5 Days sober and yesterday (9/6) was my birthday. I think as long as I stay focused and remember why I’m doing this I’ll be okay!
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Welcome back.
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Woooohooo!
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If I do something I always have a deep meaning connected to it. About 16 years ago / 4 years of panic attacks / benzos addiction / and / depression caused by sinking deeper and deeper into despair. Never lost Hope. Always was seeking for Higher Power (although) at that point I had different believes. I always was into art too. I remember I was creating a lot at that time. I have a lot of spiritual friends. One special friend, more like an spiritual path passenger (I would call him). Never forgot what advice he gave me on art and creativity. He said: 'It is good that you create, but you always need to ask about the purpose of what you create and where it comes from and does it glorifies Higher Power / God". There are a lot of art and music that comes from darkness / glorifies Flesh. That gives very strong and negative effect for surroundings, especially youth. Few days ago I had a reading about how we should pay attention to our words. What comes easy from our mouth stays in the world, in peoples Hearts. Even to this day I remmeber clearly what that friend said pretty clearly. We need to be more mindful about our surroundings, actions. Art. Creativity, as it creates Our Reality.
Same goes about love and sexuality. In deepest form that love actually is an inertia towards God. Yet it depends on our conciousness how we express that. That feelings even can become inverted / perverted. In todays western world it is really wisible. At some point that is again a consequence of art / music / culture.
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Day 341
I’m on my way to work, yes I could have stay at home this week too but I need something to do 
I feel pretty good, except the short night. I think this will improve eventually too. Another good thing is: my appetite is back 
I’m hungry and I hope there is still cake at work that I can try.
That’s it for now, see you later fam 
Stay strong y’all 
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Day 6 checking in.
The ear is shit, but also a reminder to slow down.
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Checking in.
Difficult week. My mum has broken her shoulder and is in hospital. She’s in her 90’s. Driving to and from Liverpool a lot and dealing with unhappy old person. It’s not easy.
But I am sober. I’ve been allowing myself too much sugary rubbish as a treat. That’s not making me happy. But I’m starting to balance out. 
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My vacation’s here! Crazy late summer weather is here as well so I’m going to indulge in that. Will keep you posted on my inactivity. Sober and clean. Have as good a days as you all can friends. Love from my little square.
@Jenny1972 It takes time but the longer I’m free from substances the better it feels. I don’t miss out on anything. I’m ever more present, for myself and all around me. In so many ways. Keep going. X
@HolySquid Holy Moly Squid! Six months already! Huge congrats friend!!
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Day 150 checking in
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Hey all, checking in on day 1180. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Day 75 ! Was on call last night so i.am taking it quieter today, working from 7.30 am to 4pm
Then catching up on sleep ! Have a good.day everyone
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Hello everyone,
Im feeling…happy. its a bit of a wow feeling, and im feeling very grateful today. Harvested more apples, and our peeler is AMAZING. Daughter loved the apple crisp for breakfast, which makes me so happy. It feels a bit like, we’re finding a bit of a stride…feels a bit like our life, which I also do notblike to say
Because it feels like “that” wasnt our lives as if its some sort of rejection of reality and my nephew. But the truth was we have had no normalcy since my sister was killed, and before that covid and losing our daughter. Its just been A LOT. I like embracing the good moments. I love our home, my family, meeting new people, and trying new things.
We wanted a second legal opinion, so my father spoke to another lawyer today and he is more experienced with children with special needs and also believes us giving up custody is not the only option. I am wary to trust or throw full faith there, but also i have not trusted what CPS is saying either. To be honest though, i think that I was prepared for the reality/accepted that we have to mobe forward to CPS having custody and wasnt prepared fot the 2nd opinion to throw “hope” back in to the mix. Wary of lawyers also, but I am not a bad judge of chatacter and learning to trust myself when I evaluate a person. As a woman, i find in professional settings your opinipn is often chalked up to how you “feel” about a person, but when a man makes the same or similar evaluation it is seen as more reasonable. Have been saying something for the past year, met generally with silence and placating remarks. But this male lawyer brings it up, and suddenly its absolutely something to consider. I have never felt so CONCRETELY how my voice as a woman is emotionalized and trivialized, thpugh I speak clearly and articulately. I also REPEAT MYSELF when i am not taken seriously, or I will elaborate/more clearly explain a point because I amnnoy being listened to or taken seriously and then I am told I am being long winded/repeating myself. Well Lord make me a man so i only have to say shit one time. Repeating yourself as a woman is a LEARNED behaviour. And when we snap, after we have asked “nicely” as a woman “should” 45 times, then wr are treated like highly emotional and unstable people incapable of reason. I can be REASONABLE and EMOTIONAL at the samr fucking time. Being void of emotion when reasoning doesnt make you any better at figuring shit out. Sorry not sorry for my FEMINIST RAGE. XO.
So apparently I am happy. And part of me being happy is that I dony feel i have to apologize or WORK THROUGH these upset feelings like they are sometjing bad that will undo me. Yes we dont wany to bury ourselves in bitter resentments, but saying we must do away witj all resentment no matter how jusitifed because its dangerous perpetuates oppression. Im mad at our system, im mad at how being a woman has shaped my life, im mad at sysutemic racism and how its perpatuated, and Im OWNING IT. Curious to see where this all takes me, bit I wont teach my daughter and son to push upset down to not be bitter. We have to live in an acceptance of what we cannot change, but you gotta harness your fire at the same time. Xo.
Also. Not sure I love the little slogan today about happiness. Happiness shouldny be the goal of what we are trying to design. Happiness is a by-product, it is something wr ebb and flow in and out of. It comes and goes, and is better if you not chase it. Get to know yourself, get to know others arpund you. Learn to be kind to yourself, never be stuck on any definition of who you are and allow growth; give the same grace to yourself and others. Put othets first some days, try to put yourself first others. Do something you love to do, even if it isny your job but a hobby. If you feel trapped in some area of your life, imagine what getting out of that would look like. If you can change it, try. Take risks and accept thay you may fail. Learn to appreciate the journey, and stop thinking that youre going to end up at the desitnation you designed. Ypu may, you may not. Happiness is a by-product of getting to know your damn self; and we shouldny be focused on designing or chasing it. Maybe im interpreting the slogan wrong, but happiness comes as you get to knoq you. Xo.
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Happy to hear your update Dana! I lost your prior post when our threads changed. Glad you got new locks and added in a ring! So scary that your neighbor just showed up and was going to let herself in. Can’t imagine how unsettling that must have felt, we should all feel safe in our home. Hope new locks bring you peace of mind and you can rest easier now!
Congrats on 81 days!!
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@EFountains Big yourself up on your one year! You deserve it! Big congrats 
@Hannahpipp Welcome! Keep us up to date on your journey!
@Dustysprungfield No hangovers is so great. Now it seems so crazy I just accepted making myself so ill.
@HolySquid Whoo hoo! Congratulations
@Butterflymoonwoman Could you do something for yourself on those days? Rather than trying to be productive ALL the time, just do something you enjoy.
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Checking in 12 days AF. 
So many awesome numbers on this post this morning… stay sober friends and keep stacking those numbers!
@Just_Laura yay for rain. Hope you got better sleep last night and you start feeling better.
@HakeemOsman congrats on celebrating your birthday sober. That milestone as a present must have felt great! Keep it up!!
@Sabrina80 glad you’re feeling better and hoping there is cake in your near future!!!
@Juli1 almost through Hell Week, Julia!!! Keep pushing. Hope your ear feels better soon. Ear pain sucksss!
@Brian1965uk sorry to hear about your mom. But way to stay sober!!!
@Mno yessss the countdown is over, enjoy vacation!!!
@Mira_D way to stay sober through the challenges. Fingers crossed this new attorney will be helpful. And let that feminist rage out… can’t stand being treated like a dumb woman!!! When that happens I want to turn into a praying mantis and bite their damn heads off!!! (without the sex part!! Lol)
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Checking in day 368! Didn’t sleep too great and have a 12 hour work day, but I have a three day weekend starting after this shift so I’m feeling good about that. We had a long process of hiring a new manager to oversee our team, and she starts today- looking forward to meeting her.
Hope everyone had a great sober Thursday 
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HELL YEEEAAHHH!!! Kicking ass and taking names, Billy!!! I have been on the edge of my seat this morning waiting for this update!! Proud of you! Keep fucking going!!
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Effing fantastic!
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Congratulations Billy! 
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Ur very right. I could absolutely do something for myself. A nice bath or a walk thru the park or whatever i choose honestly. I guess I never really thought about it haha
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