I get it. I said I was going paperless this coming year but turned around and or ordered a paper desk calendar haha. What can I say. I like being able to see it in front of me rather than on a screen.
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Day 82 
Feeling better.
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Welp, I finally decided to go to the doctor yesterday because I was feeling worse and worse, turns out Iāve got the flu and an upper respiratory infection, not just a bad cold. I got some meds and am hoping that helps. Finally got some sleep last night, not a lot, but better than nothing and the meds seemed to kick in to help alleviate symptoms a bit. Iām always reluctant to overdo meds when Iām sick and just use traditional methods, but I need them now. Unfortunately that means I wonāt be able to visit my friends as planned in Michigan this weekend. But I have got to try and get well enough to drive there Monday to help with my mother-in-lawās apartment and bring my husband home. We are going to try for me to drive there and spend one night and he will drive us home. Goodness, wish me luck. Iāll be pumping fluids and eating more than I have been even if itās chicken soup all day long. Resting, of course. Worst case scenario (and one I really want to avoid due to cost) is he will have to rent a car to drive home. Yikes, donāt want that. Boo on this whole situation. The bright side is he got well a lot quicker than I did (figures!) and just has a phlegmy cough, he feels fine. He flies down to Florida today. Being sick by yourself is not fun but the show must go on. Edit to say I donāt know if I mentioned my husband is helping his mom relocate to her home state (and ours) of Michigan. Itās a big move and weāre grateful he can help.
@JennyH the same thoughts occurred to me about drinking my way through an illnessā¦how twisted is that thinking! Used to do it, too.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1270. I hope everybody has a good one!
@RosaCanDo I hope you feel better soon!!
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Day 165. Banging headache. Iām sure it will pass. Back at work tomoro. Then itās nearly the weekend. All on track for Christmas 
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Day 22. Had a good time seeing my girls last night, they went home around 5. I felt terrible because autumn just really didnāt want to leave and was crying pretty bad. I told her we could call on face time and stuff but she said her mommy doesnāt let her and has threatened to block me if she keeps asking to talk to me. I was really proud of autumn for telling me that, and said we will get through it. Iām not going to say anything to my ex either even though I want to but I fear if I do say something she really will block me. But we said are goodbyes and Iāll talk to them tomorrow when they are with my mom. Iām home in Plattsburgh doing a little shopping quick and going to go and try to hit a meeting. Much love everyone
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Welcome aboard @ForrestKump and congratulations on 171 days sober and clean. Thatās an amazing achievement.
What make you feel lonely? Have you thought of joining a meeting or something? Do you have a hobby?
Youāre on a wonderful forum here.
Iām sure youāll find support on here.
Checking in daily makes a great virtual connection for me and keeps me accountable.
Hope it works for you too!
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Annoyed today as work are deducting some days sick from my pay. Iāve taken 2 days over my five allowed sick days rolling 12 months. Most of that was due to COVID but hey oh. Iāve been there overall 9 YEARS (LEFT TWICE). Iāve been loyal and worked my fucking ass off.
They are the ones making me 
.
I clearly have Stockholm syndrome.
Anyway, another 24 
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Day 1082,
Relaxing day today, went to the sauna. Finally found the calmness again to do so. Had a little chat with a women who was in primary school with me. She is working in the restaurant of the sauna complex. She was the most beautiful girl in the class, there used to be a tv show in the Netherlands (het mooiste meisje van de klas) about types like her. Didnāt put everything on the table just that Iām currently looking into what I want with the rest of my life. Like that is not enough already 
. I liked her respons, the conversation stopped when my lunch came and we said we would talk further afterwards. That didnāt happen she was working so I went back into the sauna, or I might have chickened out. Her answers showed that she probably has more EQ in her left toe then I have in my whole body. Although thatās improving with the work Iām doing. Of course my head wants the make more out of it, but it was just nice. And I have still 9 tickets left to go back 
.
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Ah, Iām so glad Iām not alone in this. New pages are so full of possibility. Honestly, I would be lost without it.
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Amazing numbers, well done 
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Congrats on 9 months!!!
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So glad you felt comfortable enough to say hi and be vulnerable too.
Welcome to the TS community!
When ever you need a friend just say hi in a thread and someone will be sure to respond. We got you covered.
Keep coming back!
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Getting back in the routine at home. Gotta throw in some laundry before heading out for work.
I feel like I had some slippery behaviours while I was stuck in the US but I feel that because of them I am more stable in my recovery. I recognized the weakness in my shield and have now reinforced it.
Going to make another meeting today.
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Day 91, time seems to be flying by.
One semester of school down, started a new job this week. Staying positive.
Peace and love everyone.
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Day 3 here! I went to the gym last night and slept 8 hours straightā¦ told my gym partner I was staying sober and she scoffed at me and told me I didnāt need to stay sober, I just need to drink less and moderate my intakeā¦ Iām like ummmmm so you still think I donāt have a problem even after I downed an entire bottle of your vodka after drink 2 tall white claws?!
Iām not afraid to walk this sober journey alone, especially with people who truly donāt support me or understand what alcoholism is doing in my life. I didnāt drink daily but I know I have a problem that wonāt go away so hereās to another day sober!!! Much love to you all!
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Checking in @day #188
mood
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Hey all,
Fewling low down today. This stuff with my family has really taken a toll on me, also realizing how deliberate the splintering has been I am just so exhausted, sad and feel like this will not end as long as I maintain a relationship with my dad. Who i love dearly. I feel the air and wind sucked out of me, and with Christmas coming me and my family are not welcome at his house and he is saying he will make it happen but I dont want to walk in to that and risj the very real possibility of exposing my children to an explosion.
I thibk all I can do here is pray or meditate on acceptance, but this is so horrible and dark and Im exhausted by it. So exhausted. I have reached out to my Aunt, who also has been ostracized away from my dad through a very elaborate story we had all, until now believed to be true - also constructed and exploded solely by my step mom. My Aunt has open arms for me and understands, in her words that I am not responsible for believinf the lies. I just cannot believe all of this, I am tired and weary. What is wrong with people and how can you be so insanely cruel? How can I be so insanely stupid?
I am just super raw right now, and I can really feel how my trauma is being triggered (where emotionally youre not sure if youre responding to the situation or if your fear and worry, and catastrophizing is taking over). I just, hope to get through this and I have made plans to bring my children to see my Aunt and her family, including my grandfather. This fued has been going on for a long time, and I had no idea it was all a massive lie and ploy to divide my dad from his family. My brain is just a puddle.
Xo everyone. Wish me strength, because I need it today. I am going to go pray, as I am overwhelmed and do not know what to do. Xo
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Struggled today. Reset my date. Again. I made some progress though. Told the family how I was feeling. Helped a lot. Donāt even feel like hurting myself rn! I have my GI appointment next week. Iām nervous!!! But my mom described the way she feels about this as hopefulā¦ Iām really not sure how Iām supposed to feelā¦ Cautiously optimistic? 
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