Thanks Cam. Hope you are ok 
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Thanks Louise!
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Day four complete. I’ve just kept busy. Swimming,work and the gym.i feel pretty good. My girlfriend as been the one to give me the strength to do this. I love her so much.
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Thank you to all for the love & responses
I have had the evening to myself tonight, and though I wish I felt better I am just feeling irritable and out of myself. Going to try to rest, and watch a littl something. I can feel the anger and frustration in me, and my knee jerk response is to try to fix it. I know the part of me that is trying to help by reaching for a drink deserves love, to be cared for and guided. Man am I feeling so fucking upside down. Shes not coming back, my mom said to me tonight. What a hard thought.
Managed to stay sober through today & again thanks to you all. @CATMANCAM love your bit about the basics - I cannot help but feel a failure at just the thought of it, but that definition of failure is surely arbitrary and not helpful. Pain probably, Im probably in pain…maybe Im in denial about thebpain Im not sure, all I know is when Im like this I cannot cry and when I go through this phase onbthe other side Ill meet my emotion. I need to work through my anger, and oh mutherfuck when I think of my sister I get so angry. So sad. And feel so entirely helpless. Thanks for being here all. Xo.
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Checking in day 4 
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Checking in on day 163.
Busy day at work but I had a really good first appraisal with my line manager. He suggested that, with my qualifications, I could retrain as a speech and language therapist or psychologist within the NHS if I am considering a permanent career change from teaching. It made me feel positive about what the future could have in store. I’m content in my new role now though, it works with my family situation and tutoring, plus I still have lots to learn.
I hope you all have a good day/night. We’ve got this gang 
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Oooh lovely numbers there! Massive congratulations on all the 1’s 
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Checking in
Day 690
Hey TS fam!!! Things are going pretty good this week and Im grateful for that. I have rarely had urges to use and have stuck to my goals of exercising daily and eating well. I have been working hard to eliminate bad eating habits which hasnt been easy, especially in the evening, but overall its going well. I started setting aside time daily to do my gratitude list and prayer. Im really trying to get some sort of routine into my life. I finished the book Atomic Habits which has really influenced me in changing my habits.
The only thing i am feeling off about, if Im honest, is TS. I almost went and asked a moderator to delete my account. Then i changed my mind and thought I will keep the app around in case, but just not post anymore. I honestly dont know what this is about. Life is really busy and I have wondered if I still need support? But then even if I didnt need support, TS is a way for me to be of service and to help others where I can. So thats a positive. So idk. I am feeling the urge to step away. And im confused bcuz idk if this is my addict talking trying to convince me to pull away from what has helped me. But i dont think its that bcuz Im doing well recovery wise right now. Idk what Im doing here lol Maybe I just dont need to be sooo active here anymore. But then u get out what u put into it. Just my thoughts right now. I know id probably regret deleting my account and then all my posts (some which may be useful to others who have experienced similar things to myself… like being involved in the sex trade as an example) would be deleted also. And that wouldnt be good. I wont make any hasty decisions but i really wish I knew where this is all coming from. Thanks TS
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Thank you so much for sharing this. I am sorry for your losses, and know youre in my thoughts. I have felt this way also, and it being around Christmas/New Years (which she loved to celebrate) its like a pounding in my head. Thank you for reminding me this is a normal way to feel xo.
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Thank you for sharing this. I definitly need to find an activity like this to let out that energy, because I feel it come over me at times like this and its a sort of…not aggression, but I am at a loss to describe exactly how I feel. Thank you for this suggestion, it is a good reminder because I have that energetic emofional need to swing an axe and break some shit! (But also not in a scary way LOL).
Thank you for sharing & I personally did not see anything ethically problematic with the general detail shared. I do appreciate knowing there are other survivors out there. Xo.
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Gah Mischa that sounds so damn frustrating I would be upset too! You will get there and damn no one will be able to hold you back once you get that licence 
(edit: i accidentially put this face 
! No no we need the glasses)
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You are absolutely most welcome!
Drawing or art is another expressional way of release… But then again so is axe throwing
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Day 810 AF
It’s been a busy week at work. Back to the madness. Peeps have been out sick. There is nothing new over here, staying busy with the fam and the kiddos. I get paid tomorrow, finally, I’ve been broke after the holidays.
Have a great sober day!
ODAAT.
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Hello all!!! 
☆☆☆
Checking in on day 282 clean and sober!!!
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Have a Blessed night you guys!!!
☆☆☆
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1672
Another short night. I guess what woke me up was the absence of Luna waking me up, wanting attention and food and whatever. Instead she was in her own bed resting. Which had me worried a bit, so I got up and fed her which she gladly accepted so I guess all is fine (thanks for your concern @CATMANCAM) .
Anyway, a return to normalcy today, as I’m going to therapy, and tomorrow I’m going to go back to work after 10 days of sick leave. It’s been very long time since I’ve been out for that long. I did a hike through town yesterday to sort of test the waters and noticed I lost quite a lot of fitness. That’s only logical right. But need to work on it and I will. One thing at a time.
At the very least I’m not going to hamper my recovery by smoking or drinking or doing any other substance. No way and never again. I’m sober and clean and that’s the only state I want to be in. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
@Butterflymoonwoman You do what is good for you Dana. Just as long as you remember Recovery is life long work for us all. It’s one day at a time every day of our lives. Which is a good thing I believe as it reminds me that living a good life is daily work. And for me being with my fellows is an essential part of that work. While how exactly that looks changes through time. Just be absolutely sure Recovery is a work of love. Big hugs friend. Grateful to you for walking part of the road with me. 
@Mira_D That’s severe trauma friend. Totally logical that new developments (like court cases happening) will trigger you and give you cravings. You can work through them without giving in. And you are, one crave at a time. I hope you have some good counseling and/or therapy in place to help you.
@Naomi Nice to meet you!
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111 days 
Happy to be getting over this cold.
On day 4 of no vape
ODAAT
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I needed that response Menno. Thank you for taking the time to post that. I have made many beautiful friendships here. Youre one of those friends 
Idk why Im thinking the things I am, but it is important for me to give back and to remember where I came from and how far ive come. Ur right… recovery is life long and i cant forget to do the work. Hugs Menno! Thank you!
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34 days in the bank
Loaded up the car with all the toys and took the car ferry to the island that will be home for the next week.
A few thoughts of drinking but nothing major, just the habit of being on holiday.
Even popped down to the bottleshop to get my partner a couple of drinks but had no interest in buying anything for myself.
Got some ginger ale instead.
Might go for a fish tonight off the beach
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323
Cleaning at work was…eh. I was assigned to clean out our cooler, bc I was the only one who could reach all the way to the back 
Damn long arms. It took 2 hours! I’m already feeling it in my shoulders. I was able to listen to my own music for once so that was a plus.
My daughter wanted to have a girls night. Make-up and crafts before dinner and then we did hair treatments, face masks - with cucumbers over our eyes, and deluxe pedicures. It was fun and felt nice to treat myself as well.
Kinda sad she’ll be leaving for her dad’s right after school tomorrow. I normally work 75% of the weekend so I usually don’t think about it, but I’ll be home alone for the next 4. Hoping to keep that work mentality and get some real cleaning done around here. If not actually mop and bucket cleaning, I’d like to begin the decluttering. I already know what needs to go. I’ve been thinking about it all way too long. The time is now!
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44 no binge, no sugar
0 HPFs
0 dairy
My hormones apparently took a dive yesterday and drive me crazy. I had a shitty night, woke up every few hours with hot flushes and couldn’t sleep. Mood swings, yesterday angry and anxious, today rotten and resentful. Most awful cravings. I partially caved. Had to reset my HPF and dairy counters.
Added to that I slipped yesterday and fell and hurt my shoulders. Now my usual yoga practice is out of the question and this is a huge part of my mental stability. And yes, this hormonal disaster makes me prone to worrying, feeling overwhelmed and catastrophizing.
I’m afraid of caving and using to ease my suffering and pain.
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