Can’t believe it’s been 70 days without alcohol. Wasn’t sure I would make it this far. I’m grateful that I have. I feel clarity in my mind and the ability to rationalize rather than fly off the handle. It’s allowing me to set boundaries where I need to and to enforce them.
I feel my intuition returning to new levels which I’m grateful for. I have had the ability over the last ten years to rely on it and to help me move in the direction I should. I’ve always had the ability to ask the Universe for assistance and she’s always responded accordingly with signs and gentle nudges. I’ve been completely it mostly shut down. So grateful it’s returning.
Thank you so much I dont have anyone, at least no one I want to talk to. I dont want to share my weakness with. I dont want no one to see inside me. I need to be like a stone looking from the outside.
Yes the addiction or dependents on marijuana is definitely not a suggested. I will admit I willingly picked it up. I just thought it would help. I feel like when I picked up and was in the moment it would help the day go by faster or better. To think that is crazy because it gets me high and that’s all; it may not be strong but I feel it. The day will play out the way God intended and that’s out of my control weather I like it or not.
It’s a pretty tough day at work today
I feel like co workers were watching me making sure I do things thinking I don’t do enough; I work my ass off and showed them and stood my ground. People like to talk about other people’s issues. If I am doing something wrong just tell me so I can fix it or try harder on other areas of my skills
So that’s my example of marijuana not doing anything to help my day. It just gets me high. No good but I’ll get through it today
Thank you Jenny, and @MrsOdh, @lorelai, @RosaCanDo, and @JazzyS I appreciate your guys feed back. My step mothers sister works at this college, so I’m going to talk to her and let her know how i am and see what suggestions she might have. She actually talked to me yesterday and was like are you excited lol. Yes of course I’m excited, to an extent. But boy I tell you i must of been drained from that yesterday, i went and got something to eat and as soon as i was done eating i passed out for the rest of the night and it was only like 5 o’clock. And i slept in until about 11 or so. Well I’ll take it while i can bc soon I’m going to be a busy busy boy. Thanks for helping me see the good in this guys, you all help me get through it and I’m forever grateful for that. Much love
I second what @Mno has said, as I can also relate and have had to let go of some of my perfectionist tendencies in order to feel a sense of achievement each day. I would struggle so much with my need for things to be perfect that I would procrastinate instead, nothing would be accomplished and I felt truly useless. I still do sometimes, but I try to start the day telling myself I’ll do the best I can today and that will be enough. Talking it out with my husband helps to get out of my own head. I am only sharing my experience, it might not be like yours, but I hope it helps a little.
You are not useless. There will always be more we can do. Try to see value intrinsic in you and not your productivity. We’re here for you.
Thank you.
I’m sure I will, there’s a lot of creative activities I like to do. But I’m so schooled into that everything has to be perfect, so I don’t really enjoy it. Because it’s not really relaxing. For example when we learned how to cross stitch (Mostly bibel verses, we where told that it should look as beautiful on the back as it did in the front, and if it didn’t we had to re-do it) The exception from that though is things like Holiday fun, Boo Buckets, decor, Kindness/Nice Elf on a shelf. Which I do for fun.
Maybe some day I’ll get over that feeling that it has to be perfect, but I’m not there yet.
At least I can talk about it nowdays and not feeling ashamed of it. And all of you amazing people here have been really helpful to get to that point.
I’m sorry that you’re not feeling well. Of you have a sore throat because of a cold,tea made with thyme and honey, or Indian chai with honey usually helps a little bit. (Authentic Gypsy KitchenWitch here )
Get well soon.
Morning check in Day 559
Morning TS! How is everyone today? Im feeling a bit tired this morning as I woke up at 5am and couldnt get back to bed. My mind was just going and i couldnt settle it. So i got out of bed earlier than usual and got ready for work. Did my morning routine on the train. At work now doing my usual cleaning as my client went for a home visit. Nice and quiet shift overall. Just wish i had more energy. I dont feel as anxious about my sons schooling anymore. Grateful that God has given me a sense of reassurance and peace. Nothing much else to report right now. Just going to finish my work shift and head home to my family. Have a great saturday everyone
Thank you Bill! No o believe I was referencing some of my coworkers. Or, it could have been my daughter in law. She’s up to her shenanigans again trying to cause issues between me and my son. She must have done something that she’s trying to deflect so trying to create frame elsewhere.
Yes my intuition has saved me too for sure. Have a wonder day and thank you for all of your support.
That’s really good advice, thank you. I have this whole thing in my head of things I need to get done, specifically work, keeping up with chores, walking the dog, preparing for an English test so I can go into uni… there’s a lot on my plate and I’m just so tired.
My time management is shit and I’m starting to feel overwhelmed by everything.
Now that I’m sober I wanna go out there and do things… I think my existential crisis from a few weeks back is still in full swing.
It doesn’t help that I pulled a muscle in my back this morning and I’m in a ridiculous amount of pain.
I’m also having second thoughts about this whole university thing. I don’t know if I’m capable of that level of commitment with my mental health conditions.
The truth is I’m seriously mentally ill and who’s to say I can keep this magical period of stability for long enough to get a degree.
So yeah… this reply was a lot longer than I was anticipating it to be.
Evening checkin.
Day 12 and I had my first craving.
It was huge, directly but short.
I managed it, am back home now.
No shit in the fridge.
But my fridge is rich (foodies threat)
I started the work of my recovery program, to take inventory. Inventory of the suffering my addiction caused. It’s several topics… And just the first one caused over 30 points of suffering. Thinking about it while doing my stuff, there are more and more coming up. All good reasons for my commitment. I complied today! As promised this morning.
In the evening I was pulled down by some behavior of a guy that could be categorised as toxic friendship with physical interests. I didn’t cancel this content. I know it’s dangerous although I tried to stop my romantic feelings. It’s codependency and love addiction. And what causes addiction? Suffering. In this case I have physical symptoms, like a real bad gut feeling and anxiety. Would a healthy friendship or relationship cause such feelings? Nope.
Well checking in day 94. Boy did i sleep in, ate some food last night around 5 and then passed out and didn’t wake up until about 11. But I’m up now and just double checking all my school email and making sure I’m not missing anything. I need to go get some notebooks, other than that I’m enjoying the day and doing some laundry, washing my bedding too, and making sure i stay on top of that so i dont ever have sweaty yucky bedding. Missing my girls like crazy today, I hope they are having fun days. I hope you all are having awesome sober Saturday’s as well. Much love everyone
Still trucking along, i think about you guys and this place and have been lurking on and off, want to start engaging more again.
I’m working harder than i have in…ever really. Doing my therapy work stuff which includes meditating, journaling, daily workout, mapping my daily/weekly planner out, scheduling time to consciously relax and pursue hobbies, and not eating after 6.
It sounds like a lot, and it is in the beginning. Embracing the truth that my mind w/bipolar 1 requires extra effort and diligence is the biggest part. Paying attention to my highs and lows and the occasional in between lulls is still a work in progress but I’ve gotten a lot better than I’ve ever really been.
My therapist said I’ve reached a point where i only need 2 appointments a month verses 4 or 5, which is a cool thing. I just have to do more steady work having “graduated” into a more stable place in my life. I still treat every day like it could be the one if i don’t do the things. I am happier than I’ve been in an unknown amount of time though.
Here’s to every day, and I’m going to keep up here more often
Checking in.
Good day, depression symptoms aren’t so bad but Im a little flat emotionally. Not crying or mad, but can’t really smile. Feel like a brick😂
Reminding myself to see my addict voice for what it is, a ghost of a life I hated.
Again, being here inspires me to go through life, not around it. I like to tell myself through is harder, but around is no life at all.
I’m alive❤ No longer my own prisoner
I’m here for myself filled to the brim with love and acceptance for myself. And i will no longer hold the door open to the hell of negative thinking and rumination. Closing time! Forever please😂
Thank you! It always feels like too long, and this place was really critical in the first big stretch of getting sober so it holds a special place in my heart
)
Morning check in 
and thanks for being here
(foodies threat)
