Thank you. I did get through it sober. But that’s the strange thing here. I usually get through hard times sober, it’s not easy but it’s manageable. I’m so used to mute all the feelings and just keep the hope up, so It’s not that big of an issue.
It’s the small things that gets me sometimes, other times I don’t have a reason at all, like last time I relapsed. Don’t actually know why. And I don’t really get emotional drinking either. So that’s not an excuse.
Anyway I’m sure it’ll all works out in the end. Things usually do.
Thank you, Mira, well said!
I wish you the peace, the ease and that you rock your 24 hours! If you can XD
Positive vibes right backkk👍 Let us fly like little birdies filled with love❤
I love love love everything I have learned about Sweden. Just yesterday I told my family Germany sucks I wanna go to Swedennnnnn dammit
Its just a matter of time😂
Anyways, very intriguing what you said about your addiction. That its easy to be sober in hard times, but it seems to get you randomly out of nowhere, without some big reason. Im really sorry that its hard for you to spot it when it comes / that you can never be quite sure when it will suddenly pop up.
I feel like I can relate to this a little. I just had the strongest cravings Ive ever had… in a time of my life that coudlnt be better! I felt like I was never better, freer, more peaceful, hopeful, coming closer to my goals and dream job… suddenly BAM. Just overwhelmed by a wave of wanting to use.
Idk what to think of this. Its quite weird and unsettling bc its the GOOD times when it gets me. Makes one feel like it follows one only to the most beautiful places… blergh.
Hmmm… well at least one can be thankful that they are sober during hard times. I mean thats a big thing we can be very proud of!
We are the hard times sobers / good times strugglers😂
Day 20 and I’m feeling relatively good. I escaped an ongoing nightmare. I’m thrilled my last drinking adventures were miserable. The feeling of relief and better sleep has been a gift.
So I haven’t had a drink in 221 days, that’s pretty awesome. I’m cool and I’m gonna pat myself of the back here.
After yesterday’s debacle, today I’m back working and I’m killing it with the whole getting shit done thing. And the client that went radio silent emailed me and we’re back on with whatever it is we’re doing. I was already coming to terms with losing him into the ether. But no.
Now… I still got a fuck tonne of things to do, but the plan is to focus on work this week (the stuff I can do at home in the nice cool air-conditioning) and the errands that need doing outside can wait until next week when hopefully the weather turns more normal.
I feel sorry for my poor dog. He gets so excited for walkies but then we can only take him out for short bursts because the heat isn’t doing him any favours. I’m also close to loads of great areas for walking, but it’s just too hot for any of it. But at the same time, I need to stare at some trees because my worklife is basically inside a content bubble.
That’s great news, I get your thoughts and feelings about it as they could have been mine. Hopefully the nurse will lift a part of the work so you can focus on enjoying his presence again.
First I have to say thank you for the good wishes and prayers and the love, I’m still pretty weak but getting stronger. The cough got a lot better, I can breathe almost normal again. The worst are the pulsing noise I have in my right ear (a result of severe tight muscles around my neck and chin, I’ll handle that when I’m stronger) and the lack of taste and smell It’s not completely gone tho, but most of it is.
And I’m still positive
Sending hugs and strength your way @MrsOdh
Feeling a bit bored. Didn’t sleep very well, medication which I had for my PTSD was stopped last night. Was worrying about that whether I could do without it. First impression is I can, of course followed by the thought whether I even needed it in the first place. Known side effect are depression and tiredness (although I had a very low dose a was mentioning already a half year to my therapist that I might no longer need it), feel a little bit more clear headed so that’s good. Trying not to overthink. Priority in treatment seems to get the ADHD symptoms I pretty much had all my life. It’s good to have this structured approach while in-house.
My ex texted me that’s she is going to have a biopt of the heart. Don’t know what it is, so gonna look it up. Her release date is not yet known, so my son is home alone with his dog at their place. I have minor guilt feelings about that, he is nearly seventeen and i know he is enjoying in some way the current situation. All the space for himself . He went for diner at my parents etc. So he’ll just be fine, I’m proud of him, I just keep focusing as much as possible on myself here.
I hear this as well. Especially this time around. In the challenging times, I dont necessarily feel I need a drink…too much responsibility. The idea of being “out of control” is also different when you “control” your drinking because of your responsibilities. Im not saying I was totally in control, but 90% of the time I knew when Id had enough, didn’t black out, have a drink while the kids were awake or get emotionally taken away. I wtill knew my drinking was a problem, woke up sad and disappointed and even feeling sick. That 10% of the time, I was devastated. It was just very strange for me to reconcile control with being out of control, and the idea of being a functional binge drinker. I still was not in control, because when i wanted ro stop permanently a voice or automation always kicked in to say…its fine.
Not sure what that is about when times are good that we go for it. That was also when i often reached for a deink in the past year and a half, when I was chugging along, getting shit done and taking names. Id get to so many days of not drinking, start to have confidence in myself and then. Couple beers later; or more then that and the next morning I feel back to shaming me. Im not quite sure theres any pne andwer as to why that is…I find Alan Carrs understanding of addiction fascinating, AAs understanding of the disease insightful andbalso addiction is jist plain old addiction. I know though that if Im still thinking about drinking, or that urge is still there then theres work to be done inside. Not that you may not have a “thought” where that tug is removed, but when I got sober at 20 the trigger was gone before I hit year one. I went at the steps of AA, and lived without even a thought of having a drink for 10 yrs. Thars pretty fucking amazing to me. Now im in a new place now, still have that deep love of AA but recognize that I need something different while also using what I learned there. I dont share this for any other reason then to share the hope that I have inside…I KNOW those desires and nudges go, I now get that work is done not just through AA but people have all kinds of journeys (and this even makes sense for my journey before…I just didnt see it that way). Im sorry if I got off topic here…i just wanted to say I get it, I relate and it IS hard when its only once and a while and seemingly comes out of nowhere!
Thinking of you and your hubby. Sending hppe & healing xo.
Days PMO free: Day 20
Days with PS5 in the closet to close the day: 28
Days went to bed the same time with my wife: 28
Just checking in. Feeling a little empty this morning. Some days, being to ‘introspective’ actually makes me sad, SAD/GUILT/DISCOURAGED are my enemies, so days where i feel that, i just dont go there. Instead why not focus on the good things in life vs what just gets me down. It’s wednesday, i have a job, feeling ok, try to put some focus/meditation music and actually get something done this morning. Have a great day.
Day 5.36 no weed
Day 35.56 no smoking
Day 104.59 no alcohol
I just woke up and felt a little tired
I worked hard the past 5 days
My hours working were all over the place
I can only imagine how hard today would be if I was drinking. I get a belly ache just thinking about it.
If I was smoking weed I wouldn’t be too comfortable in my own skin right now. I’d be tired and high which is a terrible feeling for me
I just don’t want to do that anymore
35.56 no smoking
I’m still using the lossinges but I’m going to try and lay off them again
Day 91. Good morning everyone, yesterday was really good at camp, I just let the girls play and do there thing they came in around 830 and were very good, i noticed when we were at the park playing addie was having trouble breathing and she sounded like she had asthma or something. Well at 7 this morning my mom and her were up and addie was ten times worse, she could hardly breathe at all. So my mom took her into town to see her doctor, i offered to stay at the camper with autumn so she could sleep and hang out with me, But autumn said no she wanted to go, so my mom took both of them to town. I was going to go, but i missed my group Monday and i dont want to miss it again today, but i hope my baby girl is ok.
I have a drug and alcohol assessment tomorrow and i was suppose to sign a paper and send it back to them, well i didn’t realize that until yesterday and it wont make it by mail in time, so i signed it and emailed it to my case worker. Im hoping that will be sufficient, if not then well i might be screwed bc it says if its not signed and returned i am no longer eligible for assistance, idk I’m kinda stressed bc i got school coming to and i just dont want to be worrying about all this stuff at once. Idk much love everyone
60.days ago i wasn’t sure i would get this far. Quietly chuffed but staying humble and focused on one day at a time
It’s not completely gone tho, but most of it is.
. He went for diner at my parents etc. So he’ll just be fine, I’m proud of him, I just keep focusing as much as possible on myself here.