Thanks brother!
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Checking in at the end of day 903. Happy December everyone.
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324 days sober.
Getting excited about Christmas. Concerts, traditions, cozy nights by the tree, yummy foods. I always have great memories of Christmas. Looking forward to being fully present throughout. Not needing some kind of jingle juice concoction Christmas Eve during Santa business. Not needing mimosas or Baileyās Christmas morning. Not needing wine with dinner and well into the night. Not being concerned with running dry on a holiday. Just being fully present and taking it all in.
We usually host a larger Christmas gathering, which has historically had most adults partaking in drinking. Thankful weāre keeping it simple this year. Donāt even want it in the house, and pretty positive that will be the house rule for the foreseeable future.
It was a busy, cold dayā¦ but a good one. Wishing everyone a fantastic weekend. Not -too- good, if youāre a Raiders fan.
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Day 74:
Quick check-in tonight. Really good day, so happy itās Friday! Good workout this morning, work flew by, a friend came over for dinner, started a fire on the old fireplace (first one this winter), heading to bed, get to sleep in until 7am!
Stay sober friends, good night!
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289
So I guess Iām sick. Strange bug. Yesterday my whole body was sore but it felt like normal post workout muscles. Today it was worse. My feet felt like Iād been walking for days. My skin hurt to the touch, everywhere. Headache. Stiff neck. Eye pain. Goosebumps and nightsweats. Stuffy/runny nose. It reminds me of opiate withdrawal. The chef at work said it sounded just like what he had last week. Not horrible, but odd. I made it thru work, the last hour barely.
I noticed around 8:30 I had missed calls and a text from my dad saying āZoiās still hereā at 7:30. Weird since her dad always picks her up before dinner. His phone was off and I have the wrong number for his friend who drives them. Luckily I have the Niagara County Sheriff app which shows every current incarcerated individual. Sure enough, heās been in jail since Tuesday. What for? I have no idea. Heās still on probation/drug court for a larceny charge so thatās what it says but itās probably just some type of violation of that. Iām calling tomorrow to see if he has a release date bc he does own a kitten weāre worried about, as its already been 4 days. This was the last fucking thing I needed right now. Taking care of this assholes shit. But I have to bc thereās so much of my daughters things inside his apartment if he loses it all again. Iām not letting that happen to her a 2nd time.
Itās times like this where Iām grateful for everything Iāve been through in my life. After all the shitty shit, Iām always okay eventually. Iām grateful for my patience. Iāve always had an immeasurable amount (except the end of my last relationship, but itās back now). Days go by faster now. I can wait for a better one 
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I hope whatever you got doesnāt stay around long and you feel better soon. Great job staying sober during all the shit.
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1638
Saying goodbye to group therapy was a mixed bag of emotions. I was feeling guilty about leaving the other members. I felt uncertainty about the future, after stating in my goodbye words that Iām ready to tackle life now and want to practice in real life what I learned in a safe environment. An environment that didnāt feel that safe lately, because of changes in group members and schedules and therapists. Itās time to move on even though that feels scary and lonely. I felt relieve too, and joy, and feelings of freedom and achievement and progress.
Iāve been in group therapy for 3 years. Only after leaving it I can begin to see and feel what it offered. Itās been a big part of Recovery for me. Until now. So. On I go. On we go. Weāre in this together. Itās cold outside and itās weekend and Iāll check out how the world is today. Iām sober and clean and from that all the rest follows. Take care of yourselves and each other and have as good a day as you all can. Love.
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Mixed feelings. My twins have a birthday today, 3rd. Sacha has his 5th bday in two weeks. We decided we gonna celebrate their bdays together, next weekend. To avoid extra costs (budget is tight) and to avoid drama (especially from Sacha, he is getting jealous if they get something and heās not, Iām not talking only about gifts but attention in general). Itās better to celebrate it together then, do something special, balloons etc, invite some ppl. But I feel weird i donāt even have some mini gifts for them. Or cake. But they dont even like cakes xD
I think i would stick a candles in the muffins at least, buy some balloonsā¦ At least they had a nice celebrations yesterday at playgroup with their little friends 
And also - 3 years already! Crazy.
I feel so weirdly sad today. I canāt even find motivation to make my morning gratitude.
Itās gonna be okay Mischa.
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Hi all, checking in on Day 79. My default is being cold now, and hungry. We are going to try and get out into nature and spend time as a family. I seem to spend my non working hours in bed at the moment trying to recover from my chronic fatigue crash, hoping today can see some improvement. I feel very disconnected from everything at the moment.
Wishing everyone a good day
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Day 6
Checking in
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27, i woke up late. I dont want to do anything today. So i guess i wont do anything today. Best to you all
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Day 126
Last two nights have been a bit tricky. The jetlag made me feel like a drink at night just to fall asleep but I really didnāt fancy alcohol at all and instead I binged on ice cream and chocolate.
Still feeling jetlagged, tired and low and I have a chocolate hangover 
But anywayā¦ Iām determined to make today a nice day.
Sending love and strength to you all.
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Day 1078,
Slept ok in the early morning, had a āweirdā vivid dream about kissing the owner of a hotel in Austria. I had some single parents holiday there with my son. Thatās years ago, but I kind of always fancied her and felt connected spiritually . Oh well why do I even put that here 
.
Might miss something in my life right now.
Greetz
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Iām quite impatient about my progress nowadays. I feel better and more balanced than letās say a month before, but itās difficult to recognize. Sometimes it seems I will never get out of this mindset and every day feels like a defeat. So I decided not to fight it and just let myself have difficult emotions, sadness, anger and also overthink if I need to. I have to accept, that at this point I still need this, I cannot just step out into my future from one day to another not even looking back. And as I will be able to find more and more peace in my everyday life, I will gradually need this connection with my past less and less. I decided to have December indoors, both literally and figuratively (except for one trip at the very end of the month), and donāt set expectations of myself, just focus on my needs.
Also Iām more and more repulsed by the thought of having any kind of relationship with others. It seems so much responsibility, obligation and engagement, yet it feels so fragile. As if I would have to sign a contract vowing that I put work, loyalty, and care corresponding to the length and depth of the relationship into it, and the other person would just sign, that they try not to fuck it up but cannot promise anything. Itās just risky and hurtful. I know thatās not how it works and that itās not a healthy approach to relationships, but thatās just how I feel deep inside, itās a strong gut feeling of danger. I feel lonely to some extent, but thankfully itās not so strong, that it would cause contradictory feelings, but sooner or later I will have to address that issue.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1266. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Day 776 AF
Good morning, everyone.
Dang, i got behind on this thread.
Itās 4 a.m. here. Canāt sleep. The wifey and I went to my companyās holiday party last night. We had a blast. I was surrounded by booze, but I survived. The wife had a few drinks; I stuck with water and Sierra Mist. It was cool seeing my co-workers again. We danced, had some laughs, and we won an iPad. Sweet!! Gonna give it to my eldest son for Xmas. Heās been asking for one. We stayed at a hotel to avoid driving late at night. The restaurant is a couple of hours from our spot. Well, I better try and catch some sleep.
Talk to yall later.
Hope everyoneās doing well. Take care.
ODAAT
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Checking in on day 181 AF.
Iām feeling quite calm today. I plan to go for a decent walk this afternoon while my daughter is in her drama class. Then itās pizza night here as usual.
Wishing everyone an addiction free day.
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Early check in. Iām grateful to be waking up hangover free. I was so close to drinking last night. It was a serious battle for every minute. When I get depressed I stop caring about whatās good for me. Staying sober is just one more struggle and Iām tired of struggling. But I was able to recognize that drinking would end up making me feel worse (not just hangover, but shame and self-loathing) and that it really wasnāt going to make any of my other struggles any better. It might numb briefly, but it would all be there the next day. Today will probably be another battle but hopefully each day I get a little stronger. I know I made it over 100 days earlier this year, so itās possible and does get a bit easier with time.
OFDAAT
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Excellent job Karen I am proud of you!
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