I’ve deliberately left my wallet at home then I’m off to the gym before I go home. Tomorrow could be the hardest day, it’s the works Xmas party
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Day 1,286 clean and sober today.
TW: Death
I had a horrible nightmare last night about Corey dieing and there was nothing I could do. I was trying to call 911 but my phone was frozen on a certain screen and wouldn’t let me close it out so I couldn’t see the numbers to be able to call. It was on a bus and there were two other young men overdosing and dieing as well at the same time. I couldn’t save any of them. This all took place on a bus and the other people on the bus didn’t have phones or couldn’t get their phones to work and wouldn’t help me. It was a really fucked up dream to watch him die and me not being able to do anything. The two other kids died as well at the same time as Corey and then I woke up.
Thanks for letting me get that out, sorry if it makes people uncomfortable I just needed to share that. Have a good day everyone, love you guys 
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Hey all, checking in on day 1284. I hope everybody has a good one!
@Rockstar24777 I’m so sorry to hear about your dream. That sounds terrible. Hang in there today man! Hopefully writing about it helped.
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Day 96
Did an overnight at my sister’s to visit my 10 month old great nephew
Lots of booze everywhere but none for me.
T.
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Day 36, definitely woke up feeling pretty tired this morning. But hopped in the shower said my gratitudes and prayers. Outside was pretty chilly, but still was grateful I was able to experience every bit of it. Excited to get my call from the hospital, feeling sad about Christmas bc this will be the first Christmas I’m not there for my girls. Grateful for technology though bc I’ll be able to face time and watch them open there presents, but still sad I’m not there to do my traditional Santa foot prints. Also realizing im definitely going to have to invest in some more stuft for those really good days like goggles for the wind, and a better pull over face mask, maybe some better gloves and long hours lol. Much love sober fam
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45 days, my Grandpa is quite unwell so I am worried about him, he is spending some days in hospital. Good news is that his ECG is good, as are his oxygen levels. My sobriety endures without issue despite the concomitant stress. Wishing you all a great sober day, and a wonderful Christmas if I do not post before then.
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Follow up to my nightmare last night.
I just got to work and a coworker told me that last night there was a resident who was overdosing and he was trying to call 911 but the screen on his phone was frozen and he was unable to dial. Just like me in my dream last night WTF!!! The resident made it and is ok. What a trip…
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100 days with nada …
I didn’t think it was possible
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Day
224 no alcohol!!!
155 no vapes or ciggs!!!
7 , one week without any form of pot!!!
Wow one week without cbd, thc or hemp!!! No pot at all!! It feels good and couldnt have come at a better time. I had 2 days off from work. Im back in today. I craved pot so much the last 2 days. So 1 week without is a huge victory. My wife kept reminding me how id feel if i smoke. My baby boy archer was on my mind and reminded me i have better things comming. My past posts here kept my mind on my goals and everyone here reminded me i have goals and the ones who supported me kept me going
@Butterflymoonwoman
Thank you for supporting me
I remember yourself posting you had thoughts of picking up come and go in the past. I thought of those posts and it told me mh cravings will pass and they did. Our family needs us. Thank you
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Huge mile stone!!! Your doing very well. Keep it going my friend. Your doing just fine 
Have you noticed and changing in habbits or life situations??? Can you work things out a little better??
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Ive had vivid dreams myself. Deams of wars and people after me. Just yesterday during my i had a dresm people were after me and we all had horses. Weird
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That’s trippy indeed!
Good is had better ending than in your dream
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People places n things literally…
It’s a lot easier making certain decisions when im not all fked up .I stay away from old friends old hookups and specific places
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11 days off alcohol. I just wanted to thank you all for your support and presence while i piece my life back together.
Stay strong everyone. It gets more tolerable.
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I’ve noticed a lot of people mentioning crazy, vivid dreams lately. I’ve been having them too. Every other night I wake up drenched in sweat. It’s so frustrating feeling helpless in a dream when you know in real life it wouldn’t happen that way. But then it’s a relief to wake up and realize it was only a dream.
That’s funny about your phone bc I’ve noticed consistently, if I have my phone in a dream, I can never get it to work properly and it ends up driving me nuts!
Edit- just read the update. That’s some crazy sh*t right there man 
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Checking in on day 161.
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I really relate to your feelings. I’m lucky in a way that my family prefers to gather at times that aren’t holidays but I think I impose those pressures on myself to show up. This year really tanked hard with a lot else going on but I think you can set expectations for yourself if you want to. I hope your family will understand. Even having a couple weeks in between get togethers helps. It’s probably different because our situation requires a lot of driving (9 hrs for my family and 7 hrs for his) so it’s always been okay to say we just can’t make it this year. But your health matters. Mental and physical both. Please take good care of yourself. Sending some bah humbug love your way.
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Day 1096,
Corona is back, my parents have it and my son. My son is feeling pretty bad. Went to the gym this morning, went ok. But bit of sour throat now will see. That my parents and brother and partner will spend Christmas Eve together still crosses my mind. I’m not invited. Try to convince myself it doesn’t bother me to much. But the thought of given that evening a big fck it and hit a bar is there too. Trying to give the feeling some room seems to work the best. If I start blocking it it feels like putting a big rock on a volcano that finally will fly off and the whole thing erupts. Don’t know how I’ll respond if they would send me a merry Christmas that evening. The same holds for if they don’t, real addict behavior there, they never can do it right. What a complete fcking idiots are they. All my life I have felt left out of the family. We talked about it a time ago, but don’t know what goes around in their head. I can’t control it, so I’ll have to let it go. Time to stop trying to ride a death horse and get of it and start walking.
Have a good day 
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Day 99.
Hi Talking Sober Family. I am taking it one day at a time. Have had some thoughts of escaping through drink or substance yet will not go down that path as I know that it leads to nothing good.
Trying to not live in self pity yet finding it hard to get out of these feelings of helpless. With Christmas coming I am hanging on and will do my best to ensure my children have a enjoyable yet peaceful holiday season. It will be different, a lot smaller than we are us too. Yet I will be sober and clear mind, which will allow me to be present and to give them all the love they are so deserving of! Serene and Sober 24hr all! 
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You’ve been through the wringer recently. Please try and be kind to yourself and gentle. Things will improve, I’m sure of it. I have to be sure of it for myself, too. Hang in there, friend. Sending love. 
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