Girl yesss about the basement! I grew up w a basement and was always scared down thereš±
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Day 341 AF
Checking in, took a drive to see my son today!
Was good to see him and hear about how things are with him, hes as tall as me now! Not that thats hard to do 
im thankful no matter how deep in my addiction i had been hes never seen me high or hung over!
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Where I live (Swedish countryside, next to a big river)
All the kids in school, 7-9th grade. Has to do an āice bathā at least once a year in the school sports class.
With all our winter clothes on and Ice studs. So we know how to get up, and not panic if we go through the ice on the river. And how to save each other.
Nothing Iām going to volunteer to do. Not even with a Sauna or a bathing suit. 
But I think itās a good thing. Yet we havenāt had anyone walking across the Ice, or any accidents.
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Thank you. I do want to avoid adding on to the shame. And I want to feel like a safe place to turn if she is does want support. If anyone knows what itās like to make excuses for staying in active addiction itās me (hello from my high horse of two weeks sober). Sheās been in a lot of pain and Iād love to see her get some help. She never sought help after my mom (her sister) took her life and the drinking has increased steadily since then.
@Lisa07 she is required to have a license for work so will most likely lose it when they find out (she was 6 years from retiring with a state pension) so, a lot at risk. I wish I was a good example, I was sober for almost two years when I moved back here. I wish I kept that work going for myself and those around me. If nothing else at least Iām an example and can speak to what it feels like to stay stuck in that place of not accepting that being sober is the only choice that allows me to live a full life.
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Wow thatās interesting AND hardā¦
Less of the icebathing wim hoff hype,
more a true survival training.
Good that you got prepared!
Prevention first 
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He got home Wednesday evening. He wasnāt supposed to, but the hospital probably ran out of space.
He got a lot of meds, a nurse thatās coming over (not during the weekend) and some tools to help him move around.
We had a meeting yesterday in the city hall about what he needs to live a somewhat normal life after this. (He has a serious back injury from a car accident in December, probably arthritis, hearth problems, and now this)
But he is getting a little better day by day. He has started to eat some real food, baby food but itās not only liquids anymore. And he was up half sitting in the sofa for a while yesterday, and for a short while today. But now heās back to sleep. Iām going to wake him up for meds at 14.00, a half an hour from now.
Yep two PhDās. I got through school with straight Aās because more or less nothing else was accepted. Got myself a social workers degree while being on drugs just as I did trough High school (Irony I know) worked for a while, but didnāt manage to balance that and drug abuse. Eventuellt got another PhD in Archaeology with main subject Stoneage (I wanted to have a Paleontology but thereās just university for that in Sweden and it was tok far away)
But got done with it just as Covid hit, so most of us who had a job lost it. I was guidning kids groups at a museum.
Started to drink even moreā¦ took a job as a certified Nanny. Got treated like shit both from the family and the agency so I took a job at a daycare. Eventually got one at my local daycare. Didnāt like the hours or the job because I was a special teacher for a special need kids and worked 12 hours shifts 5 days a week.
Talked to my boss though that she was going to fire me, but instead she offered me a job as a preschool teacher. And thatās where I am now. To keep it, I need to have a teacher certificate. So this fall Iām going to study a Math class to get the Math Iām missing, so I eventually can go back to university and get a teacherās degree.
Life doesnāt always end up as we expect it to. 
But Iām convinced it always ends up the way it should be anyway.
Thank you for the well wishes, and all your support.
Youāre welcome to ramble and author your thoughts as often as you wish. I love to listen to peoples stories and ideas about life.
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604 days sober. At least thats something. Not having a good day, Im not okei. Trying to stay strong with a mask on for my kids. One of my closest co worker who have become a friend called me. I did not pick up. I know she called to check up on me because I have not been back to work after summer vacation.
Hope you all have a better day then me.
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You ARE a good example. Youāre sober today and that has an effect on everyone around you, including your aunt, even if she doesnāt express it.
Those 2 years of sobriety are not lost. During that time, I bet your aunt saw the positivity sobriety brought to your life. You were able to plant the seed and now itās up to her to water it.
She has a lot at stake with needing her license for work. Hopefully, this is her wake up call and she takes advantage of your support. Itās an extremely scary situation and I wish I had a family member to lean on during that dark time. Sheās lucky to have you in her life. 
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Thanks Lisa, thatās really kind. 
Day 15*
Itās finally time. Interest starting back up on student loans next week so I just destroyed my savings to pay them off in full. Hurts to see what Iāve worked so hard for just poof gone but I am trying to reframe that thinking to accomplishment.
Working on the house & meeting a sober friend for bowling this evening. Love me some candlepin. Good day all 
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No. It was actually just the opposite.
@Juli1
Hot showers. Very hot. Iād sit in a late afternoon hot shower on the shower bench if you got one. And cry. Usually I did this around happy hour-ish,before dinner. Iād try to relax and cry it out. I was so upset I cannot drink like a normal person. I did a lot of crying giving up my booze. It was hard.
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Days PMO free: Day 23
Days with PS5 in the closet to close the day: 31
Days went to bed the same time with my wife: 31
Just checking in.
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Checking in on day 33.
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0 days no marijuana
38.67days no ciggs
107.59 days no alcohol
My apologies
0 days no pot. The pot is mostly CBD with like 0.3% THC.
The scientific stuff is annoying to write. I wish I didnāt because it broke my streak of 8 days. I just got to take it easy and be ready for the next craving
I noticed I feel bad a lot of the time because I donāt feel good enough. I am good enough. That realization takes discomfort away and I really needed to realize this. This realization will help me at home, at work, at life.
You all are good enough also. I know this because I know myself and Iāve been in low places. Keep your heads up and never give up
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Day 173
Had a brilliant and sober night out yesterday with live music and a meal beforehand.
Spend the morning tidying the garden and got wet! Thank you british weather 
Really tired now, even without alcohol, Iām just getting too old for those nights out. Afternoon on the sofa it is: Netflix here I come!!! 
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Sober Saturday, checking in. 
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Yes a second or even third person to hear it from would be nice
I think if I do things that help others I think Iāll hear it more often
Even if I do little things for others, it could be mecserd for quite a bit
Something little to me could be enormous to someone else
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Checking in on day 46.
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18 days alcohol free. Iām so grateful we were able to give Smokey his medication this morning. It is really hard to give him oral meds but we got it second try. Have to do it for 13 more days though and monitor for neurotoxicity. Right now he is sleeping like a baby.
Have waves of panic about my job situation, not that I regret giving notice but the total uncertainty of what happens next. Itās a scary leap. But I did what I felt I had to do. One step at a time, one day at a time. I can do it all sober. Iām lucky to be alive and have options. Iām lucky to have a supportive partner. Lots and lots of gratitude for my life.
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@DryIn785 how are you Mark? Hope everything is going well with you health and treatment plans.
This is lovely Gen ā Yes, itās all about the changing of the mindset. You are rocking the 55 days my friend. Glad the meds and dosage are working for you. I wouldnāt be too worried about the clumsiness. Keep working on yourself and Iām sure this will get better too. Honestly, I am so clumsy myself but have found that Iām getting less clumsy by the day.
@just_laura Sending you strength my friend to get up and move differently and do some deep breathing to help alleviate the anxiety. I do know how exhausting it is to do a demanding on your feet high paced job and then find time to do more physical activity for yourself. Be kind to yourself and go slowly if you need to ā more yoga (stretching) or walks in open air.
You have a huge heart Sophia! Bless you my friend! I donāt know if I could talk on the phone for 2 hours with someone in a drunken state. Do remember that you too matter and take care of your mental state as well. Grateful that your husband is feeling better. That disturbing relationship with our DOC ā it feels good until it doesnāt and in the mean time its causing so much havoc to our mental, emotional and physical health. I do hope you can find another coping mechanism ā read a good book that takes you off to another land or be creative and let the artistic part of your brain do its magic (I know you have loads of creativity), spend time outdoors with nature and fresh air. Just donāt give into the lies that you can enjoy a little bit to escape cause that never ends well.
@icebear WOW 21 years smoke free! That is super impressive Drew ā way to go! We will be here for you ā lean on us however often and whenever you need.
You are anything but my friend. Iām sorry that you are being made to feel this way by your own way of thinking. Its Stinking Thinking as Eric would say! Jot down all that you have accomplished (I know that list is long). You are kicking ass with 224 days of sobriety ā doing so with all the challenges and anxiety you have faced. Try to practice some positive affirmations to get you out of this funk state of mind. Much love Amy ā you are crushing it!
@soberbilly Thankyou so much Billy ā appreciated reading your kind words this morning! ODAAT and the opposite of positivity is a place I donāt want to be ā nothing but darkness and hollowness there. Grateful that I am among so many beautiful souls here that make it easier to stay positive.
@wakikki my I just want to reach out and hug you! I do hope you do call a friend or someone to talk to. The isolation will eat you up and make things worse. I am here if you need to just talk / vent ā whatever. Much love my friend ā you are not alone in this and this too shall pass. 
@noshame I do think you need to focus on positive affirmations more. You most definitely are good enough and deserve a healthy addiction free lifestyle. List out some affirmation that you can recite each day (maybe multiple times in a day). Great job on getting back on the horse and working on the nasty addiction. ODAAT
@catmama23 glad you got Smokey meds ā hope he starts feeling better soon. I can understand the panic of change (even if it is leaving behind a toxic situation) ā you are doing great and your next chapter will be better.
Checking in on Saturday morning
My throat feels so much better ā amazing how quickly the body heals. I was able to do my RLT this morning and at least my lower back feels good right now (even 3 hours later) YEAH. Not sure whatās in store today but I know I will enjoy each moment of it. Have a wonderful addiction free day everyone ā sending much love
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Day 637
Just got back from Portugal, competition didnāt go quite as I had hoped, 2nd overall isnāt the result I wanted but Iāll take the victory in the individual Kumite discipline so I have a couple of trophies to add to my collection.
I thought I could step back into where I was 20+ years ago, there were some familiar faces but you realise when you have been out the loop of competing that sometimes talent is not enough, the hard work I put in wasnāt enough, however what it has given me is the desire to compete regularly and get back into the international competition circuit.
Feeling blessed to be back home, had a relaxing time whilst I was over there but back to the grind and work calls!
Strength and love to you all!
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