Congratulations on your 4 months a longest stretch ever Patty.
I’m so glad you found us.
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I’ve not checked in for ages!!! And not caught up reading since the checking in daily #60 started. I am still here, still AF and had a brilliant time during Halloween in Disneyland Paris. Nothing else to report.
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Just a couple hours away from 3 whole days. I feel great. Super tired and I have been snacking a lot but I’m just feeling peaceful. I told my husband about my slip up and that made me feel better. He is super supportive and does not use pills at all. He struggles sometimes with drinking too much but he is aware and I support and encourage him on his journey as well.Big congrats to all the people who posted about milestones!!I love reading how everyone is doing and how they are getting through it. My thinking toward addiction has really shifted over this last year and I am just seeing things so differently. I’m not going to say, this is it, or that I know I’m going to stay sober forever, but I can say for today and certainly tomorrow I will not pick up and I will play the tape. I hope everyone is having a terrific Tuesday.
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I am seriously done. I want to be sober. I know I have to put in the work and I need to try harder. I want to be sober for my girls and provide for them. I seriously want to be sober
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Niiice, congratulations! Keep doing what you are doing 
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Not sure I’m capable… This is taking absolutely everything from me and from within me.
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Hey friend - this is so great to read and I know when you want something badly enough you will make it happen.
You know we are here for you every step of the way so please do utilize all the support that you can on your journey.
We are unable to do this alone or on shear will power. Are you able to get back to your support groups / meetings? Sending you big hugs Mike. You are stronger than this addiction my friend - we have your back. 
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I have no words my friend. Just want so send you love and comfort. I can’t imagine all that you and your family are going through.
Grateful that you can be around family at this time and be there for each other.
We are here for you Not sure if they would be helpful for you but I know my friend found comfort in a grief support group.
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Yes I am going back to my groups and I’m going to start going to the meetings across the street. I miss being sober I just want my life back
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Congratulations on this awesome milestone @Brian1965uk
You’re an great inspiration. Glad you’re here sharing your journey!
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Oh Mike I am so grateful to hear this and see you getting back on the sobriety track. Much love to you my friend. Remember to be gentle with yourself on this journey and all we can do is take it one step at a time. 
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Congratulations Brian.
This is amazing news. I’m so happy for you.
I agree with that first 3 months. Never again for this guy.
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Hugs Mike… i know u can get sober. Im glad ur here
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Thanks, Jazzy!
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make sure to take time for yourself. we are here if you need to talk. keep going strong with your sober path :path:
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Evening Check In
Day 639
Not doing well today. Im really feeling pretty crappy and physically ill. Im soo tired of having this eating disorder. Its like when i got clean and sober, this came roaring its ugly head full force. Im starting to feel pretty desperate bcuz my binge eating is causing me to gain alot of weight. I am considering asking my dr for medication to help me lose weight but ultimately if I dont change the way i eat, it will just come back when i stop the medication. Im just tired of living like this. I hate it and dont understand why i cant get this shit under control 
I am 38 years old and i dont want to have a heart attack or be so unwell that i cant lift my son into his wheelchair etc. I HAVE to do something about this and idk what to do. I hate how all of my life i have used outside sources to try and make myself feel better. Wether it was drugs or sex or shopping or self harm or food or work or whatever else it was, i used it because i cant stand being in my own skin. The thing is, is that now a days, being clean and sober, i dont mind myself and actually kind of like myself 
so why do I still act out?! I cant do this anymore. I think this is my rock bottom when it comes to my eating disorder. Tmrw, idgaf if im too tired to get out of bed, i am getting up at 5 and working out. That will be a great start to my day. And then I will focus on eating properly portioned food at set times. Sorry for the long post. Im feelinf pretty hopeless right now. Im tired of struggling with shit all my life. Im just tired.
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We’re here for you Mike 
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Aw Dana I am so sorry love. I do know how frustrating this all can be. Take a deep breath and remember your first days of sobriety. It did take a lot of work to get through the initial stages and set up a routine that worked (cause you are kicking ass at 639 days!).
Please list out all that you did to help you get sober… ie. for me a few things were
- changed my routines so i would not shop or buy gas around liquor (went to coops or farmers markets for food and went to Sams club for gas)
- kept myself busy so that i wouldn’t be tempted to think / act on my urges
- had a non alcoholic drink in hand and gum to chew
Remind yourself of all the tools you needed to get you this far and see if any of these can be applied to your eating. Modify it and add to it as needed to help you get control now. Food is a hard one as we do need sustenance to keep going but then need to work on the fine line not to over do it or reach out just for comfort purposes.
I know morning workouts help you set the day in motion. Your book and its exercises were also helping you out.
Be gentle with yourself as life does happen and sometimes even our healthy routines get disrupted.
Sending you love and strength. Don’t ever apologize for letting out what you are feeling / going through. This is a safe space and hopefully writing it out helps release some of the crappy ill feelings you are holding on to.
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