Been really busy, and it feels good. Working away with hubby, my time is more focused and it feels good. Interview tomorrow and I am okay if it goes either way.
Trying to just live in each day, even tjose down days knowing that each day is kind of what its meant to be and just is what it is. Have another visit planned to see my mom & nephew. Miss them both and wish we did not live so far.
Not much else to report. Feeling generally good, and have a strange and rather amaxing feeling of knowing myself. Feel it is a gift from my sister, her life and her strength. I miss her everyday, and am prpud of my family for what we’re doing. Rolling with this good feeling knowing hey tomorrow may not feel as great, but that too passes.
Cozy in bed. We have an icestorm here so there may not be school tomorrow. We shall see Xo. Happy 25 folks, and keep going. You are worth it, you absolutely are. Xo
Checking in Day 646
The day is winding down and im feeling slightly better. My husband was sooo kind. He knew i was having a bad day and he came home with snacks and a hug Im grateful for his thoughtfulness. My son got some test results back and he needs antibiotics. For 2 weeks of this medication its $180!!! I was shocked. He has maxed out his medication benefit portion from my husbands plan so this will be at full cost. Ill manage and of course I have to buy it but ouch! Tmrw is the dentist and then ill have to pick up that prescription as it should be in by the afternoon. Not much else to do. Maybe a workout in the morning. We will see have a great night everyone!
No school the next 3 days but I’m working 3 morning shifts so no time with my daughter. Lame. Going to bed early as I’m sure tomorrow I’ll be setting the whole club up for Thanksgiving Goodnight.
Last day shift coming up, fourth in a row, followed by a three day weekend. That sounds better. Didn’t sleep well. Woke up so much. Luna comes and checks me out when I’m awake too, I checked out my telephone while awake which is against the rules. I just promised myself not to pick up the phone at night, not even to see the time. It’s night and I should be asleep is all I need to know.
On we go. Sober and clean. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Love from the river.
I took the week off to chill with the fam. Haven’t done much, though. I needed a break from work. Plus, I have like 300 hrs of PTO. I don’t have the money to travel or take the fam on a nice vacation, but it’s all good. We’ve been hanging out at the park and watching movies.
I don’t know what it is about the holidays, but I’ve had thoughts about boozing. Like “one drink won’t hurt” type of thoughts. But thoughts are just thoughts. I’ll push through like before.
I wish yall the best with your sobriety. Stay strong, gang.
A bit worried and anxious today, hopefully my morning meds do their job whilst I make my way to the office.
My personal trainer & owner of my local gym have talked me into taking part in my first powerlifting competition this weekend (deadlift only this time). Something to look forward to!
Had a bad day yesterday but I survived it sober. Had serious cravings last night because of it.
My mother died 18 years ago because of breastcancer. I’m her age now when the doctor gave her that verdict.
Yesterday I had my appointment to get my breasts checked. In the Netherlands when you are a lady of 50 years ore older you got an invite for it every 2 years. 2 years ago there was Covid so no invite for me that time. And now I’m 55 and the same age as my mom was when she went for her invite to check her breasts. I was pregnant back then from my first child, I just told it my parents two weeks earlier. They where so fucking happy!
Long story short: yesterday I was a mental mess.
Got the adress wrong so I was 20 minutes late. The photo’s where a bit painful but it was doable
because I took some paracetamol before.
When it was done I was crying on my bike during my way home. The rest of the day I felt restless. I tried to fix that by journaling and texting my brother and friends. It didn’t help. In the evening cravings kicked in, really bad.
This long absent of alcohol but still it presents itself as a solution for my emotional state, sick
I opened up about it to my partner. Told him a craved wine, I felt ashamed by it but it relieved me as well.
I never want to go back to drinking, but it’s difficult sometimes. It’s like the tides, it comes and goes. The cravings I mean, I know it’s temporary and I seldom have this kind of cravings nowadays
I passed another test, today is a brand new day.
Fingers crossed for a good outcome of the photo’s, between 2 weeks I hear the result
Thank you for listening and a good day for you all
sending you lots of hugs.
Wish I could of been with you to sit with you while you wait at your app.
When I feel a craving very strong, I always just say it out loud to my son (21) or my sister. For some reason it makes me realise how silly a thought it is. And my son and sister react in a way like ahhh she is too strong to give up now. And it takes the craving down so many levels. It helps me to stop the train of thoughts keep rolling in my head. Just sharing how I’m feeling eases the thoughts and feelings.
Checking in before I head up to the big city and have Thanksgiving with my Dad, Stepmom, most of her family and my sister in law and her father. Going to be staying a couple of nights. Excited to visit with my Dad, haven’t been up for a couple of months. Nervous to be around step Mom. We have never really seen eye to eye. All though after the death of my little brother I think our relationship has gotten a bit better. Also she sees I am doing good in my life now, I have been sober and working on myself spiritually, physically, financially and emotionally. My Dad is a big reason why I sobered up, and I make sure to thank him every chance I get.
Anyways, I’m sure Thanksgiving will be good, If not I’ll only be there a couple of nights.
Thank you for the hugs and your comment, much appreciated as always
And it’s better to feel silly ore ashamed (like I felt) than a day one the next day
Made it to 10 days!!! Now halfway to day 11. Feeling good. The cravings are minimal, still there but the little addict voice is definitely gotten quieter, especially with each time I don’t give in to the temptation. I can’t remember the last time I was sober for a holiday. My little voice had convinced me that my holiday parties are so grand and perfect and I can only cook well when I pop pills. Literally my addiction has made me believe that I am nothing without it. WTF like how? I KNOW better of course and especially now I’m seeing it. It’s actually the total opposite. Instead I am prepared beyond what I need because even though everything is expensive, this year everything feels a bit easier financially because I’m not trying to filter money to my habit while doing everything else. Instead of waiting until the last minute for another paycheck to hit the bank I was able to get stuff overtime. I ended up stocking up too much lol hey money well spent because it didn’t go to my nasty habit. I’m of course not going to get ahead of myself, but I know for sure I’m going to stay sober for today and I can pretty much say for certain even tomorrow. Have a winning Wednesday everyone!!!
Xo. Happy 25 folks, and keep going. You are worth it, you absolutely are. Xo
Checking in 
Im grateful for his thoughtfulness. My son got some test results back and he needs antibiotics. For 2 weeks of this medication its $180!!! I was shocked. He has maxed out his medication benefit portion from my husbands plan so this will be at full cost. Ill manage and of course I have to buy it but ouch! Tmrw is the dentist and then ill have to pick up that prescription as it should be in by the afternoon. Not much else to do. Maybe a workout in the morning. We will see 
Goodnight.
like how? I KNOW better of course and especially now I’m seeing it. It’s actually the total opposite. Instead I am prepared beyond what I need because even though everything is expensive, this year everything feels a bit easier financially because I’m not trying to filter money to my habit while doing everything else. Instead of waiting until the last minute for another paycheck to hit the bank I was able to get stuff overtime. I ended up stocking up too much lol 
hey money well spent because it didn’t go to my nasty habit. I’m of course not going to get ahead of myself, but I know for sure I’m going to stay sober for today and I can pretty much say for certain even tomorrow. Have a winning Wednesday everyone!!!
