I am definitely going to try this 
thanks so much for the support 
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Oh wow, that is an unhelpful way of phrasing it, no wonder you are worried. I am sure you are right and they have to say it, but it must be scary to hear.
When my son was little and in hospital we had the most unsympathetic neurosurgeon ever. He basically outlined everything that could possibly go wrong as if he was reading from a textbook, no sense that this was our toddler he was talking about and to mention death at that stage was going to worry us. I am sure that focus made him brilliant at his job, but they should probably have kept him away from the parents of patients!
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sending positive and healing vibes your way my friend. please do not beat yourself up for not getting him to hospital sooner - no one could have predicted the seriousness of the situation (i think many would have thought food poisoning). Grateful that he is being taken care of and hoping that he will be well enough to come home on Saturday. Much love my friend - sending you strength and comfort 
iām sorry that the hospital staff is not more empathetic. we are here for you love! i canāt even imagine what you are going through. I am sure a little extra screen time will be fine tonight.
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grateful for this and that you have family support also. best way we can make it up to our loved ones is to show with our actions that we are working on ourselves and becoming better addiction free versions of ourselves.
So grateful to have you here with us. I know with support and determination you can overcome the addiction. It is battling this addiction one day at a time with whatever tool(s) are needed. much strength my friend - together we are stronger! 
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Checking in sober day 32.
Counting down the days til vacation. (11). I need a break from life and being an adult. It feels like everything is such a struggle. It will be a nice change of pace.
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Thank you!
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Many thanks!
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Sophia, yesā¦they are managing expectations. They canāt guarantee perfect results. And it sounds routine! Positive thoughts for you and your family and especially your husband.
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You are so brave for sharinf and pushing through that level of anxiety.
Please do not be afraid to share because you may depress anyone. This right here is where you can come and spill your tea, and fewl supported and heard! I just rhink of how stronf you were to type all of that. I just wanted tp reach out (and hug you first of all if I could) and say that. I have lived with anxiety too, and sharinf about myself - I am generally very private. But hereā¦it helps. Just found this place and it really helps. I hope you get to feel that too. If youre scared of sharing, maybe just try a little goal to share sometjing each day for a week (or more) to see how it goes? Honestly didnt know how much I needed tjis place till I was here. Hope you get to feel the same. You are worth it. XO.
Edit: please pardon my typos if you havent seen me before on here, I leave my typos because I am technologically impaired and this is apparently just part of my identity on this app 
xo
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Hey yall,
Was rrying to read rhrough all the updates of rhe day but didnt quite make it.
An awesome day with our friends here. I simply adore them, and its just been what wr needed its our first time cottaging with friends actually (when our daughter was small we didnt see the grandparents as much so we would invite them, and then covid and then our whole situationā¦so we hadnt had the opportunity). Our son is having MASSIVE (i mean i think theyre massive) tantrums - sure bsing tired and hungry, and 2 I get it but whoooooaaaa lol. Our daughter didnt go through the 2 phase with no and she wasnf bad with tantrums (she was a boss of a 3 yo though, and after daycare and school she wohld throw daggers 
). A big part of my kids is seeinf what is āwrongā with them as a reflection of me, and what I am doinf or done wrong. Its a big thing since my daughter was born, and I know its been a huge part of my identity since becominf a mom - have to make decisions only to fit the āgood momā idea I have in my brain, or if I am selfish/problematic then I inevitably set my children up for the familial trauma I hadā¦this whole loop plays in my brain/heart (consciously, subconsciously I donf know) that I am doomed to repeat the cycle of my parents, and thats part of the whole shaming thinf Ive got goinf on in my mind (i didnt realize I was so badly shamed as a young person, until I got older and was like oh that wasnf discipline that was fucked up). Anyway, its really big and now my daughter has been through insane shit for a child her age, and it all plays in my mindā¦
So when my son is tantruming, there is a part of me thafs like what did i do? (Not like what did I do in the mpment, or āto deserve thisā but more wondering what I did to cause deep problemsā¦). I continuously feel i have to figure it out, because I greww up and thought that was all normalā¦so I wonder what do I still have to unlearn? And if I think I have unlearned it or know a better way, am I beinf arrogant and really am fuckinf up in another way? Anyway, that got real deep real fastā¦just shit i dont share with people, and im just learning to and appreciate everyones patience with my stuff.
Seriously an awesome day. So grateful for the connsctions & growth. Wishing everyone anofher 24 xo.
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Nice to hear thatā¦ I too suffer from ADHD but in the country I live ADHD is not even considered a disease. For me the best way to be productive is leave out all the distractions. I usually work in an empty room or cabin. Even a fly is distracting enough for me to wander out.
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Evening Check In
Day 550
Today was okay. I was less restless than yesterday. No issues with my ED or with thoughts of using. So thats good!
Im looking forward to tmrw. The weather is supposed to be cooler. Like 20Ā°C cooler. I also get money tmrw so im taking my son out to buy new school clothes, and then i have to print out a few things for my DBT book. Im just excited to get out of our home for a bit. Will also be working out tmrw mrng to start my day off right. All n all today was pretty good!
Hope everyone has a good night! 
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2437 - Feeling depressed and donāt really know why. I had a zoom therapy appointment this morning so maybe that stirred up some old emotions. And work is slow so I didnāt do much today on my work from home day. Ill try to do better tomorrow since itās another work from home day. I talked to my sponsor and that seems to have helped. I have a pile of clothes on my bedroom floor and just donāt have the ehergy to pick them up. Same with the dishes in the sink. Ugh.
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Checking in on day 4.
Feeling stronger every day! (Mentally and physically). Spent the day packing up for camping this weekend. Tasty beverages that Iāve packed include: Grape Crush, Kombucha, Gatoraid, frozen fruit punch, and water of course!
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I understand that āgood momā idea perfectly. Spot on description. At times I think I did it better drunk. Itās all my daughter ever knew. I would try and do everything right so nobody could tell what I really was. The other day she said to me āI think youāre happier in the mornings. You arenāt sleeping as much.ā That made me sad and happy. Sad she remembered how it was. But happy sheās noticed a difference. Youāre doing fine 
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Day 61ā¦.
Tough day at work. For a split second thought of alcohol. Instead got up from my desk and took a walk. Looking for a new position is definitely on my to do list. The chaos and drama at work is not good for my mental wellbeing.
I think Iām beginning to see just how much I relied on alcohol to cope with the stress of this job. Not making excuses but I do believe it increased my alcohol consumption. I was an alcoholic before it just added to the volume I drank.
Looking forward to the upcoming storm 
that AZ Iād suppose to get this weekend. Planning my next closet to purge.
Also I ordered new bedding that should be coming this weekend. So excited. I love new bedding. Lol.
Iām so grateful for my sobriety and the brain fog thatās getting better everyday!
Iām also grateful for this community and the support yāall offer me!
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Continuing our conversation hereā¦
Yes! You most definitely can defeat this addiction. Take time to read around hereā¦i find the more active i am here - the easier it is to battle this addiction.
Ive also found that its best to find ways to keep yourself busy with hobbies /activities and try to change up routines. We tend to associate drinking with many activities and have to find a way to re-train our brain.
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Checking in 506 days 
Happy Friday friends!
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Day 321
Got a message this morning that 2 more coworkers are sick. One has Corona and the other one is the pregnant one.
I think sheāll be sick a lot, sheās now 3 months in and is whining all the time. I know pregnancy isnāt easy butā¦yeah 
This is my new normal now.
Iāll call the main office when Iām at work for help.
If they donāt send anyone everything I was planning to do again keeps lying on my desk.
Meh.
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong 
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Day 4
Morning checkin after a night of sleeping 6 hours without a break. How energizing and healing was that.
Some things on schedule today, few hours of homeoffice, physio, lens check, carwash and a swim inbetween.
Much love to your beautiful souls 
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