Thanks Billy - i sure did and now going to take a shower and then go play in the rain – i know a bit backwards but hey – figured i’d walk to the store since its cooler and raining 
maybe jump in a few puddles 
i am going to win over today 
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Checking in.
Some random thoughts about feelings crossed my mind today.
I would always start expressing my feelings with I think I feel. I think.
I was hard on myself in my thoughts and then I realized: yes, I can feel: calm when I am outside in nature. Sad and overwhelming sad and tears coming up as well. I like this actually as I cannot fight it by thinking and it’s usually cleaning my mind.
I can feel anger boiling up inside and feel when it subsides which surprises me still. When I was in active addiction I could be angry all day, sad all day, frustrated all day.
I can feel. I am making baby steps to give these feelings more room in a healthy way. Not judging and analyzing every feeling right away before I actually feel it.
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Checking in. Day 1223.
Chill day. Suffered lack of energy right at the start, but just rode that wave. Been practicing maximum mindfulness → the endless spiral of thoughts in my head can’t survive that. Feels like Im truly alive only when I silence my mind.
Me to me at all times: stfu pls tysm
Amazing.
Go team!
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Another sober day finished off with a takeaway curry. Stuffed.
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This is such a big thing.
I’m so happy for you that you’re actually getting there.
I recognize myself so much in this. Still not at this point though. All my life I’ve worked so hard to not feel, to be neutral, practical,or always happy and positive. (I’m still happy and positive for the most)
That I’m not sure how to be something else. I can’t cry, I almost never get mad because I can understand the other person or where they are coming from. I just shake it off and move forward in some kind of constant happiness filled with hope.
I do get upset from time to time,but it passes within minutes for the most.
But I’m not the person who walks around constantly Smiling shining with happiness either. I’m just neutral.
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It has to go well, there’s no other direction. I don’t even think I can imagine another scenario.
I’ll keep y’all updated as soon as I get some news.
Keeping in mind that that gave him some meds and that it might have been an emergency surgery, which is pretty common in those cases (at least over here)
I’ll probably won’t get any updates until tomorrow afternoon.
I’m glad we eventually got him to the hospital. But I feel bad for not understanding that it was so serious and not a “simple food poisoning” earlier and went to work for 8 hours. If I’ve stayed at home I might have been able to get him help earlier.
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Sending healing vibes for a speedy recovery for your husband 
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Thank you. I’m sure it’ll turn out just fine. 
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Oh dang, I feel you. I did a 20-hour overnight train sitting a some years ago. 0/10, can’t recommend.
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Don’t. You could not have known. There’s just no way. Sending strength and serenity.
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Thank you
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Checking in on Day 44. Feeling a little burnt out today, juggling too many things. I had a migraine earlier too at the gym, really pleased though as was able to nip across the road and get some painkillers, and then carried on at the gym. My migraines seem to be increasing recently, think it is my age and the dreaded hormones, but good to know I can stop it quite effectively with these pills.
I am not feeling work atm and wonder if it is the distraction of school holidays. I do miss the summers at home with the children, just going out and exploring. I also remember them as exhausting so this might be a rose tinted view 
I hope everyone has a lovely rest of the day.
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Thanks for checking in, I did go out and walk, it helped a little, but I managed not to touch any wine 
I feel absolutely exhausted with the whole day, it was hard, I’ve always struggled with bad anxiety all my life which is one of the reasons I became best friends with wine, I have just started deep breathing and meditation exercises this week, but I’ve not heard of the 5 senses grounding technique so would love to know what it is 
but its been another win not wine for me today 
so I’m happy with that and I’m in bed relaxing with Coops reading, have a good night everyone
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Update nr 3.
The Hospital just called. They’ve transferred my husband to one of the biggest hospitals in our region.
And are going to do emergency surgery tonight.
If it all goes well, he’ll be home on Saturday evening.
If it’s a bit to late, or if something goes wrong… well then he won’t be coming home at all.
However I did tell the kids that they are doing emergency surgery, and that he’ll probably be back home on Saturday.
They got to play some with their phones and computers after dinner. And is still on playing. I gave them another 30 mins.
I usually never does, and never ever this late. But I think it’s needed as a little distraction from reality today.
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He’ll be alright Sophia. Sending lots of positive vibes and thoughts both your ways just to make sure of that 
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Thank you. I appreciate it. I’m also sure that he’ll be alright. As I said earlier,I can’t even imagine any other way.
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Really hope he gets seen quickly and all goes well. My daughter had her appendix out urgently and was too little for keyhole. The whole thing went like clockwork, the team are so used to it. Just scary for you though.
Good plan with the extra screen time, times like these are different and it is a good distraction.
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I have a supportive family, although I have pushed them away a lot, my husband is a rock for me considering my drinking has pushed the limits of our marriage and caused issue after issue but he’s here supporting me through this, I am very very lucky to have him
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Way to go on another sober day! Really proud of u for staying on the right path. That must not have been easy with how u were feeling. Here is an image for the 5 senses grounding technique:
Basically i sit somewhere in a comfortable position and i go thru the 5 senses. So 5 things i can see (i also notice color or texture of objects), 4 things i can feel (my feet firmly planted on the ground, the back of my chair pressed against my back, the wind on my skin etc), 3 things i can hear, 2 things i can smell (i like to use lavender essential oil or a candle for this), and 1 thing i can taste (coffee or chewing gum or whatever it is i have around me… i like cinnamon gum). And when im doing this technique i focus all of my attention on each thing i see, feel, hear, smell, and taste. It works every time for me. Its one of my fav
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I also think it should be like a routine surgery. It’s not uncommon. What actually got me a little worried was that the hospital said that It it all goes well, he’ll be home Saturday. But there’s always a risk that it doesn’t.
I took it as their insurance to not give people false hope and get in trouble for it.
Sometimes the screen time actually is a good thing I guess. 
Hopefully it won’t affect their sleep to much.
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