Nice roadtrip yesterday. The temperature was back to 100F/37C so we cut our afternoon hike short. Visited some friends after. People will offer me a beer automatically which I just as automatically reject. Never again.
Hope you are all having as good a day as you can friends. Sober and clean. Love from the Hill Country.
@Dolse71 Huge congrats Paul. That’s an enormous feat. Thanks for being here.
@calgary5577 Good you are throwing it away but why did you have it in the first place? Please next time when you get the urge to use come here first and share. It may help. We may help.
Now off we go. New day new start, can’t change the past but we can shape today. We’re in this together
I am doing pretty good. My son has an ear infection (he has narrow tubes and his ear drums and never fully clear, so its an going thing with the ears) which means night wake ups and Im a bit more tired.
Court was Monday and we had a judge say (shes new): the best interest of this child is for the family to keep custody and childrens services to help them do that, even if the child does not reside in their home. His level of disability AND the cost of his care should not result in the family losing custody of this chuld. She came down on CPS and it was like wow. Never has anyone stood for us thst we should not have to lose custody. Been told its how it is.
Then next day talking to CPS supervisor said “nothing has really changed” the judges endorsement doesnt really mean anything because its just like “she wants the world to be a better place” (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? Pretty sure thats not the level of expertise judges bring to shit), and now they are offering us to take full custody and they will offer support. But according to them “nothing has changed” and they still have to operate “within the confines of the system” and they dont like it either. Waaaaah. Just ridiculous. I got very upset during that conversation and the supervisor could not understand WHY i was upset, but was getting upset herself lioe I was personally attacking her. She has an issue witj taking things personally, getting emotional and saying things like “its not my fault”. She actually told me I was making her feel bad and all I was doing was asking: WHERE DID TJIS NEW “OPTION” SUDDENLY COME FROM??? I’m sorry but the fact that you cannpt separate your OWN emotions from the job you are doing is not my problem, and it makes you a liability here because you are getting defensive about YOU instead of speaking to the actual issue. This woman has said things to me like “you cant imagine how traumatizing it is for US to have to take a child out of a foster home and move them” like I should understand it isnt easy fpr them either…honey PLEASE DO NOT trying to be gaining empathy here from me or to try to put our experiences on the same level. It is super distasteful and NOT professional. I tjink she is trying to connect, but she comes off centering her own emptions as if they are comprable to ours…which is not appropriate.
Anyway, thats been my life. Out on a date night & hubby was just in the shower so wanted to check in. Want to get back to my prayers each day. I like to check in with whatever the power is that be out there, and have missed checking in here bc things have bwwn busy Happy 24 everyone!
Day 110. Mood still extremely low but I have managed a shower, got dressed and went to the supermarket to stock up on ready meals for the kids. That was after wallowing in bed for hours this morning.My appetite is rubbish at the moment which the antidepressants may worsen but so long as I drink enough water I hope to be ok. In fact I’m going to make a pot of tea right now.
Glad to see you checking in through all this and pushing through to take care of yourself and some daily tasks. I hope the new medication starts helping soon.
Willow, our rescue dog, has regressed with the stress of moving home. It’ll be finished by Sunday. Hopefully she will calm down then, but we love her anyway.
I fitted a blind in the bathroom and did some hoovering rather than thinking ‘life is stressful, where’s the booze?’
Honestly not too sure, I just feel a little disconnected when I’m going through the motions of life. I think I just need to throw some excitement into my life. I’ve been getting back into drawing recently, which has been super helpful! I definitely didn’t express my creativity in my addiction, so I’ve been finding it very helpful to feel reconnected!
Thank you for checking in on me
I’m sorry to hear about the inflammation and pain, I do hope that gets easier for you!
That totally makes sense — i felt like at the beginning of my sobriety i was just doing what i could not to pick up and not really concentrating on me. As i became more comfortable with not relying on my DOC i too felt like What Now?
We are now finding our way back to ourselves and this is a beautiful chapter. Take your time to find that excitement and creativity. Let it flow! I do hope you start feeling grounded and more connected with you and your surroundings.
Thank you - it’s a bit of a challenge today physically but overall i’m great!
Tough two days with conversions and a lot of tension and anxiety. Going home tomorrow, mixed feelings. They adviced me to stay on the medication, but I’ll get a lower dose. In their opinion the conversions were caused by the tensions and anxiety. I have to trust in that, but I’m still scared, conversions are not a nice experience. At home waits a lot, financial stress, company doctor, working further on myself to get mentally well. Need a lot of trust for that. Need to start loving myself, I’m way to hard for myself. Nothing comes by one and called the mother of my son after she texted something in distress. She was in panic, should have known better but just asked if she is more relaxed again. And she is.
It was a good day. I’m happy because I was able to help a patient who was in distress.
We had some trouble with her appointment, it was unclear wich eye has to get the injection. Her Dr told me weeks ago right eye, she told me left eye. Big action! Her husband was furious, she was anxious.
I was able to organize everything the way she wanted, got checked by our surgeon: all clear for the left eye. Phew! I was calm the whole time and I think she subconsciously felt that.
I felt like I was exactly where I had to be. Feels good to do something with a purpose.
Now heading home to more delicious cheese and tomatoes and black garlic pepper
I feel some love addiction kicking in, wanting to get in contact with wrong people. I can only get in better contact with myself. And healthier connections.
I feel some need to pick up a drink but I don’t like the imagination of the taste.
Will joyn an online meeting with the sangha tomorrow in the afternoon.
Choose the right people, the wrong ones won’t help you to make you feel better. And I’m sure you know that right?
Breathe. It will pass. Just for today.
When is the Yoga session?
Happy 24 everyone!
