@mira_d oh I am glad you were able to have a lovely birthday celebration for your nephew. You really have gone through an enormous tragedy and have taken on a lot. I do hope the CPS worker and your lawyer come through with a good resolution that works our for all of you. Appreciate you my friend. Grateful that we are working through all of lifesās crap sober.
This is key ā grateful that you are staying strong in protecting your sobriety. We really are only responsible for our own choices (great reminder). @bomdhil Ah man Thomas so sorry you are so tired. I do hope you get some rest this weekend. You are kicking ass at 9 days my friend ā excited to see you double digits is hours away @brokenwolf way to go on your 700 days milestone Richard! Sending much love to you my friend. I can understand not wanting to talk and share while you are grieving. We are here for you when you are ready. I am grateful that you are able to be there for your sister. So very sorry for your loss and wishing you so much love and comfort in addressing these times. @ashley_luvz_starz Congrats on 7 months Ashley ā keep going strong
Checking in on Saturday night
I did spend most of my day in bed - not feeling any better but do feel rested so that is a win for today. I am grateful that i did get all my accounting work caught up and am fully transferred to new operating system.
Thank you everyone - your kind words mean the world to me. It is a struggle but I, like all of us here am making this beautiful journey sober. I just remind myself that my health will never get better if i ever go back to my addictive lifestyle. Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening! Sending so much love
Today was so much better than yesterday. Not at first tho. I woke up still miserable and exhausted. Got to work and everyone was dressed up. I put on some cat ears and decided to take care of regular dining service since everyone was scheduled for the kids party. Glad somebody thought of it bc it was decent. And I thoroughly enjoyed doing it by myself.
Had a scary thought though. Someone ordered a bloody mary, and I had the ice and vodka already in a glass when they changed their mind. So I set it aside, possibly using it if the right order came through quick. In the past, I simply would have mixed it into something I liked and hide it in a to-go cup. And I thought about that. And that it would āhit the spotā right about now. Even though I also thought that was a terrible idea. And it sat there a moment. Then I said to myself āyou better dump that shit right now you idiot!ā I just didnāt like the few seconds it took to get there.
I went home, ate, did some cleaning, then I layed down for half hour but didnāt fall asleep bc I wasnāt tired enough. I wrote a simple list I wanted to get done and was off. Since work has been fruitful I decided to go spend a bunch of money on things we needed. Got the buzz of a shopping spree but felt much more accomplished
Got a late night car wash too. The other day I got out of work and my car was covered with bees. I noticed little droplets all over it and when I cleaned it, it came back the next day. Iāve been parking under maple trees for 6 years and am just realizing what itās been doing to my car I need to schedule a real detail. Itās been years and she deserves it.
Anyway. Today was good. Yay! Canāt wait til I get out of work tomorrow
Well I definitely was a little off, did not sleep at all last night. Odd thing is I really canāt put my finger on the reason. My mind wasnāt racing, not overly stressed about anything, the best I can come up with was I was just absorbing the silence of being home alone, no work, no employees, no phone calls, no texts, just me. Even though I was tired today, managed an hour nap, my mind felt rested and thatās exactly what I needed.
Spent the majority of the day in bed or on my couch watching football and reading. I did get my laundry done, watered my plants and washed the few dishes that were in the sink. Not a completely wasted day, but a needed uneventful day. Feeling much better tonight and Iām pretty sure falling asleep wonāt be a problem.
Looking forward to tomorrow, both my kids are coming over for brunch (love that neither of them wake up early on the weekend), banana-lime pancakes, ham steak, chocolate milk for them and a big pot of coffee for me. Heading out for a hike after brunch and the Cowboys game, going to be a sunny, cool fall day tomorrow so it will feel good to get out in nature.
Just the weekend I needed to rest my mind and refocus for the coming work week.
Hey Julia
I had to scroll way back bc I missed your post
The others are right, block his number. As you already said heās not good for you.
Boundaries arenāt easy to implement, but theyāre so worth it
Iām so so sorry to hear you lost Eva, Kaitlyn was born sleeping so we never got to spend living moments with her, so for you to have had time with her must have made it unbelievably hard, I agree itās not a thing that can be quantified as the loss of a child is the loss of.a child no matter if they are a baby or an adult, itās just an unnatural order of things.
I am also heartbroken for you with the loss of your sister. I canāt comprehend how Iād feel losing my sister, I know how I felt whe my brother committed suicide and that was devastating but part of me hopes he is at peace as he chose his path, I just wish more was done when he was living. To have your sister taken from you must have been truly soul destroying. I open my arms and embrace you, knowing how much it would have taken to open that door and share love and strength in solidarity with you.
How my sister is feeling I cannot even fathom, how she is managing to get through each day is incomprehensible, all I know is I am trying to be there for her as much as possible. She needs me more so than ever and if anything it gives me resolve to remain sober, because I canāt afford to be selfish.
If you ever need to talk etc, Iām only a message away either publicly or privately.
Itās officially winter time Last night the clocks went back from 3 am to 2 am, one more hour time to stay in bed
I forgot to buy curd to make another bread today, I hope the leftovers of the last bread are still edible
The anti inflammatory cook book someone mentioned here has arrived, Iāll get it tomorrow.
I try to eat better, to calm that psoriasis down that now, after Covid, has spread over my hands as well.
I sometimes look at my body and ask it why it hates me so much and what I did wrong
I know the answer, it is what it is. I canāt change it, but I can learn to live with it.
The truth is, you can make everything right and still get flare ups.
Yesterday evening I had this feeling of loneliness. I hate when that happens. It will pass. Today itās already better. I guess I saw too many couples on my trip outside. Itās that time of the month, hormones go crazy. After my period Iām calmer again.
Okay, time to leave this cozy warm bed and eat something
Day 127
I tried to make conversation with my son on WhatsApp (he is 22, got a job etc) and asked him where he got his private plate for his car from ( a colleague asked me about where u get them from) and i got a rant back,''canāt make this sh@t up," saying he isnāt getting any help with cost of living or petrol from me ? Heās 22? He lives with his partner and has ignored.all.offers to meet up, or go on holiday etxā¦? Soā¦ i am ceasing attempts now
I am obviously the antichrist i am at a loss
Slept badly last night, and after I had been so happy for my sober sleep Husband did too so wonder if we both have stuff on our minds.
My gallbladder hurts and I am going off certain foods, have a horrible feeling my gallstone is making a break for it. I have been putting off taking next steps for the surgery for months but have now booked the consultant appointment in. I am basically really scared of the surgery. Not so much things going wrong, but the pain and recovery time after. I donāt want to go back to days in bed and lose all my progress in the gym. Not sure I am strong enough mentally to cope with it.
I am trying to do all the right things now, sobriety, weight loss, fitness to help prepare as this surgery will happen. I may live here for the couple of weeks after too
Feeling a bit better this morning. Had a good late shift last night, not playing cop or kindergarten teacher but actually getting to do some mental health nursing. Was rather tired afterwards and had to bike home through a downpour, but got to sleep in after that.
Summertime ending is a nice little bonus this morning, having an hour extra before I have to go out and work again. And to see some sunshine and blue skies outside helps as well.
Little things to make the big things just a bit more bearable. Drinking or drugging never helps with anything. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Iāll do my best. Love from my little square.
I was in bed by 8.30pm last night. The serenity prayer has been really useful for me the last few days, accepting the things I cannot change. I donāt know what it means to anyone else but itās very much a comforting way to let things go whether that be alcohol, drugs, people, bad memories etc. I said it to myself over and over again last night until I fell asleep.
The courage to accept the things I can change which is practically anything. I can change more than I canāt so long as I stay away from drugs and alcohol.
Maybe therein lies the wisdom to know the difference.
Happy Sunday everyone
A kind man who immediately introduced himself to me after receiving my 24hr chip came to the meeting yesterday and he gifted me The Big Book. Weāve been talking everyday since we met and heās very early in in his own sobriety himself so to be so supportive to a newcomer is just incredible. Iāve read about 130 pages already and hope to get a sponsor in the not too distant future.
Middle of the night check in.
After sleeping well all week, my little girl has been up every couple of hours tonight. Iām tired, but otherwise feeling healthy.
I am happy with myself that I didnāt drink at the long Halloween party I was at today/tonight. Feeling like crap and having beer breath at 3AM comforting a child would not be a fit for me.
H was high last night (ofcourse, weekend). I donāt like to talk with him when heās on coke, he is so smart in a stupid way then. Kind of intellectual Captain Obvious. And we argued, like usuall. He is mean because Iām cold, and I am cold cause he is mean.
I know I could easily make him feel better by giving him compliments, telling how smart he is, how handsome etc. But Iām not that kind of person FFS. I donāt like this fake bullshit. He needs constant appreciation. Since I know him, he always have the same haircut. And he is cutting his hair every week, every 10 days maybe. And he canāt stand that I dont tell him that he looks good, that itās nice haircutā¦ Man, I donāt see those 2mm missing, grow up. In our relationship he is the one who always have to look good, even when he go throw the garbage out I can go in my morning robe, I really dont care. And whatās wrong with me that I canāt make that effort and tell him those compliments, it cost nothing. But I canātā¦
Iām gonna make November Compliment the Narcist Challenge 5 compliments per day. If it will make my life easier and he will take that stick out of his ass and stop to be 99% of time angry, why not. Win-win
He told me yesterday he can easily get appreciation from other women (heās a plumber and he is often telling me some ladies were hitting on him etc) but then I shouldnāt be angry if he will cheat on me. If heās not getting this from me (itās mostly about bjās that he would like to get as often as possible), he can get it somewhere else. And you know what, Iām thinking maybe itās not such a bad idea. Fuck this shit.
He is 6 years younger than me (Iām 39, heās 33), Iām probably at the end of day tired in a different way than him. He needs closeness, I just want to be left alone for a while.
I donāt know whatās gonna be with us. I think we are just terrible match.
You guys are my only one friend Iām telling all this crap. Sometimes I just need to vent.
Anyway, Iām sober and nobody gonna take this away from me
Im not in your relationship so I donāt know what the dynamic is like but just based on thisā¦ hereās what I get.
That in itself says where his priorities lie. Iām not ignorant to the fact that a healthy sex life is important but thatās just a complete non-committed man and quite frankly a threat. I donāt know that this is the kind of attitude I would want from a partner especially someone who is still using. Perhaps a little lesson in humility will do him some good.
Had a nice evening with my son yesterday. Had to bring him back to his mother after the soccer match, since she got some new medication for her recent heart failure. Didnāt see the link right away why that would be a reason for him to go back. But I didnāt make a fuzz or more about it and just let it go. Still feeling good or at least better then I felt in a long time. Need more planning and things to do for myself need to work on that. But watch my boundaries in the process. Maybe going to the gym, sauna or watch sports today. Having dinner left overs waiting for this evening feels good too. The feeling Iām moving still in the right direction. But itās still a rollercoaster
Sorry if this is out of line, Mischa, but your husband is a dick. You are looking after 3 small children while working hard on staying sober. The emotional blackmail thing is absolute bullshit and only weak men with no integrity cheat. Even weaker men brag about having the opportunities to cheat in front of their wives.
The compliment the narcissist November thing made me laugh. You are doing so great, donāt let his stupid comments dim your light.
Sending much love to you my friend. I can understand not wanting to talk and share while you are grieving. We are here for you when you are ready. I am grateful that you are able to be there for your sister. So very sorry for your loss and wishing you so much love and comfort in addressing these times.
I need to schedule a real detail. Itās been years and she deserves it.
i am at a loss
Husband did too so wonder if we both have stuff on our minds.
Weāve been talking everyday since we met and heās very early in in his own sobriety himself so to be so supportive to a newcomer is just incredible. Iāve read about 130 pages already and hope to get a sponsor in the not too distant future. 
.