@forgive_yourself Procrastinating like a champion – lol – this made me chuckle as I totally have been doing this myself (making excuses and pushing things off). Sending us both the energy and motivation to get er done @butterflymoonwoman Love the new avatar Dana. I am so sorry for the emotional distress that you have been under. I am glad that you allowed yourself to cry. Tears truly can be healing. Happy to hear that you are doing better today @sadmemequeen so good to see you checking in Megan. I am sorry about your family dynamic – grateful that you are working on healing from the toxicity through counseling. WOW – back in school – that is awesome. I do hope that you are able to find relief from all the pain that you are in. Sending you big hugs and look forward to your frequent check ins @soberwalker so sorry friend that you had a rough emotional day yesterday. Grateful that you did not turn to your old ways to find comfort. Today is a brand new day and I hope its filled with light and happiness. Know that we are here for you on the rough days as well as the good ones @anon68572606 Those emergency rooms can be insane. I know we waited 8+ hours to be seen when my dad had chopped off his finger. Not sure how they prioritize but the wait can be frustrating. How did it go for you? Were they able to figure out what is causing the jaundice? Hoping all is well with you. @tryingthisagain Yes the withdrawals and symptoms do stay for a very long time (I had always thought that after a week my body would be back to ok without the DOC’s but forgot about the mental aspect. We have relied on our substances for so long to cope that it will take time to break those false bonds of comfort. You are doing great – keep pushing forward and I do hope the anxiety subsides for you real soon. @jimz I do love those healthy first’s! Way to go friend @timetochange 7 months is fantastic!!! Woot Woot – and a half day at work – wow – how will you celebrate your awesomeness? @noshame Wowzers – coming up on 30 days no pot – this is amazing friend. Way to go @lotusflower so good to hear from you Des. Shame really has no place in recovery as it only adds to fuel to our addiction. So happy to see you get right back on track and doing so well. We are all here rooting for you. Keep on stacking on these days!
Checking in on Wednesday morning…
Casually caught up on TS with my coffee as i also worked on tidying up the kitchen. Will finish up with some baking and then get to the computer work. I feel well enough today which is a great start to the day! Keeping with the positive attitude! I"ve got Dory’s Just Keep Swimming stuck in my head and i intend to just keeping pushing forward today.
Wishing you all a wonderful addiction free day - sending much love to all of you wonderful souls
Well… The time has come today where I had felt that it was time to give our notice of care for these foster kiddos.
We asked for added support because we felt the mental health aspect of the needs that these kiddos have is weighing on us, and they reached back out not really being flexible. The cost of our family and mental health is far greater then what they were willing to provide us. And on-top of that, these kids are 24/7 hands on and that does not let me work.
It’s a sad day and we really hope that these kids can find someone who can give them all they need. It’s even more unfortunate because these children are making a turn around the corner lately it seems. At the same time it feels like a bit of a weight has been lifted.
Time for coffee number 3 and 4. My 2:30 am return from the hospital is catching up to me after only having 3.5 hours of sleep.
My brother’s celebration of life has been scheduled on a day that works great for us. I’m looking forward to being there and truly celebrating him, though I know it’ll be met with a mix of emotions. I’ve contacted long time friends and plan to spend time with as many as possible.
I’ve been struggling a lot with anxiety and getting caught in anxious thought pattern loops. I did a long meditation that helped a lot with this, I was surprised how much, but it’s like taking a medicine that wears off over time. I’m exhausted and don’t feel well. It’s just one of those days I guess. But I’m sober.
25 days going strong, thank you all for sharing your stories and advice. This forum is an invaluable resource in my recovery. Wishing you terrific sober evening/afternoon/morning!
Yesterday morning we went to “Spoons” for breakfast. For those of you not from the UK, that’s a pub/hotel chain with a cheap and cheerful menu, but also a cheap and cheerful bar. While we were sitting there, waiting for our breakfasts, I started looking around: couples, families, friends sitting together eating. People sitting alone drinking. All the little tables were occupied by one person with a pint. The guy on the slot machine nursing a pint, while feeding £20 bills into the slot at 10:15 on a Tuesday morning. It made me feel sad, but beer was never really my thing, so I didn’t dwell on it during our breakfast.
Until we left the pub and walked past all those tables, a waitress stepped in front of me to serve a guy sitting there with his laptop. She plonked a big glass of red wine in front of him, and took one already empty wine glass from the table. And at that moment I felt… I felt… I don’t know what I felt! Envy? Instantly followed by regret, followed by pity, followed by relief, followed by determination. But yeah, for a split second I was jealous at someone drinking red wine on a Tuesday morning in a pub. With my rational brain back in gear, there is no chance I’ll be ordering that next time, and there will definitely be a next time: the eggs benedict are just too good to miss
Happy to be here with you all, my brilliant sober tribe. &
It really is perplexing how I can picture myself wanting to trade places with that guy, alone and drinking at odd hours of the day. Such as strange disease that we get the opportunity to experience.
I love this perspective! I will try to remember this because I know there will come a time when it will help me. There are so many long held and well built illusions around alcohol in the world that it’s hard not to get sucked in. But the reality is that we are the free, we are the most alive, even when it hurts or doesn’t feel like that.
Today I had to go to a store where I used to secretly buy alcohol and while I didn’t feel tempted at all while there, the rest of the day I was in one of the worst depressions I’ve been in so far. I also started feeling shaky and super apathetic and hopeless. I’ve just been reading about PAWS and wonder if that environment triggered me on some level. I will need to be more aware of this moving forward. For today the best I could do is have a Red Bull and some candy… not healthy (I’ve been eating healthy generally) but sometimes the goal is just not drink or use. I know this will pass and I don’t have to believe my emotions. They can be an illusion too. At the same time I welcome them and say it’s ok, I see you and I know you’re just passing through.
Those pesky triggers. I went to find club soda(want to try that soda and tart cherry drink I heard about here), and walked down the alcohol isle today. I can count at least three times my mind made a point of thinking about it in various ways. Guilt, shame, desire. Note made to self…
%, hopefully more energy tomorrow… Have a good one folks 
