My mood is a bit lighter today. I managed to go to my first yoga class since before Christmas this morning. I’m about to go out to the shops with my daughter and then I need to take my son for a checkup at the dentist.
ODAAT
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Congratulations @Deelzebub . That’s more than half a year! I’m very proud of you and motivated to keep going! 
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Morning of day
239 no alcohol
170 no vapes or ciggs
9.81 no form of weed (cbd, thc, hemp, nothing)
Im in a good mood today. I got amazing sleep. Now we havevto stay in a goox mood. No accidents today. No fingers in the soup. Easy does it
Todah im taking it slow and steady. I cant express enough of no accidents today. A good day can turn around quick.
Have a easy going day everyone
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Day 1,301 clean and sober today. Work was absolutely draining yesterday with training the new guy. My brain felt like jelly when I got home from work 
I met up with my friend at an AA meeting last night, something I never do but went to hangout with him. I absolutely hated it (which is why I don’t go) but it was good to see my friend and support him. I won’t be putting myself through that shit again, meetings just aren’t for me at all yuck 
I am sorry so many of you are going through a hard time right now but I’m very proud of you for staying sober through all of it, great job!!! Have a wonderful day, love you guys 
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I rescheduled my dentist appointment, woke up with a lot of congestion and drainage caused a bad sore throat and coughing fits. Couldn’t see myself having a good experience getting a filling in that state. New appointment next Tuesday. It was pretty cool being able to reschedule via text…as my mom put it, the benefits of living in a small town. Well, it’s a smaller city at about 60k people in the city proper and almost 100k in the whole county. By contrast, right across the river into East Dubuque in Illinois where we moved to the population is only 1,500! Small town indeed. Many people I’ve met in our new neighborhood have lived here all their lives. I like the feel of it here. I also love the way my recovery has helped me be more open to meeting people and putting myself out there. I cross paths with people walking and can chat for a few without feeling like I want to crawl into a hole. Many of you probably know my recovery is not only substance related but mental health also, anxiety, and to a lesser extent depression, kept me closed off for a long time. It feels great to be making some strides recently. Looking forward to the chat tomorrow about working again. The anxiety around that faded after I had to cancel twice due to illness. Now I’m ready to get on with it.
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I’m finding myself falling a bit deeper each day. But glad I’m aware and am working on making the changes necessary to have them become a little brighter and more hopeful each day.
My brother is an absolute beast. I am amazed at how strong he is fighting for his life with this tumour. I am grateful for each day he is still here but really don’t wish this sort of pain for him to endure doing so.
The foster kids have been sick since day one but now one has a stomach bug and is tossing cookies everywhere. The diaper changes are also not pleasant for any of the three. It’s really been a lot to deal with but the Foster Care team are back in the office next week and they’ll have an ear full when they return.
It’s going to be raining all day today but thankfully I get to stay inside until this evening.
I’m going to do some personal work on myself at nap time today, providing they do indeed nap today.
Please pray for me as the only way to manage these three alone is by playing CocoMelon on repeat all day long. Gives me the chance to make meals, prep bottles, change them, clean them up, during the moments I am not interacting with them. It’s difficult because these kids do not have the capacity to “play” for the most part. It’s just running back and forth or jumping up and down or rolling around. I have such compassion and empathy for their disabilities that they themselves did not ask for or deserve.
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Woot woot! 7 months!!! Keep going strong, Delia!
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Hi everyone, operation was successful, no evidence of collitis but they are testing for microscopic collitis. Everything else looked super good! Still can’t drive due to fatigue but my sister and parents are taking turns and I’m getting around! Thanks for everyone’s support on here. I appreciate it! Hopefully we figure out the fatigue soon. I would love to drive myself around again.
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Hi all,
This Xmas break has been busy, and good in many ways. I am struggling a bit however with the anniversary of my sisters murder. I am not even sure how to describe it, but I am a bit numb, angry, and thinking a lot about that day and the finality of it. I have not had any cravings for about 5 months, and I realize yesterday and today I have felt the pang of wanting to shut this off. Feeling overwhelmed by the lack of her being here, the shit of the system and knowing the trial is around the corner. TBH i have been feeling good that I have not had any cravings (even on NY when we had a party that was lots of fun, i had zero interest and had a great time :).
If anyone has any words of encouragement on how to get through a resurfaced craving, or cravings to do with trauma and triggers. I am very aware this means there is still work to do, but I am also very aware that this experience has been ongoingly traumatic and is counter-productive to the healing process. I have to be gentle with myself, while also continuing to grasp for growth. I just do not want to drink, and I recognize how the trauma trigger was a big (and is a big) part of this since my sisters murder and I just am looking for some support. I have NO experience with craving after periods of time - is this normal? Wtf do I do? It makes me feel like I am failing in my growth process (now part of me knows thats not true, but I am now feeling even more shaky for the trial).
Any words of wisdom, comfort & kindness I am here for it xo.
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Hello @Mira_D
There are no words to which I can make this pain and emotion go away. The only thing I can say is that I work with a client who was witness to their siblings murder and the greatest impact anything I’ve suggested to them was to find activities that allow you to release your emotional energy. Things like going to a place that allows you to break things like plates cups… Dishes in general. Or even finding cheap ones yourself and doing it in a safe environment. Screaming in an open space as loud and as hard as you can away from others. Or any other activity similar that you personally get something from. Their choice is either fishing or a shooting range.
It allows them to channel that energy into something that gives them both release and closure.
Other than that… Know that these emotions are natural. You should feel all of these feelings. Your grieving the sudden loss of a loved one in an uncontrollable circumstance.
I hope you have mental health professional support as well as support groups that you attend?
Grief has no timeline, so don’t allow anyone to pressure you to “get over it”. It’s not their place to ever think you can move through this at any pace other then what you’re capable of.
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Day 460
Escitaloprame dosage is now up to 7,5mg. My Dr told me not to rush it 
But that’s fine, I’m feeling very good today. Although I went to bed way too late last evening hehe.
Work day was good, we made some good progress.
Tomorrow is what I used to call my most hated day of the week and I have to sit at the front desk 
In the middle of the storm.
We’ll see how it goes, future-me will handle this.
Btw this helped me, to put stuff that worries me aside. I tell myself that present-me can’t change a future situation, future-me has to handle it and she’ll be able to handle it bc she’s a fighter 
On my way home now.
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong 
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Did your client give you consent to discuss their trauma on the open internet?
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Day 32
I was reading my early posts here on TS. I did a dry month here and there in 2017/2018.
Looking back my view on alcohol changed over the years, glad I wrote it all down.
I also was looking through my photos on my phone today and could clearly see when I drank or when I was sober. I had a selfie I liked (with glass in hand), but all I see now is a puffed face and droopy eyes lol. Weird that I didn’t see it at the time.
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I am allowed to discuss vague details. What I did not disclose was gender age name etc which is what needs to remain confidential. So yes… It is okay to share what I shared.
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You’re doing amazing Naomi!
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Checking in on day 8, I figured out years a go that my parents are a massive trigger. A day of doing hospital runs with them and fixing stuff at their house would normally see me cracking open the beer. Not today though. Today I’ve been able to sit in a quiet place with a coffee and come on here instead,
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Hi Mira, I just wanted to say that it’s completely normal to be feeling what you are feeling. Every anniversary of my wife’s death and the two deaths of my sons always throws me off. A therapist told me that we usually start feeling off a few weeks prior to the trauma and that has been true with me. I’m proud of you for reaching out, you’re not alone 
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Been up and down but holding on onto day 16
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Keep holding on tightly and take each moment as they come. You got this!
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Sending you strength yet also room to be however and whatever you need to be in any given moment.
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