They are my absolute best cats as well. Yeah, I have a lot ahead in 2024 to learn, relearn and to focus on.
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@Sunshineontheinside The site can take a minute to get used toā¦ I have copied your message over to the latest Check in thread. Each thread gets 2500 posts and then it is closed off and an new thread is opened. We are currently on #61. You can scroll to the bottom of this thread to reply to it and add your daily check in post. 
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Thank you so very much @JazzyS. I am very appreciative and thankful for this app yet I think it will take time to learn. For example on repeat each time I want to go back a page I keep selecting the arrow on the far left (instead of the right) logging me out lol. 
My Daughterās grade 4 teacher used to teach and say on repeat, āTTTā or ā3 Tāsā which stood for āThings Take Timeā. That was so very many years ago now and we both use the 3 phrases often. 
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Day one.
Iām going to make it this time.
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Day 1104,
Something is coming over me. Just feelings I presume. Some stress factors, but will get through them sober.
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@sabrina80 SO happy for you Sabrina. I do think that stress is the root of all evil. So crazy how it compounds and our bodies just adjust for the most part but then other parts of us like our digestion suffer. I love this progress for you.
@danam56 hey beautiful ā hope you are doing well. Missing you here on the check in thread
@mno and @soberwalker sending you healing vibes and hope that you start to feel better real soon. Love that flower pot Claudia! So beautiful ā my brother has one that I absolutely adore. Donāt see many of these available. Grateful itās found a home with you. 
@zse welcome to the community and a great job on your 25 days of sobriety! Taking it ODAAT will help stack up the days ā grateful to have you here with us!
@catmancam so sorry for the your boxing day love ā that sounds like a very uncomfortable situation. Sending you a big hug my friend 
I do hope that your hands-on physio appointment went well. LOVE the catch today ā great numbers Cam
@dilettante Oh love I am so sorry for all the extra stress and emotional turmoil that you are going through at the moment. Never apologize for a rant ā we are here for you and ranting / venting is the best way to release some of the burden you are holding. We are here for you my friend. I do hope it gets easier for you and your family
@Selflove_42 OH friend I am so thrilled to read this. I do think a therapist would be immensely beneficial to you. You do have a lot to unravel and maybe start off with just solo sessions and discuss with your therapist a good time to bring in your wife when you are comfortable. I do think that we need to start opening up the closed off cupboards inside and sifting through them on our own before we can invite others into that chaos. Grateful that your wife is so supportive. Sending you strength and love ā you are doing great 
@tragicfarinelli OMG they are precious babies. Looking forward to more pictures You most definitely will be good enough for them. Love the names too!
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@sunshineontheinside you are most welcome love. BTW ā I love your name on the app. TTT huh ā I like it and will use it myself. I often take myself out of the site too when I am on my phoneās app. I find it easier to use when I am on the computerā¦ incase you need to use on laptop you can go to talkingsober.com and log on. I am still learning new things about the site ā feel free to ask questions
@lastry Welcome back Fiona ā great to see you checking in. Congrats on your day 1 ā we are here for you
@rob11 here to listen if you need to talk ā hope the feelings wash over you soon
Checking in on Thursday morning ā
a little better todayā¦ grateful to be out of bed and moving around. Looking forward to my treatment tonight. not much else going on at the moment. Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day - sending you all so much love
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2570 days. Iām back to working from home today after 5 days off for Christmas. I exercised one of those 5 days and going into the holiday I thought it would be 5 out of 5. I have to look at why my reality is so different than my plan. I know that there were two park meetings where I could have exercised right afterwards and that would have made it 3 out of 5. Iām going to another meeting like that today. Iāve gotta just do it today!
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Thank you @JazzyS @RosaCanDo
I have written lots down. I am sober still and intend to stay sober but this is the most tempted I have been in 5 months.
I feel stressed and belittled and guilty and like I am responsible for my motherās emotions and her over reaction, as I did throughout my childhood, even though it wasnāt me involved in the argument. I guess I feel powerless and like a little kid again. Alcohol will solve nothing though. I do have power, only over myself, my actions and my reactions though. I choose to act with wise intentions.
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Checking in on day 169.
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I want to be free,but I see how many attachments I have. One by one I must break the chains I put myself in my heart
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Day 444
Checking in. I am so happy that Christmas is over! I am feeling good knowing I did the best I could to make sure my kids had a good Christmas. My little one got a bike and she got to ride it to the store! (Since itās been so warm ) mostly , I have been running from the way I feel about Christmas. And now itās over. So, I guess I can breathe a little easier now.
Still no insurance for me. So I am just taking my health one day at a time. If I feel bad enough Iāll just go to emergency and hope my insurance application goes through.
But now that things are settling again, I will try to check in more often.
Love yāall
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This Christmas has been super rough. It started the night of soltice with a huge fight with my partner because I had indulged during the day. I left and took space at a mutual friends and crashed on the couch. The next morning I was told that based on where I stayed I was not welcome back. The following morning in the wee hours I woke up sopping wet from fever and had the chills as well as every other symptom imaginable and am still today dealing with the flu and not recovered.
I almost begged to come home well I guess I did beg being sick I wanted to be at home even if based on illness or not getting along that meant seclusion into the guest room. He was civil and polite yet denied my repeated requests, saying I can get things yet not stay as I crossed a boundary and we are done. I eventually shared with 1 family member and 2 friends yet everyone else assumes though knowing I was/am sick as a dog that I was in my home with my man, our two dogs and our new kitten all of whom I miss so much alone on xmas.
My only option other than sleeping in my car was returning to where I had stayed as how do I ask anyone else to go stay at there house when I am sick and contagious. Luckily, I was allowed to take over the friendās Daughterās room where I have been holed up for days. A lot of the time no one else is home yet the rest of the time this house is complete chaos including lots of people using a varity of substances coming and going at all hours of the day and night.
I have been so sick that I have not been able to even wrap my head around what my plan is yet that will have to happen in the coming days. And staying here longterm is a no go.
My phone was not working and kept giving me error and full messages so the few hours each day I was awake I went through all the content photos videos deleting with the same result. I ended up finding access to three different clouds and I slowly went through photos and screenshots going back to 2016.
Not only did I come across selfies and photos of myself alone or with others under the influence or appearing completely wasted, I also came across photos of physical injuries I have caused my body due to drinking including three times smashing my face to different degrees from falling over those years. It was a huge humble pie. What struck me most was how many photos and words, links, sovial media accounts and books regarding sobriety and living sober that I had saved on repeat.
In and out of my flu medications and insane fevers I started thinking about what a gift this all has been. The combination of leaving, not being welcomed back, staying where I am and the environment here as well as my full phone and readiness for deep reflection as well as acceptance and surrender I chose somewhat unconciously yet conciously not to drink since leaving my home. I have definitely been one to drink when sick or in pain as a way of coping and numbing yet this time I was and I am not interested in the least. I have been offered drinks and it is all around on the counters and in the fridge yet I actually havent wanted any of them even in the slightest.
Yesterday morning when I woke up I felt like I should air out the room and try to sit outside for some fresh air and vitamin c from the sun. I was sitting with a cup of herbal tea staring at the trees when suddenly a voice in my head, my voice, loudly and firmly said āI am powerless over alcohol!ā. It did not feel bad or gross it just felt what wasā¦reality.
I attended an aa meeting once 10 years ago and again once 7 years ago. Once each. Although I gained from those nights I left each being so angry at the same statement I spoke to and owned for myself now. I was angry that someone else was telling me what was happening for me, I was also in denial and I was also angry that why cant I just be like normal people have a few and be fun and funny and leave it at that so in denial I just kept on trying to manage and control my habit on my own unsuccessfully.
All of this reflection and my current situation led me to thinking about isloation the need/want for community and the need/want for spirituality and a higher power. Before I knew it I looked up a friendās IG to see what app he used when he posted updates of his sober time and found it was this. Everything I deleted off my phones storage had it working again as well as enough room for this app which less than 24 hours in I am already so grateful for.
Also yesterday, in the afternoon I did some researching about churches and faith based groups in the closest town and without even thinking purposely Ilooked up local aa meetings. I live in a small town of 700 so there is not much here though there are churches and 2 weekly meetings in the next closest town. I am still unsure how I feel about going to those as it also is a small town with lots of gossip and judgement etc and I work a part time cutomer service job with the public there.
In the meantime though I noticed virtual meetings offered another town over, one that I could and would drive to for in person support and connection once feeling well.
Well what do you know? I went to a meeting last night. I felt so welcomed and so accepted and gained so much from each person there. I know this is a journey of a ton of little pieces and small steps yet I am happy to say that even with my current stress/heartbreak/illness and a future full of unknowns including housing and my relationship I AM SO THANKFUL that I realized at 46 years old I just spent the first ever xmas/holiday season without a drop of alcohol (let alone getting drunk or wasted) since I was 12 years old.
I apologize in advance if this is TMI or if anything I have said has triggered anyone. Sincerely not my intent and I am open to instruction/suggestions/constructive feedback.
If you made it to the first sentence or this final one, thank YOU for seeing and hearing me.
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Big hugs Kiki
I can imagine being transported to a childlike self and feeling responsible for your moms feelings. Maybe hearing it from someone else will help to know that you are not responsible for anyone elseās emotions or actions. I am so sorry that you are feeling these emotionsā¦ here to give you a big virtual hug
Grateful that you are 5+ months sober and better equipped to handle this sober. Drinking would only make matters worse.
LOVE this friend - here for you
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Iām here, Iām sober and I did well over Christmas which in ttye past would have been a blur to me. Thankful for this community. Iām reading about people on single figure days and seeing how others crashed and burned over Christmas and Iām remembering how I would have felt at this time in the past. Itās soo hard to overcome sometimes and Iām hopeful some of those short timers are back here next year reporting on a successful Xmas.
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Lovely to see you here with us and working on your sobriety - 5 days is amazing!
Grateful that you did seek outside support and felt so welcome. We are all addicts here and working on the same goal of leading an addiction free life - this is a wonderful community to be a part of with loads of support and no judgement.
so true friend - taking it one second at a time will help stack up the time.
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Day 3
Got plenty of sleep but I still feel groggy.
Feeling positive about today, and I want to make an actual effort this time to stay sober. Not just for a week or a few days.
I have the day off today, so im looking forward to going to the grocery store to get lots of nonalcoholic juices and drinks i can mix myself. Interested to try tart cherry juice.
Weighed myself today for the first time in a couple months. I stopped weighing because i was tired of being disappointed with the number, and i got careless with drinking again so i knew the number wasnt going down anyway. Im up 6 pounds and Im not happy about it. Im the highest weight ive been since my fiance passed away 2.5 years ago. But im trying to remind myself the number on the scale doesnt reflect my self worth, and im already working towards improving my health by not drinking and attending martial arts classes.
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Day
232 no alcohol
163 no vapes or ciggs
1.97 no form of pot (cbd, thc, hemp)
Very happy i have a chance to stay sober for new years eve and day.
6 day work week this weed
After today, 4days to go
I wish you all a safe and peaceful rest of the holiday season
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Welcome back Zoe - great to see you working on your sober journey. Here for you! So sorry for your loss.
You are right - you are already working on bettering your health and the weight will reflect your positive changes. Just keep pushing forward friend. ODAAT
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Thanks for sharing your story and thanks for being here with us all. Never apologize for sharing your story friend. Itās helpful to all of us and I hope and think it is to you too. Glad to have you with us as there is power in numbers and no one can do it alone. Wishing you all success on your sober journey. Big hugs and welcome
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