Checking In
Day 656
This morning has been pretty good. Rough start to the day bcuz i felt so tired. But i pushed myself to get outside once my son was off to school. I went to the grocery store and picked up a few things including some healthy foods and some protein powder. I am determined to get back to a healthier lifestyle. I didnt have time to workout this morning so that will have to wait. But as long as i eat well today, i will be satisfied with my progress. I ate a salad today with some tuna in it and it was really filling. Im going to make my afternoon snack a piece of fruit with a protein shake. And then have a lighter supper. I absolutely have to make some changes. Health issues run on my moms side of the family and i dont want to be at risk for those health conditions. Anyway, recovery wise im doing pretty good. Ive hardly had any cravings to use. Grateful for another day clean and sober 
77 days today
Going to a friend’s art opening tonight where there will be lots of alcohol. No problem, I’m bringing my own mocktail. 
I’m glad you’re doing well Dana! I feel you on getting healthier etc and if I may, I started using this carb counter app and I’ve lost 9 pounds since last month. It’s awesome because you can scan foods and see the nutrition/carbs and it’s been so helpful to me I thought I’d share. It’s free (I am not paying for the subscription, don’t need it). Proud of you 
@Just_Laura I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling with your financial situation and I can relate to your post so much. I’ve been struggling so much for years as a single mum of 2 sons although I was always working full-time but the bills every single month were killing and I didn’t want my kids to suffer and I tried to provide everything they wanted or needed. Wouldn’t have made it then without my parent’s emotional and financial help. And it wasn’t the best feeling to receive this financial support. But I always knew they were just glad being able to help.
Now my sons are grown up men and both doing great so I don’t have to support them financially anymore.
I am now, for the first time in my life, in a position where I have my salary all for myself which keeps me in a stable position financially and I really appreciate that.
What I was going to say … I’m sure your parents are glad to help and support you and I’m sure you will be better of soon.
You are such a strong person. Hope you don’t have to worry too much about it all. Be proud of yourself 
I downloaded the app after u suggested it and i really like it!!! Thank u for the suggestion! Its very easy to use and i love the scan feature 
im also very proud of you and am sooo happy to see u back! Hugs my friend 
It’s hard to lay down a loved one @Juli1 The funeral is the hardest. Glad you made it through the day and you were able to support and take care for your mum. Hope you are able to take care of yourself now too. Sending you strength and love.
Checking in sober day 5.
Medical testing went fine and already have some results back that were normal. So that’s a relief.
Otherwise I’m just really struggling with my emotions.
At least it’s the weekend.
OFDAAT
Awwww that makes me happy yay!!! Thank you very much it’s really good to be back and I’m glad I could help! 
Thank you 
Hi
Checking in on day 621.
Ive just watched a documentary on BBC iplayer that follows 4 alcoholics. Omg - it was grim. If I ever feel like I want to start drinking again then I’m going to watch it again.
It was called Rain in my Heart and is definitely worth a watch 
I’m happy, I guess 
. It’s a wonderful milestone and I’m proud of it. A lot of hard work, patience, discipline, self-control, TS, and of course praying has gotten me here. I’m grateful. But why is my tone and attitude that of cynicism? You know, I guess that’s how I feel…
Normies will never understand how lucky they are to “not have been born this way”……
Congratulations!!! 
I like your honesty and I love you.
@butterflymoonwoman ah love so grateful for you and your hubby being so invested and caring in your son’s life. He has / is going through so much – so much more than any child his age. He is a trooper and will do so great with his parents love and support.
@just_laura Can totally understand the brain and body shutting down when tasks become overwhelming. Grateful that you do have your parents to offer support. You are on your way to making a better sober life for yourself and your daughter. Just keep doing what you are doing and things will hopefully turn around sooner than later.
@kellykelly 20 months Woot Woot! you are doing amazing on your sober journey – keep it going 
@anon84358113 ah I do love the sober journey when we get started on self care and self love — the first few weeks are just so focused on changing our lifestyles and routines. So happy for your progress – 20 days is fantastic!
@mindofsobermike Congrats on the job Mike! A job and routine is great. It’s a great step on your sober journey my friend – no job has to be permanent or has to define you. Just do the best you can for now and you never know where life will lead you.
@karenkw congrats on your 5 days Karen and grateful the results are coming back normal. Wishing you comfort through your emotional struggles
@chosen2001 Congrats on your 6 months. 
I know how it sucks to feel like we may be different from the “normies” but I choose to look at it as a blessing. Like wow – how blessed are we to not be poisoning ourselves in the name of “fun”. Learning to find better ways of enjoying all the good things that life has to offer.
Checking in on Friday evening…
345 days free of alcohol and weed
760 days (25 months) free of cigarettes
Been so damn tired - sleeping most of the day. Grateful that i have the ability to do so. My brother made me a delicious dinner. 
About to go back to sleep - 
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening. Sending you all so much love
@Mno congrats on what came of your evaluation at work 
@Runningfree sorry about Covid feel better soon 🩵
@SillyAndSober welcome 
congrats on double digits these anniversaries are hard sending strength 
@SadMemeQueen sorry about your grandpa and the temp doctor 
feel better soon 🩵
@anon68572606 feel better soon 🩵
@JennyH feel better soon 🩵
@Alycia belated congrats on 19 months
@Juli1 I hope the funeral went as well as these things can
@Mischa84 congrats on 5 months
@SoberWalker happy for your results, and the left-behing 🩵
It’s been a minute at a time kind of evening. Almost caved after having a panic attack out of the blue. But I made myself cook dinner instead. Then put on TV. Now it’s late enough I’m not tempted to go back out.
@Liz22 congrats on 30 days
@Jules000 welcome sorry about your Liver results, hoping they can be improved with sobriety 
congrats on your days so far
@Trixie1 feel better soon 🩵
@Barber508 congrats on 80 days
@Tragicfarinelli congrats on double digits have a nice day at the coast
@RosaCanDo good to read from you, I’m glad you’re still here 🩵
@Amy30 that sounds awful 
feel better soon 🩵
@Mira_D sending you strength 🩵
@Wakikki congrats on 700 days
@HakeemOsman congrats on 90 days
@KellyKelly congrats on 20 months
@Mindofsobermike that’s great news! Congrats
@Chosen2001 congrats on 6 months
@JazzyS congrats on 25 months smoke-free sleep well
@KarenKW sorry about the panic attack glad you were able to turn it around.
1208 days no alcohol.
673 days no cocaine.
188 days no vape.
Well I did not manage to get back to sleep after I checked in Tuesday night. I did, however, sleep fairly well Wednesday night, but not in a good way, more like I had too much sugar, because I just couldn’t wake up. I managed to get up just in time to have a bath and get ready for my appointments in the city centre.
Sadly, the majority of my new plants that I got from Too Good To Go have died. Unfortunately, they had to be kept up high, where Wolfie can’t jump to, and were all cramped together with minimal sunlight, I also possibly didn’t water them enough, as I’m used to my snake plants and Haworthia. So I got rid of the dead ones, the remaining 4 of the new ones don’t look very healthy either but I gave them a good soak yesterday. I’ll water them more from now on.
Yesterday was my medication review with the psychiatrist, I had a haircut beforehand, which I’m pleased with. Sadly the appointment was disappointing. After much discussion, he decided that the benefits of keeping my meds as they are, outweigh the risks of coming off them. He said there’s nothing more they can do for me regarding medications. So I will have to wait until mid 2025 to see if I can start ADHD medication to see if that helps. In the meantime, I have therapies I’m on the waiting list for, after my current one ends that isn’t appearing to be very regular or reliable. 
I went to sleep at 7:30pm last night, and didn’t wake up until Prince came to tell me it was their breakfast time at 3am, I was awake until 5:30am, then managed to nap until 7am. I feel better for it.
This morning I had a physio appointment for my back, and he assessed me and said I need different exercises to do, that he has since emailed me, and some hands-on treatment, my first session will be on the 28th December. He recommended a walk of 30mins 5 days a week, so hopefully that will motivate me to get back out for my lake walks. He also told me to move around every 30mins, and use a hot water bottle on my back 4x a day.
I haven’t been doing very well at all with my binge-eating, the takeaways I recently had with family, has lead to a total relapse after 394 days, where I have had 10 in the last 11 days. I’ve gained a lot of weight. Me and my WhatsApp friend have challenged ourselves to be healthy this month, we are hoping to motivate each other not to have any takeaways or sugary food binges. I am also going to try not to weigh myself until Xmas morning, so hopefully I can see a decent loss as a gift to myself.
🩵
Checking in Day 43 about to tick over)
I’ve had this thing on my mind today and I want to share it with you fine people that i’ve never shared before.
My best friend knows that the two things I hate more than anything are being patronised and being ignored. He always knew I hated being patronised but he never knew where the ignored part came from because it never used to bother me really. My dear mother told me that a couple weeks ago, she had been working in an area that’s got quite a lot of homeless people there and it took me back to when I was homeless in Prague. Mum passed this man on a really cold day outside a coffee shop and offered to buy him a coffee. She said his face absolutely lit up not because of the coffee but he was just surprised that someone could see him. He was delighted and it reminded me of when I was homeless and I don’t think anyone acknowledged me for about a week until one morning I was sat on the side of the Charles Bridge in Prague fully disengaged from reality, drunk, high and pretty much getting ready to throw myself over. 2 ladies walked past and said “Sir, are you okay?” despite looking like a fucking lunatic and I vividly remember the feeling of being acknowledged. Its about 6 years ago now but in hindsight, I was losing the fucking plot and pretty much convinced that I was pretty much invisible so my ridiculous behaviour went not unseen, but unacknowledged and when I get ignored now, i’m transported right back to when I was losing the plot. Is this a defect of character that I should ask God to remove? Probably… Im not losing the plot now but I still feel like it when someone ignores me and I don’t know if its my ego or if its just sheer fear of going back there.
I wrote a song the other day which I’ve sent to a few people and there’s a line in it that asks “How do you stop a broken heart from hurting anymore? How do you lift the shell of a broken man off the floor?” and if my experience and the man outside Costa who my dear mother bought a coffee for is anything to go by, the answer is probably - Acknowledgement. Acknowledgement is obviously the first of the 12 steps and I think is probably the most basic of human interactions you can have with another person. If you deny someone acknowledgement; If you deny your alcoholism acknowledgement, you’re essentially telling them “You are not real”. That’s my final thought of the day.
Take care of yourselves. And eachother.
Hugs not drugs.