Evening Check In
Day 556
Today has actually been a pretty tough day emotionally. Just alot of ups n downs n trying to manage my emotions in healthy ways, has me pretty exhausted. The day is almost over tho. I havent used drugs or drank and i havent engaged in my ED so thats all a win for me 
Nice to see alot of new people joining us, people coming back, and people celebrating milestones. Im really proud of all of us! 
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Sending you strength. Never ever nice to see your child picked on or taunted like that. They do sound very young, so I hope it is not too malicious but I still would not like that. If they are in his class, would you maybe tjink of pointing it out to teacher and ask her to speak to children/keep an eye out for that? I am sure teacher would intervene there, keep an eye out for the behaviour at school and help teach those boys that is not okay. It is not okay to make fun of your son for not understanding, tjose children are small and need guidance. Best to your boys & you too. Xo.
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Finished my letter to child services. Sent it to parents and lawyer to review before forwarding it on. Will finish my ombudsman letter this weekend and goal is to send it by the weekend or latest next week. After that, going to focus on a news outlet. One step at a time.
Gettinf ready for a girls weekend with my bestie. We did one last year and I am really excited. I only get away VERY rarely, so Im looking forward to it and also have a hard time leavinf the kids and always miss them (but I know its good for me). Get to see my mom and nephew, and I got him a basketball net. I know he has been wanting one and talking about it, and I will see if I can get him interested in using it as intended. We will seem. He has his own ways of using things, but I saw him eyeinf the neughbours through their fence saying basketball over and over so I am excited to give it to him. Cant wait to see his face. I miss him all the time, and I keep his door open and go in his room everyday; I know the pragmatic side of my brain understands that his needs exceed our ability and we dont have the finaces to hire someone full time for his care (and government support is a joke, yet also no help because āhome is bestā bullshit) but its not something I have fully grieved. Part of me very angry, and that is okay. I do not feel it today, because ai am busy and grateful but its a forever hole in the heart. Some thing never heal, you just learn to live with it. We dontblike to say that in this day and age, people tjink it sounds negative but I dojt believe it is. I thinkits a bit dilusional and problematic to believe you can heal what cannot. Like I believe in forgiveness, but I cannot forgive the person who killed my sister. I simply cannot, because it is not for me to forgive. It is something I have to live with.
Anyway, that all sounds super heavy but I believe it is just reality. Have to be honest with my heart, and yet be open to my heart changing. I never mean to write this much and I am often tired when I start but I am a long-talker. Grateful I dont feel like drinking. Going to makebsuee I have lots of AF drinks & will message here if I get tempted. I dont feel nervous about it goinf away, but being kid free I used to feel more at ease with having my drinks then so better to be aware!
Xo.
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Checking in on day 197 sober. Have a great night!
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Checking In.
Day 148 for me. Feels wonderful ā
ā I am thankful to have a supportive loving family
ā I am blessed to know God
ā I am thankful to have a place to lay my head.
ā I am happy to be an Aunt to so many lil ones
ā I am happy I completed 6 more hours of my community service today
Hope you all have a wonderful night and keep believing in yourself. You are worth it!!!
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@minatasha I can understand frustrations with doctor and insurance. Best of luck with getting your appointments set up. I do hope you get some treatment that works for your needs). Grateful to hear about your commitment to sobriety and how well you are doing with 4+ days! Life gets so much easier to handle while sober.
@louloubelle grateful you had a great productive day today. I so get the thought process to reward a good day with drinking. We have to work on re-wiring our ways of thinking. For me I reward myself with a NA drink, a bowl of ice cream or some dark chocolate. Wishing you luck in finding your non alcoholic ārewardā. It was necessary during my early days and as I added more days to my recovery then the ārewardā mentality went away. I am grateful that you have found an acronym (H.E.A.R.T.) that works for youā¦ Keep up your great progress
I know the anxiety is a bit high when you have to wait for more tests and you have to wait for months to get your appointment. Think positively my friend and smart to not worry. Also grateful that you are shouting back at the angry voice and practicing self-compassion. 
@Teresa.13 Congrats on your 500 days and thank you ā yes ODAAT no matter how many days we accumulate
@hayleylujah Its never too late to start on day 1. Grateful that you are ready to work on your sobriety. Are you able to start going to meetings to get irl support? This community is a great support system to help you if and when the urges arise. Sending you strength and love ā check in here daily to help stay accountable to yourself.
@chelle2023 great job on day 3 ā knowing tomorrow is a day to be aware of ā maybe do something a bit different after work ā go for a drive or a walk or?? And then have some good non alcoholic drink options available when you come home. I do love the La Croix beverages ā find something that would work for you. Stay strong! 
Hugs my friend ā I know you are juggling a lot and on top of everything still trying to find answers for your sons eye troubles. I am so sorry but I want to say that you are doing so well with coping and managing your urges / your ED and looking after your mental / physical health. Keep doing what you are doing cause like you said ā it wonāt last forever and I am hoping that you find some answers / relief and comfort soon.
You should be super proud of yourself! I do know how the battle for battling your negative thoughts can be exhausting. I think you are doing great at acknowledging them and telling them good bye and moving on with your day in a positive manner. Much love Mulan ā grateful to have you with us on this journey 
@2JTRavnz great job on your 11 months and counting!
Sending you strength in dealing with all the weight / stress. I do hope it all gets easier to navigate.
Checking in on Wednesday evening
245 days free of alcohol and weed
660 days free of cigarettes
It was another blah day but i did manage to do my basics. Had a good long chat with my mom. Looking forward to getting to bed soon so i can start a hopefully earlier day tomorrow. Hope everyone is enjoying a addiction free day / evening - sending you all much love
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Glad to hear that you will have a girls weekend for some time to unwind just for you. Hopefully you can be fully equipped with alternative drink options so that you dont feel left out and can still have a great time with the girls.
Excited for your nephew to see his basketball net - that was so sweet. Iām sure he will be super excited.
Thank you Mira for being so open and letting us be a part of your journey. I do hope that just writing it all out has been helpful.
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1538
I slept OK but could have slept longer. Have to go and earn my keep. Sober and clean. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Love.
@Teresa.13 Huge congrats on 500 Teresa!!! Awesome numbers friend.
@Hayleylujah Itās good to see you lady. Glad you quit the drugs now. One day at a time for all of us. Letās do this. Together. Hugs.
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Thank you. Ive had many stretches of 4-5 days these last few months, but my last two week stretch is probably like april or may? So today is not much of an accomplishment but ill see what happens on friday.
I can try to be on this thread for thursday and friday for even a few minutes.
Also, my boss gave me the silent treatment today. I had told my other boss and not him yet but approaching him at the end of the day, he said he knew. Literally made zero eye contact. I dont know what game he was playing but this is a job where I was making 16 an hour. I was offered a raise for 17 but even then thats not much. im one of very few masked people in a crowded environment. And now the rise in cases! So anyway he was rude and I am going to find something better and for better money hopefully.
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Day 67
It feels great to be sober. Had to explain new boundaries to my ex and it felt good to set them. It always amazes me when you set boundaries with people that are incapable of setting boundaries, what their reaction is and how angry they get. Lol
I tried to explain it to him but he refused to see my side or understand how his actions could be remotely painful to me. He tried to gaslight me and tell me that his opinion of our daughter in law hasnt changed. Iām beginning to think that not only is he weak and easy to manipulate, I think he may be stupid too.
Heās going through cancer treatment and he doesnāt have the intelligence to understand what they are telling him and without me to walk him through it will only add to the stress of his treatment. Itās hard for me to not jump in and help him but heās shown me for 30 years that my feelings and , supporting me in the way I support him doesnāt matter.
Iāve removed everyone else from my life that doesnāt provide the same level of respect, loyalty or investment in the relationship that I give to them. While hard, this is whatās best for me. He simply doesnāt understand or simply doesnāt care how his actions affect me. I again explained to him my anger is simply a reaction to the immense pain that my daughter in law, son and now him have inflicted on me. My grandchildren are being held hostage and now my parents ashes.
Working with my therapist to discern why I allow men to treat me this way. Iād never tolerate it from a girl friend. He is no different from any of my other abusive exās. While he may not be verbally of physically abusive his inability to be emotionally supportive is probably far worse.
Again Iām so grateful for this community and the support that it provides me. Iāve tried other apps and other times when Iāve tried to get sober and have not had this level of support. Maybe itās because o wasnāt ready. But thank you all.
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I agree, here and now is what matters the most.
Differen from last time do have another attitude about life this time. The year I was away from here had done so much to change that, to lift me up. Not that my attitude was bad before, I was just more insecure. Itās gone now. Even if some things does make me worried Itās not in the same way anymore.
Still here and now that matters, but some badass attitude probably helps in the long run.
Not trying to please anyone but myself this time.
Well, back to Germany, weāve actually been at a few places even if Kiel and Hamburg is most common because itās easy with the ferry. A lot of people goes from Sweden to Germany to buy alcohol. We do buy some occasionally but we mostly go because of all the amazing sweets and foods (Cherry Pies, LĆ¼becker Marzipan,pretzels, curry wurst anyone?) And the big selection of fashion and toys that we donāt have here.
I also have a thing for walking around grocery stores in different countries buying groceries Iāve never seen and want to try.
I donāt speak a word German, my 13 y/o does. Iāve tried to learn but the grammarā¦ oh man the grammar 
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Day 53
Hey all! Iāve had a good couple of days. I got to spend some quality time with my boyfriend, and we (as Star Wars nerds) got to watch the new Ahsoka show. Lots of doggie time with my pups and my BFās girl. I ate a bunch of food, so today Iām cutting back and eating healthier and less.
I went to an AA meeting today. My lady hormones are kicking in, so Iām feeling a bit overly emotional, but Iām very grateful still to be sober. I really havenāt been craving the booze, and even the smell of beer is kinda grossing me out. I keep getting reminders from people of how much happier I seem, so even with the mood swings, it pales in comparison to the miserable drunk I was. Still, I gotta stay vigilant.
Time for bed now. You guys rock! 
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10
10 days away from alcohol
I did some processing, other then many times before. I feel the healing effect on body and mind and I am committed. I am not suffering. I am freeā¦ Today!
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Wonderful, Julia! Not suffering, being free. Lovelyā¤ļø
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Iām here Iām alive and Iām sober.
Day 11.
Going to work after Iāve dropped the kid off at school.
My 13 y/o is having a friend over for breakfast first time today.
Friends mother works at the city hall office and starts early some days. And her son, my 13 y/o friend donāt like to be home alone in the morning.
So we started a breakfast club.
She drops him off here on her way to work.
He gets breakfast and walks with us to school. 
If I was that kid or his Ma, I wouldāve wanted the same.
Iāve read somewhere that people who never had safe adults to rely on most often become those adults they never had. And thatās pretty much who I want to be.
My husband is doing well, or at least as well as he can. He didnāt sleep much last night, feber was high again, he couldnāt breathe properly and was in pain. I helped him as much as I could.
I feel bad saying it, but I actually enjoy going to work today so he wonāt be my responsibility for a few hours. Iām glad that he made it, and that he is home. But I really donāt like to have responsibility for his care. Iām donāt have a medical exam, or any medical experience besides putting on band aids. This makes me nervous.
Wishing yāall a great day.
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Day 327
Still positive and still sick. Not that bad any more but I wonāt go to work tomorrow. I called my Dr for a second sick note.
It hopefully gets better over the weekend.
Now back to bed 
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Woke up feeling like crap. Headache, achy, irritable. Hoping work will be easy. First text of the day, 6 hours before my shift, āyou need to be checking that people do the work they claim to doā. Great. Ask what wasnāt done. No answer. Then, at work, once I talk to who I worked with last night, I find out the menās locker room wasnāt checked/stocked. I DONāT EVER CHECK THAT! She says nothing about it in person.
Day goes on. Setting up for a typical Wednesday night. Table of 24, 10, and a dozen smaller ones. Me, another server, two bussers, and a bartender, plus the girl Iām training whoās 2nd day it is. 5:30 rolls around and some other peeps start showing up. Something about this dinner club thatās coming. My boss completely forgot about a party! Nothing written down anywhere about it but they apparently spoke on the phone twice last week, and she even saw the guy last night. I ended up working it bc I can bartend and serve simultaneously, while taking a couple tables in the dining room 200 feet away. It was a lot of running around trying not to look like the headless chickens we were. Everyone learned how to use the computer tonight. Grateful the new girl had serving experience. She helped tremendously. Everyone was exhausted but we did it.
So what else could go wrong? Everyone left except the other bartender and a dishwasher. I said Iād help her with something the GM asked her to do once the bars were cleaned up. Put off bug foggers in the locker room. Long story short, thereās rats, theyāve been dying, now thereās flies. We get everything ready and as soon as we set them off the entire buildingās fire alarm is going off! Itās 11:30pm and every firetruck in town shows up! (They have to) All we could do was laugh 
It just made this night.
I started the day off miserable but after all that crazyness I feel great! Now my only problem is Iām not tired, and itās late 
Day 188 in the bag! I see a lot of you racking up the numbers as well Congratulations to you all! Weāre in this together
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Day 51, hit 50 days last night. Yay!
Had an unpleasant work situation yesterday but proud of how I handled it. I think I am finally starting to feel like a grown up I tried to get rid of my frustration by taking a walk in the woods at lunchtime. Nothing like being pissed off to make you power walk! The situation is still ongoing but I am feeling stronger facing it today. Half day tomorrow and then a week off.
I am not far off my longest stretch of time so am aware I need to be vigilant. I caught myself thinking about being able to have a drink at Christmas because it will be ages by then andā¦well you know how those thoughts go. I am going to re-read some of the books I found helpful later.
Hope everyone has a lovely sober day.
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Day 61
Almost slept in, started work at just before 8 in my pyjamas. Bad dreams, i have tried to make inroads with my adult son about my divorce but getting nowhere. He blames me, he is quite materialistic so was upset when our barn was soldā¦ i donāt know, i think i am one message away from cutting ties.
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Pretty numbers for me today
Having the day off and going to celebrate my milestone with a visit to the triftshop. Walking ofcourse so adding some miles as well.
Thatās a win/win situation.
Andā¦25 days to go for another milestone: 5 years. Thatās a tricky one because it is the second time that I will reach that one
Came here more then 5 years ago because of that relapse.
Happy that I found this place because it got me where I am today!!
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