Day 119. Going to take it easy today . Wash the cars, walk the dog, listen to music and relax. I sound so dull 
but it will do. May walk down the shops and buy some overpriced bread, cakes and a pastie. Living the dream blessed to be sober and calm and not wake up with the urge for a drink or dreading whst have i texted
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Day 280.
Today I feel rough. Iām probably coming down with something. Might just nap for an hour before getting on with whatever it is I do for a living.
On the bright side, itās a beautiful day outside and I get to look at the blue skies when walking the dog.
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Just started Day 33, late night (early morning) check-in:
Great Friday! Work was productive, met with my office manager this morning and we were able to work through a lot of the issues she has been having with billing and collections. Good open dialogue with a focus on solving issues moving forward instead of complaining about past mistakes. Rest of the day flew by, perfect Friday workday.
Home early after stopping by the grocery store to pick up food for dinner. My daughter stopped by before going out with her friends. Talked with her for about an hour, she is truly happy with her life right now and I love seeing the joy in her.
Had a friend over for dinner, grilled marinated chicken with grilled peppers, zucchini and squash. Watched the end of the Philllies/Diamondbacks baseball game, bonus sheās a sport nut. Ended the night listening to music, Stick Figure, while sitting around the firepit, amazing fall night.
All in all a fantastic day.
Time to close these tired eyes and get some sleep!
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Massive congratulations @Juli1 @Barber508 @Wunderbar for your milestones 
I feel like a combination of @Timetochange and @Hidden day would be perfect right now!
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Checking in on Day 37. Weekends donāt worry me too much anymore, the cravings are no stronger now than they are during the week. I just enjoy them for what they are.
I slept in late this morning, until 9am! Normally that would have meant drinking last night, but no I was just finishing my book. The late night felt like a bit of a treat, and after sleeping in I am well rested 
Not sure what is happening today, no football planned. I need to get out for a walk but can work that in a variety of ways.
I am sorry I canāt reply to everyone personally. Thank you for sharing though, I love reading.
Have a good day everyone
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1596
Having my coffee on this wet weekend morning. Iād like to go out and take a little hike on my new trail/hike shoes I bought yesterday as a gift to myself. I donāt mind a little rain but a consistent downpour might be too much. Iāll have another coffee and see how the weather progresses.
My group therapist finally wrote back a couple of hours before the session, saying she had been away and hadnāt seen my previous mail. I skipped the session anyway and told her so and why. After that I got a longer mail explaining why she thinks I shouldnāt leave. I 'm suspicious as to her motives now. Which is either old-fashioned me being distrustful of anything and everyone, or I am just right to be so this time.
We set a date to have a 1-on-1 session before the next group session is scheduled. Iāll make up my mind after that I hope. At least I got a clear mind and I can think things through. And discuss them too. And observe how it feels inside me. Progress.
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love from a wet Amsterdam.
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Thank youā¦
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Blood tests, football, shepherds pie, winter cleaning and room visualisation for change. Run. Reading.
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Day 2) Iāve just got home from my first AA meeting. My ā¦ God. That was the first hour of calm that Iāve had in years. I havenāt felt this emotionally overwhelmed ever, I donāt think. Iāve just met some of the kindest and most welcoming people and more people asked me for my phone number than Iād ever been asked in any pub in my life.
Mark, who was sharing today told a story about how he used to buy 2 bottles of Bacardi every morning and a few gift bags so the shoppy didnāt suspect and he ended up with a car full of gift bags. And that resonated with me because I used to do the same thing - Iād buy alcohol and a chocolate bar and I remember looking in my cupboard one day and there was about 47 chocolate bars in there. I remember thinking āshall I eat them or just throw em out?ā And it made me thinkā¦ Funny how I would throw out the chocolate but not the alcohol.
Iām going back on Monday.
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Still night time here. Loving how quickly my dad bod stomach is going away this year by cutting booze out. Looks like it will be totally gone by Christmas 
Have a good Saturday, everyone
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356 days!!!
Started the day with two gym classes. Home now for a coffee and some (healthy, honest 
) snacks before heading out to watch a local football (soccer) match.
The weather seems to have settled down overnight, so itās a nice day to be outside.
Happy Saturday everyone.
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Day 21! I made it through my third consecutive Friday without drinking. Thatās huge for me. Pretty low-key day yesterday - worked for a bit ion the morning (Friday is normally a day off for me), went to the gym for a personal training session and then rounded out my evening by finishing Midnight Mass on Netflix (GREAT show).
This evening Iām going to a wedding, however, itās the wedding of my Director at work so thereās no danger of me drinking. I never drink at any work-related events. Itās always been a thing for me. Iāll go to the ceremony, stay for dinner and a bit of the reception and then head home to a book Iāve been wanting to start.
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Yeah, those tricks we were makingā¦ How fckn smart we thought we were back then xd
There is nice funny thread about it
Btw. @GenG , where are you? You are missed
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Hey all, checking in on day 1224. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Another sober day.
I need to work on being affectionate and expressing love. Connecting makes me feel anxious. Itās a PTSD thing. But Iām aware.
Anyway, Iām sober, and hoping that will make my journey easier.
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Youre aware that is a beautiful thing. Best of luck on your love expressing journey 
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I think you should definitely give it to her and like you said come clean. Sheāll know that youāre seriously trying if you have her hold your money. Active addiction and money are a bad combination.
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Just wanted to check in early AM. So funny to me when there is like a heaviness and myself wonders āwhyā or what am I doing wrong and how I can pull myself away.
Sometimes discomfort cannot be avoided. Discomfort, hard feelings, shit days sometimes cannot be avoided. Its how we go theough them.
I just went through my Sept of my daughters birth & anniversary. Dealing with CPS and again the understanding of we are to keep nephew alone/no supports for his needs or have to give up custody. Horrible meeting with a lawyer. Stress about finding new job/money. And talking to criminal law office about upcoming trial. Like LOL MIRA RELAX ON YOURSELF and your tense ass muscles.
I think somewhere in my mind has always been this understanding or expectation that being okay or doing well means feeling well, and dipping away from this somehow means I am doing something wrong or an invitation to look at what I need to change to remedy low feelings. Acceptance, acceptance of reality, breating and when I am open my eyes see all the shit I am so grateful for everyday.
I am starting to see that cracks of the trauma now from my sister. No trust - assholes = nope. Nice guys = probably hiding something. Women I meet = are they secretly being abused? Like this stuff doesnt occupy my brain but i can see it under the surface. I am also certain court is going to = manslaughter reduction. Our country is HORRIBLE when it comes to murder convictions i dont fucking understand it. And just a general feeling of anger, that is hidden behind fighting for my sister and nephew. Well i dont know if its hidden, and I really feel like fuxk everyone who is judging me and how I am handling this (I know ita probably not THAT many people) but its difficult being in this position. My mom feels it too. Anyway i am rambling. I am happy to be upnorth. Going thrifting today and I am putting on false nails which isnt something I ever did my sister wore them ALL THE TIMEso everyonce and a while I throw a little pair on. It makes me completely non-functioning and there is no way I could wear them all the time LOL
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You need to give yourself a pat on the back and a great big hug. Youāre doing an amazing job even if youāre having a āshit dayā! I think thrifting and the fake nails sound like a excellent way to spend your day even if the nails render you non-functioning!
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Checking in
Day 615
Had quite a rough sleep last night. For some odd reason i had a flashback from a very traumatic event that kept replaying over n over n my mind. I finally did get to sleep and then had to wake up at 6am for work. So im a bit tired. I realized last night that even though i dont like the flashbacks that I get, i am not really upset over them (like I think the average normal person would be). Which sort of concerns me in a way. Either i have healed from them and they no longer upset me or maybe i have pushed the trauma so far back that it doesnt really phase me anymore. Idk honestly. I think a normal response to traumatic events would be me being much more upset over it and instead they dont bother me much at all. What does this mean? I mean they were very upsetting when it happened but now not so much. And its not like ive actively worked thru my trauma which a lot of it stems from my abusive ex or sex work. So is there something maybe wrong with me? Or maybe i just think too much and this doesnt have to be addressed. Idk lol Either way i am wondering if these unresolved traumtic events are whats subconsciously creating these cravings to use. I feel like its not normal for me to be so unbothered by the things that happened. Like its not a normal response to trauma. Anyway, I wont dwell on it too much now. Going to finish my shift and take it easy tonight. Have a great saturday everyone! 
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