes
Appointment was ok – wants to wait and get xray in 8 weeks and then decide what if anything needs to be done. In the mean time started me on hormone replacement therapy – hoping to get my prescription tomorrow. Im amazed that I got 5k in steps in today as I really did not move around much . I am doing an earlier than usual check in and going to try to sleep soon. My symptoms are a bit better overall but swelling and pain is a bit intense. Watching a lot of cheesy movies. Tomorrow will be a brighter day. Much love my fellow sober companions – hoping everyone had a wonderful addiction free day!
Day 404.
Oof - tired! To bed too late, and then a dog in the neighbourhood started a barking frenzy around 4am. It’s berries and bears here this time of year, so it could have easily been that. Whatever it was, I dragged my feet today. Kinda reminded me of the before time, when I used to choose to feel this way by drinking the night before away. At least today didn’t come with shame and remorse - just a lotta yawns and coffee.
Didn’t get through the day’s to do list, but no matter. My to do list and my desk aren’t going anywhere. And neither are we, hey friends?
I’m calling this one done!
G’night all - see you on the morrow.
Day 59
The energy today feels off. Bent really…. Realizing a new job is needed. The stress of having people dump the crap they don’t want to do on me stresses me out and makes me angry.
Feeling restless, stagnant. Surviving not living. I’ve created a very small world and existence. Perhaps I need to explore as a relatively social person I’ve elected to cut myself off from any real interaction.
3 weeks in. A milestone I’ve created was “The first 4 weeks” but today is a milestone in a way I suppose. 21 days where I kept all at bay including the dreaded Anxiety. It’s lurking this morning but I’m choosing not to partake. It’s working to an extent but I’m wary. Need to keep my guard up and not get too complacent.
I will struggle, I will tire, but I will fight.
Last time I got this far was the day my ankle monitor was taken off (June '18) And where was the first place I went when I left the probation office? The liquor store 2 blocks away, of course! Then straight to work so I could chug it all right away so my body could clear it by the time I got out. Because the breathalyzer was still in my car another 6 months. I calculated every drop to make it seem like I was doing it the right way so I could get off sooner. And I did.
All that effort for what? To go back to what caused everything that went wrong in my life. It truly is insanity. I’m glad I finally decided to do something different and get off of that merry-go-round.
The longest I’ve been sober since 2000 was 8 months during pregnancy (from '13-'14) Miraculously I was actually taking care of myself, due to poor health, and only drank maybe 2 or 3 times the first month. But of course, where was the first place we went after leaving the hospital? I bet you guessed right
Not this time. But I’ve felt this way before. When I first joined this community. Covid caused my relapse. I can’t even imagine what would have to happen now to convince me that it is okay to have a drink. It never will be okay. For the rest of my life.
In the detox facility I work as a nurse we get quite a number of folks that want to try and do moderate drinking after their admission. It’s always drinking, it’s never “let’s do cocaine, ketamine, meth, or GHB in moderation”. People just know that can’t be done. So why do they think they can moderate with alcohol?
My only answer is that they are in fact addicted to the stuff. When you’re not, you don’t have to consider moderating because you already do moderating. When you’re addicted you lost control over your use. And you’ll never get it back. Thinking you can have that control back is just one of the countless lies the addicted part of our brains tells us to keep us in active addiction. To keep feeding the addict we have inside of us.
The only control I have over my drinking (and my other substance abuses) is total abstination. And the longer I’m in, the happier I am that I’m sober. My life is worth living and my life is even fun at times. But I have to show up sober for that or I will never experience it again. Going back to drinking would literally kill me. Never again. One day at a time.
Going to enjoy my one day off now. Sober and clean. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Love.
Pic is me on my rental bike, biking to work yesterday x
My 20 y/o daughter lives with her boyfriend like 2 hours from here.
We don’t talk much, I don’t like her boyfriend, he’s has a lot of problems. But she’s an adult so I can’t really tell her what to do.
Last time we met was this summer. She talks more with my husband, at least once a week.
This morning I woke up and saw that my daughter’s boyfriend’s father has called me at 05.00. ofc I was a sleep.
No message, no more calls,my husband didn’t have a call from anyone in that family either.
We’ve tried to reach any of them, including my daughter all morning. No one answers.
Logically they should all be at work and school,and if it’s something important not a pocket dial or something you keep on calling until you reach someone.
But I’m still a bit worried, it all seems a bit odd to me.
Normally you’ll assume that people are asleep at 05.00 right?
Hope I’ll get ahold of someone, preferably my daughter during the day.
Beach today was so fun. Im exhausted af, want to respond to posts ppl are writing and all the wonderful feedback i got on my smoking thread but i think this is it today. Hubby is making us a steak dinner and we’re going to watch a movie IN BED (sordy we dont have a tv in our room and this shit is exciting for me lol).
exciting new chapter for us both 
