Checking in on day 63. I hope everyone has an amazing day!!
and 
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Checking in day 13 all good so far haven’t really struggled as I’m more of a binge drinker than a daily one. Meeting up with some friends tomorrow so that will be more of a test but don’t think it will be too hard so feeling confident 
more of a challenge is not just eating loads as a substitute. I’ve also given up caffine so… feel like I need something!
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On day 7 for the second time. Feeling more confident and happy in sobriety. Each time I fall I am the only one who can get back up. 
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I am trying to sign her up for online school. I just have to go get a “proper” suspension paper. The one they gave us doesn’t have a return date (but says when she returns)
Fingers crossed I can get her into online school! And if she likes it, maybe her brother will want to leave the school too! He doesn’t have problems with students often, his issue is teachers. He either doesn’t understand the work, and doesn’t do it -and gets in trouble, OR he does the work too fast and has nothing to do and lays his head down -and gets in trouble, or finishes the work and continues in the book -and gets in trouble. 
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Honestly, I wish it was all words. To be fair, most of it was.
In 1st grade a kid pulled her hair and spit on her
In 2nd grade a kid pushed her down at recess
In either 3rd or 4th grade a kid slammed a locker door across her back and left a big bruise on her back and leg (AND THE DEAN SAID SHE WAS LYING!) and she almost got suspended because when she pushed the door off of her, the kid “tripped” I don’t even know how that works. She got an in school suspension for that.
In 5th grade someone threw a soccer ball at her face on her birthday
6th grade and up has been more words than anything, but not “haha you look funny” or something like that it has been more on the lines of “we’re gonna r*PE you” “we don’t like you cuz of your race, were gonna do this or that” and yesterday someone told her that another kid (who has bullied her in the past) was “going to do something to her” and she found a dropped tool (screwdriver) and held it out pointed at them and said if you hurt anyone again ill kill you!
And they said she has to be suspended for a week.
I think she was afraid. She has documented PTSD since she was 7. And these kids have always been there to bother her. I think she got in trouble because she found a screwdriver, and showed it like a weapon. It shouldn’t have been there. Of course she shouldn’t have done that, but if I were her and I was told someone was going to do something to me, and I saw something to defend myself with I would grab it too.
For clarification, she did not touch anyone or flinch at them. I asked.
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Same here. That’s where my brain goes!
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My heart goes out to you and your daughter. I don’t understand how people can be so heartless.
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This was beautiful and I needed to read it today. Thank you. 
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Bullies are awful Renee. I hate that you are having to go through this. Reading this has me personally wanting to walk your daughter to all her classes. Sending you and her a huge hug. 🩷
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Feeling a lot. Need a good sleep. Not giving in.
The trick is to keep wanting and being grateful for what we have. Dreams and aspirations are wonderful and creative and make spaces in front of you, but if you run rather than walk you leave too many resources behind. Drag what’s useful along slowly and let the rest fall off the cart.
You will get there one day. So will I.
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Honestly, what a shit show. They can never take her inner fire, so stoke her self esteem and independence and confidence/resilience as much as you can mama. Kids are such assholes.
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Oh Rene I am so sorry. I’m seething and in tears over here for your daughter and it’s got to be killing you. Gosh. I don’t know what to say. There’s no excuse for this. I wish the faculty would do something. I want to join @TrustyBird and walk with her too 
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Day 32. Feeling ok. I received a 4am text from my former best friend of over 20 years, who I haven’t seen in over a year. She probably was just awake at 4:00 a.m. I have my phone on do not disturb until 7:00 a.m. except for a few people and she happens to be one of them. Her text basically asked how I felt about starting a new relationship, different than before. I’m not really sure what that means. In my opinion, the relationship was very lopsided with me doing all the heavy lifting. There are other things that make it complicated as well, but after being excluded one too many times (after expressing that I was lonely and to not exclude me) I stopped talking to her. I figured I would exclude myself instead of being hurt time and time again when she excluded me. I’m crying as I type this. I haven’t responded. I have experienced so much pain from this relationship that I don’t know if I can try again and that is probably what I will respond. But I am ok. I guess I am glad she reached out to know she does care but I think there has been too much damage.
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We ride at dawn… count me in 
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When and where? I’m in too. Sending hugs.
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I have some bad feelings. Was talking with my aunt and she had to hang up cause had other phonecall, related to my cousin (from the person he’s renting a room now). Last months he is in and out of rehabs, relapsing big time. His wife left him, he is losing his daughters. He is deeply depressed again (not talking with anyone, all time in bed, no showers etc, barely eating kind of depressed). I texted her if everything is ok with him (ok is maybe not a good word, but if things are under control) and she did not reply. She always txt back. She also didn’t call and to be honest I’m too afraid to call. I hope he’s alive.
I just realise it’s 2nd time I post here that I hope he’s alive. Few weeks ago he left rehab and nobody knew where he was for a week! That time I didn’t have such a bad feeling like I have now. I hope I’m wrong and its nothing.
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So worrying. Try to remain positive, sending good wishes. Hope all is ok.
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0.96 no cbd.
199 no vapes or ciggs
268 no alcogol
69 no thc
At work
Half my day is over
Im ready to power through
Much love from cloudy Massachusetts
Groundhog did not see his shadow
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Checking in on day 243 AF.
I did another book nook model this week and finished it off this evening. It’s so easy to lose sense of time when I’m working on it. I’ve also been reading Poor Things by Alistair Grey as I loved seeing the film a couple of weeks ago. A few weeks back I wasn’t able to focus on reading so I’m pleased I’ve built up that habit again.
My son has a friend visiting from Germany this weekend so that will be interesting.
I think I could live inside one of these book nooks!
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Day 719
Not much has changed since yesterday. My sweet boy is still sick. Stayed home today from school again. Ive just been taking care of him and tidying up all day. Im not sure if i am getting sick also but my temp is a bit warmer than usual too. Hopefully im not sick for work this weekend.
I have actually had some thoughts of using lately. Some thoughts of missing it. Not sure exactly where these thoughts are coming from. Some days i just feel like i need an escape i guess. But i know today that there are other ways to “escape” without having all the consequences of using drugs. I guess these are more self care strategies than ways to escape. Anyway, i hope everyone is doing well 
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