Friday. We made it. Swim planned later, then a nice dinner together planned to cook at home from a meal kit delivery. We are heading to the coast tomorrow at the break of dawn for my MIL’S 79th birthday . We have a meal with her booked and taking her for a little swim and a sauna also. Just a day away, but a nice way to spend the weekend and no triggers there for me. My MIL is virtually tee total, which I love as her home is a safe space for me. Considering I now have no family my own side this is such a beautiful gift as she’s a lovely lady too and shows me the care and attention that I sometimes need(crave) to feel.
Day 160. Working 8_3.30 today. Then a long weekend (off Monday) house is full of wine it feels for Christmas but I’m ok with that. It’s for visitors and I am feeling pretty solid at the moment. Everyone knows I’m not drinking and folks bring me diet drinks or alcohol free lager.
My sleep is rubbish but I’m not sure if that’s because the dog hogs the bed? He seems to sleep soundly and I wake up like someone has trampled on my back
This fucking cold still won’t leave me alone. Today I woke up feeling the worst I’ve been all week. Took some otc cold/flu stuff + a melatonin, now I’m going back to sleep. This feels like a never-ending hangover.
So some decent years ago I worked at lumbermill. I worked as security 2/3 nights a week and at lumbermill at days. The best part at lumbermill was all those buttons! I mean look how much buttons!!
I think this is where I really started to build my alcohol adiction. I really started to drink beer very often just to help me to fall a sleep. First it was one or two beers and it really helped at those moments. Don’t get me wrong, that was very looong process. I worked at nights for 9 years so you can do some math here. Then I started to buy 3. Then 4… and actually after 4 I did not wanted to sleep and usually went to night bar to drink more. Then I started to binge.
After that point my first attemts to drink in moderation started! I then binged heavier and heavier. When did not drinked I trained a lot and everything seemed back to normal. Good normal. But every time I binged I falled deeper and deeper in misery. Then my first attemts to quit started. My Sobriety Journey begun.
Day 1,267 clean and sober today. Last day of my week off and man I really needed the time away from work. There is so much stress there that you don’t realize how it affects you until you’re gone for some time. Maybe I need to find better balance during my work week? Most likely since I can really tell the difference. I hope everyone has an amazing day, love you guys
Happy Friday! Day 45. Its a rainy day here in Chicagoland but at least it’s not freezing cold.
Currently sitting at the hospital waiting to get my blood work done. Being smart I arrived at 6:20 because they open at 6:30 so I would be in and out. Apparently the other 20 people who got here before had the same idea haha. However I came prepared for a wait. I have some new things I’ve started in my sobriety and one of those is learning Spanish so I brought my note cards to review.
Physically I feel a little tired and groggy, but I’m almost 20 days sober so that’s huge. My mood has been a little off but I have actually been able to easily correct it with my many different tools. I need to make today about self care. I’m going to dye my hair and fix a couple of my nails, etc… I’m looking pretty rough these days. I’ve been through a bit of a battle but I feel like I am definitely coming around to the other side. Have a fantabulous sober Friyay everyone!
Day 17, missed yesterday check in.got a call yesterday from the meadowbrook place and the lady said she couldn’t put me through to the CNA classes but they did have a job offer for me doing a porter position which is basically taking out trash and cleaning some areas. I said I’d interview for the position, but a little upset with myself bc idk I just want to do something different besides janitorial work or housekeeping shit my whole life. Idk why but it just feels degrading to myself, but a job is a job and is better than what I’m making now. Part of me just wishes to find something that actually pays well and isn’t minum wage, of course this is coming from the guy who dropped out of college, like dumbass you were doing something that could of made you more money. But idk that didn’t feel like something I wanted to do either. Definitely sounding very ungrateful…last night I missed my meeting with the two sisters at the church, I lied to them and told them I was out of town and couldn’t meet. Idk I just have a hard time with religion and going to church, I do want to give it a try though. But yeah idk I’m tired I sleep all day pretty much and stay up all night, I really do actually worry about my attendance for this job bc it is a good bike ride and I’ll be honest I hate the cold and struggle to wake up and definitely have a fuck it type of personality sometimes. Idk much love off to the interview
Great to be back in the gym. Starting another weight loss journey, this year was ‘proof of concept’ with intermittent fasting and it worked (down 31 lbs). But i wrecked my metabolism and basically maintained from June - November. Truth is, i wasn’t getting enough protein. This time, i’ll get 1g per lb of body weight, keep that up. I’m also prioritizing sleep, i need 7 hours to do what i’m doing. I’m not doing Low carb as i will need the energy to get through these workouts/my crazy life. I’m tracking my macros daily, tracking my sleep, and taking monthly pictures. Took my pics this morning. Looking forward to another journey, this time trying to get under 200 lbs for the first time in 22 years.
I have also come to realize that this job i’m been contemplating leaving for, doesn’t really jive with my weight loss journey…I get to work now at 8am, kinda come and go as i please. I dont know, i go back and forth. It’s better for me in the long run, i know it is. But it’s hard for me to get out of my comfort zone you know. It’s tough.
Not to much withdrawal symptoms from the meds I reacted to in an allergic way. Don’t feel to bad either, started on advice of the doc who said it might help. Wasn’t feeling to bad when I started taking them, I had them at home for about a week. Looking back I just took them in a bad moment, like f*ck it mode and took them. She must come with a good story if she wants to prescribe me something else. But the most important thing I have to decide it for myself if I want this type of meds in my body, while it already refused these meds.
Thanks for responding I’m sure there’s many of us in the same boat, or have been in the past. I know drinking now would make it 100% worse and I’d sink deeper and deeper. I don’t really experience cravings to begin with but tbh this helps deter them even more so I’m grateful for that.
My mother just dropped off some money, which will be gone by the end of the day. I’m transferring my paycheck to my VISA so I can order my tires. Then I’m back to square one. I don’t even know how/when I can pay her back but I am able to take a deep breath again. If I stick to a strict budget for the rest of the winter I should be able to make it until my tax return, so long as nothing unexpected happens.
Well I got the job as the porter position, they said as long as my background passes and I prove myself and make good attendance in a few months I can take the CNA classes again so that’s exciting
Glad you found this group as well. Anniversarys like this definitely can be hard. Its great that you are taking the steps and doing what needs to be done to better yourself.
. We have a meal with her booked and taking her for a little swim and a sauna also. Just a day away, but a nice way to spend the weekend and no triggers there for me. My MIL is virtually 
tee total, which I love as her home is a safe space for me. Considering I now have no family my own side this is such a beautiful gift as she’s a lovely lady too and shows me the care and attention that I sometimes need(crave) to feel. 
I’m sure there’s many of us in the same boat, or have been in the past. I know drinking now would make it 100% worse and I’d sink deeper and deeper. I don’t really experience cravings to begin with but tbh this helps deter them even more so I’m grateful for that.
We can get through this 
