Checking in daily to maintain focus #57

Life in Recovery
2105

@timetochange Sorry to hear about the past – you have come a long way and I am grateful for your 66 days of sobriety! Love that you are trying to jump back into learning a new language. I hope you have fun with it and love that you are rewarding yourself with a trip in February – great motivation!

Man this is a huge achievement and definitely needs to be brought to light. The tiredness is totally understandable with all that you have done – I do hope that it does not morph into fatigue. Get some well deserved rest my friend.
@karenkw glad the travel went smoothly Karen. Like Billy said – enjoy your “mom” time and have a great time yourself.
@catmancam Thanks friend! Sounds rough all around. Are you able to let them know online that you a have not been able to get in touch with the nurse for over 2 weeks due to issues with phone service and need to have a different way to communicate with the nurse? As for the delivery issue – that sucks! Been through that and once I even waited on the porch and still got undeliverable message – so annoying. I do hope you get your package before you have to head out tomorrow. May I say DAMN the kids – some assholes are just that – plain assholes. I think you’ve handled it well and I do hope they fucking quit with that shit asap. Not that you should have to but are you able to do a different route (more for your own sanity). Hope everything goes well with your therapy tomorrow.

Tuesday evening check in -
251 alcohol and weed free
666 cigarette free

i for some reason thought i was at 9 weeks but today marks 12 weeks of my gluten free diet – i have decided to keep going with this till they can figure out cause of inflammation or at least until inflammation goes down. I spent the morning doing some deliveries and then spent time with parents - grocery shopping and took them to my favorite Japanese restaurant. It was a lovely afternoon. We did try to go for a walk in my favorite park but my body had too much excitement for today so we did like a 10 min loop - plus it was getting hot. All in all a great day. Hoping everyone had a wonderful addiction free day - sending you all much love :heart: :heart:

22 Likes
2107

Thanks Billy - stay safe my friend :pray:

4 Likes
2108

I believe in you :hugs:

7 Likes
2109

21 days AF. It has been really tough the last couple of days. My mind has been doing the funky boogie woogie (my new nickname for stinkin’ thinkin’). I’ve been isolating (no meeting last two days) but I’ve talked to my sponsor, daily gratitudes, and reading the daily meditations for steps 1-3. Tomorrow 9am meeting. I know my issues are driven by myself and my ego. But I can still do the right thing and not pick up a drink. I wouldn’t do that to my family and also, oh yeah, MYSELF! :yellow_heart: we all deserve sober lives!

Job anxiety ongoing, but I just focused on what I needed to get done today. Smokey’s meds are going well but it is still a stressful process. Hope everyone is safe and well.

26 Likes
2110

I don’t know if I’m the only one or am I overreacting or is it just something that can piss anyone off.

Friday night I worked late, two of the guys closing up asked if I wanted to go to the bar/restraunt club whatever it is across the street, one of the guys from our shop is now the manager there so yeah why not, we can shoot ball, check out the live music and atmosphere count me in

They order, and I said yeah I’ll have a coke please, bartender replies what do you want in it? I said nothing just coke, again she’s like what you don’t want anything in it? Yeah maybe some ice if your feeling generous no alcohol I don’t drink, which kinda gave a puzzled look but whatever

So we’re playing darts, and my coworker said you really don’t drink huh? I said no, I have three years and some change sober. Not planing to change that, he’s like really that’s fucking awesome, no big deal

Then the other one chimed in, with “yeah I was an alcoholic, but I’m better now, I leaned how to Control it ” and I about lost my mind

This is the problem with addicts of any form, along with a “it’s a choice” the general consensus thinks it’s just cured, like you get a cold, here’s some medicine rest up and drink fluids for a week and it cycles, nah shits like diabetes or cancer, your never cured you just manage symptoms or go into remission.

I am not proud of being an alcoholic or addict, it sucks but it’s part of who I am. But when people think that it’s a cured disease, like yeah I beat it I can consume alcohol with discipline, it drives me absolutely insane. I know there is no cure, it’s a lifelong battle, we can oñly treat the symptoms

33 Likes
2111

Thank you! I really appreciate it :heart:

4 Likes
2112

Day 515

Doing good, been keeping up with most of my little “sanity tasks”, plus cleaned up my house and did a bunch of dishes/reclaimed the kitchen. Tomorrow is my food prep day, i have to restock my freezer and fridge or else we end up spending way too much on take out and my gut gets angry.
I’ll be making black beans, rice, lentils, quinoa, chicken in a couple different ways, and my custom yogurt bowls (a recipe cultivated and perfected over time). Aside from the yogurt bowls I’ll mix and match the rest to create a bunch of freezable meals we can just microwave.

Other than the usual, I have been meaning to post the rest of this for a few days now.
I’m struggling with what has to be some sort of unfortunate milestone in longer sobriety. I always have fleeting moments of “just one hit”, but lately, like the past week-ish, it’s just been ten-fold on my mind in the most annoying way.
I’ve been using all my tools, and honestly had to struggle through replacing food as the stand-in vice. It’s been weird feeling “itchy” like this again, but like i stated a few days ago, I’m not about to give up my numbers for “just a hit”.
Getting these “it’s been long enough and i can manage it now” intrusive thoughts has been exhausting, but i AM combating them with the big stick of addiction recovery skills i have gathered over the last 16.5 months.
Anyways, that’s why i decided getting back on track with coming here daily would be a good add on. I’m okay now, and I’ll keep going on. addiction is just the annoying Orange in my brain and I’m just gonna have to keep ignoring it.

21 Likes
2114

Hey Thanks Dana! Appreciate the shoutout @JazzyS @CATMANCAM
Hit a meeting this afternoon to stay focused, nice crowd. Stacked up another 24hrs today. Have a good night crew :v:

6 Likes
2115

I have had the same trouble around 12 days clean. Multiple times lately, I would open up to self sabotage and the exit strategies from sobriety. We can learn from each others success and struggles, that’s what this group is about.
Phrase caught my attention at a recent meeting when someone read “how it works”. It was the part “ Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.” The word absolutely rang in my ears… that is the level of commitment I was not reaching. Not quitting after a holiday or the Super Bowl or until I get pissed off but … absolutely.
Wish you well Julia, keep learning and keep reaching up :v:

7 Likes
2116

Congrats on your 3 weeks - i am so sorry for the past few days! any reason for the isolation? glad that you are doing your other rituals to keep you on the sober path. i know that the meetings seemed to help- hopefully tomorrow’s meeting will be a good start to get back to it. Much love my friend - sending strength :muscle:

hope things go well with Smokey :crossed_fingers:

7 Likes
2117

not alone here - that would totally piss me off as well.

totally agree and i wish others would see alcoholism for what it is. sorry that you had to experience such bs tonight!

6 Likes
2118

your number is impressive Marianna

i am sorry that the feelings / urges / voices are so persistent. glad that you are back on track by coming here daily and staying active here (it has been my saving grace). Do you also have any other support systems in place? meetings, therapist, counselor? we are here love - i do hope it gets easier. sending you some strength :muscle:

4 Likes
2119

Thank you! And yeah, I do have a pretty good support network which makes things a lot easier. My therapist also has a similar diagnosis to my own so it does make discussing the struggles a little bit easier.
My husband and the rest of my family have been really supportive through the whole process, and I think another reason I keep on persisting is the thought of how I would feel if I had to tell them I had broken my sobriety.
I think it’s just a moment where I’m going to have to figure out what’s going on underneath that’s making this come up, and I will keep on trying to sort that out in the meantime.
Thanks again so much and yeah I’m definitely glad to be back!

5 Likes
2120

Greetings
Today was a pretty good day. The sun shone all day. I got fed good food by two of my clients. I went on a 30 minute service call and got $100 tip. Then I spent the rest of my day on the roof of a million dollar house. When I got home I pissed off all my people. The last few weeks has been about setting boundaries, the more I do it the better it feels. Everybody hates me and I just don’t fuckin care!! Hahahaha
Checking in
393 days no booze
11 days no tobacco
We’re all gonna die but not today, thank you all for being a part of my recovery.

17 Likes
2121

This is one of those live and let live situations. You know what you are. Same as me. It took a long time for me to accept that I have to be done drinking, forever. I was in denial for a very long time believing I could control it.

I understand how frustrating it is to hear people say untrue things about a disease you have. Especially when you learned the truth the hard way. They just haven’t gotten there yet. When I see people like this, I feel sorry for them. I pray to myself they won’t fall as far as I did before they realize.

Anger feels awful. Don’t waste your mental energy on something you can’t change. Live and let live :pray:

12 Likes
2122

I can relate Curtis. People without boundaries don’t like it when we set them. I’m experiencing the same thing right now. Family members not supporting me and then blaming me for cutting them off.

7 Likes
2123

Day 73

Crazy busy at work and no desire to drink. Supposed to pick up my parents ashes tomorrow from my sons front porch. I refuse to meet with my DIL without my son present. I’m hoping she follows the plan but my intuition tells me she’s going “accidentally forget”. Pray I’m wrong.

Thank you for all of the support. I’m so grateful for everyone here.

16 Likes
2124

I was so tired this morning. I slept fine. Woke up, made/ate breakfast, and then layed down on the couch. I had more energy after I slept a bit but then I had to get ready for work. I hate doing that when my daughter’s home bc that’s all I used to do every day for years. I’d love when she went back to school bc I could sleep ALL day. Ugh. Such a waste. This year I’m planning to get some much needed detail cleaning done while she’s at school when my job starts slowing down. And if I need a quick nap from time to time I won’t beat myself up about it.

I’ve been noticing a lot of movies on Netflix that I gave a :+1: to but don’t remember watching. I must’ve watched them blacked out. At least there’s a bigger selection for me when I can’t decide what to watch, lol.

Anyway. Hope everyone has a great day/night! Keep up the good fight :heart:

16 Likes
2125

Thank you so much

5 Likes
2126

That’s inspiring.

I thought it’s absolutly… And I am more reliable. But I didn’t sit down and ask myself whatsup long enough. 2 minutes was not enough before hurrying to the shop. I still want to be clean!

Thank you so much BT :hugs:

6 Likes