You too Rob.
Happy Christmas 
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Today evening I had a fight with my ex, not a big one, yet it broke my heart because it affected the kids, and it made me realize that there is really no hope for them to change, we will have to separate (we are divorced, but living together), I will change job and stay with the kids. It seems such a big step, and I donāt know how I will be able to deal with that. I feel so alone. I try not to look far ahead, because itās scary, just focusing on the next step, but itās still heavy. I donāt feel at home in my life and I know it will take a lot of time and work to achieve the peace that comes with all these changes. I really miss any relationship where I could find some comfort without creating it, earning it, working on it by myself first, just to get it without conditions.
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Oh man my heart goes out to you tonight. Iām really sorry that youāre going through this but for what itās worth, Iām here along with many others that are here to help you walk along this new part of your journey. Much love @Tomek 
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Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays & all the rest to you beautiful folks.
I know this time of year isnt always great or easy on people, and I hope we all find our peace as we come to a new year. Tbh Ive never really felt any change about entering a new year my calendar does not follow the 12 month rotation LOL
Here at my moms and its my first Christmas back here since my sister died. It was the last time I saw her, and I wish I knew how stressed she was and more deeply about what she was going through or how much danger she was in. I remember a hug we had which was very emotional, where she held me tight like I can still feel it. It was the first time she got to hold my son, due to COVID and the fact that when weād be together it always felt crazy and somehow neverbhappened (I ask myself now HOW did that happen, she held my daughter in the hospital when she was a few hours old). I remember watching mt nephew while she ate her dinner. I always felt when we got together like I didnt have enough hands to give her because I was chasing my kids, I feel it now being here like it sos hard to do anything but take care of the 3 kids.
My emotions and tears are often stunted at my moms becayse my mom is in more painbthen me, but I had a lot of emotion last night bringing my nephew his stocking and the feeling of playing Santa to him. I had this vision of her like shes still out there just living her life, its very hard for me to believe and accept shes not coming through the door. Part of me still wonders when I feel off why I feel that way or why I cant just push off the heavyness that is around us all.
Today when I took my nephew to the park it was so physical, and he is getting so big. I helped in a class the other day with a boy who reminded me so much of my nephew in little ways, and when he ran and I caught up to redirect he leaned his body on me (with a little smile, just as my nephew does) and I realized I cannot pick this boy up. If he wanted to, he could throw some weight and its something I know of my nephew also. Hes only 6, but he is getting bigger and going to keep getting bigger and his level of need is so great. My heart is justā¦I dont have words.
The Christmas spirit around my kids and nephew has veen really beautiful, aside from us all being sick, son having an ear infection and not sleeping so well (hi!! Exhausted!) But Santa this morning was just epic. After we were done putting things under the tree last night I was so excited I could hardly sleep. Im just tired, and the house is very open and there isnt much room for us so weāre all on top of one another with stuff everywhere and its a bit overstimulating. Heres to remembering the good stuff. Kids had a blast & that makes me so happy 
Xo
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Checking in on Christmas day with the best present I could give myself-5 months sober today
I hope everyone has had a good day, whatever you have been doing, and whether you celebrate Christmas or not.
One thing we can all celebrate together is our
sobriety, one day at a time, together we can 
Love, peace and goodwill to all of you amazing people.
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Congratulations!!! YAY!!!
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Made it to day 927. Letās keep it up.
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Congratulations on 5 months!
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This Christmas was a complete bust. Went backwards with my health, sick in bed again last night and today. Sinus/upper respiratory infection, fever and chills, body aches, bruised ribs from coughing etc. Iām pretty sad about it but thereās still time to make up for it. Iāll head back to urgent care tomorrow and hopefully they will actually prescribe something that will help me get over this crud. I am grateful to be COVID negative still, so thereās that. And my husband has been wonderful, though drinking quite a bit on his time off. Canāt say I enjoy the smelly breath. Heās off work until Jan 2 so hopefully I can rally. Le sigh. Glad Iām sober.
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@alden awe friend I am so sorry that you are struggling so badly. A big hug to you 
Please do not give up on yourself and your recovery. It is a slow process but recovery does have many benefits to offer. You deserve a happy addiction free life. You are young and have a lifetime of memories waiting to be made ahead of you. Keep checking in here ā keep working on your recovery (I believe that our recovery is not only with learning to live without our DOC but also in learning to l meet and love our sober selves). Sending you comfort and love ā keep going strong 
@mischa84 so good to see you checking in friend 
SO sorry that you are dealing with the urges. I am sorry your MIL is being so triggering. Hopefully you are able to find time for yourself and be able to let loose ā you are a carefree spirt and need to spread those wings (sorry that you are around uptightness right now ā that can be suffocating).
@country So grateful for your hubbyās support. You do deserve better and I am grateful that you are working on your sober journey Day 2 is amazing ā keep it going
@lainenicole96 Best gift is a sober mom ā I love this! Grateful that you two had s lovely Christmas together
@tomek so sorry for all that you are going through right now. I canāt imagine all the emotional and physical stress all of this must be causing you. We are here for you if you should need someone to talk / vent to . Sending you strength and love!
@diletttante Hells yeah! 5 months is a wonderful present to give yourself! Congrats Kiki
@rosacando so sorry Rosa ā I do hope that you are able to kick this sickness / infection in the butt real soon. Many healing vibes your way ā hope you start to recover real soon.
Checking in on Christmas eveningā¦
369 days free of alcohol and weed
784 days free of cigarettes
Had a great day with friends. Had a bunch of fun active games lined up for our White Christmas gift exchange. One of them was the cookie challenge game from Squid Games which i am happy to report is the one game i won. Thank goodness our consequences for not winning are not so dire 
I am exhausted and in some pain. Will try to do some deep breathing and try and get some sleep. Sending you all so much love - wishing you all a addiction free evening / day
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Wooooooo- fucking- hooooooooooo
I am so happy for you!!!
Omg such a great sight to log onto. Keep it up, dont fucking look back. 
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24 days in the bank
Boxing day, been drizzling here, but still 26Ā° and humid. Perfect day for another bush walk with the family and some friends. So good being in the bush when its raining. Now its evening its sunny, just finished some leftovers for dinnner and about to play some more uno with the kids
No cravings today thankfully.
Hope everyone has a great boxing day and a restful couple of days
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@zzz Thanks for the shout out and congratulations on triple digits! 
@RosaCanDo It sucks that you are still so ill. Hope you get better asap. 
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Good grief @RosaCanDo that is just the pits, I am sooooooo sorry that you are sick again. Go away bad bugs! Best get well quickly and completely wishes for you!
In the meantime,. here is some soup for you and whoever else needs some for healing, comfort, nourishment or just because. ā¦
Take care allā¦ on we goā¦ ODAAT
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I hope everyone had a good holiday It was a beautiful day here. It mustāve broken some kind of record. It was nice to watch our daughter open presents together. Something that hasnāt happened since we split bc of our drinking. There were sooo many between the 2 of us, plus those ones from her school, which were surprisingly on point. She was happy 
The last sober Christmas I had was in 2019, and oddly, I donāt recall much of it. The past 3 years I was so hungover X-mas day, I couldnāt get off the couch. In '21 I was throwing up the entire time my daughter opened her presents. God thatās sad 
This year the only thing I over did was coffee! Thinking I would need it to get thru the day, but instead it just made me shaky, sweaty and then tired. Fortunately this happened after presents and right before my ex and daughter headed over to his moms. Took advantage and had a nap 
Later we went to my parents for dinner and gifts. Got my trusty AAA card for the 21st year in a row. Nice My ex left around 5, and then my brother, who had driven an hour away to play frisbee golf all afternoon, came over with his oldest friend. He was miserable and stewing over something that happened there while his friend kept telling him he was seeing it the wrong way and trying to cheer him up. Iām happy that my brother has such good friends that have stuck with him thru his dark times. Heās still pretty miserable but nothing compared to how he was. Heāll be alright as long as he stays the sober path.
Finished the night crafting with my daughter. Grateful to have had such a great day. Grateful that I have nothing planned for tomorrow. Time to sleep easy 
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Thank You. Just woked up, had a dream of relapse 
I know it is ok to have them. It was really unconfortable feeling. Thank You again
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The storm is subsiding. My daughter gave me a call yesterday evening, they arrived safely at their vacation spot. Was a bit worried because of the long ride in this weather.
One last Christmas Coffee today at my in-lawsā. Iāll try to breathe through my triggers and sit far away from all the sweet stuff.
Tomorrow I want to start my end of year review. Iām looking very much forward to this.
I wish you all peace: in your hearts, in your minds, in your bodies, in your souls, and among each other.
@zzz your GIFs are gorgeous 
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I just noticed you hit triple digits, congratulations! Keep on keeping on 
You are from Lithuania, right? Beautiful country. I was only once and very short but I enjoyed it a lot. I was at a music festival, Yaga Gathering, it was psytrance festival in a forest. I remember going back home, all physically destroyed after nights of drugs, alcohol and lack of sleep and eating best "chÅodnik "soup ever! We call it āchÅodnikā in Poland, i donāt know English or Lithuanian name. Itās cold, kefir based soup with beets, cucumber, radish, dille and eggs. So refreshing!
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