Lately the “IDGAF” thought has popped in my head lately…all of course with a lot of good reasoning and incentives such as:
World is coming to an end, why not? (Exaggeration included heh)
Overlooking a beautiful sunset with my girl, why not?
Not having plans for Thanksgiving, why not?
Stress in the family, why not?
I guess that thought will never go away as there will ALWAYS be an excuse to pick up. Even if we have to make one up. I think that’s the biggest challenge for me. Not white knuckling. Not sweating it out day by day. But knowing that at any point in time there’s always something I can point to as an excuse as to why I went out, and I’ll most likely get nodding heads and sympathy because of it, (mostly)…
But in the end I have to live with myself and know dam well it was just me giving in to my fleshly desire to consume. It always will end up the same, the results of:
Nothing has changed
My friends guilt, shame and regret are right there consoling me
My self worth has depleted further
My loved ones show a hint of disappointment
I have to start over……
I do hate that this is something I, dare I say we, live with. Mostly we block it out, ignore it, acknowledge it and move on or just playfully entertain it with built up self control, but it will always be hiding in that corner of our mind, hoping, wondering and fantasizing about another run….
I thank God for these previous days of sobriety. I would not want it any other way. This life is a gift I’ve been given a second chance at…and by the grace of God I’m not going back….
Day 190. Feeling pretty good about it all. Spent some time in the last week in an environment where I could have slipped up, but I got through it. Experiencing stuff sober is awesome. I took my partner away to the city for a night, we had a fancy meal out, watched a comedian (very funny) and then stayed in a hotel. Seeing people drinking two pinters - get as much in in the shortest time possible. One man was so drunk he was escorted out by security before the show had even started. Then a few days later off to the football with friends and family. Watching people feel they need to drink to pump themselves up. Believe me, this used to be me. I’m starting to enjoy how clear my mind is, how much energy I have and my willingness to get things done. The thought of drinking alcohol makes me feel off. Even only a few drinks, the grogginess of it wearing off, gives me a headache thinking about it.
Hey team, day 8 and I am angrY
Going to keep it up and have a good day at work but this is usually where I start to struggle.
Good luck to you all and your journeys x
Almost done Day 54. So excited to hit 60 days. Today was rough mentally, but the best part is I didn’t even think about drinking to fix it. Might not be that big deal but that was my fix for the last 15yrs. Don’t wanna gloat but I’m really proud of myself today!!!
Wish everyone a great night and a better tomorrow
@ChunkBorealis sorry for your loss @ClarityChris welcome congrats on your days so far @JennyH congrats on your new PB its good that you are aware of these lingering thoughts, but you will feel so empowered if you say ‘no’ over the holidays, no matter how many times you have to say it! (I still have to and this will be my 4th sober Xmas). Congrats also on 60 days @SoberMama39 welcome never stop trying 🩵 @Bones_80 good to read from you I hope the hospital helped get your pain more manageable 🩵 @Cp25 congrats on your honesty and for coming straight back keep trying 🩵 @Juli1 sorry your SIL acted like that but congrats on resisting your cravings @Butterflymoonwoman I really hope it’s good news following your son’s MRI sending strength to you and hoping you can find some time to do some deep breathing, meditation, or anything else that helps you relax 🩵 @anon68572606 sending you strength it’s a heartbreaking situation for sure I do hope you managed to spend time with everyone 🩵 @icebear belated happy birthday!
@Amy30 sorry you’re feeling low I hope you found some nature @Barber508 I hope court went okay @Tragicfarinelli welcome back sorry you lost your Kindle. I was also going to suggest the app, then it’s always with you too. Maybe use the money you’ll save from not drinking, to invest in a new one from yourself for Xmas @JustAlys congrats and good luck in your new job @JazzyS thank you 🩵 I hope your dentist appointment goes okay @Frank68 good luck with your procedure @Mno now that does look like a good sort out! @SobrietyForMe feel better soon 🩵
1190 days no alcohol.
655 days no cocaine.
170 days no vape.
I only managed to sleep for 1hr20mins Saturday night, from 6am-7:20am. It was really hard to stay awake after that but I did because I knew if I’d have gone back to sleep I may not have woken up on time to see my brother and his family.
Yesterday, I visited my brother, SIL, and niece, for my SIL’s birthday. I ended up spending 3 hours with them, it flew by! Felt bad afterwards incase I overstayed my welcome, but I didn’t even check my phone the whole time, it was so nice to have a proper catch-up with them all. I probably wont see them now until Boxing Day at my Dad’s.
When I got home I layed down for a nap, slept for 3hrs, woke up, fed the cats and took my evening meds, then slept again til midnight, felt unwell so went back to sleep, then didn’t wale up until my cat’s startled me at 9am! They must have been trying for a while as one of them attempted to do acrobatics on the clothes airer and that’s what woke me to check he was okay.
I’ve been awake since then because I had a migraine from extra distrubing nightmares and being woken up unnaturally. The migraine has settled down enough now so I can look at my phone screen and catch-up here.
I hope you all had wonderful sober weekends
Tomorrow I (hopefully) have my first session with the psychologist around boundaries and assertiveness. Looking forward to that, just hoping she doesn’t cancel again.
Evening Check In Day 638
Looong day today but overall id say it was successful. Got cleaning done, groceries bought, did a little self care, booked my recertification for CPR/First Aid for work and ate fairly well. I didnt exercise today tho but i was fairly active with my grocery shopping. I got super stressed at one point this evening and needed a break. Had to hide in the shower to be able to have some alone time to breathe. Just finishing up washing my hubbys work clothes and then will have a bite to eat. Tmrw is another busy day (1 appt for my son and then some cleaning). Have to make some phone calls also. Hope u all have a great night!
Checking in, just hit my 20 day mark free from alcohol! Feeling good so far, although I do worry about some of the temptation ahead during the holidays
Day 94*
Checking in. Life has been life-ing but I am so happy. I am sober. Nothing is the “end of the world”. And, most importantly, I have options (because again, sober). Hoping for things to be less eventful but overall I am content. Have a birthday this weekend and scheduled a nice sound bath for myself. Thank you for the continued motivation all
@trustybird Oh man that would have had me all wound up Emilie. Grateful that you were level headed and were able to clearly assess the situation. I do hope you have a quiet peaceful evening tonight. @frank68 had me going for a sec – nicely worded. Wishing you luck with your liquid diet today and your procedure tomorrow. @Chosen2001 1 You are doing great with 165 days of being AF. The IDGAF talks will come and yes right now they seem to be a frequent discussion. I do believe that as we stack on our days that these thoughts / inward discussions dwindle as being sober becomes a part of our daily routine (without effort). You are right that we will forever have to block out these thoughts but I think that our battles will become easier as they will be less frequent. Love your positive attitude and grateful for our sober path. @jennyh WOOT WOOT Jenny! 60 days is amazing! You should be super proud of yourself. Keep up the great work! @mindofsobermike Ah friend – loads of love to you. @Thewolf Great job in enjoying a wonderful night out and an afternoon with friends without needing to drink. Keep up the amazing work. 190 days and going strong @jamjam Day 8 is fantastic. I am sorry that you are feeling angry. I do know that I was dealing with a lot of anger for the first few months of my sobriety. It does get easier and the anger does lift. Hang tight Jamie. Knowing that this is the point that you struggle – are we able to help in any way. For me, I become more involved in this community when I am struggling as it helps reading the stories here and connecting with my fellow addicts so I don’t feel alone. @hbt Gloat away – it is a huge deal and each day sober is something to be proud of. 54 days is amazing work. Keep going strong @CATMANCAM Thank you friend… Glad you had a good proper catch up with family yesterday. I do hope you have a wonderful session tomorrow.
Congrats on your 20 days Anna.
I spent a lot of time checking this app during my first holiday season. Hell I still do. There are so many thread’s available 24 hours a day, to get and give support. Post pics, look at other pics, nature, pets, memes. Reading other people’s stories of their struggles and strength and hope and gratitude. Just saying, this is a great app to have access to during the holidays
Ah love – I do hope you were able to get enough breathing / relaxing time for yourself. got a lot accomplished today – hope you now are able to rest and relax. Much love my friend. @akmb 20 days is great work! I can relate to being worried about the upcoming holidays. For me it is important to have your alcohol free options (juices / seltzer water / mocktails). Always have something in hand so you are not tempted to grab a drink. Also have a space to go to when I need to breather or just need a time out. Remember that this site is hoping 247 so just check in with us if you feel tempted or have moments where you need support. Keep moving forward – your about to hit your 3 week milestone @ceeds Absolutely loving the positive attitude my friend. Having options is wonderful A birthday coming up – wow that is lovely. Looking forward to celebrating your special day with you
Checking in on Monday evening
327 days free of alcohol and weed
742 days free of cigarettes
It has been a fairly productive day. I am exhausted and looking forward to getting a good night sleep tonight. Watching the latest Sarah Millican special and laughing my ass off.
I am grateful for this site - i had you all in my mind when i had to go into a gas station to get some flavored sunflower seeds that the grocery store doesn’t carry – i bought without asking for cigs and went on my merry way. I was also able to go to the liquor store for my NA drink and not pick up my wine - Not one puff / not one drink is all that i kept reciting. It helped and i am grateful.
I do hope you all have a wonderful addiction free day / evening! Sending you all so much love
Hey ya’ll, feel its been a few days.
Busy week last week getting everything ready with hubby. Been working with him all thr time and any spare time on my phone putting that in to editing his site and photos. Im super proud of him. He made his first sale today and got some extra work out of it. Thinking of orhers ways to improve his whole business and model, and its really been fun being at it and working at something you feel you want to do. Such a different pace for both of us, but im really liking it.
Busy with kids too. Lots of appt this week and last.
Sleepy now and laying down. Grateful to be sober today, and you know me still thinking about this damn smoking. I see the habit in it, and just need to stick my foot in that ledge and get some gey go going there. I never worked any kind of program or anything around smoking so think that would be a good place to start. Ill get there. Xo.
Good day today. Managed to drag myself out of bed at 4:30 to make it to the gym. Felt good to be back and see some of the old workout gang. The classes are small, which I love, so you get to know each other pretty well. Got my workout done and since I was already sweaty I did my November workout when I got home, was nice to get that done, would have been hard tonight.
Work was a typical Monday, busy as ever, but I’m feeling good with how I’m managing my days. It’s amazing how much easier it is to cope without the fog from drinking the night before. I truly do not miss alcohol. My days were much harder, my patience level was nonexistent and there would have been no way I’d be up at 4:30 to go to the gym.
Mellow night at home, protein shake for dinner, a little couch time watching football, spoke to my mom, sister and daughter on the phone and I’m already in bed.
Looking forward to another early morning at the gym, surviving another work day, dinner with a good friend and definitely another sober day!
Well, I woke up with a very stuffy nose. Then it progressed to very runny. Ever have the feeling of drowning in the top/back of your nose? Kind of like burning/stinging that almost affects your throat and eyes? Ugh. I was pretty achy too and managed an hour nap. Once I took a shower though, I felt better.
Typical day once Zoi got home. Homework, flute, shopping and dinner. I figured out that deal on tires was not what it seemed. Only one location had them, 30 miles away, and there was only 1 left. So I took my brothers advice, as he was a mechanic, and went to trusty old Walmart for an estimate. Still a pretty good deal. Just have to see if I can afford it before Friday or not.
Bartending more often mixed with the cold weather is causing my hands to breakout with eczema. I haven’t had it in years and it sucks. I should wear lotion gloves to bed but my hands (and feet) get hot and sweaty if they’re covered, which makes it worse. It’s hard not to constantly wash my hands at work. And I can’t put on hand cream there or I’ll be leaving fingerprints on everything. Hopefully they’ll get a break these couple days off and heal a bit.
and for coming straight back 
but congrats on resisting your cravings 
sending strength to you and hoping you can find some time to do some deep breathing, meditation, or anything else that helps you relax 
I do hope you managed to spend time with everyone 🩵
Evening Check In 
