Day 121 no weed and day 142 with no pills…school is starting for my kids this week. My daughter is going to high school and my son in his class for kids with spécial needs in a new school…i still dont know what time the transport is coming to pick him up tomorrow…i caught a cold last week…and i still dont feel at my best…im at a new job and i am not in formation anymore so ill be alone this week…all of these changes are great, i know i am Lucky and greatful… but still, sometimes i feel my anxiety kicking in and then comes a rage for smoking…im happy because these situations give me opportunities to try things to help me calm down and deal with things sober…but i have to tell you guys…its a hard time for me theses days…just feels good to write it down…and its nice to read you guys…it helps me a lot
I wish all of you a great day, take care 🫶🏻
Morning Check In
Day 561
Goooood morning everyone! Hope youre all doing well. Im feeling alright today i guess. Day just started but i did complete my workout at 6am, so thats good. I have alot to do today… mainly preparation for my sons first day at school (this thursday). We are still working out the bussing transportation issue so i am hoping that i hear something about that today. Thats the final piece of the puzzle.
Today i am also going to work on a new chapter of my DBT book. I think its about Dialectical Thinking and Observing. So it fits perfectly into what happened yesterday. Will also make time to do my morning recovery routine. Hope everyone has a fantastic Monday! 
@binx how are you doing love?
@jennyh hope you have a brilliant time exploring London.
@sissychril39 Well done on your 1 week Sheena!
@sadmemequeen I do hope the app helps out as well as working through creating healthier eating habits with your therapist
@catmancam thanks friend – throat is feeling much better now. Glad you had a good time with the Pokemon Go Fest. Sounds like a fun packed weekend.
@butterflymoonwoman it is understandable to want to eat everything when you’ve had a super busy day and not eaten properly throughout. Please do not be hard on yourself over this reset – I think you are doing amazingly well. Love the new chapter for today 
@goku2019 oh I know how low vitatmin d levels can fuck you up big time. I do hope you are starting to feel somewhat better already! Good luck with the celiac disease results and getting to the root cause of your health concerns. Great job on 680 days and love that you are able to spend so much time with the family – I’m sure the kids are thrilled!
@toka how are you doing my friend?
@sabrina80 ah I’m sorry you are still testing positive and still feeling ill. YES – it’s more important to take care of your health than try to return to work early. Wishing you good rest and a healthy quick recovery. just saw your update - damn i’m surprised at your coworker wanting to return when still feeling ill and being pregnant.
@rosacando great catch indeed – love the number! Grateful that your house is feeling more and more like your home. What a lovely feeling!
Day 21sober check in. Hope everyone has a good week!
sorry you didn’t get much sleep – I know how taxing a busy day can be with little sleep and a stiff neck. Maybe if you have time try to put a warm cloth on your neck to soothe the muscles.
I hope all went well with you zoom meeting and also good luck with your class today!
It is totally normal for us to start romanticizing our addiction days and behavior when we are low on sleep and irritated – there was nothing good about those times. Whatever version of you that you enjoyed at that time you can be and flourish in with your sober self. 
@juli1 HELL YEAH – Lets celebrate your 2 weeks of sobriety by continuing to fight for a healthier sober lifestyle. So proud of you my friend!
You know this is a great question. I had 2 years of not smoking and after a dissociative episode I had gone through 10 cigs in one sitting – it then took me decades to quit again. I’m not sure if that is an excuse or what but do know that I am more vigilant than ever in being in the present now. Being aware of my surroundings and actions. It is ODAAT and we need to be on top of our addictions at all times. You just keep working all the tools and keep up with your support system and you will flourish as your name suggests!
@saturn81 Grateful that you have come back here and are picking up on square 1. Do you know what led you to the bender and how to avoid in the future? The first few weeks / month is very tough and its more dedicated to trying to overcome your set in routines and behaviors. Don’t beat yourself up over this but concentrate on your sobriety with full force.
@mrsodh damn your boss really is not doing a damn thing in actually coordinating schedules or maintaining a smooth working environment. Grateful that you are so flexible and have a good attitude about it – I’m sure it is very frustrating. I agree that your boss is a JERK.
@2jtravnz Sorry Travis – I know that couldn’t have been easy. You do need to protect yourself and your family. Grateful you were able to come here to vent. Great progress with 343 days AF.
@wakikki So very proud of all your sober time and keeping it with all that you are going through! Honestly you are amazing. I do hope that your doctor’s appointment goes well today 
that you do get some answers or at least a plan of attack to figure out what is going on. I am here love – reach out if you need to
@noshame you are doing great with all your timers – well done on not asking for a cig – I know that can take a lot of strength.
@rob11 I am so proud of you sticking with the treatment center. Sorry that the surroundings are a bit much – I do hope that things get easier for you. I do think that this place could be helpful for you. Sending you strength to stick with it a little longer. Hope you start feeling the results soon.
@deelzebub that yoga class sounds perfect. A great way to get out and schedule something (for yourself) and also relax and enjoy the calming effects. I do hope you keep up with this and possibly the Thursday one as well – could be exactly what is needed atm.
@thumper1213 congrats on your 3 weeks of sobriety! Keep it up 
Checking in on Monday afternoon
I am struggling to set a set schedule for myself – I feel like I’m letting my symptoms become an excuse. Its already 12:30 here and i can’t say i’ve accomplished a lot. i am going to try to turn this around Its a beautiful Monday here and i do hope to make the most out of it
Hoping everyone has a wonderful addiction free day! Sending everyone much love 
We had this discussion at work today as well. Me and my colleagues that is. My boss is actually not doing anything. She was supposed to be present at today’s planning, but she choosed to work from home because it could be done via zoom.
I have no idea how she got that position to start with.
Anyway I went to the janitor and school board office during my lunch break and fixed so I got that key, without my boss. If she gets mad about that she’s welcome to fire me. And of she does I’ll report her workplace mess and attitude to the union, and to the school board.
That’s the attitude I have about it.
Love my job, love my colleagues at both preschools and I know they have my back about it. So I don’t really worry. 
Hope you’ll get better soon. One thing you can try to do, is to schedule one fun thing the first thing you do. And one fun thing the last thing you do. Things tend to go easier that way.
@JazzyS Unfortunately, I know exactly what you mean. I also have some dissociative phases and am therefore even more sure that the addiction is taking advantage of it. Maybe I really should (even if it sounds like a hard and brutal step backwards) start again from day 0 and try to stay present. Odaat but it’s hard for me… does anyone have any tips?
Second check in:
Thanks @JazzyS for your encouraging words. Hope you enjoy the rest of your day with schedule or schedule free. This is the only place I feel I can share freely about my feelings. Tried to my parents yesterday, but is just not working resulting in disappointment. It’s the worst day so far, and really struggled to get back yesterday. Since a week I’m from my PTSS meds. Don’t know exactly what they did, that’s way they took me off them. Know experiencing my ADHD mind in full swing again. It obviously blocked that a bit as well. It’s as they think the centre problem. The rest results from it. I’m the only one walking around without meds here right now (except for my thyroid), with a mind that let’s everything in unfiltered. So having fun, and the rest is functioning at the speed of a turtle, while my mind is at stop speed currently. Everybody is here for a reason I know that, but that’s just how I experience things. It wears me out at the moment. Still believe in the approach but pieew I have to digest when I’m out of here.
I would not go backwards love…not when you are here and in the present? Why would you do that to yourself?
Keep aware of your surroundings…go to many many meetings and stay present here among all the threads- do what you can to feel the support and be around those that will lift you up.
Stay strong my friend…going back to day 0 is your addict voice playing games. Do not engage
Yes it can take lots of strength
I also have motivation from my wife and her family. They are so proud I haven’t smoked a cigg. No1 in her family smokes ciggs or vapes so to be able to be a part of that is huge for me
Your doing amazing as well
You always compliment others in their achievements.
Good work on accepting that today is a bit of a struggle then working on fixing the issue. When I’m having a bad day at work I just accept it then when I finally realize it, my day gets a little better with a little will power
Have a good day
Mmmmm cake! What kind?
glad you were able to get the key made. The boss not attending the meeting and working on zoom from home is a bit of a joke.
glad you do get along with your coworkers and do enjoy your jobs
thanks for the tip - i will try doing just that. 
Even though in spirit I agree with you, I still feel the need to say that doing the dishes and vacuuming were two things I really needed to accomplish today. But also did quite a lot of nothing. Which was nice.
Checking in, doing pretty good, its finally cold again im so thankful
At day 505 AF
Woke up with crazy feeling of having had drinks and smokes night before, guess alarm clock went off right when I was at a weird stage in my dreams.
Happy it was just a moment and then I realized that time is luckily long gone.
Well so far its been a productive day. Got to read some of my syllabus for English 101 and I’m already pretty confused. Probably will talk to my English teacher tomorrow and just see if she can explain it better to me. Mondays and Thursdays I plan on going in early from 9 to 12 for tutoring in writing. Im about to start my hus 101 class and I’m ready as ill ever be. I really will try my but off, i hope as long as I’m putting in effort something good will come. Yeah, sorry i am talking about is so much, I’m just really excited and so many other emotions right now lol. Did get to do a small tattoo today, nothing special but still its done now
Thanks so much, had a brilliant time, just got home. The boat trip and Tower of London were my favourite (picture on the boat of the Tower) Loved being proper tourists for the day.
Made 20k steps too so will sleep well tonight 
Thank you so much for the recommends there about the thread & also for sharing your story on that page. I am GEARING up for it, but I can also feel the TALONS pf the smoke…i think more so then ever before. I am smoking more then ever before and watching myself it is more between 5-8 a day then 4-8. And if I make it all day, i will sit and smoke 2 or 3 IN A ROW. I
LORDY. I am just…i feel it. I dont want to smell of it, want tp be healthy but you know i feel i need a vice 
im sort of joking but also i have come to understand that Im sort of not. Plenty of other vices to choose from I suppose, and want to kick this puppy. I want to keep talking abput it here, bc I know a lot of you get it.
Ooooo my weird drinks LOL. I make ginger turmeric shots with lemon, pineapple juice, and olive oil/pepper. I was making beet ones as well, with blue berry juice (but the blueberry juice was too expensive). I like the little health shot. Anpther one I havent done in a while, but want to get back to are my ACV cocktails…so 1 tbsp or 2 of ACV, honey to taste, an orange and lemon juiced (or half each), sprinkle of cinammon and a bit of water. You can mess around with measurements and ingredients to find what you like. If I buy a watermelon that is no good for eating (that pulpy weirdness omg soooo disappointinf when that happens!) I juice it and drink it. Cucumber and mint juiced also, and a CELERY BASIL JUICE if youre feeling extra 
I dont have a juicer but I just blend them up and strain, or use cheese cloth. To be clear I am not doing all of these all the time, but I do enjoy them. Especially the ginger turmeric shots. Im hoping to get into my teas this year with fall coming. I used to get soooo in to my teas for fall and winter, but I find little things for me I was cutting out feeling like I didnt have the time or too lazy to go the extra step to add cinammon to my coffee or boil the kettle. Really just want to keep my self care going, and allow it to go with the ebb and flow of my life…I am learning about taking it easy on myself and it isnt even just practice not perfection (the point of practicing to me was to reach this elusive perfection or come near to it), its just that life is ebb and flow. Xo.
Checking in on Day 55 and what a day it has been. We have kicked off our week off in a good way. London was brilliant, but we all agree we need a break from it now 
So much history there, just love it. @Mindofsobermike don’t ever apologise for being excited about learning and sharing that. I find it contagious and inspiring. I am exactly the same when starting a new course, or when I read a really good book/article that just clicked. Enjoy that excitement and you may be encouraging someone else.
Have a good evening everyone.