Hey all,
Checking in today and Im going to be checkinf in everyday for the next little while. I need this & you right now, and Im so happy youre here.
It was a craving free day today, which makes me feel such a sigh of relief. Still fear, knowing how this trauma triggers me and how POWERFUL it felt the other day. But I came here, spoke to hubby and best friend. Boiling it down to the beginning, and that is okay.
I have been thinking about the trial, and how I will be staying at my moms. My mom drinks, and I can ask her to have everything in her winefridge that has a lock and key she just keep with her. I just fear having to go without my husband, I fear that maybe my mom wouldnt bencareful becauseā¦well, she will be distraught. I am thinking about things and planning this out, and I am goingbto make a clear plan with her so she doesnt have excess alcohol around. These are the thoughts im having and Im so grateful to be sober today!
Cravings are a hard beast. Had my first one on over 5 months, I wont ramble about my triggers.
What I have found helps is asking myself why Im triggered and if I was feeling tempted often Id want to get down to the whys. If my life is so much bettet without it, what is going on with me in the moment or in the bigger picture that maybe needs some digging or for me to sit with.
Stay busy my friend. Its a fight, but getting through those cravings means they do get less and less. It means more power to us on our journey, and less to that ex. I liked your example of the ex too, because it is a bit of sonofbitch that its everywhere BUT sobriety has the power to change the way we see it. The more time you spent with your ex, the more you realize its not working. Sure you could go back, but whats the most likely thing to happen? It will end for the same reasons, youll be wondering why the hell you went back in the first placeā¦and the same issues that have been waitingbto be dealt with will still be there.
Im with you, and I get it. Had a strong one yesterday and my owrds are as much to me as to you. Keep goinf, keep pushing there is nothing out there! Even if you get to have just one now; thats never where it seems to end for folks like us.
Day 691
Today has been decent overall. Woke up at 6am to exercise. Got my gym clothes on and went to the gym in my building but barely did anything lol. Only did 2 ab exercises. I was just soo tired. Just trying to build a habit of showing up and at least I did something today. I made an appt to check out an actual gym in my area. My appt is this thursday! So excited for that!
I have eaten well 5 days in a row and I am sooo proud of myself for this. This area has been a real struggle for me in the past but I have kept to my daily calories and havent binged at all! Im feeling really good.
I then did my prayer and gratitude list. And then started my day. This is my sons last week home before school starts up again next week, so I really wanted to get quality time in with him. We played Pokemon, decorated gingerbread men, read books, and played games. Its been fun this past week.
I have work tmrw so got ready for that. And now relaxing a bit before bed. Im so grateful for routine and stability Im grateful for the friends I have made here also! Havw a great night everyone!
I hope itās not too late Chris. Iāll tell you where one drink got me. 3 more years of suffering. 3 more years desperately wanting to quit again but it just wouldnāt let me go. And honestly, what is the point of one drink? Alcohol is for getting drunk (says my brain). If youāre thirsty, have a coke. Same amount of empty calories, and you wonāt regret it.
Checking in sober. Shitty day, family stuff. Going through a really rough patch with my daughter and Iām just feeling so useless and powerless and like I canāt do anything right. All feelings I used to numb. Iāve had a good cry (cat kept me company and now his fur is all wet, sorry kitty ). Itās times like this that I wish I could express my feelings to others, I struggle with this so much though and just bottle things up. Peace and power to you all.
Glad that you are planning to check in daily during this time as you need that extra support. We are here for you love.
Smart to think ahead of when you will be staying with your mom and how you will work on protecting your sobriety. Glad to see you planning it out. Making sure to have less access to the alcohol is good but also make sure to have alternatives for yourself.
Much love to you dear friend - we are in your corner
I am so very sorry Kiki! You are not useless - i do understand how frustrating it can be. You are a great mother and there for your daughter. Showing her love and supporting her through this rough time.
Grateful that your kitty was there for you. I am here if you need to talk. Definitely do not keep things bottled up - that cork has a way of exploding at the most inopportune time.
Big hugs to you friend
Day 17 for this grateful recovering alcoholic and cravings have been crazy but there is nothing worth any of the bullshit that comes with that first drink
I havenāt been active here in a long time, I still have a hard time with community but am working on it. I jumped on today to say thank you. A year ago this place helped to solidify my path forward, finding freedom in sobriety and it just keeps getting better.
Checking in while my daughter is falling asleep.
Times like this when Iām home alone with her are when my gratitude for both sobriety and willpower is strongest.
Time to get back to work. I feel Iām up to it after a week out with something that in the past weād simply have called the flu. Not not so sure now but I was sick with it for sure. I had a decent sleep. Luna seems well. Time to be out and do something for my living. Sober and clean.
It was good to see my therapist yesterday. We made a little bit of a plan for the coming time. Iām not ready to quit seeing her yet. Still making progress. Going places in my head, my mind, my body, my life, I literally couldnāt have imagined when I was still in use. Never going back to that. One day at a time. Together with you all. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Love.
Sorry about your shit day Kiki. I know thereās a mother daughter thing where my wife and daughter butt heads and I donāt even know itās happening but I see how it affects my wife. But my wife gets all pissed off and angry.
Me on the other hand I get you with this feelings bullshit. I never know how I feel and I canāt express how I feel and I get so frustrated at myself. Get this. I even googled a list of feelings and took a screen shot of it and saved it to my phone. Thatās not helping much either These fucking feelings. Itās bullshit! But I donāt drink them away anymore. And neither do you. Like you, I just end up crying. I keep working on it. But Iām definitely not going back to drowning them in drink. Tomorrow is going to be a better day, even if only because you survived today sober. Sobriety is hard job. Keep up the great work!
Wrapping up day 80. Time for bed cause 5AM comes early. The forecast is for 1-3" of snow here in Chicagoland so Iām expecting nothing. Have a great sober night my friends.
Checking in in the middle of the night as we have all woken each other up. I started it needing the loo, which then gave the two kittens the go ahead to want feeding. We held a stand off till 4.30am as I have grand ideas of these being the best cats in the worldā¦ Then obviously I came to my senses and got up to feed them. They are good little boys and now back on the bed grooming.
Grateful to have nine days on my side Iām tired but not punch drunk tired with stingy eyes and hurting head. I want to break out my funk and find gratitude again, itās like a tango with depression and anxiety at the moment.
Iām still fighting though, no thoughts on drinking much. Hoping for a productive day getting the pantry sorted and going for some much needed exercise, doing week four run two of 5k training and a swim.
I upped my HRT and my hormone levels have improved. I slept well. This makes everything easier.
My cousin whom I see at most once a year and whom I care about is in town. But only till the early afternoon. Now I already have all hands full today. My kid is still ill and I donāt want to leave them unattended for too long. I also promised a sick friend to bring her groceries. Added to this the visit will include my DOC and I will need a plan how to deal with that. Iām not sure itās worth the hassle. On the other hand Iād like to see himā¦
Im grateful for the friends I have made here also! Havw a great night everyone!
). Itās times like this that I wish I could express my feelings to others, I struggle with this so much though and just bottle things up. Peace and power to you all.
These fucking feelings. Itās bullshit! But I donāt drink them away anymore. And neither do you. Like you, I just end up crying. I keep working on it. But Iām definitely not going back to drowning them in drink. Tomorrow is going to be a better day, even if only because you survived today sober. Sobriety is hard job. Keep up the great work!
Iām tired but not punch drunk tired with stingy eyes and hurting head. I want to break out my funk and find gratitude again, itās like a tango with depression and anxiety at the moment.