I hardly slept at all last night. I was tossing and turning until 5am and then finally fell asleep. I think it was the full moon. My room is normally pitch black but it was very bright.
Had a pretty good day though. I did have a momentary rage fest towards my electronics, which was weird for me. I very rarely get angry at anything. All I wanted to do was finally watch the Barbie movie with dinner. My Blu-ray player decided it couldn’t open, even though I used it earlier, and then my PS4 wouldn’t recognize either controller. The controllers got thrown and I took a butter knife to the Blu-ray. It opened, and played, but the Barbie movie might be trapped now
Idk why I got so mad. I was pretty hungry. I think anger/hatred is my least favorite emotion. It’s so hard on you. And for what? Pointless. I’m just grateful I don’t experience it anywhere nearly as much as I did for so long
Good Morning So had to reset so this is the beginning of Day 2 again im so disappointed with myself but getting there! Accepted & time to move on! I will be successful this time!
I feel quite well and grounded today. After a long weekend (due to strike at schools on Monday) it’s so good to get back to the weekdays’ routine. It’s snowing, I have some work to do but not too much, everything is calm and quiet. I hope it stays that way. I still isolate myself, but it’s a good kind of isolation, when I step back and just focus on my basic needs, finding peace in existence, having a break from life stuff. It has been long since I treated my life with acceptance even for a day, and that pointless fight just wore me off.
Wintery day today. Evaluation with my managers at work coming up. I already had a mail from one of them telling me not to worry. Which I don’t. It’s more a question of seriously starting to think about how to proceed with my career in addiction care.
Not that I have that many years working left -it should be about ten- but for me it’s new and very strange to think about a career, period. I never had one before, work was just a necessary evil that (hardly) paid my bills and addictions. Something I did until I was so fed up with it I changed jobs.
It is new for me to do something that I like, that has some use, that I feel apt at and useful doing, and that I can still develop and advance myself in. It most certainly would not have happened would I still be drugging and boozing my life away. Not in addiction care of course, but not in any other line of work either. And while work isn’t everything in life, it still takes up a huge portion of my waking hours so I better do something I like and fulfills me. One day at a time.
I never would have been where I am now without your help. Forever in your debts friends. I’m going to have as good a day as I can and expect the same from you all. Sober and clean. Love.
@BrOKenWolf Huge congrats Richard. Keep going. As you do. It’s all we all can do. Despite and through it all. Hugs.
Day 1896
And day 44 no social media and day 3 no sugar.
That sounds like a lot of no’s
Got some bad news yesterday from a good friend with health issues because of brain damage (long story with cancer involved). She has slipped and broken her hip and shoulder. She’s in a hospital now and had surgery.
I always admire her for her possitivity despite what she has on her plate. And she has a lot lately I hope she recovers from this and her brain isn’t hurt more by the anesthesia. Fingers crossed.
Today? Having the day off from work. Going to buy a card for my friend and doing some house chores. Tonight visithing friends.
Day 14. I am up and looking forward to my interview, I am definitely tired. But hope to stay up the rest of the day so I can sleep tonight. At 6 I’m supposed to have a call with the ladies from church, and going to hit the gym at some point. Much love everyone have a great day
I can not believe I am almost 17 days free from pills. It’s one of the longest if not the longest bit of sobriety I’ve had in God knows how long. I just feel better. Does life still suck sometimes? 100% it does. Life is a beeotch at times, hence the reason most of probably picked up our evil poisons to begin with. Do the good times feel better? 100% they do. Also the bad times are not as bad and I noticed a lot of my “bad times” could usually be traced back to my addiction somehow. I guess what I’m realizing is life can be hard, but it’s harder when I’m trapped in addiction. It’s like being in a glass box and the world is going on and you’re just watching it and wishing you could be part of it. It’s like the most free prison you can put yourself in. Sure you’re not literally stuck inside of a facility or my box therefore physically you’re free, but internally it’s like your in a war fighting and serving a prison sentence. The way to freedom is to just surrender. I can not do this, I just can’t do this alone. I get that now. I need you guys, I need my family and very select friends, I need to use my tools, I need connection and need to be of service to others, this is how I finally feel free. I know I could slip and fall at any point, but I won’t for today. Today I’m strong but in a few hours I may not be and that’s ok. I’m finally ok with feeling the things, all the things. It’s kinda nice. Y’all will never know how much you truly have helped me, so for that I’m grateful. Now let’s have a terrific sober Tuesday everyone!!!
Day 1,264 clean and sober today. I have the rest of the week off so I slept in till 6 am this morning lol. I’m usually up for work at 3am. Going to do some chores and then head out to the mountains and get my serenity. I hope everyone has an awesome day today, love you guys
Day 177 AF.
I felt pretty anxious this morning while I got the kids up for school. My son didn’t go in today as he hurt his foot and he said it was too sore to walk on. He seems fine now however.
I made myself go to chair yoga which I felt bad during the first portion of. But I just worked through it and felt a little bit better after it. After I’d eaten I took my support worker’s suggestion to visit the community centre that’s nearby and I was brave enough to ask someone to tell me a bit about what they do there. I ended up being shown around the place and put my name down for the woodwork workshop. There’s a waiting list but I feel good that my names down for that now.
I’m just waiting for my daughter to get back from school and then an early dinner as I have a meeting about a schoolwork trip my son wants to go on this evening. Then I’ll continue watching season 2 of Orange Is The New Black when I get home.
Wishing everyone an addiction free day.
Normies dont get it. Why we constantly have to do recovery work, why our thinking has to be constantly focused on doing being controlled by our DOC. I’ve been an addict longer than i’ve not been, and yet, i can’t take a day off. My “Default” Settings push me to more and more dopamine. I have to go into every day with a plan so my default settings dont’ take over and i’m just clicking and clicking all day long. We do need each other. Just a positive thought or encouragement goes a long way.
So had to reset so this is the beginning of Day 2 again 
im so disappointed with myself but getting there! Accepted & time to move on! I will be successful this time!
Hard work pays out!
I hope she recovers from this and her brain isn’t hurt more by the anesthesia. Fingers crossed.
but in a few hours I may not be and that’s ok. I’m finally ok with feeling the things, all the things. It’s kinda nice. Y’all will never know how much you truly have helped me, so for that I’m grateful. Now let’s have a terrific sober Tuesday everyone!!! 
You have got there a nice view on what happens to you and can write well
