Days PMO free: Day 27
Days with PS5 in the closet to close the day: 35
Days went to bed the same time with my wife: 35
Just checking in this morning.
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Day 23 Sober check in
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Day 984,
Finally some movement. As of Friday Iâll start again with some ADHD medication. Hopefully this will give me some peace of mind. My head still makes over hours. Next week also will discuss how long they still want me to stay. Might be another 4 weeks. Hope the medication also helps with coping better and filter a bit what comes in and out. The positive thing is that they monitor the medication side of things, for the rest there are hardly any 
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Greetz 
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Whoa!
How beautiful.
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Checking in, my body is so very tired since it has gotten cold but I feel sooo good and comfy!
Am experiencing next to no symptoms currently which is insanely amazing and completely different and im so thankful. Im mesmerized by wonder everywhere.
Wanted to cancel my second appointment with the therapist. again.
I called yesterday, he didnt pick up. Which was very lucky bc by now I have decided that I will go tomorrow after all.
What helped me make my decision was reading that one of my favorite tv show writers (dan harmon) went to eight different therapists. And they even wrote an episode about therapy (rick and morty idk which one), which was so amazing to watch, in general, even before I ever considered going. Kudos to famous people coming out about going to therapy.
I still have doubts and inhibitions about going, but had the groundbreaking idea to share them with the therapistđ
Alright so Iâll swallow my ego and be honest:
Big part of my problem is that I like to think that im smart, and so the thought of another person knowing better about me than me, nags at my ego. Also: I feel discomfort that someone will intimately know how my mind works and what it thinks.
Idk.
Then again I read that therapists are also just people with different degrees of understanding patients. And that they will say a bunch of stuff and some things will not fit while other things will stick with you, so its like a buffet of mental health. With hopefully at least some remaining privacy?
Iâm hoping that no therapist on earth can fully see through another persons mind bc I dont want thatâŚ
Iâm hoping im not alone with this way of thinking.
Sending hugs, love and thankfulness for this community.
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Checking in day 324
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I totally get the constantly trying with friends thing. There comes a time where you just say âthatâs enoughâ. Sometimes I feel a text message every now and then is just for the sake of it, because I feel I ought to keep in touch.
How did the comp go? Iâve missed a few days of postsâŚ
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Checking in on day 66, so far the day is going well
Hope everyone has a great day 
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Good morning everyone,
Kids are off to school and I have to say I feel somewhat lost. I have spent so much of this past year and a half solely focused on my nephew and family care needs, that taking a step back feels very strange. I need to find that Quinten Tarantino meme because that is me right now, but my lists are miles long. Have to remember, lists in life never get shorterâŚand thats just life! And to take one day and step at a time.
Husband is clearing out the basement to make a work space, and to get started on his new business. I am all in for him there, and love the idea of his doing this for himself and us. My next step is to enroll in the book keeping course, and I think I am also going to start beading and possibly selling those things at a farmera market. I know there is a good chance I will need to take a job to keep us afloat, and I am prepared to do that. Its an exciting adventure for both of us, but also we have to remember that there will be downs and things not working out without it letting us to feel we are getting hammered and that thinfs will never work out. Thats the thing about having had a rough ass time, is that the blows and feel like they are all just adding up and that thought can creep in that life is hard af on you and isnt fair.
Both my parents used to say the fairs in town once a year and costs $5 to get in at the time I thought that was an annoying thing to say, but its true. Doesnt really matter what is fair, what matters is feeling a bit grateful each day and if you dont knowung that if youre open to it, could be a better day tomorrow. Felt i should check in here today bc Im fewling a bit out of fuckinf sorts. A bit risky here, but you know whatâŚit was a bit of a risk move to move out in the country from the city, and it was overwhelming and isolating at firstâŚbut we took a chance on something wr thought COULD be for us. And guess what?? We love it. Best risk i ever took. Sometimes it turns out that way.
Love you all & xo.
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I was told once that there are many types of friends, and they often fall into 3 categories: seasons, reasons and the lifers. Weâre lucky to find lifers, but manybpeople are just in our life for a season or reason. It can be hard letting go, but sometimes it is best and it opens us up for new connections with others who value our time and friendship. Sadly, relationships can run their course. Xo. Congrats on all those ODAAT added up you are doing amazing!! Xo.
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I am not sure if it is my place to say this, but having Aspergers and ADHD does not mean the problem is you and I am sorry that society and others send that message to you. Just wanted to say that. The problem is our world, and a lack of understandong and acceptance of others who are neurodivergent. And I think others on this platform should also be mindful about reinforcing the idea that you should always look inward - yes, we have to find solutions, but that does not always mean that the problem is you. It is not wrong to acknowledge when others are not behaving well towards you, that is not blaming. People with Autism already internalize enough that the problem is them. Hope you are finding your community here & wishing you another 24 xo.
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Checking in. Read something a place that I thougth maybe was a part of all my pains and symptoms that doctor dont find any medical reason for and say is anxiety. Maybe it is and I have this because Im punishing my self because of guilt,that I desvere this because of things I have done and feel bad for, everydayâŚ
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I can understand the shock when you do find yourself being able to move and do things that were so utterly impossible. I am so thrilled for you! I know it comes and goes and we need to be vigilant. We do need to get rid of the âpush throughâ mentality as hard as that is.
I did have a really bad episode about 10 years ago where I couldnât move for about a month and took another 6 to get my energy back to normal. It was a super scary time in my life and you know what â as soon as I was functioning again â I totally forgot about what I had been through and continued with my insane work schedules. I do hope that i have the sense this time when i do heal from this that i do not go back to my old ways.
I totally get what you are trying to convey in your posts and also know the relief you are feeling from healing from this condition. You are totally right about taking cues from your body and listening to it. Glad you are seeing benefits to the diet.
Much love my friend - hope you have a wonderful day!
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@bjonns Hey friend â you should be proud that you are getting right back on the sobriety track and making an appointment with a counselor and coming here to check in. I do believe you can beat this demon with vigilance and support. You know that you are not being true to yourself if you are having to sneak around. We are here for you.
Great Marianna â so thrilled to hear about your support at home and with your therapist. Do hope that you can figure out the trigger. Proud of how well you are handling it and utilizing your tools.
@curtis-81 sounds like a fantastic day even with the pissing off of people â hell with those that canât respect boundaries. You protect that sobriety of yours and keep kicking ass.
@danam56 so happy to hear that you will finally be able to pick up the ashes and have your parents with you. I do hope that all goes smoothly for you today. 
@brokenwolf seems to me that you have gone above and beyond for these friendships. You donât need these type of thoughtless people in your life. I do now see you as awkward or weird. Are you able to join meet up groups in your area to connect with people that might have similar interests. I do know how socializing is super important.
@1in8billion been missing your check inâs friend- hope you are doing well
@soberbilly grateful that it turned into a minor storm and you are safe!
@sabrina80 glad you were able to get out grocery shopping today â feeling any better? The 333 is an awesome number my friend. Do not look at that scale â with covid you could still be inflamed and that is what is reflecting on the scale. Just take care of you and get healthy. You look beautiful!
@mia2 grateful that the universe didnât let you cancel the appointment. Have you started looking into multiple therapists to weed out who you fit with the best? Yes â we are all just humans and sometimes the therapist can see an outsiders view of our lives and help us untangle our mess more easily. Not that they can see into our minds but rather maybe with the training they have be able to better guide us to where we need to go. Our own minds and experiences take it from there and make it work. Glad you are symptom free today .
@mira_d I do hope that by checking in you are feeling a bit more âin sortsâ. I loved the 3 categories of friendships and wow â that totally made sense. Hope you find time for you while the kids are off at school. Love the idea of beading and selling at Farmers Markets or possibly even Etsy.
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Huh â that is an idea. Guilt can be so damaging indeed. Are you able to work on forgiving yourself? You are no longer that person. You are working on yourself and being the best version of you today. It is time to let go and stop punishing yourself. You deserve to be a happy and healthy. Maybe write out all the things that you think are causing the guilty feelings and make amends with yourself for each of them. Big hugs my friend 
Just saw Billyâs post and it is spot on!
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Hey @Fury,
Love the name BTW 
Im not sure if this is helpful at all if not you BLOW RIGHT ON PAST ME
Honestly comments that people target towards me, they can be hard and depending how they are saidâŚi mean there can be room for interpretation. Im not sure he needed or didnt need to share anything, but he did.
Thing is, there are all kinds of people on ALL kinds of journeys. And life is so different for so many of us, and hes just in a different place in his journey then you. He may not be drinking like he used to, and he may never again. He may come to a place where he needs help, he may not and he may quit again, he may not. Its hard when we feel like someone elses stuff is being directed at us (youre not drinking bc youre the alcoholic which means you have no self control, whereas I can drink again bc I no longer drink alcoholically). I think what would have pissed me off is that the comment reallllllly didnt need to be made, and sounds more like hes got something going on in his brain about what youre doing that he could not do. I know it may seem like its directed the one way, IM FINE U HAVE AN ISSUE but the way I read that, knowing us problem users, is that he feels some type a way about himself and hearing about your sobriety brought it out of him. I vould TOTALLY BE WRONG.
Im not saying not to let it piss you offâŚwe dont deserve all the stigma and judgment that has been lobbed at us and it is hard to shake. BUT, marinade in it and i hope you realize that hey man, hes on his own journey. Maybe hes doing whats right for him, and Im doing wtf is right for me. And in response to comments like that I just be like: âoh thats really great. Im enjoying my life so much right now, i may never go back even if i could!â Theres really just no response to that. Youre doing you, hes doing him and I think his comment was more about what seeing you and your ability to decline alcohol and even be like âyeh im 3 yrsâ obvs made him feel something or he would have said not one thing.
Anyway. Keep at it. You bring that FURY & FIRE to the next 24 & thanks for sharing. Oh also, im the legend of an Angry Blond so like I share this perspective with you but I got to remember this shit too when these interactions happen. People say all kinds of dumb things, and Im learning to just let it go. Sometimes
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I saw 999 too today. Itâs a good day and a good sign
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Thank you, I will indeed work on this
Thank you for sharing. The nervous system is absolutley very complex, its so much more then I could ever imagine. I read and learn, but it so so much.
@JazzyS it is an idea rigth?When I read it, it just hit so hard, and I was like Maybe thats whats going on.
I have hard time forgiving my self, Im not the person I was and Im working hard with my self.
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Day 507
Is a bit challenging at work, hoping I end the week without feeling completely overwhelmed.
Sometimes by the time I hit the weekend I am too tired to do much else besides resting at home.
Maybe I need some time off 
Hope everyone having a decent day today
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