589, checking in.
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Haha 
Yesh. Iām a server/bartender/āmanagerā at a private country club (manager is in quotations bc thatās only when the 5 people above me arenāt there, which isnāt very often). I remember thinking when I started āwhen do we get a break?ā And the answer turned out to be never. Iām used to it now. The members see how hard we work and take care of us.
@happyfeet - Iāve learned over the years that āfake it til you make itā is a real thing, and itās true for happiness. If you try to find the positive in everything, it will come more naturally. Same is true if youāre always seeing the negative. Bad things happen but itās temporary. In my experience, a little time and patience gets you thru and to the other side.
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Checking in. 100% clean from all my bullshit.
Got another job offer that pays $2 more than this other job that just hired me. Lol havnt even gone to the orientation yet. I feel lucky that im getting all these offers.
Yet im feeling anxious that i will not be able to hold a full time job for very long. I hope that by quitting weed and gambling, thay i can focus on my mental health and not fall victim to my anxiety this time around.
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Thanks man, you too!! If i hit a milestone then i know you have too! Lol
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Checking on day 159. Keep racking up those days, everyone!
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@hidden Wow ā I love it ā 90 days and going strong!
@iamsophie Well done on your gamble free time ā hell yeah that would be a proud moment. Grateful that you are seeing the positive changes. Wishing you and yours a very happy and safe holiday season.
@just_laura My goodness that is an insane working weekend. I do hope you get a moment to rest and take care of yourself. I am sorry you are dealing with an ingrown toe nail on top of it all ā those really hurt. I find that it helps soaking your feet in warm Epson salt for like 20 minutes or so before you try to cut it out and then some Vaseline also helps. So glad your toe is getting better!
@soberwalker What a beautiful picture. Love that the sky turned blue just to welcome you 
The universe does speak to us in so many ways. Wishing you luck this week with all your changes. 
@zzz Congrats on your 90 days of sobriety! Keep going strong 
@acromouse Oh that has to be the absolute worst way to wake up. I am so sorry that your day started off in a panic. Grateful that you were able to relax and calm yourself. I do hope the rest of your day went smoothly.
@nas Way to go with your 1 week milestone! 
@naomi Those diseaseās do suck. I am sorry that your family is dealing with them. Grateful that you are continuing to work on yourself and your health ā a wonderful job with 15 days of sobriety!
@mindofsobermike I can feel the positivity off of your post today. So lovely to read and feel it. You should be proud of yourself and it is a something for them to leave you to do the work by yourself. Youād be surprised at how easily someone could mess up cleaning. You are showing dedication and good results and that is something to be proud of.
@steve92 Congrats on your job offers. Keep doing what you are doing as I do believe we can handle life so much better when we are addiction free. We got your back here!
Checking in on Monday morningā¦
I am awake and ready - waiting on the inspector to show up to inspect our new deck. So excited that it is finally completed. Will be taking my dad to an appointment later and then have a fairly open day. May try to get some computer work done ā¦
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free Monday - sending you all so much love
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Itās been a rough end to 2023 so far! I do think I am feeling a bit better, though. I donāt have the aches or cold chills anymore, I just have an upper respiratory crud at this point. It is pretty comical that I canāt hear my soft spoken husband and I keep having to ask him to repeat himself! I just have to laugh, because I definitely donāt want to cry anymore. Iām grateful things werenāt worse for us but Iām getting pretty impatient with this sickness. My husband is pretty much back 100%, but he has a sore hip from all the traveling, both plane and car. I found out my poor brother was in the hospital yesterday and has a herniated disk. He has struggled with back pain for years. I hope he gets the help he needs, that is not a good prognosis for a 40 year old. The steroids he was prescribed alleviated his pain quickly so he is mobile today. Iām grateful he doesnāt have issues with addiction but that he is also wary of meds, especially pain meds, opioids, etc. He will do the physical therapy that has been offered and hopefully find a solution that avoids meds and/or surgery. Man, Iām just trying hard to practice patience and gratitude during all of this. Meanwhile, our grand plans of family visiting for the holiday are off, my sister in law was able to cancel their flights and get credit for another time, hopefully when the weather is nice and we can enjoy some time outside, too. My other sister in law really dropped the ball and turns out she wasnāt going to make it out here at all but didnāt communicate that. I was going to hold down the fort while my husband and his sis and her boyfriend all drove to Michigan to āsave Christmasā but then we got COVID and we just had to cancel everything. Weāre off the hook at least so that stress is gone, but itās a bit disappointing also. I havenāt even done any decorating other than a wreath on the front door. Iām hoping to feel well enough to start some decorating today. Iām sorry to be such a bummer today but I think I needed to get this all out. It has felt like one thing after another, a lot going on but also a lot of disappointment. Iām okay with the quiet and calm however. And Iāll be okay. This is all temporary. Sigh. Stop being a bummer! 
Everything is more manageable when Iām sober. And I can deal with plans changing much better, too. Okay, I think Iām done whining! Sending love out your way today, amix/friends. 
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Rosa, sorry about all this shit happening to you. I hear ya sister, I feel the exact same. Like everything has gone to shit and my attitude has hardened into a tiny little grain of misery inside my soul. 
Iām also with you on trying again to pull myself out this sink hole, even if I have to pull myself kicking and screaming by the hair.
Keep strong, you got this. Itās a lot, but you got it. So do I xx
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Thanks for that. It isnāt my first rodeo dealing with these feelings, either, but it certainly isnāt fun! Sending you some love and patience. We will get through this and come out the other end of it, Iām sure of it. Thereās so much pressure to be cheerful around the holidays and maybe we put it on ourselves. Practicing kindness to ourselves and others helps. Itās okay if I donāt have the energy to do much right now. Itās okay to have sad feelings any time of year and it doesnāt mean we are broken beyond repair. Just sitting with these feelings helps me and letting them out, too. But never giving up. The sun came out just in time for me to walk my Lupe girl so Iām going to bundle up and get some sunshine and fresh air, albeit cold as f*ck! Hang in there and I will too.
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Checking in on day 414 AF. Hope youāre all having a happy and sober day.
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Day
222 no alcohol
153 no vapes or cigs
5 no form of pot (no cbd , thc, hemp)
My days off from work are tough for staying sober off pot
I think i crave when im bored because my whole life i smoked when there was nothing to do (also when there was but mostley when i was doing nothing)
When i dropped out of school i stayed home a full year doing nithing but smoke weed. At the end of that year i was diagnosed with schizophrenia. No coincidence there.
Habbits can be terrible
I ust to walk 3hours to get weed, smoke, then instantly walk 3 hours back home. I did this a lot; then whenever i smoked weed i felt like i needed to walk even though i didnāt need to. I always thought that was weird
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Day 105 totally clean. Over 7 months clean from illicit opioids, my DOC. 105 days ago I relapsed on meth for a few days. I only use the 105 days for counting, just shared that so yāall can get a clearer picture of where Iām at. Iāve been tapering down my Suboxone again, back at 2mg/day. Which is really low but I love feeling mentally clearer. What I donāt love is all the stress Iāve been in, knowing that on so low a dose of subs I could definitely get high if I used, and yeah Iām just in a bad situation. Going to outpatient treatment and living in a sober house they provide, which Iām grateful for, but in the 3 months at this location of their treatment center, and the 6+ months I was at the other location, I havenāt made a single friend, and havenāt even been able to develop enough trust to share much anything personal in group. I have a ton of trauma and trust issues, and to top it off Iām schizophrenic, so even more trust issues and paranoia. The AA meetings we go to I also havenāt really fit in well. Iām supposed to be moving out of state to live with my family before Christmas, and that brings on a whole new set of challenges, mainly with my step dad(Iām 27 but still a ton of past abuse and whatever that makes it really difficult to be around him) and Iām going to be really isolated for a few months down there until Iām able to get my license reinstated and buy a car. Anyway, Iām just wanting to use really badly. I have very few people in my life that Iād even disappoint and I hate myself so I donāt like doing it for me. Iāve pretty much only been staying sober because I am trying to obey and serve God, but I really resent him for it, and for how much I feel totally abandoned by Him and suffering for seemingly no purpose. I know itās an opportunity to grow but I donāt even want to. I just want a break to heal.
Edit:
By the way I just joined this community and I wanted to say hey everyone. And thank you. Already Iāve gotten some encouragement and just finally feeling like Iām not as alone from reading through some posts. I donāt have any friends at all right now.
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Today is my full 5months no vapes or ciggs!!!
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Heyy alden
I hope you have a relaxing rest of the day
Your good at writing your feelings
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287
Went to a magician show last night, it was meh. But the bar had a good selection of AF drinks and fancy soft drinks. Will be back at that venue in spring, as they are having some cool bands playing. And I really should make an effort to go to more gigs.
But generally good days yesterday and today. A bit of gym, some good food and Frozen was the choice for family movie time.
Let it go Let it go
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Thanks Noshame. I appreciate that. Iām definitely better at writing them than sharing in person hahaha
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Well im happy your here writing them
Ive been craving weed and nicotine all day but through your writting, your helping me stay sober and nic free
Thank you very much for sharing 
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Thank you for these wonderful words Laura. Thatās so true and I really try to see the positive in little things.
It seems like the whole world is having a tough time but still we can find something positive in between.
Thank you for reminding me.
Take good care of yourself still 
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91
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