Checking in on day 11, I struggled a bit this morning but my husband is on annual leave from work too as this is my birthday weekend and we decided to go and enjoy the Scottish countyside and lakes with Coops, I feel so much better for being out and having a good laugh in the sun booze free, now to relax and have a movie night while Coops snores his head off, here are a couple of pics of my lovely day 
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Hope everyone has had a great day/night
Keep it up, Mike!!! I had to APA format all of my work when I went back to college. As if all the stuff you have to learn for your classes isn’t enough, it feels like there are sooo many rules to APA you also have learn that can become overwhelming. I kept APA cheat sheets accessible to reference and double check my formatting. Here are a couple links you might find helpful…
https://guides.library.oregonstate.edu/ld.php?content_id=51339370
Regarding the tricky grammar stuff you’re learning… this might sound silly, but maybe look up worksheets/practice for elementary students. I’m seriously not saying your dumb!!! Please don’t take that the wrong way. I just know that sometimes when I’m having a hard time grasping something I got to strip back the layers to “Barney style” and build up that foundation of knowledge. Good luck, be proud of your hard work!!
Day 74, today is the most relaxing day at work that I’ve had in a while. No desire to drink at all, I’ve never felt so clear and level headed.
Hope you all have a great day 
Day 992,
Another day in paradise euh……treatment center. My release date will be 22 September. So about two weeks to go. They discussed me in the team, they don’t see a lot of improvement. I’m not worried about that, in those surroundings I’m not gonna get better. I was more like really, nobody is improving here 
. I take what I need and that is the diagnostics, an appointment is planned to discuss my treatment plan hereafter. Preferably a place with everything under one roof, considering how fucked up I’m it has to be a big roof 
. Tonight is an information session for family, my parents are coming. Curious about what they take away from it.
The coming weeks I’ll just push through and take what I need, two people I had contact with are leaving tomorrow. They were the once with still some social skills. The rest has other issues which make them less approachable. I’m also not that approachable at the moment by the way. Grateful for TS we’re I just can put things down as it is
Nobody should have the power to make you drink. In fact nobody does. Dealing with this sober should be better too. Once the red mist clears you might be able to think about why exactly it is this person unsettles you so much. With drinking you would just try to push the feelings away. Which would maybe work for the duration you’re under the influence. Excellent work for staying sober!
@brian1965uk so sorry to hear about your mom Brian – hope she is getting good care and is able to heal quickly.
@mira_d I am glad that you found a new attorney. I know that hope can be a frightening thing at times. Wishing you well and hoping for the best outcome for you and your nephew. 
Girl – let the feminist rage flow – I totally feel you on this and get so wound up myself. I do always love your posts and am very impressed at how well you are doing with handling all that life has dished out- Keep being a positive rockstar!
@noshame Congrats on all your milestones my friend! You are doing fantastic! Keep strong and you will overcome this marijuana addiction too. 
@butterflymoonwoman I love all the self care in store for today!!! Damn that Pumpkin cream chai tea latte sounds heavenly. We had a Starbucks next door but it is under construction – will have to drive to one and get me one today 
@deelzebub OOH – so excited to see you creeping up on triple digits. Glad to hear that you submitted your piece – you are very talented – sure the exhibition will be thrilled to have your entry.
@mindofsobermike YOU ROCK Mike – love to hear the excitement (even though you are still a bit nervous) – hell its just the first week my friend… learning takes time and you are like you said – putting forth your best effort! Have a wonderful day at school and wishing you luck on your essay’s.
This was beautiful Kelly and yes it is pure progress! I love this for you. A new hair cut and color – damn, you will feel like a new woman ready to take on the world love that you are sticking with the self care and showing yourself some well deserved love.
@timetochange Ah man – I feel like I know this lady. I have one like her that lives across the street – really don’t know where they get the time or the gumption to feel so entitled. Sorry that she has gotten under your skin today. Grateful that you will not drink (don’t let her bitchy ways win).
@saturn81 those are beautiful pics Michelle – damn I feel like I’m there! Love that Coops is swimming and cooling off. Birthday weekend? OOH now that’s exciting – what do you have planned for your special day? What day is your Birthday? Hope you are feeling better now 
HUH – well, at least they will have a plan for moving forward. Hoping you did pick up some tools from this treatment center. A few weeks to go – who knows what improvements could still be in store. Best of luck with the information session for family. Hope that this is fruitful.
Checking in on Thursday morning
I did finally get 7 hours of sleep (it wasn’t the best sleep and i woke up with a kinked neck) but it was long overdue and so appreciated.
I am taking things easy today. Have a few phone calls to make, kitchen to clean (if i can muster the energy) and accounting stuff to do.
I will not turn to my DOC for any type to relief - i can and will meet all of life’s challenges sober. Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day - sending you all so much love
I think with my work i have dealt wirh serial complainers over the years and that’s how she comes across. Tells folks she is from london like we are cavemen 
and u are right, no one makes us drink. Today i will stay sober qnd wait for the red mist to pass
You sound a bit surprised. I understand that. It was from the beginning clear that I would be here for diagnostics. Of course I pick up some things from there general treatment. But the surroundings are not ideal for someone with ADHD. Next week I get my higher dose of medication, hopefully that improves things as well. And of course I got rid of the medicine I was using for my ptsd. At home I would have never succeeded in that.
Hope you have to energy to do the things you wanna do.
I guess I was a bit surprised. Grateful that you are getting something out of it and are making steps in the positive direction.
WOW - blessings for that!
Much love my friend - i know you are battling a lot - just want to say you are doing a great job and i see all the effort you are putting in. I do hope that you start feeling the relief soon 
Checking in sober day 53.
Last night was rough. Today is worse. But drinking won’t make things any better.
I feel like I just can’t catch a break. All the relaxation and peace of vacation is completely gone.
It’s only mid afternoon so more work to try to get through. Still so far behind from being out a week.
OFDAAT
Checking in.
I’m such an impatient patient, called my Dr today that antibiotics not working and I still feel like crap. He told me to give it a chance till at least tomorrow. I hate being sick, such a waste of time. How could I waste so much time for hangovers?! Now I’m kind of grounded for a few days because I’m sick and it makes me angry that I can’t go for a run, make some yt workout etc. When I was drinking I didn’t do any sport for months, even years, and it didn’t bother me. I guess I kind of gave up on myself then. Glad that I woke up from this nightmare before something really bad happened. I don’t want to drink ever again.
Next year I have my real birthday. I will be 40 but its going to be my 10th real birthday and that second part of my life I want to have completely sober and happy. I made a deal with myself and I’m not a deal breaker
Thank you very much. No i do not think you were calling me dumb, i actually did look some up last night. I’ve been watching a lot of you tube videos too. It’s just very confusing to me for some reason, like i don’t understand why they are nouns and verbs and pronouns, and independent and dependent sentences, to me i just see words. Idk if that made sense what i just said
Sorry your having a rough day
Drinking will ligit make it worse
I believe you can get through the rest of the day
You got this
6
Evening checkin day 6.
Swimmers ear sucks hardly! 
Hardest pain. 
But i am sober.
I am an addict (alcohol, love) but I am sober for today.
It definitely made since. I grew up in hick country where we got an edumacation! I still don’t understand grammar as an adult! College helped with writing and speaking, but my brain still doesn’t fully get it. So don’t feel bad!! Just keep trying different things and you’ll eventually find something that helps it stick. Try not to get defeated, that’s the tough part!
And so am I…we are…and I’m still here with you
Evening of day 341
It was a good day.
There is energy and appetite again 
Although it was a good day I’m in some kind of heavy mood today.
I don’t know how to explain it…it’s like when you read things that are sad and uplifting at the same time. Gaining strength through crying. This was what I did this evening and it felt so good to let that all out.
Now: bed time.
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong 
Checking in
Day 571
Im really having a hard day. My mood just isnt how I like it to be. I know i talk about my ED alot (I apologize for this) but it really got ahold of me today. And honestly… nothing really even bad happened today that wouldve caused my eating to flare up like this. I seriously have come to realize that i am not comfortable with any “uncomfortable” emotions. Anytime i feel any sort of emotion thats “negative”, I want to escape immediately. I am trying to remember to stop and take a step back, observe how i feel physically and emotionally, and then proceed mindfully, but its like when i get emotionally heightened, everything I have learned goes out the window. I need a pause button in my life. Im so tired of having food control me. I have to get a handle on this. Im just sad and discouraged.
Im very much relating this to drug addiction. For over 20 years i escaped feeling by using drugs and now that they havent been in the picture for some time, im finding other ways to escape uncomfortable emotions. I need to go back and do the same things i did to quit using drugs so that i can quit this toxic behavior also.
Im just going to keep at it and keep finding new healthier ways to cope. This is all a part of my journey of self discovery, self acceptance, and self love. Its ALOT of work but i know i can reach my potential
