Good for you Mike. Ya those fucking dealers are predators. They can smell it. And they don’t give 2 shits about you. I hope to see some pics of your little girls. They always bring me joy when I see them with you on here. It’s like I’ve watch them them grow up. We aren’t giving up on you. Keep fighting this fight. We all know you can do it when you got to.
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day 633 of no self harm TW for suicide
I had a nightmare that my mom died and I killed myself so I woke up pissed that i was alive and now all my mommy issues are on my mind. I decided to play a game I bought to feel better (I’ve spent a day and half optimizing my laptop for it) and it didn’t work. then ithought I’ll feel better if I can do Legos, but then the pieces I ordered were wrong. it’s really small dumb things but with the time of year and holidays it’s just sent me into a really bad spiral.
if I could cry I’d feel better but when I cry I just have to try to be quiet because my mom will get mad and then that makes me feel worse. I’m 21 and still live in this toxic house. I have no control over my own life right now. I just want it to be over. I’m trying to talk to my friends about it but I just feel guilty for bothering them.
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Evening Check In
Day 640
Another fairly busy day. Some weeks are just so overwhelming with medical appts and phone calls and emails, that i just have to take it one day at a time like anything else. I feel pretty tired so hopefully ill get a good sleep tonight. Tomorrow is a “normal” day. No appts. My son is going to school and i will be cleaning out the storage closet so that i can put some of his toys away that he doesnt play with, in order to get the Christmas tree up. Im excited for that. Was thinking of putting the tree up on my birthday (Dec 3rd) so that its something fun to do. We will see. I might not be able to wait that long haha Grateful to be clean and sober. Grateful for connection. Hope everyone has had a good day 
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Getting decorations up can lift your mood. Putting them away? Not so much…but no worries about that yet. You share a birthday with our Ruby. She will be 1 on Dec. 3rd!
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Awe shes beautiful!!! The color of her coat is gorgeous 
I do love decorations. It really lifts my spirits. But yes putting them away is not a fun time. My husband isnt a fan of christmas so we sort of try to compromise on a date to put up the tree. He had someone very very close to him pass away christmas morning many years ago and it sort of hasnt been the same ever since. But since our son was born he has opened up alot to the idea of christmas, for our son.
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9 months!
The amount of time it takes to create a new life! Except that hasn’t really happened yet. Ah well. Still grateful to be here 
I’m beat today. I was supposed to work. She asked if anyone wanted the night off. I never want that, I need the money. The other girl did. Then an hour before my shift she said I didn’t have to come in. I asked who was working, bc it was just me and the other girl, and she said the new guy was, who wasnt even scheduled. There’s about to be a mutiny bc everyone else is already sick of this bullshit and now it’s finally affecting me.
So now I have 4 days off bc I dont work tomorrow. Super lame. I am really tired tho so at least I get some rest, but that could also be why I’m tired. I don’t like this time of year. Need to step up my vitamin D again. I think I’ll be in bed early. Goodnight
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@bomdhil Love seeing your numbers climb Thomas. Sorry about the allergies. Your body is detoxing and healing. Give it time my friend, I do hope you start feeling better soon.
@moosetracks 437 days and going strong! 
Congrats on finding that work / life balance. So important to take time to enjoy all the beauty in life. Excited for you.
@mindofsobermike Welcome to your day 1 Mike! You are a wonderful person and a great father struggling with an addiction. I am grateful to hear your devotion to protecting your sobriety. Maybe save this post for yourself to read when you feel urges. I tis a great reminder 
UGH – so crazy how the dealers feel you pull away and try harder to get you back. Can you delete / block the numbers? I am grateful that you are on this track and wishing you a wonderful weekend ahead with your family
@ericont great to see you kicking ass and checking in. Keep going strong
@anon68572606 How are you doing? I am sure today was a super emotional day for you and your family. We are here if you need support / a shoulder to lean on. Sending you loads of love and comfort. You are not alone. Grief can become overwhelming if we try to keep it bottled up. 
@sadmemequeen Oh Megan I am so sorry that you are feeling so stuck and in such a negative state. Don’t give up on trying to find ways to make you feel better. Do reach out to your friends or to us here – you are not bothering anyone. True friends are by your side through thick and thin. Sending you love
@butterflymoonwoman grateful that today was a better day for you. Thankful that tomorrow is clear of appointments for you – hope you get some “me” time to unwind. I love the idea of you putting up the tree for your birthday.
Checking in on Wednesday night
329 free of alcohol and weed
744 free of cigarettes
I had a rocky start to the day but luckily got some energy and symptoms managed enough to get some productive time in. To treat myself - i made a batch of sugar free cookies 
Hope everyone has a wonderful addiction free day / evening! Sending you all so much love
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Hey Jasmine, I’m good. Thanks for checking on me. I traveled to CA to house sit and dog sit for my brother. It was a long drive and a crazy week thus far. Four dogs between my pups and his.
Certainly enjoying my time in CA and finally getting to experience winter weather.
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Day 151 AF
It’s been a minute since my check in. House sitting in CA and dog sitting. It was a glorious rainy day in southern CA. It was so nice to finally experience winter weather.
It was a long drive from AZ but we made it safe and sound. Will be here for a few weeks enjoying family and friends.
Sleep well everyone!
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Sorry bout the bullshit at work.
But huge congratulations on the 9 months Laura. HUGE!!
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Checking in on day 4 no alcohol or marijuana. I know I need to go back to AA meetings as that is the only place that I felt strong with fellow Alcoholics and i was sober from alcohol for 19 months, no marijuana for 14 months and no nicotine for 4 months… I started on that journey early 2021 and became the best fella I had felt since i could remember. That’s where the true person lies. God I know you’re your always there, I need you in my life… I only have one life and I’m willing and honest to be a better man again.!
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I do want to delete them. I think part of me like gets worried and thinks well if I block them and they go to reach out to me and see i blocked them they might think I’m snitching or something. I’m not worried about the people in Tupper. But these new people in Plattsburgh I’m worried they might think I was a snitch and maybe try to find me or something. I mean idk that’s atleast what my mind thinks. I also kinda wanted to just tell them hey I’m done I’m getting sober. But idk when they messaged today I just said nah I’m good I’m broke. But I do agree I need a better plan
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Congrats on 9 months, has to feel good. Keep on fighting, you’re doing an amazing job!!
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Day 58:
Another good day, hope to keep these going. Made it to the gym at 5am this morning. Good workout with a nice mix of cardio, some weights and core exercises as well. Came home, got my coffee on and made it to work on time. Managed jobs in three different states today: Utah, Idaho and Wyoming. Not everyday I get to do that! Still made it home at a decent time. Had a little downtime on the couch and then picked up a friend to help her go look for a new mattress.
We actually had a lot of fun mattress shopping, crazy how much a good mattress costs! Came back to my place, made a salad for dinner and plans to go to Bryce Canyon National Park the weekend after Thanksgiving. Can’t wait for that, Bryce Canyon is breathtaking. One of the benefits of living in Utah is all the National Parks and beautiful places to explore all within a 2-3 hour drive from my home.
Did my November workout and just crawled into bed. Hope everyone keeps pushing for one more day of sobriety! Sweet dreams!
Not my picture, Worldpress.
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Hi all, checking in on Day 63. Thank you for the lovely messages of congratulations. I am still in shock and keep getting waves of anxiety, but still very happy too. I celebrated last night with some chocolates, a bath and a night reading in bed. I have given myself a week off the diet.
Complete honesty, there was a lot of cravings and stupid talk about a drink to celebrate (now I am “cured”). Given the waves of anxiety I was experiencing that would have been a disaster. My husband suggested a meal out but I was tired, and more importantly I didn’t think I was strong enough to say no to a drink, so I said no.
Thank you all for being here. This place keeps me on track.
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Sending you Peaceful vibes 
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Good morning everyone, checking in on day 382 AF before going into the office.
It’s almost the weekend. Happy Thursday to all my sober friends.
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1622
Slept too short. I guess I’m a bit excited about the home improvement stuff I’m embarking on. New washing machine arriving tomorrow. I also made an appointment with an electrician to install heavier circuitry so I can switch to induction cooking. And I’m waiting for an appointment with a person that will install a new kitchen unit.
I will live in a grown ups house after all, after spending decades in a run down place filled with hand me downs from my parents and others. It all started to change after I quit boozing and drugging and I finally had some money and headspace to change my place and life. One day at a time.
One more late shift to go before my weekend. I got this. Like we all do. Just as long as we all stay sober and clean. Have as good a day as you can friends. Love.
@JennyH So happy for you! Congrats!
@SadMemeQueen You’re here. You’re worth it. Hugs.
@Mindofsobermike You say it yourself. What your mind thinks is crap. It’s your addict’s mind lying to you, like it has done so many times before. Like all our minds have lied to us countless times. Which is why we and you are here.
You don’t need better counseling at this point either IMO. You need a clean break. Mike needs to tell its mind it is over. Once and for all. The addicted mind will throw many tantrums but Mike is not going to give in to it. Never again. Only then will you be free. Black and white.
The dealers are totally irrelevant. The don’t need to know anything about you. They don’t think you’re a snitch. Break all contact immediately, block 'm, get a new number, whatever it takes. Stop listening to your addicted mind Mike.
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You’re not a bad person Mike. An addict is not a bad person, but someone who makes bad choices. Recovery is among other things about starting to make the right choices. Good to read that you are starting to make them again. Your girls love you unconditionally, but from own experiences they will set their own boundaries eventually. My son at some point didn’t (understandable) want to see me in a certain state, but without doc it was luckily fine.
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