I felt HALT full force after work last night on my commute home. Just made me feel like total sh*t. It didn’t make me crave though, I think a good talk with ‘my’ group of patients earlier took care of that, talking about our rock bottoms.
After coming home through another torrential downpour I managed to snap out of it, to stop this feeling spiralling downward through my body and sinking ever deeper into misery and depression. Some soup and talks with friends (albeit on whatsapp) helped. But the main thing is I was able to recognise my own feelings and emotions, and after that I could shape them into something less negative and self destructive.
I truly believe that the work I’m doing on myself has made it possible to do this, and that a couple of years ago I would never have been able to. Massive gain. Sobriety and therapy and self-work has given me so much more direction, so much more self knowledge. And thus so much more knowledge of the world around me and my role in it.
I’m bloody grateful. To you all not in the last place. We’re in this together. We’re not alone. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
Day 144. Working from home this morning then out for a meeting this pm (3 hour round drive!) but all good. Feel tired. Got my dad an electric blanket /throw for when he is watching TV so he doesn’t get cold
I’m treating my daughter for head lice at the moment. There’s been a major outbreak in the schools here and it just seems as if she has them constantly.
Day 61!
Had an appointment with my therapist yesterday and we talked about speaking to myself kindly and compassionately as I try to make some changes. I will continue to practice that.
Well I am the last one standing out of four of us, employed as the remaining 25%. I’m trying to figure out where the 75% of work is going to go.
This would normally have me spiralling and whatiffing to fuckery and back, but I’m trying to use the serenity prayer for several aspects of my life lately. I am grateful, despite some people not deserving my gratitude. Is that the quest for serenity? I don’t think I will ever be that serene, sober perhaps, but not always entirely serene.
Don’t misunderstand my lack of gratitude at still being employed, but my job is starting to now look like a team effort
Heading into day 4. The way my timer is set, my 24 hour mark is at 7:00 p.m… I have definitely noticed that mentally helps a lot. I go to bed by 10 at the latest and after I get home from school pick up around 4:15, I do not go back out, so getting to 7 is easy. Then it’s not like I’ll go out at night and ruin it all. Every morning starts off great with me just coasting along and then suddenly between 7-8:40 a.m. all of the thoughts start flooding in. After school drop off is when I usually go on “missions” to pick up pills. So I’m going to do my check ins and then stay away from my phone until I get back from taking my daughter to school. Sorry for the boring rantings of my brain but morning is definitely my weakest time of day. So I am just making my survival plan. Have a winning Wednesday all you wonderful people!!!
No apologies needed. Thanks for sharing what helps you SoberMama. We never know what might help an other. And you’re already helping yourself so that’s a 100% win there. You’re doing great. Keep going. X
How did your interview go Jenny. Hope you are able to breathe now and feel a bit less stressed.
You are doing so well with 62 days - keep protecting your sobriety
Yeah, it felt like no matter how many times I treated it it came back bc it was also up to everyone else to do the same. I ended up ordering this stuff the US army uses for outbreaks and it finally worked.
You’re lucky you’ve already got short hair. I cut mine to chin length after the first treatment to make me feel like I was less likely to get it
Awe Eric, thank u so much for the suggestions on Insight Timer! I wouldve never thought of going on there and finding meditations for binge eating. I am definitly going to be checking that out today. Today is a new day. I attempted a workout this morning so thats a good start. I think it might be worth a shot listening in to one of these when i have the urge to binge eat or emotionally eat.
Ans thank you for ur support friend. I needed to hear this! Hugs. Hope u have a great day!
Ugh feel ill today…started with migraine this morning…had flashing lights in my eyes for 3 full hours and now i just feel battered, think i went too long without eating from tea time yesterday until late this morning, i get migraine from low blood sugar and i should no better, must remember to not go too hard and extreme at this diet
This is such a supportive post and i truly do appreciate what u said. I definitly can relate to the whole piece on childhood. My addiction with food actually began before my addiction to drugs. So its be an ongoing issue for many years (although when using drugs i was very thin due to not having an appetite). Its almost as of using drugs “cured” my binge eating. But then now being clean it has resurfaced. Its obviously a coping skill of some sort or maybe food was something i felt I could control back then as a child and it developed into something toxic. Idk. But i think in order for me to move forward, i need to spend some time just lookong inward. Maybe thru journalling or meditation. Thank u again for ur post! I really appreciate the time u spent writing that all out hope ur doing well friend
hope ur doing well friend