1143 days no alcohol.
608 days no cocaine.
123 days no vape.
Only slept for an hour Monday night. I think it was because I pushed through my tiredness to do my check-in here so I didnāt get behind again, and then I just wasnāt tired, I was on Tuesday though.
On Tuesday I drove to my hometown to collect my NRT products. Taxed my car online. Read one chapter, and waited in for a delivery. Also managed a short nap.
Had a better nightās sleep Tuesday. Attended 2 online courses yesterday, one in the afternoon about self-compassion, one in the evening about resilience.
Iāve had a few hours sleep but Iāve been awake since 3am. I can usually nap for a bit after my morning meds but I think Iām too anxious about being showered and on-time for the in-person course today. Iāve already done my morning routine, then figured Ive got time to catch-up and check-in here before I need to shower, so here I am, its now 07:51 and time for a long-overdue shower!
Had a tough day yesterday. Didnāt think of using even once. By now I both know and feel it would do me only bad. Sharing helped. Talking about it with friends helped. Thinking helped a bit. Feeling my feelings helped.
Got a funeral to attend today, for a man who was in my care in my previous job. A Dutch nobleman (who found it of the utmost importance to show his peerage to everyone he met), who spent at least twenty years on the streets, homeless and totally addicted. Sweet guy. Could tell grandiose stories. Just a couple of years older than I am.
Picture is of a rather atypical work from the Dutch golden age of painting. Itās in Mauritshuis, a small museum in Den Haag which I was lucky enough to visit Tuesday morning before I went to the national archives to see my dadās file. Incredible collection of Dutch Masters, Rembrandt, Vermeer, Potter, Van Campen, Ruysdael. Truly moved me. But I loved this one the most, het Puttertje or the Goldfinch. Brilliant in itās simplicity, beautiful and sad at the same time. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
@adeygaga49 Huge congrats on reaching quadruple digits Adrienne!!! @JennyH Happy for your progress friend. As to telling others: you do you. It helped my proces to tell everyone I quit drinking and why rather quickly. The reactions were very insightful and mostly very supportive. @hidden. ODAAT friend. Iām glad youāre here. @Just_Laura Cats. Catching a mouse just once isnāt enough for them. Hope you can quit nicotine asap. @CATMANCAM Hope your shower helped to kickstart your day friend. Have a good one.
Iām sorry you had a hard day Menno. Itās sad ro say goodbye to someone and even more at such young age.
I love that painting as well. I do not know if you are a reader, but if you are try the book: āHet Puttertjeā. Itās all about this painting and a joy to read.
Have a good day Menno
#Day 1835
The end of my holiday is near. Friday we have the boat back to the Netherlands.
I had a great holiday so far, the only thing I missed most was my pillow
Glad to enjoy it all sober. Slept bad last night and I feel like Iām having a hangover.
Happy those mornings are the past. Yes I feel groggy, but nothing a coffee canāt cure.
Morning sober friends, This is going to be a bit of a long post.
itās been a a few days since I posted, Iām not sure if it was on this thread or whatās your addiction thread I posted that I had a really bad back injury years ago and have been taking codeine for the pain, so youāll all know how this story ends, I spoke to my doctor weeks ago about tapering down as Iām 100% addicted and definitely abusing them and we worked out a taper plan.
From Friday until today is the last of them and I have felt absolute shit since Friday, in fact from before then, really down, anxiety through the roof, canāt sleep. I have just wanted to pull the cover over my head and stay in bed, I didnāt want to come on here and talk, I know how supportive you all are but I just couldnāt face even talking. I never touched wine, to be honest I couldnāt face it.
I feel sad that Iāve let my life get like this, my eyeās are slowly opening to all the crap Iāve put in my body to cope, it became (like alcohol) a comfort blanket, a little costume I could put on to pretend I was coping when I wasnāt and use my chronic pain as an excuse to take them. Itās time to be completely free of everything, now the hard work really starts.
I remember around when we first started I saw the 100 day challenge and I was likeā¦100 days. How can I get 100 days?? Seemed impossible. One day at a time, with lovely supportive folks likw yourself! What youre doing inspires me & encourages me to keep going. Man I wish we lived closer to one another. Happy to have you in my life Keep going lady! Xo.
Feel so tired but a small chunk of fog is blowing away. Car is going to be expensiveā¦ Battery is shit, brakes are shit, car is basically shit I canāt spend money on a new car though, itās like metalā¦ Why would I? Zzzz.
Anyway, off to a concert tonight, very excited. Iāve been religiously not drinking (during any relapse) at any film, theatre or concert for over a year now, even dinners out I take water only. So thatās not a trigger at all for me these days, Iām proud I keep this rule.
Talked to my company doctor this morning. Never will be impressed by this guy, just incompetent in my opinion. But grant me the serenity to acceptā¦ā¦etc.
Went back to bed after the call maybe not such a good idea. I have had the thought if I ever will be able to work again. But I have to get rid of that voice, that certainly wonāt solve anything. I used to be a busy bee in my best days.
Just gonna need to take it step by step. Probably will have a coffee with a re-integration office in the upcoming weeks. It scares the shit out of me to be honest. But I need to come out of my avoidance.
š
