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quick update been very poorly now on a NJ tube feed been told by dietitian I will be a type 3 c diabetic 
Blood sugar all over the place so tired
Chilling watching greys anatomy again
Happy sober Monday everyone
If you are on your journey to stop drinking do it living with consequences is horrible 
Iām so sorry Dana - its rough when we get our emotional crap creep up on us out of the blue especially when we are feeling great and having a good day.
Its ok to feel all the feelings and scream out your frustrations.
I love this mentality - you really are amazing Dana! This is exactly it. There is not choice to fall backwards. We do need to do whatever it takes to keep pushing forward. Its bloody hard as hell but i know you will not be defeated.
Well done on utilizing your tools love - i do hope you are feeling better now. Loads of hugs my friend! 
Scream away if itāll help. I do that sometimes I go sit in the car as to not startle my neighbors bit I scream! I usually feel better. Itās a great way to move the energy. 
That is amazing. I hope we all find just what we need. 
wishing you the best!
Hello yaāll,
Bit tired, but great day with kids at the fair. Son is obsessed with tractors, so the tractor pull was where he sat almost all day. Between that and the little monster truck ride he went on in over and over. Daughter went on every ride, mom in tow 
She picked the scariest one first. Lol.
I feel good, but a lot lingering. September is a busy month - seceral meetings for my nephew with services, back in court and daughters Birthday (our daughter who passed - I think its important we celebrate, and each year is a lottle different but I do up the table for her with pictures and flowers, we have a cake and talk about her and my daughter always asks how old she would be. Then fireworks to cap it off).
Have to find a way to āmyā and āourā life also here, as I realize how far removed from that we have been. I truly felt and kept saying to myself this past yr and a half, this is our life and we have to be grateful for what we have. But now I do see where we have to go, and rebuild and build. We cannot go back, only forward. Im just sick some days of all the fighting within the courts and child services, they reaply do not care what they do to families like ours. And they know it, they know how bad it is and the line Ive kept hearing is āthats just how it isā. And its fuxked up because there actually isnt anyone to talk to about it who gets it or has been thereā¦gah so tired.
Anyway, as you may wrll tell this is my vent spot. My sister and I used to gabb everyday and I miss it. Cant wait till I dont have that much to vent about. On anpther plus Im trying better more age appropriate approaches with the kids to their not listeninf/fighting and it seems to be working. After I had my daughter I remembered thinking: Holy shit. Every mistake my mom ever made was just bc she was exhausted 
Edit: i fixed some typos but also wanted to add. My daughter is ASLEEP this is just unheard of these last few months, she fights sleep and its closer to 930 by the time she actually falls asleep. The fair knocked her out
Happy 24 xo.
Glad you are back! Been where you are too many times. Staying here has helped me stay focused. So much support and wisdom here. Keep you head up!
@just_laura So awesome that you were able to hang out with your friends and have a good sober time. Hope you do get to have some lounge time 
@mrsodh Iām grateful that the antibiotics are working. Sending healing vibes your way. I do hope the distraction from work helps you tomorrow. Much love my friend
@cp25 Keep doing what works for you love! I have found that this community is such a great help. Love the support and advice here. Also ā so some great distractions with the ājust for funā threads
@sabrina80 my goodness love ā them trying to make you work while you are dealing with the early days of covid! WTF girl ā glad you told them no. You are right ā the other coworker should step up and get her laptop if she is that worried. I did read your post earlier and thought I replied but Iāve been in and out mentally all day so sorry for the delay in reply. It is of interest to us
@saturn81 Well done on your 1 week milestone Michelle! You should be fucking proud. The early days are a bit of a emotional mess. It does get better as you tack on the days love ā hang in there ā you are doing amazing!
This is great news Rob! Thanks for keeping us posted. Glad you are able to be there for your son.
@sadmemequeen Ah man ā Iām so sorry that your family is not taking listening it to you. I do hope things get easier for you. I do hope that by adjusting the height on the cane, that it will be easier to handle and wonāt cause you pain in your wrist / arm ā glad that it did alleviate the hip pain. I do hope that your cousin doesnāt make a big deal about it.
@mx_elle Congrats on your 30 days girl! Amazing job!
@pattycake 40 days!! That is fantastic ā keep it going.
Oh Mulanāthis was so beautiful to read and heartwarming. Thank you! Sorry that the depression is intense ā I think you are handling this like a boss. Do hope the therapy sessions help with this. Also ā the cooking sounds very therapeutic ā I can understand not wanting to cook in the heat ā maybe you can work on researching recipes to try. Looking forward to hearing about your home town adventures 
Heyy everyone
I got out of work 1 hour and 30min ago
Iām exosted. Right at the beginning of my shift I messed something up that was super heavy and fixing it took ligit all my strength but I did fix it atleast. That pretty much set the pace I had for the rest of the day. No good.
I didnāt pick up lozenges. Iāve had 2 all day and Iām ok with that. I got a bit stressed today at work but I kept my cool and just kept it as professional as possible; people can annoy me. I did crave a few times but I didnāt give in. I figured Iām going to go through this part of quitting eventually so Iām going for it.
Day 33 no smoking 
3 days no weed
I donāt want it. The anxiety it will give me isnāt worth it. I canāt think of smoking it without the thought of the terrible anxiety
102 days no alcohol
Not even entertained by the thought of that stuff right now
Just doing a night time check in. Well worked on that cover up today and itās turning out ok, still have a lot more id like to do with it, then i came home and honestly was going to sit in my apartment, i felt bad bc my girls are out at camp and i wasnāt. So i went out to camp and hung out for a little bit, the girls were being pretty difficult, lots of arguing between each other. And fighting over who gets to pay for ice cream because the ice cream truck came and they both wanted to pay. At first my mom just took the money and said neither were getting ice cream, and then they through even more of a fit. So she gave it back, and then we compromised and gave both their own money to pay. I didnāt stay the night tho, i just wanted to come home Tonight and ill go back out tomorrow and spend the night. Part of that makes me feel guilty and like i should of been there tonight. I hope you all had a good beautiful night and got through it sober and blessed, much love everyone.
@thumper1213 I do hope you are feeling better Billy. Congrats to 13+ days of sobriety
Great job my friend! Glad you did not give in to the urges my friend. You should be very proud of yourself.
You are doing amazing Delia. Iām so sorry today was so emotional for you. I think that your 78 days uninterrupted is absolutely fantastic and you should be super proud of your accomplishments. I do hope the relaxing mediation helped.
@bomdhil so good to have you back. Hope you had a fantastic pilgrimage. Grateful that you are alert of your triggers and are staying ahead of them. So impressed with how well you are doing!
@catmancam I can totally relate to getting your energy zapped from over socializing. I do hope that being back at the house was not uncomfortable for you. Hopefully you will get some time to decompress this week with all that you have been going on.
@icebear Well done on your 800 days Drew! Glad you had a great time with friends in Austria
So sorry that you did reset but proud of you acknowledging how far you have come and getting back on track. I think you have been doing great work Sheena
Lovely Amy ā glad that today was better for you. Glad that the idea of going back to school is exciting.
@bones_80 So good to hear from your Ian. I am sorry for all that you are going through. Hoping that your pain levels have gotten better. Greyās Anatomy is awesome and a good distraction ā keep enjoying
Checking in on Sunday night
242 free of alcohol and weed
657 free of cigarettes
well itās been a day for sure - ive been having severe itchiness all over and pain was a bit much so not a productive day at all. Been in and out mentally. Wanting to drink or smoke weed but will not do so - itās just my addict voice saying its going to make things better - i do know it will only make everything worse. Thank you Ian - i needed to read āconsequences are horribleā
Wishing everyone has a positively charged addiction free day - sending you all much love
You are doing amazing. Day 3 no weed!!! And all those other days too not smoking and no alcohol. You are kicking ass! Xo.
Been told to quit smoking too as it will make me worse donāt know if have the will to quit tbh
Feel better girl. Rocking it 
Iām sorry love - it is hard - i honestly didnāt think it was possible but now going on 21 months so it is possible.
Itās different journey for everyone but i know its doable. Have you had a chance to check out the quit smoking thread? It has some great advise.
Grumpy A-holes (quitting cigarettes/ nicotine products)
we are right here with you my friend - you can overcome this addiction too!
Aaah thanks Mike - appreciate you!
I am glad that you were able to go back and spend time with the girls today and plan to go back tomorrow. Please do not feel guilty about coming back to your apartment tonight. You are an amazing Dad and i know your girls feel the love.
Do hope you get to enjoy a quiet evening in your own space tonight.
Thanks Iāll have a look 
Awe thank u Laura! I appreciate u saying that. It sort of puts things into perspective for me realizing that what im going thru now is just a small portion of the bigger picture. Hope ur having a good night
@DLS I love your idea Donna! I actually used to box when i was 16 and found it very therapeutic. Never thot of taking that up again. Even just to get a bag to punch and let off sone steam. Great idea! Thank u!
@JazzyS thank u always my dear friend for ur support. U made me smile 
ur rightā¦ we have to do whatever it takes to keep pushing forward. I do feel better right now. Im not so hyperfocused on the past anymore. I have no idea why that all came up today. But maybe its showing me areas that i need to work on. Idk. But grateful to be clean and sober and also not having acted out on my ED. So all n all today has been good! Hows ur night?
@danam56 i didnt end up screaming out loud but i did internally lol probably doesnt have the same effect but still. Will definitly have to try that one day to move that energy around. They should really develop classes for screaming. Where people can go once or twice a week, have a sharing circle, and then just scream. I bet it would be popular lol
SO very happy to hear that you are doing better. i know iāve spent time wondering why things suddenly change for the worse or why we suddenly have sensations / urges out of the blue. Really have not been able to get a good answer. I just know that we need to be prepared to handle them when they arise ā just like you did today - by reaching out here, doing what you needed to get you back to your positive cheerful self.
iām good - just dealing with my stuff- laughing and screaming to help keep me mentally fit
i am binge watching a lot of tv which is helping me loads. grateful that my mom dropped of some dinner for me - she is a gem. the day did change direction on me but itās all good - i did not give in to my DOCās.
Day 64
Feeling much better today. I tend to be reactive but Iām working on that. Nothing has changed. My ex is an ex for a reason. He abandoned me in our marriage so not sure why I thought it would be different now.
My brother who has 20+ years in sobriety tell me that his behavior has nothing to do with me which is true but o donāt have to allow it or tolerate anymore. It saddens me because I did depend on him for support but perhaps heās holding me back from moving forward.
Iām so appreciative of all of the support I receive here. Thank you everyone. Sleep well.
Day 186, I think.
I slept in til 1! Of course, I wasnāt in bed until 4am so it really wasnāt extra sleep. I did get some lounging done. Watched a couple hours of Netflix until I felt the need to get moving. So I did get a couple chores done too. My back is still hurting, but thatās not unusual. I go to the chiropractor tomorrow anyway. Just in time.
I could hear my daughter crying in her room just now and asked her what was wrong. She said she missed Zombie, our old dog, who died 3 years ago. She and her dad were dog sitting his neighbors dog this weekend who looked just like him. I miss him too, and havenāt had the heart (or time) to replace him. It breaks my heart when she cries and thereās nothing I can do. I gave her Krieger(cat) to pet, who seemed to understand she needed him, and stayed on her bed.
Well, nothing much else happened. Hoping for warm weather tomorrow so we can swim again after our appointment. Have a good night everyone