Today is supposed to be a chill day. Looking forward to coding all day long Really want to crush this one stupid bug. It probably has something to do with wrong signalling order.
We have been invited to a birthday party this evening. The host is a very thoughtful vegan chef and I am looking very much forward to the buffet . Usually I would be wary of the food at a party but this one should be safe.
My addiction is singing the song of āitās not that bad, you are blowing this out of proportion, why are you spending all this time with those addicts, you donāt belong there, these people have serious problems, you are an impostor, start doing something usefulā¦ā
Going to bed too late is taking itās toll. I need to sort that out. Grateful that I am staying up late knitting and not drinking but still. By the time I finish work, make dinner, go to a meeting, have a bath or shower and tidy up a bit it is already about 9pm. I pick up the knitting and I think I am pushing myself to try and get as much done as I can. I need to slow down and enjoy the craft rather than rush for the finished object.
Day 200. Just need to relax and stay focusedā¦ Working 8_5 today. Woke up tho at 7.55. Bad nights sleep about my exs infidelity and all that fell from that.
I think I lost ability to cry. Itās so weird. Maybe I reached a limit of tears in my life already?
After my parents death I noticed that itās very difficult to make me sad. I donāt cry when Iām sad. Even if someone die, I feel sad but I donāt cry. I was crying a lot when I was extremely tired first 2 years when twins were born. I didnāt sleep much and I cried almost every day. Then I was crying after fight with my husbandās, when I was feeling hopeless and unfair. Or when kids were extremely annoying and I lost my shit and was mean to them (sometimes Iām talking stupid things to them I very much regret later).
Since some time, I would say maybe a month, I noticed I canāt cry anymore. Even if I want to. Its not that I donāt have a reason. I feel all emotional and shaky but from outside Iām like a stone. Now Iām home alone, I had vary bad morning with kids, I want to cry and scream in a pillow, let it out, but I canātā¦ I feel like emotions are eating me from inside but I have some blockage I canāt let it out.
Wellā¦
At least Iām sober.
Hello. Hit my two weeks this morning and very glad about it. The community here is wonderful I donāt contribute alot but just to come on and read helps so much.
Checking in with 4 days sober from alcohol. Mild headaches still persist but last night i didnāt have any cravings for wine. Proud of myself for that!
Day 1,307 clean and sober today. Work has been so stressful. The new guy I trained went to graveyard shift yesterday so Iām back to working by myself again. Itās freaking wearing me out. Just because I can do everything doesnāt mean itās right. I am looking into different options for work.
I hope everyone has a wonderful day today, love you guys
Day 57. After work yesterday went and got my cream horns and some other food. Got home ate and relaxed, watched a movie with a game or two of call of duty. My mind is in obsessive mode lately and I canāt shut my mind off at night. Finally fell asleep but tossed and turned all night, didnāt even feel like I slept. We were supposed to have some really bad winds and storm but when I got outside this morning it was just raining and super slushy on top of heavy snow. No side walks cleared so I just hit the middle of the road. I could of called a Uber, but honestly I feel more alive just being out in the weather and taking what comes my way. Finally got to work and I was soaked, but grateful I made it and can chalk another day to the work calendar. Iāve been here a month now and Iām super proud I havenāt called out. Any other time by now I would of called out probably atleast 3 times. I tried calling the hospital Monday and nobody called me back. I called the girl I interviewed with and yeah nothing returned, I called the recruiter yesterday in Vermont who is supposed to actually hire me and Iāll see if she calls me back. You know itās funny when I applied for the job the interviewer was like you canāt miss 2 days within a year or youāll be fired. Itās pretty cool you can put that type of worry over my head that I have to be at your dispose but canāt even have the decency to call me back. Honestly not even sure if they are a company I want to work for at this point. Much love everyone.
Morning guys. Checking in Day 119 SAF and 105 smoke free. We had some crazy storms blow through yesterday and last night so works gonna be a MoFo today, with all the flooding, down trees and power outages. Donāt care though, last day before Iām off for two. I plan on just trying to rest this weekend. Someone told me once.
Never ride faster, than your guardian angel can fly. I always thought about it, when Iām on the motorcycle, but I think it works just as well for life and sobriety. Slow the fuck down people, take a breather, and go at your own pace. Youāre all doing great. We got this.
I am sorry for your loss. I send my condolences to both you and your wife. I hope that beyond the positive of you remaining sober that this also strengthens the bond between yourself and your wife.
Really want to crush this one stupid bug. It probably has something to do with wrong signalling order.
. Usually I would be wary of the food at a party but this one should be safe.
and 
