Day 194. Rubbish sleep, my mind wouldn’t slow down, not out of worry or anything, just racing. I think alot of my drinking at times was to knock the edge off my mind so I could rest. Poor nights sleep and then woke up at 8.30
I was looking back at the day which led to me stopping drinking. It was mazey day in June. (cornish event) I had drank half a bottle of wine befor I left the house then five pints, a cocktail and then back home for another half a bottle of wine before 9pm. All that lot mixed with the sun and I was out of it. My partner rang me in the evening and said I was so slurred she couldn’t understand me.
At the time it seemed fun but looking back, where is the fun In all that? Drinking like a teenager on my own, with access to any drink I wanted and I drank like a plonker. Not my finest day. Today I am sober and I will keep all the past stupidity to hand to honestly look back on.
Fuck me, I’m sore as a mutha from my new workout regime. Freeletics is a great app, I’ve been on and off it for close to a decade… but the first few weeks are always really fucking painful. This time, however, the plan is to stay consistent and not drop the ball (again). Restarting something is always harder than continuing. It applies to sobriety as much as to workouts.
I’m also feeling a bit meh because I drastically dropped my sugar and snack intake after seriously overdoing it over the holiday. Not gonna lie… I want to lose weight. But more importantly, I want my energy levels to go up so I can do more stuff with myself.
Anyway, today is a day off the workout and my first proper day back working. I may not have much to do atm, but I’m gonna do it right while keeping an eye on the job boards.
Hope you lovely people have a wonderful sober day. And welcome to all the new members! It’s great to see you here fighting to become the best versions of yourselves.
I have good rainstuff so that’s not the point, but still hate to wear it. But there is a point when I have to. I do not drive a car so it’s walking ore biking for me. Back from the hairdresser between 2 major rain showers
Ps I keep my fingers crossed for lovely Luna
Luna was a champ at the vet. She even walked the catwalk (including jumping on a chair!) to show how bad her arthritis is (it could be a lot worse according to the vet). Vet was positive overall after checking her out and gave her a shot for appetite, and an expensive one to fight arthritis. Will see how it works and on we go. One day at a time. Thanks for the positive vibes friend!
I get you. I try to somehow plan my appointments for when the rain takes a break, cause I hate all this rain gear especially on the bike. In reality though my timing sucks and I end up getting wet anyway
My husband is more practical in this. Maybe I should learn from him…
Up early with a fucking migraine
I’m really hoping my meds kick in before I have to go to work. I haven’t been sleeping well. My anxiety has been bad with all the changes to my routine. I’m not actually feeling too stressed about things. It’s more of a sensory overload which is a major ADHD thing. I need to plan breaks into my day. At least it’s a short workweek.
Coming back from driving lesson. I had a long break from driving due to my neck problems, xmas time etc. I should have an exam in 3 weeks but my instructor said no way I’m gonna pass I have to ask for exam money back (almost 400e) bcs od medical reason, and plan next one later. Which means 2-3 months later probably. Fuck me. It’s taking ages, I’m so done with this shit. I’m such a failure if it’s going about all this driving licence crap. I feel like I’m gonna cry when I’ll be back home. And I already hear those comments…
Moments like this are big trigger for me. But I won’t drink. It would not make me a good driver for sure
This is day 79,I am going to make this year,much better than last year,I am putting in work to ensure this happens, anything we want that is good for us, gratitude, sobriety, patience,needs action.Have an awesome day
That sounds so frustrating, Mischa! My friend had the same issue with her driver’s licence and she got so stressed about it. I hope you can distract yourself with something nice. Be kind to yourself and know you’re not the only one going through that shit
Day 51. Well good morning sober fam. Definitely have been noticing not such a pleasant mood lately as I was. Been grouchy, just kind of tired and idk. Woke up this morning and realized I had no body wash so I just slept in and skipped shower. Got ready for work around 550 and headed out the door around 6. On the way to work I was doing about 15 mph and hit a patch of ice. Idk how I didn’t wreck, I felt my bike start coming out from under me and put my foot down and did like a 360 and somehow managed to stay on my feet. All night I kept thinking of excuses to call in, just thoughts mostly didn’t want to actually act on it. But when I almost wrecked this morning it seemed like the perfect reason, of course I carried on and kept moving for work. Got work and stayed my trash, got to one unit and this lady locked the elevator, she was walking around aimlessly and I didn’t know her name so I tried getting her attention but she didn’t hear me. Well the nurse next to me looked at me and was like what ? What’s the matter, and I was like oh nothing I just didn’t know if this lady was saving, and she cut me off and was like oh yup can’t help you in a really snotty ass voice and tone. I wanted to be like well then don’t fucking answer me next time then. But I held it in and walked away, but it festered In me for the rest of the trash run, since being here this month ive not really ran into anyone to friendly, I still don’t even know any ones names bc literally no one talks to me or even introduces themselves to me. I try to introduce myself when the time seems right, but idk my mentality is when I see a new person I introduce myself not the other way around and make them uncomfortablly go around introducing themselves. Idk enough ranting about that. I saw a couple positions open again at Mercy in Tupper and kind of want to put my name in, but again the dilemma is I have absolutely no where to stay. I looked got apartments in tupper and there are literally none, there is a place for housing but it’s lengthy process and no guarantees, and living with my mom is absolutely out of the qs. On top of that girl I was talking to, we never really split up, but I’ve just been getting super jealous, which is from past trauma with my ex and for some reason follows me everywhere bc I’m clearly not healed from it. But I noticed the girl I talk to this boy I was in the half way house with love reacts all her post, and she heart reacts his stuff back. To me it means something, even if it doesn’t my mind says it does. And she admits they talk, about school, or a.a and group supposedly, but idk he asked her on a date and she still continues to talk to him and to me that’s just kind of fucked up, but of course she has made me out to feel crazy. And that I’m just jealous and all that. Which yeah I probably am. But yeah idk that’s enough of this negativity self pitty bullshit this morning. There you go, sobriety can’t always be rainbow and peaches. Gotta get through those tough days too… I also just want to edit, yes I know I need to not be thinking about relationships and yes it’s my addictive patterns coming back into play. I know this I’m just venting.
The first night I slept horribly but last night I pretty much slept through. Even when i wake up during the night I feel at peace knowing I’m taking care of myself. My therapist recommended Lavela (lavender supplement) which has helped to relax me before going to sleep. I guess it’s popular in Europe but not so common yet in the US. It does make my burps taste like lavender burping a spring meadow, who knew that was a thing
What makes me feel even more shitty is that I’m so fckn old, usually ppl busy with getting their licence are half my age. I know I’m not the only one in this situation but I feel bad about it anyway. And I have little kids. Being mobile is must! I can’t go everywhere on my cargo bike (bakfiets). I feel like total loser in this subject. And on the other hand I don’t feel like I’m missing something cause I’m used to my situation. Its just so extremely frustrating cause, although I’m not perfectionist, I think never before it was something that I would suck so bad at it I always thought I’m gonna be good driver but apparently I’m not. Well, can’t be good in everything I guess
and 
I have to ask for exam money back (almost 400e) bcs od medical reason, and plan next one later. Which means 2-3 months later probably. Fuck me. It’s taking ages, I’m so done with this shit. I’m such a failure if it’s going about all this driving licence crap. I feel like I’m gonna cry when I’ll be back home. And I already hear those comments…
