Checking in day 437! Officially put in my notice at my part time job, and started telling clients. Bittersweet to be leaving my work with them, but reclaiming 7-8 hours per week is a big deal. It’s my last big step to work/life balance! I am starting another part-time position but that will be once a month and work that I really enjoy.
Starting in December, I’ll just be working a standard 40 hour week, mostly 9-5. I haven’t had this in many, many years. Really grateful to be able to do this. Sobriety afforded me this in many ways- building my career to a point where this is sustainable and not having to spend so much money on alcohol.
Hi everybody, checking in, good to see friends and fellows in recovery here. I’ve been away for a bit grappling with stuff in my finances and my family (they’re constructive things but difficult) and I haven’t been here as much as I used to; I’ve been focusing on my in person SA group here in my city. One day at a time.
It’s worth the effort. It is always worth the effort. Call people, reach out, give and receive support (you never know, very likely the person you’re calling is getting as much help from the call as you are). Don’t give up.
I’m depressed as fuck at the moment and I’m really struggling to shake it off. Sorry guys, it seems like everytime I check-in there’s something wrong happening in my stupid life. Just downer after downer after downer.
I feel like I’m ruining everything and bringing everything down. Yup… barrel of laughs me.
Thank Kelly, that’s actually a really good question… I don’t know what makes me happy anymore, I’m in this strange bubble funk where I just wanna be left alone by everyone. I can’t even bring myself to reply to emails. I haven’t been this no-functioning in quite some time.
I haven’t even seen my mom this week yet, and she’s only next door (I did wave at her on Monday, that counts, right?).
This morning I did a 10-minute meditation, it helped a little, but I’m so down in the dumps it’s depressing.
A while ago i actually wrote a listof things that make me happy…i have it on my phone and when i get as you just described i read it and even if i dont feel like it i try to do those things more even just simple things like favourite foods or anything i find comforting, try and invest in yourself more, i think we can get stuck in the negative sometimes and without realising it starts becoming a habit like any other
Meeting with therapist this morning and it was really good. We talked about trust, and I was describing the difference between having a trust issue and setting boundaries with people you do not trust. It is a healthy thing to do. I feel like its something that is going to be progressive and takes time to understand and feel your way through. Especially when you have been so deeply hurt by someone you trusted. Trust for me is something I try to compartmentalize for peopke in my life based on their abilities and behaviour, I may trust you with some stuff but not with other stuff becayse you show thats not something youre capable of. Its just curbing expectations around people and understanding what they can and cant do - people can rarely do everything. But its okay too to be like…this is not healthy, and to recognize it and to stop doing gymnastics to solve the issue for them by simply accepting bad behaviour. I dont know im a work in prgress.
Also addressed what I thoughy was het taking a position on things with my nephew. Turns out she was not, and it was partially how the convo weny and also my sensitivity to the subject. Im so happy i addrwssed it with her.
Now back to it. Have 3 new pieces to photograph, edit and post then need to work on the social media side of things. I can get that work done while I take our truck in for some work. Shes got all sorts of stuff going on with her so im crossing my fingers its not going to be bone crushing. The bill i mean!
Today November 15 is the actual start to day one. I’m am seriously done and I want this right, the last two days I was on a drink and crack binge. I came home the night before last puking everywhere I couldn’t breathe I was shaking so bad. I can’t keep living like this, I’m putting in my effort to get this right I need better counseling because regardless I’m always trying to escape and I honestly don’t know what from. But I really want to be a good person and do something with my life I’m 33 it’s time to actually be a father to my girls they are now 6 and 8 sooner or later they are going to figure me out and see how bad of a person I really am.
You are not a bad person. You left the good road of sobriety which is rocky and hard so often. And now you seem to be lost.
You are not alone in this. One minute at a time. You can do it. We are here for you.
Hey everyone I have not checked in I am dealing with my team still kicking ass 256 days sober now . In way better shape still deal with PTSD etc. Just thought I’d update everyone hope your day is amazing if you see this much love.
It was a very intense day and I had so many deadlines to hit too, just crazy workload. I am happy though, it is such a big step up and forcing me out of my comfort zone, something I have tried to work on.
I am gradually processing it, sitting watching TV with my daughter. Thank you again
Today is my last goodbye. I’m almost avoiding going I think but I know I can’t afford to not go. It will rip me to pieces inside if I don’t.
The 3 days drive ahead of me the day after, almost worries me. I’ve been so emotional after every drive back to where I’m staying after my visit. This one is going to definitely challenge me like never before.
I have made boundaries for myself to keep me safe, I just hope I can adhere to them.
Happy hump day! Checking in on day 29. Now that I’m sober I find myself busy as hell. I have so many things on my to do list its crazy. Maybe it’s my clear mind coming up with all kinds of great ideas or me actually addressing what has needed to be done for a long time. Either way I think its great.
Checking in Day 640
Doing alright today. Just trying to get rid of a nasty headache now tho. I did manage to get up at 5am to workout. It wasnt the greatest workout but im happy i went, none the less. Then it was an early appt for my son. It was a looong 1.5 hour appt and im so glad its over with. Just at home now having some lunch. Im making sure to eat healthy and well portioned food. Took my vitamins. All is well so far. Hope everyone is having a good day
It’s funny as soon as you say you’re done all the dealers come out of the works. It’s like they know. Getting texts saying they will do trades, hey I got fire. Hey you looking, all of it, I am seriously done though. At first I didn’t know anyone in Plattsburgh and now I know several dealers and it’s really stupid of me. But I seriously just want to be done, I want to feel good again. I cleaned my room today, and did some laundry now it’s only 519 in the evening and honestly I’m just gonna eat some food and wrap up in my blanket and lay here and keep myself safe. Tomorrow I am going home to tupper to see my girls and will be cooking thanks giving dinner for them and my parents. I want sober Mike back, I may have fucked up a lot in these last few weeks. I even think I might be homeless soon, but I did this and I’ll do my best to fix it, I’m not gonna beat myself up. The other night when I was going home sick two girls stopped me on the side of the road and wanted to talk to me about god and asked if I believe and all that, I was pretty out of it but I took it as a sign. I have the one girls number and I think I’m gonna call and try and maybe get involved. Thank you all for your support you mean so much to me and I hope you all have good nights
Good for you Mike. Ya those fucking dealers are predators. They can smell it. And they don’t give 2 shits about you. I hope to see some pics of your little girls. They always bring me joy when I see them with you on here. It’s like I’ve watch them them grow up. We aren’t giving up on you. Keep fighting this fight. We all know you can do it when you got to.
Checking in 
