Bit tired, but great day with kids at the fair. Son is obsessed with tractors, so the tractor pull was where he sat almost all day. Between that and the little monster truck ride he went on in over and over. Daughter went on every ride, mom in tow She picked the scariest one first. Lol.
I feel good, but a lot lingering. September is a busy month - seceral meetings for my nephew with services, back in court and daughters Birthday (our daughter who passed - I think its important we celebrate, and each year is a lottle different but I do up the table for her with pictures and flowers, we have a cake and talk about her and my daughter always asks how old she would be. Then fireworks to cap it off).
Have to find a way to “my” and “our” life also here, as I realize how far removed from that we have been. I truly felt and kept saying to myself this past yr and a half, this is our life and we have to be grateful for what we have. But now I do see where we have to go, and rebuild and build. We cannot go back, only forward. Im just sick some days of all the fighting within the courts and child services, they reaply do not care what they do to families like ours. And they know it, they know how bad it is and the line Ive kept hearing is “thats just how it is”. And its fuxked up because there actually isnt anyone to talk to about it who gets it or has been there…gah so tired.
Anyway, as you may wrll tell this is my vent spot. My sister and I used to gabb everyday and I miss it. Cant wait till I dont have that much to vent about. On anpther plus Im trying better more age appropriate approaches with the kids to their not listeninf/fighting and it seems to be working. After I had my daughter I remembered thinking: Holy shit. Every mistake my mom ever made was just bc she was exhausted
Edit: i fixed some typos but also wanted to add. My daughter is ASLEEP this is just unheard of these last few months, she fights sleep and its closer to 930 by the time she actually falls asleep. The fair knocked her out
@just_laura So awesome that you were able to hang out with your friends and have a good sober time. Hope you do get to have some lounge time @mrsodh I’m grateful that the antibiotics are working. Sending healing vibes your way. I do hope the distraction from work helps you tomorrow. Much love my friend @cp25 Keep doing what works for you love! I have found that this community is such a great help. Love the support and advice here. Also – so some great distractions with the “just for fun” threads @sabrina80 my goodness love – them trying to make you work while you are dealing with the early days of covid! WTF girl – glad you told them no. You are right – the other coworker should step up and get her laptop if she is that worried. I did read your post earlier and thought I replied but I’ve been in and out mentally all day so sorry for the delay in reply. It is of interest to us @saturn81 Well done on your 1 week milestone Michelle! You should be fucking proud. The early days are a bit of a emotional mess. It does get better as you tack on the days love – hang in there – you are doing amazing!
This is great news Rob! Thanks for keeping us posted. Glad you are able to be there for your son. @sadmemequeen Ah man – I’m so sorry that your family is not taking listening it to you. I do hope things get easier for you. I do hope that by adjusting the height on the cane, that it will be easier to handle and won’t cause you pain in your wrist / arm – glad that it did alleviate the hip pain. I do hope that your cousin doesn’t make a big deal about it. @mx_elle Congrats on your 30 days girl! Amazing job! @pattycake 40 days!! That is fantastic – keep it going.
Oh Mulan—this was so beautiful to read and heartwarming. Thank you! Sorry that the depression is intense – I think you are handling this like a boss. Do hope the therapy sessions help with this. Also – the cooking sounds very therapeutic – I can understand not wanting to cook in the heat – maybe you can work on researching recipes to try. Looking forward to hearing about your home town adventures
Heyy everyone
I got out of work 1 hour and 30min ago
I’m exosted. Right at the beginning of my shift I messed something up that was super heavy and fixing it took ligit all my strength but I did fix it atleast. That pretty much set the pace I had for the rest of the day. No good.
I didn’t pick up lozenges. I’ve had 2 all day and I’m ok with that. I got a bit stressed today at work but I kept my cool and just kept it as professional as possible; people can annoy me. I did crave a few times but I didn’t give in. I figured I’m going to go through this part of quitting eventually so I’m going for it.
Day 33 no smoking
3 days no weed
I don’t want it. The anxiety it will give me isn’t worth it. I can’t think of smoking it without the thought of the terrible anxiety
102 days no alcohol
Not even entertained by the thought of that stuff right now
Just doing a night time check in. Well worked on that cover up today and it’s turning out ok, still have a lot more id like to do with it, then i came home and honestly was going to sit in my apartment, i felt bad bc my girls are out at camp and i wasn’t. So i went out to camp and hung out for a little bit, the girls were being pretty difficult, lots of arguing between each other. And fighting over who gets to pay for ice cream because the ice cream truck came and they both wanted to pay. At first my mom just took the money and said neither were getting ice cream, and then they through even more of a fit. So she gave it back, and then we compromised and gave both their own money to pay. I didn’t stay the night tho, i just wanted to come home Tonight and ill go back out tomorrow and spend the night. Part of that makes me feel guilty and like i should of been there tonight. I hope you all had a good beautiful night and got through it sober and blessed, much love everyone.
@thumper1213 I do hope you are feeling better Billy. Congrats to 13+ days of sobriety
Great job my friend! Glad you did not give in to the urges my friend. You should be very proud of yourself.
You are doing amazing Delia. I’m so sorry today was so emotional for you. I think that your 78 days uninterrupted is absolutely fantastic and you should be super proud of your accomplishments. I do hope the relaxing mediation helped. @bomdhil so good to have you back. Hope you had a fantastic pilgrimage. Grateful that you are alert of your triggers and are staying ahead of them. So impressed with how well you are doing! @catmancam I can totally relate to getting your energy zapped from over socializing. I do hope that being back at the house was not uncomfortable for you. Hopefully you will get some time to decompress this week with all that you have been going on. @icebear Well done on your 800 days Drew! Glad you had a great time with friends in Austria
So sorry that you did reset but proud of you acknowledging how far you have come and getting back on track. I think you have been doing great work Sheena
Lovely Amy – glad that today was better for you. Glad that the idea of going back to school is exciting. @bones_80 So good to hear from your Ian. I am sorry for all that you are going through. Hoping that your pain levels have gotten better. Grey’s Anatomy is awesome and a good distraction – keep enjoying
Checking in on Sunday night
242 free of alcohol and weed
657 free of cigarettes
well it’s been a day for sure - ive been having severe itchiness all over and pain was a bit much so not a productive day at all. Been in and out mentally. Wanting to drink or smoke weed but will not do so - it’s just my addict voice saying its going to make things better - i do know it will only make everything worse. Thank you Ian - i needed to read “consequences are horrible”
Wishing everyone has a positively charged addiction free day - sending you all much love
I’m sorry love - it is hard - i honestly didn’t think it was possible but now going on 21 months so it is possible.
It’s different journey for everyone but i know its doable. Have you had a chance to check out the quit smoking thread? It has some great advise.
Aaah thanks Mike - appreciate you!
I am glad that you were able to go back and spend time with the girls today and plan to go back tomorrow. Please do not feel guilty about coming back to your apartment tonight. You are an amazing Dad and i know your girls feel the love.
Do hope you get to enjoy a quiet evening in your own space tonight.
Awe thank u Laura! I appreciate u saying that. It sort of puts things into perspective for me realizing that what im going thru now is just a small portion of the bigger picture. Hope ur having a good night @DLS I love your idea Donna! I actually used to box when i was 16 and found it very therapeutic. Never thot of taking that up again. Even just to get a bag to punch and let off sone steam. Great idea! Thank u! @JazzyS thank u always my dear friend for ur support. U made me smile ur right… we have to do whatever it takes to keep pushing forward. I do feel better right now. Im not so hyperfocused on the past anymore. I have no idea why that all came up today. But maybe its showing me areas that i need to work on. Idk. But grateful to be clean and sober and also not having acted out on my ED. So all n all today has been good! Hows ur night? @danam56 i didnt end up screaming out loud but i did internally lol probably doesnt have the same effect but still. Will definitly have to try that one day to move that energy around. They should really develop classes for screaming. Where people can go once or twice a week, have a sharing circle, and then just scream. I bet it would be popular lol
SO very happy to hear that you are doing better. i know i’ve spent time wondering why things suddenly change for the worse or why we suddenly have sensations / urges out of the blue. Really have not been able to get a good answer. I just know that we need to be prepared to handle them when they arise – just like you did today - by reaching out here, doing what you needed to get you back to your positive cheerful self.
i’m good - just dealing with my stuff- laughing and screaming to help keep me mentally fit
i am binge watching a lot of tv which is helping me loads. grateful that my mom dropped of some dinner for me - she is a gem. the day did change direction on me but it’s all good - i did not give in to my DOC’s.
Day 64
Feeling much better today. I tend to be reactive but I’m working on that. Nothing has changed. My ex is an ex for a reason. He abandoned me in our marriage so not sure why I thought it would be different now.
My brother who has 20+ years in sobriety tell me that his behavior has nothing to do with me which is true but o don’t have to allow it or tolerate anymore. It saddens me because I did depend on him for support but perhaps he’s holding me back from moving forward.
I’m so appreciative of all of the support I receive here. Thank you everyone. Sleep well.
I slept in til 1! Of course, I wasn’t in bed until 4am so it really wasn’t extra sleep. I did get some lounging done. Watched a couple hours of Netflix until I felt the need to get moving. So I did get a couple chores done too. My back is still hurting, but that’s not unusual. I go to the chiropractor tomorrow anyway. Just in time.
I could hear my daughter crying in her room just now and asked her what was wrong. She said she missed Zombie, our old dog, who died 3 years ago. She and her dad were dog sitting his neighbors dog this weekend who looked just like him. I miss him too, and haven’t had the heart (or time) to replace him. It breaks my heart when she cries and there’s nothing I can do. I gave her Krieger(cat) to pet, who seemed to understand she needed him, and stayed on her bed.
Well, nothing much else happened. Hoping for warm weather tomorrow so we can swim again after our appointment. Have a good night everyone
Feeling a lot better from my nasty cold. Back to walking and working out. I’ve been cooking and meal-prepping in the evenings for the next day, which is something I’ve always envied other people doing lol. Who knew you could get so much more done when not wasting away drinking! Haha!
I’ve got plans to hang out with my boyfriend tomorrow evening and into Tuesday, so that’ll be nice, since it’s been a minute. I’m going to my local AA meeting tomorrow at noon. Seems like a good way to start the week.
I’ve been sorting through stuff to donate or potentially sell, which is a good feeling. My hair needs some attention, so I’ll be dying it a darker/cool brown within the next couple days (I just do it myself). I’m also LONG overdue for a hair trim. I’m looking forward to freshening up a bit.
Checking in on a hot day in germany, one of my 2 or 3 last days office in presence before leaving the company. Have to wear my imaginary protection coat today
I made it to one week…
Doing a recovery program this time, did some work, made some first changes.
Day 26. I’m not sure what I miss about drinking. I suppose it was the lie that I built up in my head, the beast telling me that a couple of beers would go down lovely of an evening…the first 6 would be great! But the following 40 over a 3 day bender would be a blur of sneaking around, taking risks and being an absolute piece of sh*it. When it kicks off you are just along for the ride. I’m not driving the beast is and all you can do is hang on for dear life until you come out of it.
Thankfully I’ve kept it at bay for nearly 4 weeks. I’ve tied myself into so many promises to myself and others that if I arrived home with some beers it would not go down we’ll so that helps out a block on me picking up that initial couple of beers that would open the door for the beast.
Monday morning, work is calling, stressors coming at me but we’ll take them on the chin deal with them and address them through other means.
Good luck today, don’t open the door to the beast.
She picked the scariest one first. Lol.
don’t know if have the will to quit tbh 
ur right… we have to do whatever it takes to keep pushing forward. I do feel better right now. Im not so hyperfocused on the past anymore. I have no idea why that all came up today. But maybe its showing me areas that i need to work on. Idk. But grateful to be clean and sober and also not having acted out on my ED. So all n all today has been good! Hows ur night?
