Thank you…
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Day 130, body clock is off so working 7_4 again. Work is going well. Going into work tomorrow and Friday which will be good 
good to get out the house
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Day
2 no form of Marijuana
175 no alcohol
Day 106 no vapes or ciggs
Woke up late today at 11am
Very nice to sleep in
I had yesterday and today off
5 days ahead of me after today
Im ready to get to it
I hope you all have a good day 
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Day 623 sober from alcohol. Time alone gave me lots to think about. My husband is still a daily drinker and it was nice to be alone for a few days but it also shed some light on some of my continued flaws. I’ll let all that percolate in my noggin as I slay the day. Onward trusty soberinos!
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Second Check-in
Unexpected Trigger.
First trigger in the period of month and few days.
Saying unexpected - knowing my past on TS community that is not unexpected and indeed EXPECTED.
I am prepared. I was waiting for this moment. As it is the best time to put my next ‘‘black stone’’ on the table…
To be honest, there is a lot to think about right now, and the answer are yet to come…
All I can say at the moment, I understand that quitting sobriety would not be something extremely detrimental to me at the moment. I would probably feel quite good for few hours, then I would think a lot about my past, drink more, become a bit emotional or too emotional and then go to sleep. Repeat the next day, and then up to work the next one. Probably would be skipping few workout days and would be back to sobriety…
That’s how I lived for last 2-3-4 years.
Slowly realizing that every time I drink more, doing enormous amounts of damage to my body, loosing my goals…
and totally screwing my Journey on this planet… I mean everything I believe, my goals, my believes, passions, love - everything becomes a piece of crap because of this sickness in blood…
This is what is most important to me!
I was thinking to pick some drinks and drink in memory of my relative ones… and then I realized, if today they would have been here - I truly believe they would wanted me to stay sober ! We are continuation of each other - and we always have a chance to change that inertia - lift it up, or fail and fall down. We always have a change to change until it isn’t to late…
Today We celebrate the Day of The Dead. There was a lot of alcoholics in my family. Remembering the lost ones who died because of drinking…
My mother had two brothers.
Povilas once had terrible hangover on his friends house. Tooked a bottle of vodka at his friends house and drinked a lot of it. In seconds realizing it is a Vinegar or some chemicals. When the ambulance arived his skin was all blue and he was dying. He still had hope to survive, and said if I will dig out this time - I will quit drinking… He died that night…
Stasys another brother. Once he left house very drunk and never came back… I was a little kid when one evening on TV news they showed his picture on screen asking to recognize the dead body…
My grandfather from father’s tree line Eduardas
4-time fencing champion (1963–1965, 1967), 2-time vice-champion (1961, 1966). Spartakiad fencing competitions (1963, 1967),International team fencing competitions tournaments (1958, 1959) ) winner. Candidate for the USSR youth (1960) and Olympic (1963-1964) national teams. Participant of the Spartakiads of the Peoples of the USSR (1959, 1963, 1967). Coach B. Rusteika. 1959-1965 refereed fencing competitions.
Died because of alcoholism…
They all were incredible human beings. Stasys and Povilas was very open hearted, very warm,smart and down to earth persons. Eduardas was true Alpha. Real man. You don’t see much of these type of men’s these days.
Rest In Peace
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Congrats on your 12 days!!
I was busy and go go go as a younger person. Now, as an older person, way more zen. Do you is one of my many mantras. Work towards and with YOUR particular strengths. If busy works for you, stay busy.
Glad you are here.
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Oh mate! I’ll meet you up there one day if you like?
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Day 90
Just checking in.
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61
Evening checkin.
At home sober.
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Checking In
Day 626
Today has been pretty good so far! Thanks to recovery, i have met my financial goals for this year. My credit card was paid off not too long ago and now today my overdraft was paid and closed off thru the bank. I am super proud of myself actually bcuz i have always been known to not do well with money. Recovery is showing me otherwise 
I came home from the bank and did the dishes and vacuumed the carpet. Have been working on another dreamcatcher today also, a gift for someone 
Grateful to be clean and sober and on this path with all of u. Hope everyone has a great day 
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@Soberbilly congrats on all the 5s 
@JazzyS I do/did have a UTI, spoke to a doctor and was prescribed antibiotics last Saturday. I hope you feel okay after having to push yourself and go into work, but I’m glad you enjoyed your favourite day 
@Brl81 congrats on triple digits 
@zzz sorry for your losses and the way their lives ended 
@DresdenLaPage that would be cool I hope today went well.
@SelfLove_42 congrats on 90 days
@Butterflymoonwoman congrats on meeting your financial goals for the year 
1178 days no alcohol.
643 days no cocaine.
158 days no vape.
I dont want to jinx it, but I’m feeling a little better, my migraine has finally gone, and maybe it’s a sign that the infection is going too. 
(I’ve been on antibiotics since Saturday). Resting a hot water bottle on my bladder region is helping as well.
Tomorrow I have an online course, session 1 of 2 of ‘Finding My Voice’, which should gel nicely with my work on boundaries and assertiveness, when I do start my sessions with the psychologist.
🩵
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Hey ya’ll,
I feel like I havent checked in in a few days. Ooooo spiritually/emotionally i am in a baddy place. I know the visit to see my mom & nephew took a lot out of me, the dynamic that happens with my own children when there arent the right number of adults to take care of the 3 is not just difficult (people echo this at me like oh yes 3 kids is hard…no this is not that), its unhealthy. And i didnt mean to jump back in it and upset my daughter, I just thpught a 4 day visit it will be fine! No not fine lol. Recovering here from it.
My husband took a turn emotionally also after I got home; and I find I have been RESENTING HIM for it SHOCK. I resent his constant mood swings, his moodiness and i do not feel appreciated…especiallh when he points out things i am not doing, when I feel like I am doing so much. WELL we sat down today and turns out HE is ALSO feeling RESENTFUL at me because I spend too much time out of the house durong the day and am not focused (UM VALID) and HE feels underappreciated and like he cant say anything or I get upset.
It is not hilarious to me at all to fight with my hubby. We are what I would consider a couple who doesnt fight. We had a tough yr after our 1st daughter was born but situationally that was a tough yr. And we did it. What we’re going through now js…well im not sure many couples ever go through it, and we are doing pretty well considering all the situational stuff. BUT now when we boil it all down to the shit couples do experience everyday we are not really mad about any of these little things or actions, but what they represent. Well, low be fucking tide we both feeling that ugly feeling of resentment, loneliness and feeling unappreciated by the other. I will admit, the convo was very constructive but the emotional me cried at the end just feeling like an absolute failure. And thats okay for me to cry; its okay for me to feel those things but I cant stay there. Its okay to feel a little sorry for me, but I think the issue is I have been feeling TOO sorry for me (or something of the sort). What i am chuckling at here is how we are both feeling the same way, and both kind of containing it out of some sort of respect or understanding for the other. Yet communication, honesty and willingness in relationships is just so key. Another thing I find funny is how we tend to hear criticism or hurt from tbe other - when I get upset with my husband or say things he takes it to the hilt “you think i do nothing!” Yet, for me those tears about feeling as a failure reflect the same feelings. Its okay to feel as we respond to one another, because when things hurt we do react…we jolt, we flinch, we scream out in shock or pain. But its not black and white like that - him being upset with me doesnt mean Im a horrible failure. Me being upset with him doesnt mean I thibk hes a shit hubby. Thats just a FEELING, then you got to move through that and hear wtf it is they saying.
But…anyway…it was very emotional and i am somewhat tired but i am glad we had this talk. I am also bit proud of my husband for initiating it bc he holds stuff in.
When you are so deeply close with people, and you are undergoing huge life strsss (especially yhat which is sustained) it can put a massive strain on you and those close relationships. I think there has besn a tiny little fear of losing my husband, not because there is anything wrong with us as a couple but because many people do not survive the death of a child or what we are going through now. Just high stress and trauma. But, mostly I know that if we both put in the work, and go through these growing pains together (at different paces and understanding neither of us is going to come out of this the same!) & communicate and face the big issues head on…well, I think we may have a chance. I heard something once and live by it. Its not my problem or your problen its OUR problem. When im feeling resentful and unappreciated, im not able to keep that mindset. Anyway, not sure if this will hit with anyone but our close relationships are a BIG FUCKING DEAL in this life. And if im harboring resentment and feeling sorry for myself in that wife life, well some exploring to do there and not sure bout ya’ll but sometimes the best way i explore is through the actions I take. Happy 24 everyone. Xo.
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I am going to attempt to remember this. Writing it down now.
It definitely did. Appreciate the share. My husband and I and our adult children are having a real shit year. It helps to hear others perspectives and insights. So, thank you again. 
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I love that shot.
Nice to see you again Sunny.
Congrats on that eleven 
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Day 12 second check in)
It was a good day
I got to the new job and the owner was there (he’s acting as head chef at the moment; I’ve taken a Sous position). He closed the pub for the day to catch up on prep and admin work. He was with me for the first hour and then left me on my own to work through his prep list - I was meant to be there until 5pm but I had it all finished by 3pm so finished early. I don’t think he was expecting that! Gave him a few hrs to spend some time with his kids so I was happy about that.
One of the reasons he’s taken me on is because he wants to be able to take his son to football on Sundays which I’ve said to him I’m happy to do Sundays on my own… he enjoys working Sundays so we may split the day - I do the early, he does the late - we shall see.
I told him that I’m in recovery. I can’t make it to work on Saturdays until 10.30am because I have AA at 9am. He was Uber supportive. He said anything they can do to support me, let them know and they’ll accommodate where they can which was super refreshing to hear. That in itself suggests to me that they’re going to be a good tribe to work for.
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Day 1047,
Thanks for thinking of me @JazzyS. The session with the therapists was fine. They knew were they were talking about. They suggested another follow up therapy then they did some time ago. I agreed with that since I was also searching for other things, since my gut feeling was telling me that what was planned wouldn’t do it. One therapist actually knew the 12 steps, that is rare here.
Goodnight all 
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My latest sponsee has passed his first ever 1 year of sobriety.
I’ve sponsored several people now and all the ones that pick up stop doing 1 thing, taking action.
This lad has only missed one meeting all year for a family emergency… Coincidence?
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Late evening check in for me, 2nd of today.
Was out for dinner with my darling wifey for her birthday. She’s been unwell for a couple of years, and had major surgery in St Louis, MO in August - this was the 1st time we’d had a proper “date night” since then due to her own recovery. One of the reasons I stopped drinking was to make sure I was always available when she needed me, which is just as well as she’s been hospitalised a couple of times since we came back to Scotland.
Here’s a pic of my “King Kong” enchilada (not a euphemism, hehe). That’s what it’s called on the menu. 
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