And to @JazzyS, congratulations on 1 year!! Woohoo! That is awesome! You are such an inspiration!
I got some bad news this morning about dental work for my daughter. I am sort of reeling from it and feeling depressed because that’s the way past trauma has wired me to react. I know a good night’s sleep will help. And then after the holidays I can get some second opinions and have more information to go by in making a decision about her care. Tomorrow will be a better day! And I will hopefully be more productive at work than I was today after getting bad news. Thankfully no one is hovering over me at work measuring my work output, it’s not that kind of place.
My body feels so drained, but mentally I feel pretty good That’s what really matters anyways. I’ve powered thru some tough physical pain by using my brain. Cannot wait for the weekend to start(even tho I work every day)! Gonna power thru the last of Christmas preparation while the house is all mine. Let’s get this holiday over! Whoo!
Standing at the register at the store earlier, I had a brief desire for cigarettes while glancing at the packs behind the cashier. It just really felt like one would hit the spot after my work night. It was strange bc it’s never happened since I’ve been sober. After quitting initially, I did smoke maybe 5 cigs total, all while drunk, but never bought another pack. Idk the exact date, but it’ll be 2 years in January. It was pretty easy to quit once my smoker ex finally moved out. As well as having covid for the 3rd time Anyway. Not going back.
Gotta go move the elf before it gets too late. Every night I keep forgetting until I’m about to go to bed. Glad I only have to do it 3 more times! I hope you all have a great day and restful sleep before this crazy weekend begins
Day 181. Still full of cold and god knows what… Can’t sleep so I thought I would do my check in. Plan is to relax till we both feel better which is a pretty decent plan! No urges currently which is such a good feeling
I did’n feel the earth tilt the other way so I slept through the solstice. Sitting here with my coffee thinking of christmas past. Some good memories actually came back from my childhood. And some less good ones from later in life. Those obligatory ones where it felt like pretending to be this nice happy family enjoying a nice happy gettogether. While so much boiling under the surface. And drinking way too much. Just a normal average family having a normal average christmas meal I suppose.
Maybe these memories are why I feel some tension now. I can’t feel or think where it’s coming from otherwise. Nor can I dispel it. OK. I’ll breath through it and I’ll live. One day at a time. I guess I have a subject for therapy that happens in a couple of hours time. No thoughts of drinking or using. That’d only make it so much worse and I know it. Never again. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
@Lotusflower Triple digits Des! That’s a huge milestone! Ginormous congrats!
I wasn’t able to cope with a situation yesterday. It made me so sad and in a panic mood. Later I noticed how loneley I am. Then I thought, it is okay to drink. I listened so many podcasts and was realy into sobriety. Will get back on the horse. And no, I won’t go to in person meetings.
Great to see you getting right back on that horse Julia! I feel setbacks are such big learning opportunities. Happy to see you here today!
@anon68572606 Thats quite a big challenge, I hope you’ll get the support you asked. I feel like you shouldn’t even have to ask for that!
@Just_Laura I never heard of moving elves before, had to Google that. Maybe it’s not a thing in Europe, no clue… Are kids not scared? I get Chucky vibes
Isnt it amazing that with a sober mind we can resist sigarettes and other harmful things way easier? Gotta love a functional brain!
*Day 1920
Having a sore throat, hope it’s not become more then that. Covid and other flu’s are sky high in the Netherlands right now.
Today? My intake for the coach to hopefully help me with some character issues. I’m kind of stuck in the progress right now. Hope she can help. Want to make a start with the Christmas groceries and tonight I have silversmitting class.
Tomorrow I work at the bussiest day of the year
And this is what my orange monster does if his favorate blanket is’n ready for her on the coach but trown at the floor. I have to be carefull not to step on her.
Have a good day all!
30 days
Another night waking up at 3am with a panic attack. Peri menopause drives me nuts.
But I made it through a whole month, and I’m proud of myself. So much hard work! And really: I’m absolutely sure, there was not one day where giving in to my cravings would have made anything better. It would only have made it worse.
We’ll have friends over in the afternoon, and I’m looking forward to a walk today.
Don’t be! The majority here went through the same as you. I too can’t count how many times I gave in, but time in time again I come back. And I’m here since 2017, so you do the math
Like Menno and SoberWalker say, come here. Often. Talk, share, connect. I started to interact more and post everyday on this thread. It feels like such a big difference to the numerous times I wanted (thought) to do it on my own
Thank you @Kareness💜
Hoping all goes well in finding a solution for the dental work for your daughter. Your determination and faith will help see you through!
Thank you @Mno.
One day at a time most definitely, and as you mentioned a lot of breathing through it and talking it through. Love your introspective shares Menno.
That’s what really matters anyways. I’ve powered thru some tough physical pain by using my brain. Cannot wait for the weekend to start(even tho I work every day)! Gonna power thru the last of Christmas preparation while the house is all mine. Let’s get this holiday over! Whoo!
Anyway. Not going back.
Love your introspective shares Menno.
Yay for one hundred (!) days, that’s a milestone there! Congrats 
