Checking in sober day 37.
Feeling a tad better. Started new medication today. Cautiously hopeful. I’m just hoping it doesn’t keep me up all night.
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Hi ya’ll,
Just wantinf to check in. Busy day filled with energy. I have decided of all chores folding and puttinf away laundry is my least favourite. 
I have finished the letter to child services; now iust to send it. We are seeking new legal representation in family court, as our lawyer seems to just explain the law and not very well, offer lkttle guidance or advocacy for hs. Simply put, it is a big expense to have a lawyer and you need someone in this kind of case who js creative, can help guide you and advocate.
It was good to take a break from this onbthe daily, but its jmportant for me to get back at it now. I can feel the emotions and humming of trauma vibrating, but I have not felt triggered or tempted to drink. Hubby and are going to sit down and talk about his business idea. I believe its good, I know he has the skill and hes just feeling down because he lost his momentum. Slowly have to find our footing again, embrace opportunities and the journey. Money being a concern, of course. I am looking to partner with his to handle more the business and financials, and will start a bookkeeping course to get certified in September. I just want to work for myself, and try something different.
Managed to stay pretty patient tonight with the kids. Funny how you miss them all day, and when they get home its like a bomb goes off. Daughter is alwahs exhausted/cranky/hungey afrer school and needs some quiet time alone - but doesnt necessarily want to take it son is just 2 
so basically the 4 of our are never all sitting to dinner at the same time.
I feel so grateful to have this space. Going to read through some of your updates and hopefully get some good sleep. Last night I had the writers adrenalin going, and it kept me up. I finished the Heard vs Depp doc on Netflix. I didnt really follow the case, but I heard about it and how everyone hated her. I didnt understand why. I think everyone should watch it, because it says a lot about our society.
Happy 24 ya’ll & good night xo.
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Sometimes its just a flicker, sometimes it burns bright as hell. Love me some Florence! Good job Mia you stay strong sending you much love and positive vibes. Those intrusive thoughts are not only difficult but annoying as all hell. Have another 24 hrs! Xo
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We all been there with the kiddies. Trust! Xo.
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Day 15
Its been a long day.Some days i feel like I’m just existing not really living maybe Im just kicking myself while im down, most likely I’m just stuck in my own selfish bullshit,I’m going to a meeting 
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Evening Check in
Day 555
I think overall today went well. I did some good cleaning and got a few other things taken care of. Ive done well with my eating today even though ive had some hard moments. Im really coming to see how i have not learned whatsoever how to manage my emotions. As soon i experience emotion, my first thought is to act out thru my ED bcuz i know using drugs isnt an option. But at this point, acting out thru binging/emotional eating isnt an option either. Im finally, for the first time, learning how to manage my emotions in healthy ways and its working so far (i think lol). I do want to get back to meditation though. It had such benefits when i did it. Anyway, the day is winding down. Grateful to be clean and sober for another day. Have a good night friends! 
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Congratulations on 3 months!!! Sooo proud of you Mike and all the hard work uv put into ur recovery 
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@katiee Oh that is great news – grateful it worked out.
Grateful that you choose you and fight for your sobriety!
I’m sorry man – it’s tough getting over our triggers and finding other coping mechanisms especially at the beginning. I do believe it will get easier to navigate as you gain sober time. You are doing great and deserve to be proud of yourself
@dolse71 congrats on your 35+ months of your sobriety! 
thank you for sharing your journey and being a inspiration
@thumper1213 I do hope that the meeting helped. I can totally understand that feeling – I think its strong at the beginning as we are learning to live without our DOC and once we fully detox we start the journey of getting to know ourselves. We are here for you my friend – it does get easier.
@kat33 how are you doing Katrina?
@BrOKenWolf How did your tournament go Richard?
Checking in on Tuesday evening
244 days free of alcohol and weed
659 days free of cigarettes
Today marks 2 months of being on a no gluten diet. was doing a 80-85% raw foods diet - will change that up a bit starting tomorrow. Been a bad day with fatigue and headaches and other shit. Not much else to report. I am exhausted and hoping for uninterrupted sleep Hoping everyone had a wonderful addiction free day - sending you much love 
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Thank you friend! Yes i must follow ur lead and get back into meditations. I do miss the stillness of it
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1537
Slept so so. Counting the days down to my holidays while a the same time having some good days and experiences at work. Still need some time off and for myself. And get out of town for a bit. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Thanks for being on the road with me. Sober and clean. Love.
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You have the most interesting check-ins of anyone I have ever seen here…
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Checking in.
Last day here in Southern France. Sleep was over at 3 am. 
Well, I started packing some stuff and am satisfied that it’ll work out somehow. I am still hoping for some upgrade in car size but in either way I’ll stuff everything in.
I am grateful I somehow made it to the point of using the TS journal option during the last 3 days. I had so much difficulties but found a workaround: I imagine preparing it for posting here which helps me.
I am grateful that looking back on the past 4y9m19d I moved a lot, learned a lot. I still feel like having no roots which is a real problem. But not for today.
I am grateful for a colleague introducing me to the word pre-vacances. I am in my pre-vacation mode since Monday 
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Day 66
No complaints,… all is good. Sleep well everyone
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I’m born and raised pretty much at the same place. Just moved around a bit between the villages in my teens into early adulthood.
However my parents was from two different countries, met and raised us in a third.I’m raised In two different cultures. Native in Swedish, English and a language that doesn’t have a country (Romani chib)And as y’all know by now. In a religious cult I eventually left.
I feel the no roots issue in deeply. Most of the time I joke about it “Jack of All trades” Romanos (Gypsys) have the movement in our blood and so on. But the feeling of not really be home anywhere, not really belong anywhere is still constantly present.
So I get the feeling.
Wishing you an amazing day. And good luck with everything.
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Work was work. Not great, but not awful. Still tired today. I realized it’s most likely caused by monthly hormonal shifts. While drinking I’d up the ante this time of the month to deal with symptoms, only to make everything worse. Tonight I’ll deal with it by sleeping. Hopefully more restfully than last night. Sleep well
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28 days later. My desire to drink is not challenging me too much thankfully. I’ve god a decent hold of sobriety at the minute. I had a bad morning yesterday anxiety wise but I over came it, small wins and all that. I’m more comfortable this morning.
I’m exercising more regularly and that’s always a good thing.
I’ve read that the chemical balance will be shifting during the early days and that my usual coping mechanism which was booze is no longer available to me so I’m adjusting and that will take time. If I let the door open to mental issues such as anxiety or even depression it could take hold, which I’m not going to do.
Thanks to all on this forum, it helps to vent and read of others in the same boat.
We march on.
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I try to summarize a bit more these days.
Glad you like to read me.
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9
Long but not at all satisfying sleep.
Stiff body and mind.
Glad to notice I didn’t drink yesterday.
Just wrote down my true commitment and reasons to not drink today.
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I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober day 10.
Stayed up way to late tonight talking to my bestie.
We used to be able to do all nighters like that with no sleep. Just talking about life.
Not anymore, I’ve been sleeping really bad for a few weeks now. I’m used to it, it happens from time to time.
But with this night when I got about 3 hours sleep I might’ve been done it a little too much.
Headache from hell, nothing helps, tried my lightweight glasses, strong coffee, painkillers, you name it.
But it’s for a good course. I really needed that chat. So it’ll be worth it. My heart and mind does feel a bit lighter now.
My husband was supposed to come home tonight or tomorrow, he won’t fever and infection have rises again so he’ll be staying at the hospital for a while.
I’m relieved that he isn’t in a critical condition anymore. But honestly I’m even more relieved that he won’t be coming home just yet.
No matter when he comes home, he will come home as a “care package” as we say here. And I don’t really want to deal with that. Or have his wellbeing on my conscious. It makes me nervous knowing that I have to be the one monitoring him. Knowing very well that it can be life threatening again very quickly.
Being the one who needs to check the meds, Change band aids and all that.
It’s ironic especially with my background in mind, but I can barley put in my own earrings without fainting because I think it looks scare.
All that medical stuff makes me nervous, for real.
I feel like a horrible person to even think this way. But it doesn’t change the fact that I do.
Luckily I’m having the day off today as well so I can try to get some rest when the kids are in school.
Wishing you all a wonderful day.
Can’t thank you enough for all the good vibes, positive thoughts and kindness during all this.
Quick update
Just talked to the doctor again.
They are starting to get a lack of space at the hospital. And are saying that there’s not much more they can do. So he is indeed coming home tonight. With all the medical help needed.
Tomorrow there’ll be a nurse coming over (The kind that usually check elderly people)to check on him and she’ll keep coming once a day for how long it’s needed.
My headache is actually getting worse now. But at the same time I’m glad to see him.
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It is not horrible to feel that way. It is a valid fear. Hopefully when he is released he will be very stable and perhaps the home health care can come help check on him too. Glad you had some friend time and hope you will feel better from the almost all nighter … and guess what?, yay you, you did it sober!
Editing to add that my post crossed with your edit saying he was coming home. You will do fine and you have the nurses coming. Tell him please let you know when something changes, either way, hurts less, hurts more, etc. Welcome home to him! ( Maybe you can nap for twenty minutes)
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