72 days af
I had some big fat cravings since lunch until late evening. Back home now without taking a break on a cold dark dirty gasstation to buy expensive bad wine.
Trigger was my sister in law just acting like a damn bitch. Even if someone died. But why should things change?
Much love 
He does go under anesthetic for his MRIs as he would have too much trouble laying still for them. He used to get them every 3 months. And bcuz his brain tumor has remained stable for some time now, they have moved it to every 6 months. I always get a little anxious and nervous for the results. All i want to hear is that it is stable and not growing. I have these nightmares about having him go thru chemotherapy again 
but i am trying to stay present and in the moment. It really does no good for him or me to be upset and feeling down about his condition. I have to cherish him while hes here (which is hopefully for a very long time 
) and enjoy the moments.
Im sorry to hear about ur relapse. I get thats it frustrating but dont lose hope. Uv reached 30 days and that proves to u that u can do it! What happened leading up to last night?? Can u figure out what went wrong that led u to drink? They say relapses happen before the actual act of drinking/using. If ur able to learn from what happened, then its not a complete waste 
i was a chronic relpaser for what felt like ages. And sometimes i felt like i lost hope in ever being able to beat this. But with every relapse, i learned what i could do differently next time to prevent it from happening again. You will get sober friend Just pick urself up and keep at it
Sorry to hear you had a bad day @BrOKenWolf.
I hope you find a valve to let everything out.
We’re here for you!
Hey thank u sooo much for ur insight and suggestions! I really appreciate it. I think thats something i need to work on, finding healthier snacks that are satisfying to me. And making sure my portions are correct thanks again!
Sorry to hear about your relapse @Cp25
Don’t give up on yourself Cynthia. You made it to 30 days that’s awesome. Try to find out what caused the relapse and work on. You can do it!
Glad you made it back home without stopping by for bad wine @Juli1 Toxic family members can be a trigger, don’t let it get too close to you. We’re with you!
@Butterflymoonwoman what a busy week it is for you. Hope the MRI works smooth for your son und the results are positive! Take care of yourself to Dana and try to get some time to rest. Sending strength and positive thoughts your way 
Congratulations on your first day in sobriety @anon84358113. Glad you’re here with us. Read around the threads and find what works for you.
Wishing you all the best on your journey!
Thank u soo my friend i do tend to forget about taking care of myself, so I want to thank u for the reminder. Ill make sure to get some self care in and time to just sit and relax. Im behind on my New York Virtual Conqueror Challenge and so I do want to get back on track with that (which benefits my health)
I thought it was probably done while he was asleep as he is still so little, adds a whole layer of upset to you. My son used to have them regularly after his stroke and it used to break my heart when he went under and they would take him from my arms immediately. The room would go from a friendly, calm place for him, to me being pushed out of a room for a medical procedure. Please take good care of yourself, it is an awful lot for you to go through. I really hope it is good news
Checking in on day 278 from Puebla Mexico. Going with two friends to BW3’s to
Watch some American Football.
This sounds like the beginning of a horror movie sis. 
I’m glad you went home.
Thank you sooo much for relating to me, although I wish you didnt have to. I hope everything is okay with your son now
Being a medical parent has its own sort of trauma i feel. And self care is crucial. Its very easy to lose urself as a person, when the focus is all on their medical needs, procedures, appts etc. I dont regret doing that but at the same time, im a better parent for him, when i look after myself too.
How does one celebrate the birthday of their neice while spending time with their palliative sibling in the same room on the same day…
My mind is a cluster f*** right now.
I’ve tucked tail like a dying dog to isolate myself in a bedroom, with gut twisting pain, tears pouring down the sides of my face, while the rest gather and try to make the best of their time together.
I am struggling to cope and especially struggling with how cruel and beautiful life can be all at the exact same time. Doing my best to pull myself together so I too can spend time with everyone.
Welcome to the community and a huge congrats on your start to sobriety! This is a cunning disease and it is super difficult at the beginning of sobriety. Hang tight and take it one moment at a time. If possible, create a clean safe space at home. For me, I had to change up my routines so that I would not feel triggered or have temptations. I also slept a lot and kept myself super busy as to keep myself distracted. Support groups like AA or recovery groups are helpful if have time to check one out. I was lucky enough to find this community and spent a ton of time here engaging with my fellow mates so that I did not feel alone. We are here with you on this journey - you are not alone. Lean on us if / when the urges get intense. Do remember that the cravings will pass.
Sending you strength my friend. I do hope to see you checking in here. 
@chunkborealis SO grate to see you checking in. Sorry to hear about your loss Hoping you have a wonderful time planning your daughter’s 2nd birthday party.
@sadmemequeen How are you doing Megan? Grateful you had a good time with your Grandpa. I do hope that you are able to find a new doctor. Please note that this is in no way your fault. 
@peterc wishing you well with your detox. Just take it one day at a time. For me it was important to keep busy and keep myself away from my triggers. If possible, try to make sure you don’t have anything in the house to make you tempted. We are here with you so reach out if you are having a hard time.
@sunny11 Way to go with 3 weeks – keep going strong 
@jennyh I totally feel the pull of the holiday season and it’s ties to our addictions. Our minds will spin many stories and yes that negotiating is relentless. Just remember to only focus on the moment at hand. Last year I did my first sober Christmas and I found that by having a few pitchers of mocktails at hand helped keep me sober. Just remember that we are right here with you if the urges or negotiations get loud.
@timetochange Your dad has been through a lot. His body may need time to relax and slowly strengthen the muscles again. Wishing him a healthy and quick recovery. I hear you on the work / life balance. It is a fine line. I do keep reminding myself that I want to work to live and not live to work . Its even better when you enjoy your work.
@deelzebub nice catch on the time. Hugs my friend – you are doing a fantastic job and should be proud of your sober journey
@trixie1 Way to keep going strong with 58 days AF! We all have our own paths of how to beat our addictions. I just did my first meeting this past week as well as I needed some extra support with the upcoming holiday season. I do hope your meeting went well.
@brokenwolf Hey Richard – I am sorry for the fucked up day you are having. Can we help in any way? We are here to listen. Sending you love and comfort
@butterflymoonwoman Hope you were able to get some rest this evening. Sending you positive energy vibes for your son’s medical appointments next week. We are here for you friend - i know your emotions will be flying high next week. Sending you so much love
doing a little better today thanks
Day 303.
Or 302. I’m not sure how to count it as it’s nearly 4 am and I haven’t slept. I really really need to sort out my sleep. Today I got up at 1 pm, ran some errands, then worked till 1 am, had my tea, watched two episodes of Six Feet Under (great show, a classic!) and now I’m in bed trying to sleep.
My sleep cycle is fucked and next Saturday I’ll have to wake up early because we’re going out of town for a memorial meal family thingy for my uncle. My husband bowed out, so I’m gonna be there alone.
I get it. I encouraged him to skip it because he’s been so good at attending family functions these past few weeks and they do suck for him. Apart from me, no one really makes the effort to talk to him, even the ones who speak English barely bother saying more than hello. But… I hate it when he’s not with me. He’s just so good at keeping me calm.
Right… I’m done rambling. Next week is next week. Now I gotta get some sleep.
Hope you all have a wonderful sober addiction free Monday.
Day 884. It was a decent day. Worked outside raking leaves and went for a nice long bicycle ride. The weather was unseasonably warm. Took the kids on a lantern walk. Also I begrudgingly turned 45. Wishing everyone peace today 
Buuuut … you’re back. And that’s what counts! Last night is history … fuck it! Here you are today. Now let’s see what tomorrow brings 
Thank you so much friend!! I always, ALWAYS appreciate ur love and support. Im just going to take things 1 day at a time. Take each day as it comes and do my best. Friday will be the most anxious day out of the week for sure (and the days that follow as i wait for results). But ill be glad to hear that things are stable for him. Thinking positive
Hoping to have a nice weekend. But feeling stressed.
I am sober approaching day 399 in a couple hours.
Love yall