Hey, I’m so upset, I’m filling in a lost property form with the rail company as I think I may have left it charging in my train bed. But I have a bad feeling I won’t see it again. I don’t like using the phone APP as it feels wrong to me and I try not to use my phone at bed time. But as I was almost half way through a book I may have to use the App…. I’ve pledged to not use that massive company with the tick on the brown boxes that is slowly turning Earth into a cardboard box landfill. Why do they have to have been the ones to have birthed KINDLE. I hate them with a passion.
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Welcome back TF.
I Missed you.
“Your sober date changes, but that’s all that changes,” “You know everything you knew before, as long as you were able to fight your way back without dying, you learn a lot.”
Matthew Perry
Stick with us kid 
Btw. Just download the App. I can’t believe people still have Kindles. It took me while to relinquish my kindle. One less thing to keep track of.
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My Kindle is everything to me 
I am still an 80s kid and have an iPod as well for music… But no apple subscription as I’m too tight to pay £11.99/month so I just use it for podcasts.
I’m listening to the Matthew Perry autobiography right now actually. Very very sad. I can’t understand the meaning on Instagram of his last week in posts, without feeling we should have known he needed help or that something was very wrong, it got very bizarre before he passed. Anyway. RIP big man.
The number of days Sober actually really damages my mental health a lot and I was wondering seriously if I could just leave it and not reset the clock as I was fearful of my own inability to start over mentally. But I’m back and I reset it.
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Checking in day 435! Had a good weekend overall. Went out for a long hike, and nature is always so good for me. Also had some good downtime. My ex, who appears to still be in active addiction, did some harassing of me over the weekend, and I think I did an OK job maintaining boundaries (even though they’re uncomfortable). Still working toward untangling some of the things we have together so there’s no need for contact in the future- it’s a process but getting there step by step.
My pickeball league starts tonight now that kickball is done. Looking forward to it!
Hope everyone has a majestic sober Monday 
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This must be HUGE for a lot of people. I totally understand this. I don’t have experience with it. Being one of the old farts around here I don’t think I got another recovery in me. And I don’t think I’d be as brave and courageous as you and many others who keep coming back.
I’ve seen a lot of people come back like you and then one time it just sticks. Never give up. Keep surrendering. Stick with the winners you’ll be a winner too. It’s just a fucking number. Easy for me to say. But it is. Just a fucking number. Now you got a new one. Protect it at all cost. Just for today.
I loved MPs book. When my son was in sober living he had the chance to go to The Perry House a few times. Matthew had a big heart. He really did care. I like to think MPs big heart touched my son a bit during his recovery.
#fuckaddiction
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Check8ngnin on day 124.
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Checking in at day 8… Its a brand new day for me… a couple days ago I applied for a job and the very next day I got a call back. I got the job! This past weekend I was just waiting for their offer via email… and this morning when I woke up and checked my email there it was…the job offer… I just need to accept it and fill out some paperwork and I’ll be put on the schedule so its looking like I’ll start sometime this week or even tomorrow… It’s exciting because you know it’s something to keep me busy and also I’ll have money to do things and go places… I’m just nervous because one of the job descriptions is the ability to life fifty pounds haha I’m a small lady only 5’5 and I can barely lift my dog’s food when I get them a new bag…But I think over time I’ll get used to it, another thing is the ability to operate a forklift and I have no idea how to do that…but again I’m sure I’ll learn as I go… I’m just hesistant because this is a big step for me…
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You still have that many days sober. You still have all the knowledge of recovery you’ve learned during that time. When I relapsed during covid, at almost 5 months, I never forgot the things I learned here and in the rooms. I don’t think it’s starting over from scratch. Even though I went back out for 3 years, when I came back it felt like I picked up right where I left off. Growing up more and more. You’ve got this
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@peterc how are you doing today?
@annae Great work on 175 days Anna. It is still early in sobriety and you are finding yourself I think that we can be just as much fun and exciting without the “crazy” which leads to next day regrets. I am still finding out who I am without the alcohol and realizing I was relying on the wrong things to make me happy or enjoy a good evening / event. Glad you had a great holiday and its wonderful about all the support you have around you. Keep doing what you are doing – absolutely crushing it 
@misokatsu LOL that is a cute keyboard. I can see how it can take some getting used to.
@sunny11 You are doing fantastic my friend. I know the sadness is there but realize that you had all that sober time and you are not letting the relapse define you. Instead you are kicking ass with 22 days!
@barber508 Hope all goes well with your court appointment. You are doing great with 63 days and making a new healthy lifestyle for yourself. 
@bomdhil 25 days!! Always great to see you my friend. I do hope you are finding time for yourself as work and responsibilities can pile on high. Happy Monday Thomas
@tragicfarinelli Oh friend so good to see you back. I am so sorry to hear about your past few days. I know you have had and still have so much anxiety. Do hope you get some answers from work soon. Sending you love and strength today – great work on jumping in towards your day 1 and resetting your routines. You were missed The sobriety journey is yours alone so do what works with you as far as resetting the clock (as long as you are true to yourself and know the meaning behind your number). Our mental health is just as important to protect on this journey (especially at the beginning).
@JustAlys Way to go with 8 days and a huge congrats on your new job! Love new adventures!
Checking in on Monday morning
Good morning my sober peeps. I feel like i am drugged when i wake up for past few days and i think it is the melatonin. I was told to stay with it for a few months as part of the regime for my severe itching (not sure how it helps but hey i’m willing to give it a shot) but now i am not sure if i can deal with this zombie feeling aftermath. Will give it a week to see if i just need to adjust.
Not much on the agenda today - will have my dentist appointment tomorrow to check on my TMJ but since i haven’t gone in a long time they will need to do a full cleaning / check up. Not thrilled about it LOL.
Hoping everyone has a wonderful addiction free Monday - sending you all so much love
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It would have ended like one for sure! 
Day 73 AF
Checking in.
Lessons I learned:
-
Time won’t stand still.
Sun goes up again.
And down.
Doing the routines.
Doing things.
Resting.
Coffee.
And so on. -
Bitches stay bitches!
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“Star friendship.— We were friends and have become estranged. But this was right, and we do not want to conceal and obscure it from ourselves as if we had reason to feel ashamed. We are two ships each of which has its goal and course; our paths may cross and we may celebrate a feast together, as we did—and then the good ships rested so quietly in one harbor and one sunshine that it may have looked as if they had reached their goal and as if they had one goal. But then the almighty force of our tasks drove us apart again into different seas and sunny zones, and perhaps we shall never see one another again,—perhaps we shall meet again but fail to recognize each other: our exposure to different seas and suns has changed us! That we have to become estranged is the law above us: by the same token we should also become more venerable for each other! And thus the memory of our former friendship should become more sacred! There is probably a tremendous but invisible stellar orbit in which our very different ways and goals may be included as small parts of this path,—let us rise up to this thought! But our life is too short and our power of vision too small for us to be more than friends in the sense of this sublime possibility.— Let us then believe in our star friendship even if we should be compelled to be earth enemies.” - F.N.
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Thanks for the kind words…bail didn’t get revoked out on a 802 till at least Dec 17
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Checking in
Day 638
Its almost 11am and i got alot done cleaning wise. Threw on some tunes and did up the vacuuming, sweeping and mopping, bathroom, and dishes. Now just waiting to go grocery shopping. Then home to exercise. Feeling pretty good today 
Hope i can keep this energy up! Have a great Monday everyone! 
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Check with your local library to see what app they use for ebooks and audiobooks. Mine uses Libby and if I paid for it in the beginning, which I doubt, it was worth it. Then it is up to you to pick a device to read them on.
All is not lost. 🩷
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At two in the morning a huge industrial truck with hoses pulled up outside of my apartment building last night and made very loud noises for about two hours. It was like someone running a riding mower next to our window.
Old drunk Emilie would have immediately been angry and then scared. I would have tried to pack up the cats to sleep in the car most likely to “protect” them. Thus causing more chaos and a really stressful night.
Day 635 sober Emilie assessed the situation, was grateful my apartment wasn’t affected, put in an ear bud and listened to a book on mindfulness.
Old Emilie also would have used that scenario as an excuse to have a shitty day today and I would have re-told the story as an anecdote until my co-workers were thoroughly entertained.
Onward new Emilie! Old Emilie sucked.
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Checking In Day 24)
Oooh my giddy Aunt! Again, I’m not sure if I’m wearing rose tinted glasses but this time actually fucking feels like recovery and not just sobriety! The consistency it takes is so tiring but in a great way!
The last few days have just been soul replenishing. Meeting with friends, briefly looking for jobs, taking care of recovery, step work, meeting with my sponsor, getting my list done, I’m 21 pages into my book… I also know a published author who is interested in helping me with the process later down the line so I don’t think there’s any going back now! Got a step meeting in 45 minutes and I’m already exhausted!
Part of me wonders whether I’m trying to just take my mind off shit and doing the “avoiding situations where I will drink” … And yeah I probably am but fuck it! It’s doing it in a healthy way, I think 
I’m not white knuckling and that’s definitely far better.
I am struggling to get an appetite at the moment. I’m eating 3 times a day but it’s very much just fuel at the moment rather than enjoying it. It’s not giving me any distress but I definitely think I need some more fruit and veg and less sweets.
Ugh! Force yourself, Josh!!
My brain is mush.
Hugs not drugs.
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Back to day 1. I saw no alternative. Dude cut me off and could have caused an accident so I had to use my horn. Oh, and on day 27 alcohol free haha.
Woot colonoscopy tomorrow so im on a liquid diet today and need to start that prep stuff in about 5 hours. Its been 4 or so years since the last one but I dont remember it being that bad. As an alcoholic I use to pay a lot of money to drink stuff that tasted much worse lol.
Have an awesome sober Monday my friends.
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1619 evening check in for a change
I didn’t get to cleaning my house today, but I did get to clear out a lot of old stuff I don’t need no more. Probably never needed it anyway. Good riddance! Have as good a night as you can all. X
@Tragicfarinelli You’re here. The past already happened. I do hope you learned something from this episode. And now back at it and one day at a time, as it is for us all. As you know.
I’m glad to see you. And as a kid form the 70’s I actually still like and prefer real books. For e-books I use a tablet and a free app. Screw *mazon. BTW, I did throw out my last cassette recorder today. Bye bye 70’s and 80’s.
@JustAlys Congrats on the job! You will make it work. You have you sober wits about you 
@Juli1 Another lesson learned too maybe? Like you got this and you can handle this? Sober and well!
@TrustyBird Onward sober Emilie!!! Reading that makes me happy friend x
@Frank68 I almost feel you deserve a colonoscopy for your day 0 joke. But not quite. Success.
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Proud of you! We’ve come a ways huh? It’s nice we’re finally on the right path 
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Checking in @day #165
Lately the “IDGAF” thought has popped in my head lately…all of course with a lot of good reasoning and incentives such as:
World is coming to an end, why not? (Exaggeration included heh)
Overlooking a beautiful sunset with my girl, why not?
Not having plans for Thanksgiving, why not?
Stress in the family, why not?
I guess that thought will never go away as there will ALWAYS be an excuse to pick up. Even if we have to make one up. I think that’s the biggest challenge for me. Not white knuckling. Not sweating it out day by day. But knowing that at any point in time there’s always something I can point to as an excuse as to why I went out, and I’ll most likely get nodding heads and sympathy because of it, (mostly)…
But in the end I have to live with myself and know dam well it was just me giving in to my fleshly desire to consume. It always will end up the same, the results of:
Nothing has changed
My friends guilt, shame and regret are right there consoling me
My self worth has depleted further
My loved ones show a hint of disappointment
I have to start over……
I do hate that this is something I, dare I say we, live with. Mostly we block it out, ignore it, acknowledge it and move on or just playfully entertain it with built up self control, but it will always be hiding in that corner of our mind, hoping, wondering and fantasizing about another run….
I thank God for these previous days of sobriety. I would not want it any other way. This life is a gift I’ve been given a second chance at…and by the grace of God I’m not going back….
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