Sorry to hear you not feeling well @Mno. But I so appreciate your honesty. Reading your posts is always enlightening.
Hope you can have a relaxing day, take some time to relax and feel calmer. You’ve been through a lot recently.
Guess that takes its toll on you!
Huge cup of herbal tea and a long walk, usually works for me. Hope you find something which works for you.
Have a calm sober Saturday Menno
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Thanks for sharing this Mno!
You are not alone.
Your support here is so damn important.
Love 
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Checking in on day 87. Reading everyone’s posts here is so helpful. Thanks, all.
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Just a hug from the south 
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Thank you Eric!
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Day 8 here. I had a fantastic day and night yesterday. I walked downtown for the second day in a row (about 20 blocks and back) and picked up some new books at the Barnes & Noble in Center City. Apparently it moved to a new location, and this was my first visit to the new store. I chatted with the older gentleman who worked there and he recommended some new horror authors to me, so I walked out of there with three books.
Last night I had a little horror marathon for myself. I finally broke open my Universal Monsters BluRay set and watched Bela Lugosi’s Dracula for the first time since I was a kid. Then I randomly picked out a couple of other movies off of Prime, and ended my night falling asleep in front of the TV. Woke up this morning feeling great and not hungover. If it doesn’t rain too badly today I’m going to take another city walk.
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Thank you for your comment 
i really liked what you said here bcuz it made me realize that this is my life now… being clean and sober. Maybe im expecting that excitment for recovery to stay with me but thats not the case. This is just my life now with all its ups and downs. Using isnt an option anymore.
I truly feel this too 
thanks my friend for all the support u give
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@happyfeet @Louloubelle thank you all so much for your support!
@Tragicfarinelli Im glad u came back and gave recovery another try. Im so glad ur here and u know i completelt forgot about HALT. that was something I used to gocus on a lot in early recovery bcuz it helps so much and made me aware of what i was feeling. I will focus on that again and see if that helps. That and along with some self love and remind myself to be gentle with myself, showing myself self compassion, i think that would be helpful too honestly. Thank u friend!
@Mno thank u so much for ur encouragement. Ur absolutely right in that nothing is worth using over. I have to remember that using doesnt solve anything, it makes things 100x worse. My mind has been i guess trying to see the benefit of using (all lies) but what u said really hit me bcuz i needed that reminder. Thank u
@misokatsu i dont remember much from my previous clean time but i do remember white knuckling a good portion of it. And now that i think about it, this time in recovery has been much better in many aspects. I see alot more growth within myself and have accomplished much more this time in recovery, than i had in the past. I like how u compared recovery to a first love sort of situation. Eventually things do calm down and i feel like i may be at that stage a bit. Maybe instead of picking apart my recovery and wondering whats wrong with it, i need to focus on whats good about it and embrace it thank you my friend
@danam56 Happy Happy Birthday to you!!!
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@rastana 1 month of freedom is amazing! Keep up the amazing work! 
@pattycake pumpkin carving is always a fall favority – share pictures please
@hopedealer2 2 week milestone is amazing! Love the support of the fellowship 
Keep stacking on them days!
@juli1 how are you doing today Jules? I do hope the swim helped. Good to hear that your skin calmed down some. Hope you were able to get a good nights rest.
@deelzebub Yeah to feeling less anxious… hope this trend continues. Great job on choosing water instead Hope pizza night is a success.
@mindofsobermike Love that the meds are helping and super happy to see you treating yourself. You deserve it! I do hope you are able to complete your school work and concentrate your time this weekend with your girls
@jennyh UGH so sorry that the radio at gym is so damn triggering. I do try to always go in with headphones as I feel this keeps others from talking to me (LOL – my introvert side shining through)… I am grateful that you won’t drink – just super sorry that a place where you go to find relief ended with urges instead.
@butterflymoonwoman 600 days!!! Fantastic work Dana. A milestone is whatever we make it. This number feels like a huge deal because it is! Should be super proud. Share your embroidery piece with us – so amazing that you are helping with the online auction.
@holysquid 7 months!! So awesome love – way to go with your bad self! Keep rocking the sober life! OH Dana - just saw your other post - i am so sorry that this demon is holding so strong. I know that when milestone malady is a big thing and also when you haven’t given time for yourself to meditate then your defenses are down. I do love everything that Stella had to say in her post. Now that you are in your recovery with 600 days - its good to focus more time on you and getting yourself grounded / centered (filling the hole that your DOC aches for). I believe this comes from self care and self love.
@galen_82 WOW 30 days! You should be super proud of how far you have come. I am sorry you are feeling left out. I do know that once you get stronger in your sobriety then you will be able to go into a pub on occasion and not drink (so many places now have a slew of non alcoholic beverages available). Personally, I don’t feel like I gave up something so much as gained so much more cause now I can go out once in a while and still be alert and awake to drive home safely and enjoy the next day without wasting it with a hangover.
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Thank you Jasmine. The dough is proving as I speak.
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Life is really trying you right now 
I hope your husband will be okay
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Worried about my health rn 
thought i had a UTI but dip test says i dont but i have blood in my urine and the drs dont know why, i feel uncomfortable and like i need to toilet constantly…worried what this could be so im having all the tests…urine, blood, stool…to check for everything so waiting on those
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I’m so glad you feel strong enough to push past these thoughts of drinking
In your shoes, I’d spend some time going over the negative effects that drinking on your life, and what has changed since. I’m not assuming you don’t do this, but when thoughts of drinking came to me I wish I was better prepared. The thoughts I had were particularly strong and invasive. I felt like a rabbit caught in headlights because I was not prepared for them.
I thought about why it was happening. It wasn’t because I was ungrateful for my new sober life, it’s just that everything felt a bit colourless. Day to day stresses topped off with anxiety, topped off with inability to see the future or something to look forward to.
When these thoughts crept in, I didn’t know what was coming at me and I failed to react quickly enough. Your sobriety is so valuable, so precious Deez. Protect it at all costs, dive into whats going on in your life. There may be a reason or reasons you’re starting to get little pangs of thoughts about drinking.
Sending you a big hug lovely
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Checking in on day 125.
I felt horrible this morning but I’m thankful that the bad feelings moved on in the time that I went out into the rain for my winter vaccinations. It hasn’t stopped raining all day.
I’m just getting ready to make our Saturday night pizzas which is a routine that is keeping me together at the moment.
Wishing everyone an addiction free day.
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Awe im so sorry ur going thru health issues right now. Hope this isnt something serious. Sending posiitve thoughts of healing ur way
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Aw Kelly
I can imagine how hard this is for you. There’s nothing worse than the waiting that’s involved with tests.
Is it okay if I ask when you last had a smear test done? I thought I’d ask as I had mine done recently and it just sprung to mind. It’s good to have it done, just for peace of mind.
Sending you big hugs lovely xx
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Oh I read about this rain you were to have in our news here. Apparently Scottish rail were telling people to not use transport due to the rainfall expected. I hope everyone stays safe over there x
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Menno, amigx, these have been big life discoveries and explorations for you. It makes perfect sense to have big feelings come along side. Not that that makes it any easier. Adding insult to injury by falling ill is just a rotten piece of luck and I’m sorry that happened the way it did. You weathered that storm and fought through the darkness, I’m proud of you and grateful you did, too. You are loved so much. And I and so many of us are grateful you can share with us. Thank you and may today and beyond be lighter (and you get over this damn man flu!). Be well 
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2 months sober today! Grateful!!
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WOW – so lovely! Glad that you two were able to enjoy yourselves and have a delicious meal to boot!
@try2change I am sorry yesterday was such a struggle. How are you doing today? What were you able to do to quiet the urges? 76 days is amazing work
@bomdhil how are you doing my friend? I am sorry to hear about being numb and sick. I do hope the weekend helps get you back to feeling better. 2 + days is great!
@danam56 HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANA 
111 days is also amazing – voila! You are crushing this sober thing. Glad you were able to celebrate with supportive friends.
@thewolf 5+ months is amazing and thank you for sharing your good news with us! Keep up the amazing work! 
@just_laura I am sorry about your ex. Playing the devils advocate – if it wasn’t out of spite then he would have told you. I am sorry that shit happened and grateful that your work cheered you up.
@mno Oh man Mno – sorry that you too are struggling with these urges. I would have to agree that the moon / stars may have something to do with it. I am so grateful for this community as when I feel these urges get stronger, I am able to come here and read how others are feeling the same and dealing with it. I suddenly don’t feel alone and know that I too can weather the storm. Thank you – I do hope today is a brighter day for you.
@wakikki Oh friend I am so sorry to hear this. Grateful that he is and being looked after now. Sending healing vibes, strength and oh so much love your way
@marlowe I do hope you enjoy your books and had a wonderful time with your horror marathon. If you haven’t already – check out Any horror movie fans?
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