Day 12*
I don’t like feeling like I’m just surviving the work week until the weekend is here. What a waste that is.
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I hear this as well. Especially this time around. In the challenging times, I dont necessarily feel I need a drink…too much responsibility. The idea of being “out of control” is also different when you “control” your drinking because of your responsibilities. Im not saying I was totally in control, but 90% of the time I knew when Id had enough, didn’t black out, have a drink while the kids were awake or get emotionally taken away. I wtill knew my drinking was a problem, woke up sad and disappointed and even feeling sick. That 10% of the time, I was devastated. It was just very strange for me to reconcile control with being out of control, and the idea of being a functional binge drinker. I still was not in control, because when i wanted ro stop permanently a voice or automation always kicked in to say…its fine.
Not sure what that is about when times are good that we go for it. That was also when i often reached for a deink in the past year and a half, when I was chugging along, getting shit done and taking names. Id get to so many days of not drinking, start to have confidence in myself and then. Couple beers later; or more then that and the next morning I feel back to shaming me. Im not quite sure theres any pne andwer as to why that is…I find Alan Carrs understanding of addiction fascinating, AAs understanding of the disease insightful andbalso addiction is jist plain old addiction. I know though that if Im still thinking about drinking, or that urge is still there then theres work to be done inside. Not that you may not have a “thought” where that tug is removed, but when I got sober at 20 the trigger was gone before I hit year one. I went at the steps of AA, and lived without even a thought of having a drink for 10 yrs. Thars pretty fucking amazing to me. Now im in a new place now, still have that deep love of AA but recognize that I need something different while also using what I learned there. I dont share this for any other reason then to share the hope that I have inside…I KNOW those desires and nudges go, I now get that work is done not just through AA but people have all kinds of journeys (and this even makes sense for my journey before…I just didnt see it that way). Im sorry if I got off topic here…i just wanted to say I get it, I relate and it IS hard when its only once and a while and seemingly comes out of nowhere!
Thinking of you and your hubby. Sending hppe & healing xo.
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Days PMO free: Day 20
Days with PS5 in the closet to close the day: 28
Days went to bed the same time with my wife: 28
Just checking in. Feeling a little empty this morning. Some days, being to ‘introspective’ actually makes me sad, SAD/GUILT/DISCOURAGED are my enemies, so days where i feel that, i just dont go there. Instead why not focus on the good things in life vs what just gets me down. It’s wednesday, i have a job, feeling ok, try to put some focus/meditation music and actually get something done this morning. Have a great day.
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Checking in for day 30.
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Day 5.36 no weed
Day 35.56 no smoking
Day 104.59 no alcohol
I just woke up and felt a little tired
I worked hard the past 5 days
My hours working were all over the place
I can only imagine how hard today would be if I was drinking. I get a belly ache just thinking about it.
If I was smoking weed I wouldn’t be too comfortable in my own skin right now. I’d be tired and high which is a terrible feeling for me
I just don’t want to do that anymore
35.56 no smoking 
I’m still using the lossinges but I’m going to try and lay off them again
Take care everyone
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Day 91. Good morning everyone, yesterday was really good at camp, I just let the girls play and do there thing they came in around 830 and were very good, i noticed when we were at the park playing addie was having trouble breathing and she sounded like she had asthma or something. Well at 7 this morning my mom and her were up and addie was ten times worse, she could hardly breathe at all. So my mom took her into town to see her doctor, i offered to stay at the camper with autumn so she could sleep and hang out with me, But autumn said no she wanted to go, so my mom took both of them to town. I was going to go, but i missed my group Monday and i dont want to miss it again today, but i hope my baby girl is ok.
I have a drug and alcohol assessment tomorrow and i was suppose to sign a paper and send it back to them, well i didn’t realize that until yesterday and it wont make it by mail in time, so i signed it and emailed it to my case worker. Im hoping that will be sufficient, if not then well i might be screwed bc it says if its not signed and returned i am no longer eligible for assistance, idk I’m kinda stressed bc i got school coming to and i just dont want to be worrying about all this stuff at once. Idk much love everyone
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Second update for today.
My husband is home.
All the medical care doesn’t seem that scary or difficult anymore, and It was great to see him in person again.
Thank you everyone for you support 
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Checking in, day 43…
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@MrsOdh Oh Sophia im so glad hes home! What great news! Hope he continues to recover quickly
@Mindofsobermike I hope Addie is okay! Glad she went to see the doctor. And im praying that your paperwork is sufficient to get you assistance. Have a great day Mike!
@Brl81 Congratulations on 30 days!! 
@SelfLove_42 I love your positive attitude and how you work so hard at shifting your thinking and making it a better day. Sounds like u have a good plan for this morning. Hope the rest of your day goes well 
@Timetochange Congratulations on 60 whole days of freedom!!!
@rob11 Im still continuing to pray that everything is okay with your ex. Hope all glea well with her biopt (Im not sure what this either). Hope you have a great day overall!
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I passed 40 weeks sober earlier this week. Nice total.
My wife is going away to see her family down south on Friday for a week. That was always a real trigger for me, as being alone opened the door to being off my head all day.
I’m confident that won’t happen and I’ll be checking in to say just that!
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Hey you! I fixed the photo dump lol… doing well my friend… the wrist brace is for my carpal tunnel issue… have to see an orthopedic doctor tomorrow to see if I need surgery or not! Hope you’re doing well… ODAAT
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Morning check in
Day 556
Woke up clean and sober! That in itself is a gift! Today is another relaxing day with my son. But I completely missed the gym this morning which I feel bad about. I was just sooo tired. I will make sure to exercise tmrw (my optional gym day) then to make up for today.
Tasks for the day is my morning recovery routine. Some cleaning. A meditation. And then grocery shopping once hubby gets home from work. Thats about it! Hope everyone has a great addiction free day 
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So glad to hear this
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Morning guys checking in. Well fam is coming home from the shore today, so my alone time is over 
. I’m glad that they had a great time though, back to business around here. Have a great day peeps 
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Checking in on day 59. Feeling a lot better than I did yesterday. Happy to almost be halfway done with my week! Sending strength to everyone 
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Feeling sad. I’m at the playground with my boys and so there are other kids from Sacha (oldest) school (4/5yo) and they are laughing he’s always saying Ja or Nee (yes or no), doesn’t matter what they ask. Like “are you eating poop?” And he’s answering yes, because he doesn’t understand. And they are making fun of him. I explained them he’s speaking other language at home and he’s still learning Dutch but I don’t think they care 
We are living in small, mostly catholic village. He’s only one non-dutch kid around and anyway he was very late talker, he started talking after 3. So it makes me very sad he’s struggling. Teachers always said he’s doing good, he understands most of things etc. But I’m not sure. Next Tuesday I have meeting with his teacher.
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That’s great news. 
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I would’ve talked to those kids for real and explained very carefully, and asked them how it would feel for them if they didn’t understand.
If they still won’t listen and keeps trying to tease him, I would’ve talked to their parents.
There’s like a golden rule here (Swedish small town) that you don’t make fun of someone who doesn’t understand, if you want to do something you should try to help. That’s it.
I really hope it turns out to the best for all of you.
Language can be a struggle.
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She is stable now and has her medication. Think it’s gonna be a handful of it. I believe a biopt is when they take some tissue, in this case of the heart, brrrrrrrr to investigate. They gonna look into genetics as well. Don’t expect much there, it’s on neither side of the family yet. But better be sure for our son. From what I hear she is very well taking care of. But still, we only have one heart. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers 
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Sorry i have been linds mia the last few days, im doing ok but i gotten sick unfortunately ugh and work has been real rough and stressful. Thanks for checking in on me though
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