Thanks hun, yup, I’ll be continuing my Road Trip elsewhere tomorrow! 9 of the little hellions is too much for me, lol!
And yes … boundaries! I always worry about everyone else’s feelings before mine. Gonna change that! 
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Well I tried to go for a drive about town, I used to live on an acreage south of the city 25 years ago, but do t have my bearings anymore. The amount of traffic and not knowing g where to go gave me anxiety to I went back to the house and had a 21/2 hr nap … and it did not hurt me one bit 
Tomorrow I am off to venture somewhere else. 
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Checking in on this fine evening on day 218!
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One day at a time you guys, one day at a time.
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Sweet dreams ya’ll
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@selflove_42 Way to go on your 90 days! :mucle: 
I love this – I hope you enjoy the session. Glad that antibiotics are finally kicking in. 
@mira_d Oh dear friend I am grateful that you and your husband were able to talk it out and see each others point of view. Sounds like you are both respectful and caring for each others needs and feelings. What you have been through / going through now is not easy and you are right – not many couples survive it but I do thing communication is key. Love your phrase of “go through these growing pains together”. You two are lucky to have each other in your corners. I do hope that you are able to heal and grow together from this. Much love Mira 
I am sorry to hear this Sassy. I am sending you a blanket hug and comforting vibes. Not knowing what is going on - I do hope that your family can recover from the shit year and hopefully can end on a positive note.
Wow this is great to hear and glad that the therapist session went well and the therapist is actually shows signs of competence.
@maestro wow – happy birthday to your wifey. So grateful that the two of you were able to go out and celebrate with a great meal. I am sorry to hear about her health issues. Do hope that she is starting to heal and feel better.
@chosen2001 well done on your 5 months of sobriety! Keep tacking on the days 
@ceeds great to see you checking in and congrats on your 80+ days Lean in to those joys my friend – that is what life is all about. I do think that therapy opens up many emotional doors (the ones e had shut and locked away) and it is natural to feel off while we work our ways through them. Just keep in mind that you are on the road to recovery and this too shall pass.
@sadmemequeen my goodness all of that sounds utterly frustrating. I am so sorry and I do hope that you are able to get some traction with getting things moving in your favor when you see your doctor in person. I did not realize that Autism assessments were done differently for adults and children. Are you able to look into a adult Autism clinic?
@chuckie22 that does not sound fun at all and this is meant to be your getaway and also time to spend with your friend. If you are not getting friend time in and in the process losing your shit I would either cut it short (I’m sure your friend would understand) or explore the area on your own to get out of the house. Wishing you luck with whatever you decide and sending you oodles of energy as I know you will need it. Just saw your update – glad you were able to get out and will try another venture tomorrow.
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Day 746 AF
Good evening, gang.
I made through another sober October. We took the kiddos trick or treating last night and then came back home to watch Spider-Man Across the Spider-verse with the fam. It was pretty chill day.
Here a couple of pics from my lil man, and my eldest is in that inflatable Trex.
I hope everyone is doing well. Stay strong, fam.
ODAAT
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there’s no adult autism resources in my area unfortunately
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@bomdhil so happy to hear that you are feeling better – rocking it out with 13 days Thomas — keep going strong my friend
@timetochange I am so sorry for that news – grateful that they were able to get him into surgery so quickly and that you were able to make the drive. Sending you some healing vibes my friend. Hoping for a healthy recovery.
This made me chuckle. Grateful you did find it now and throw it out rather than find it later and it possibly be a trigger. Glad you were able to do your meetings. I can understand feeling vulnerable ad you are super raw at the beginning of sobriety. Keep working on protecting your sobriety and showing up for yourself – it all gets better :hugs; good to see you checking in.
@sadmemequeen Oh man - i am very sorry to hear that. Hopefully your doctor can help direct you to someone / somewhere that can be of help.
@1in8billion hey friend - how are you doing?
Checking in on Wednesday night.
315 days free of alcohol and weed
730 days free of cigarettes AKA 2 years
Was a tiring day but i’ve made it through sober. I was able to work the few hours that i was needed this morning and then take a 3 hour nap. I am grateful that i have my doctors appt tomorrow. One of many this month and i really am hoping to start seeing that silver lining 
i have been feeling saddened and just blah today but i do hope it passes - need to work on my own boundaries and not let so much of what i can’t control get to me.
hope everyone has a wonderful / addiction free day / evening. Sending you so much love 
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137 days alcohol free
It’s been a long day. My focus for the New Year is manifesting a new job. The level of stupidity I deal with on the daily is mind boggling. It drains me.
My back was too sore the last few days to workout. It’s bumming me out. I wonder if I’ll ever be pain free again.
Heading to bed. Sleep well everyone
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259
Sooo tired this morning. I think I ate too much candy, which is any amount of candy. I don’t usually eat much sugar but, 'Tis the season 
Anyway, my stomach was not happy and I slept all afternoon.
I found some energy once my daughter got home. Her dad stayed in town last night so they spent a couple hours together while I did 5 loads of laundry. Then did some housework, and got everything prepped so I don’t have to think tomorrow morning. Back to work after 3 days off.
This weather gets me excited to get into bed all cozy and warm. Hoping to catch up on some sleep now that it’s ideal sleeping weather. I wish you all a wonderful sleep tonight
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Thanks @JazzyS. Friend and I had a super good talk tonight and everything is fine.
Stayed tuned for further adventures 
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Day 44:
Not a bad day, still tired. Managed to get through work though and actually home pretty early.
Went to the Utah Jazz game tonight with a friend, my son and his girlfriend. Great time. Happy to say that i wasn’t tempted to drink and Jazz games used to be a place that aways saw a few beers go down.
Definitely felt good to get out and enjoy the night. Time to try and sleep now. Looking forward to another sober day tomorrow.
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Day 131 woke up, in Liverpool, road outside really noisy. Will do bits of work first thing
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Just seen about your Dad, I am so sorry. I hope he makes a speedy recovery.
We nearly lost my Dad to a heart attack 10 years ago and he is still going strong now. I remember that time and the complete shockwaves to my world, take really good care of yourself
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Hi All, checking in Day 49. I like Thursdays as they are my weekly anniversary, made 7 weeks by this evening. That seems bigger in many ways than 49 days.
Struggling a little at the moment, don’t think I checked in yesterday, was reading and ‘liking’ though. Not worried about drinking. Yesterday was a big test in terms of stress throughout the day but there was no real danger of me drinking which is good. Need to get up and face the day but really don’t want to!
Have a good day all
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Checking in on day 368.
Not feeling great this morning, my eyes are stinging because I’m so tired. Today will be a “lets just do what i need to so that i can get through it” day. Probably aided by coffee.
Will try to check in again this evening.
Have a great Thursday everyone.
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1608
Starting a full five days off work, culminating in my birthday on Monday. I was going to celebrate this year for the first time since my parents last attended which is something like 12 years ago. Don’t feel like it now. Maybe. Will see. The time off is good for sure.
The talk with the group therapist was good too. We decided together that I’m not going to continue with this one. There’s another group going in her trauma centre, but that’s weekly and on a Wednesday. That’s not going to work. Going to think about what’s next. I made progress in (re)establishing a connection between my body, brain and mind. Is it enough? To have Fridays to myself every other week is an appealing prospect too. Maybe it’s time to look for some more connection outside therapy.
Anyways. Today storm Ciarán is hitting here. I’d like to go to the beach and watch the waves but I’m afraid the public transport will stop running when I’m there and I can’t get home. So that will have to wait. And I did get a hike in yesterday between talking to my therapist and my late shift.That was nice. Beautiful area. Nice cows. Maybe I’ll just take it easy today. Have as good a day as you all can fiends. Sober and clean. Love.
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So this next one I was really scaling with this one to put it on here or not, but I thought this little documentary might be useful to someone else.
Depersonalization / Derealization Disorder
It started 17 years ago after I experienced my first panic attack and was faulty diagnosed with pre-heart attack condition. I then kept experiencing terrible panic attacks every single day, mostly on evenings. I was put on Clonazepam and I have no idea how to end the cycle.
I was working 9 years a night job as security. Also I started a manager job at our local night club. So basically I was living at night, sleeping at day drinking Clonazepam as candies. Later I started to mix it up with alcohol. I was in deep depression. I did not wanted to live. Only pills made me happy.
I started to feel these Depersonalization / Derealization Disorder symptoms. I was totally NUMB. No feelings. I was detached from myself and reality. Everything seemed unreal, like a dream. I even started to bite my arm several times per day so I would be sure I am not dreaming. Actually there was once a time that I bite myself in a dream… and boy oh boy that was an interesting experience…
I did all kind of tests - every one of them showed that I am perfectly healthy… Except heart valve has small leakage, but that is like totally fine, lots of people has that. So that lead me to psychiatrists. I then understood my condition, but nothing really helped. I become dependent on strong medicine and they were unaware on what to do next.
There is actually a movie with Matthew Perry R.I.P. about this condition. It really helped me to understand what’s happening to me.
Doctors wanted to put me on even stronger pills - but those were only available at psychiatric hospital…I refused. I was looking for alternatives. Never lost hope. I remember one thing that kept me in balance was to think about other suffering human beings in the world. That non-ego-centrical thinking actually made me feel not alone. Hope and Faith was always there, although I really had suicidal thoughts a lot.
Ask, Seek, Knock
7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8
Probably there are no better explanation on how I get through this… I never lost Hope and Faith. I met a russian Bioenergetic-Parapsychologist Sergej Azanov and basically he turned my life around in 1 hour. NO, he did not any miracles to me or any magic. He basically has very good vision, like a scanner. He just pointed things that I need to change in my life and said We will help you. I asked why you call yourself We ??? - He answered - Me and God, because no human being have such healing powers, If someone tells you he have such powers, he probably is a liar. Anyway, people do not come back to liars. Simple. After 4 years of nightmarish live I started to heal
He also said for me to go to Church. Yes he said this western religion is not the brightest one and has a lot of dirt in it, but ‘‘We western people are dirty people’’ - he said.
It was terrible 4 years of my life, but I learned a lot from it. I changed a lot. Life is a practice itself…
I started to run, runned my first half marathon in life, totally quit drinking clonazepam and my symptoms were gone. Later I started to drink alcohol again. I basically started to go ofroads again. Few years later I got stabbed with kitchen knife by my drunk father on Halloween 2011. 5mm from sleep artery. Doctors said it is a second chance for me and it is a miracle I am alive! My friend bringed me a chocolate egg after surgery to me. I opened it and there was a running doctor figurine! - Can’t really explain things like that. Coincidences? How many coincidenced do I need to come to conclusions that there aren’t any?
I then had terrible problems with health and went to one chiropractor to help with symtoms. I had many sessions with him and once I told him about Sergej Azanov…
His face turned white and very surprised 
Azanov he said ???
-HE CHANGED MY LIFE!!! He told his story on how he was a martial art teacher. Once got beaten almost to death and ended handicapped. He also met Azanov in his life and he gived him direct direction on how to change the situation. He said him to go to China and his life will change. He went there, got healed by chiropractic speacialists and then went back to our Country to help to others who suffers same as he did…
To my understaning, answers are all around us, some simple things like for example AA meetings - Church, kneeling down and praying… yet our ego is so big we can’t even do that. Higher power is always here to HELP for us - yet our Ego is what standing between us and freedom.
No medicine, no panic attacks, no symptoms, no therapies, no pills for about 12+ years now!!! And this path is continuing calling me for bigger change, quit alcohol and seek the light. For me it was a little bit in a different way, but I finally was recovered and put on rails again. Nothing much I can add here - Higher Power really saved my life.
Ask, Seek, Knock
7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8
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Day 1 for me.
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Congrats on making this choice Pedro, and welcome to your sober life, to Talking Sober and to this thread! This is such a great place for support, for gaining knowledge, for sharing struggles and victories. It helped me so much on my sober journey. To know I’m not alone. Wishing you all success on your journey and welcome again.
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Day 292.
Trigger warning: Mentions of child abuse
If you look closely at my ring finger, you’ll notice a tiny little burn scar. I was 6ish, maybe five when my dad marked me with a match. It was my punishment for playing with matches and damaging… something. Probably a table cloth or something, I can’t remember for sure.
Sure, kids shouldn’t play with fire because… well… I could have burned the fucking house down. But I got the mother of all beatings and this tiny lite barely noticeable burnscar for it. I don’t think the punishment fit the crime, but I’m biased here.
Did it stop me from playing with fire? Hell no. I grew up and just found different ‘fires’ to play with; sex, drugs, and rock & roll. Ok, maybe not rock & roll.
There is a point here. My addiction and struggles and need to self-sabotage left me with many scars, some visible like the one on my finger, some deep inside my soul.
Some days are easier, others a filled with self-reflection, guilt, shame, and doubt. But… fuck it. At least I’m sober. Nothing and no one can take that away from me.
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