Talked to my brother about my session with the therapist yesterday and diagnosis of persistent depression.
He didnāt give me a word of support that I went but instead went "well Iām therapizing msyselfā¦"You knowā¦ that seems like he is giving in to the social construct that therapy means weakness and lack of ability. I told him that I can therapize myself too, I have been for years constantly, and that it actually takes more strength to go to therapy than to deal with it alone. Dealing with it alone can work, worked a lot for me and is amazing.
Just factually speaking its much harder to seek out another person and go to their office and tell a stranger about your intimate struggles. It takes strength.
I told him that bc I had to get it off my chest. Im not letting anyone passively, even if unaware, tell me that im less than bc I decided to go to a session.
I decently let him know that I have dowloaded this app again. He said he wasnt sure whether i was even still struggling with addiction. Which is 100% logical bc I dont really talk about it, out of some regular basic shame and fear. Ive brought it up a few times.
Anyways I said i thought at times i was over it for good but now its made a huge reappearance, so I decided to get in touch with that community. He didnāt say a word of support or even aknowledgement. He just huffed and said āwell damnā¦ you just started (using) too earlyā . (I started when I was 15). I felt really misunderstood.
Im not an addict bc I started to soon. I am because no one, with emphasis on parents, noticed it even though I was smoking 24/7 and drinking a bottle of vodka every night! If someone had noticed and intervened early on, I wouldnt have gotten addicted. At least not that early.
Maybe I would still have later in life, bc Im āspecialā, but you know. Putting the blame of my addiction on my teenage self felt gross. Like he doesnāt get it at all.
Heās generally enlightened and progressive, and hes very intelligent. But idk. I feel like he thinks he understands everything and knows everything better. Often this is true. He is a great mind.
But still that doesnāt mean he always has a good understanding of other people. I felt misunderstood by him today. I generally feel like he doesnāt really get my struggles. Which ofc, no one really gets each other, but still. Heāll say things that donāt make me feel seen, thats the point. He says sth that makes me go āOh wow ok hes got it completely wrongā.
Well, thats very normal. All we can do is communicate better. Just irks me that he believes that he has this higher level of consciousness while he canāt even understand the (frankly easy to grasp) basic human struggle of addiction.
I wish he would a little more small words of encouragement / aknowledgement to me. I always try to be very supportive verbally, he sometimes falls flat. But weāre all growing and I think itāll be fine.
